Glimpse (13 page)

I sat in the back pew of the church with Melody and Claire, not even sure I should be at Mr. Adams’ funeral, under the circumstances.

It seemed like the whole town was there. 

Pastor Morris was leading the service, saying nice things about Mike and Becky Adams both.  I knew he was trying to help Avery deal with the tremendous loss he had suffered at my hand. 

Jason’s dad, Ray Erickson, gave the eulogy. He placed one hand on Mr. Adams’ casket and rubbed the tears from his eyes with the other. “Mike and I have been buddies since kindergarten. A long time.” He knocked twice on the casket. “But not long enough, man.” His voice cracked. He wiped his eyes again. “But our boys Mikey, they’ll carry it on.” He looked at Jason, “I love you, Son.”

Avery sat in the front row staring straight ahead. I watched the light shining through the stained glass windows play upon the silvery hairs that had sprouted all over his head.  No one would ever see him look like a teenager again. In the three days that had passed since his dad’s death and his mom being committed, Avery looked like he had aged years. To me, he was more beautiful than ever.  I was sure it was Nature’s way of punishing me.

My parents sat next to him in the front pew. Mom had her arm around his shoulders and Dad’s arm was around hers.

Ray pulled himself together. “Gracie,” he looked to Mom.  She sobbed in acknowledgement. Dad removed his arm from around her shoulders. “Gracie, we’ve lost our friend, but for the kid’s sake we gotta keep his memory alive.”

She nodded, squeezed Avery’s arm. “I hear ya Ray.  He’ll always be with me. He’s not easy to forget.”

Ray chuckled, wiped his nose. “Mike, Becky, Gracie and I, we used to tear it up, y’know?  I’m sure some of you older folks remember?”

“Tell the story about the rodeo!” a man my parents age yelled from the middle of the church.

  Ray nodded his head, obliging. “This one time, we crashed the Labor Day rodeo. Drunker than skunks, and Mike, that son of a gun…” He gestured putting on a cowboy hat. “He stole a clown costume, this huge cowboy hat and pants.  He and Gracie both got in the pants, Mike put on the hat and Gracie had a handkerchief around her neck…each with a suspender on their shoulder…they just ran right out into the middle of the Little Miss Rosedell competition.” He broke out into a hearty laugh.

“All these cute little made up girls, twirling their batons, doin’ their line dance routines.  Aw, man, it was hilarious.” He sighed and knocked on the casket again. “I’m going to miss you brother.” He pointed up in the air and then brought his hand into a fist and kissed it.

He walked down the three steps from the altar to the pews and then back up again. “I almost forgot.” Ray pulled a gold pin from the inside pocket of his suit jacket and held it up for everyone to see. “This is a pin with the 519 insignia on it. My guys over at the firehouse thought Mike should be buried with it. It’s in recognition of his twenty-four years as a volunteer firefighter.” He placed the pin on top of the casket and walked back down the stairs towards Mom.

She stood up and leaned over the pew, grabbing Ray in sturdy hug, kissing him on the cheek and then rubbing her lipstick from his face with her thumb.  Ray shook Dad’s hand and then took Avery’s hand and pulled him up into big, back slapping embrace.

It was like Avery was everyone’s kid now and Mom was Mr. Adams’ widow. I had no idea where that left me or Dad in the equation. My parents hadn’t really spoken to me since I’d been released from the hospital.

The morning after the accident, when the doctors deemed me healthy and hydrated, I’d walked with my parents in silence from the hospital to the maroon car they’d rented.  Melody and Claire were doing the welcome home dance when we pulled into the driveway, but stopped abruptly when Mom burst into tears and Dad stormed into the house.

If it weren’t for Claire and Melody, I would be all alone. At least I knew why Mom was mad at me. She’d thrown the green letter in my face, saying, “You might want to try and follow the rules.” 

This had made me furious because, after really thinking the situation through, I mean, under the circumstances could it have gone any other way?  Should I have left everyone dead and injured? And for that matter, I didn’t even know what I was doing when I saved everyone else’s life by taking Mr. Adams’.

Dad was a different story.  He acted like he was afraid of me, like he didn’t know who I was.  I guess I should be lucky he still let me live under his roof.

The worst part was that I expected things to be like this, but was hopeful that I was overreacting. Losing that hope, it made me mad as hell. And that made me feel guilty and contrite and confused all over again.

Pastor Morris spoke.  “Can the pallbearers please come forward?” 

Dad, Jason and Ray Erickson, a few other men, walked somberly to the front of the church, stationed themselves around Mr. Adams’ casket and hoisted it up onto their shoulders. Avery and Mom followed behind them.

As the men carried the casket down the aisle, Pastor Morris instructed everyone to follow the hearse out to Rosedell cemetery for the interment and to please remember to turn their headlights on.

We all stood as the pallbearers passed.  I forced myself to make eye contact with Avery. It was not returned.

After the funeral, as if the situation wasn’t awkward enough, my parents invited everyone to come back to our house for a bite to eat and to pay their condolences to Avery.

I tried to help Mom in the kitchen, setting out cold cuts on a platter, but I seemed to be in her way no matter where I stood or what I did. “I think you’ve done enough already,” she hissed at me under her breath.

Exiled from the kitchen, I went into the living room. Avery was in there sitting on the couch, looking uncomfortable. People kept hugging him.

Now was my chance.  With all of these people here, maybe he would listen to me.  I sat down next to him. “Avery. I’m so sorry.” I reached out for his hand.

He leaned away from me and then stood up.  “Don’t Zel. Not now.”

My eyes went blank, the Avery vision overtaking me.

I came to; he was snapping his fingers in my face. “Nice.  You can’t cut that shit out for one day?” He took off out the front door.

Everyone was staring at us. Ugh!  My house was too crowded, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  Every time I brushed shoulders with an elderly person, and there were plenty of them there, I got a quick flash of them dying or dead. Mostly of natural causes, thank God.  I hoped that this particular new development went away, no wonder my grandma killed herself. 

I went into my bedroom. Mel and Claire were already hiding in there, sitting on Melody’s bed.

“Hey.”  I flopped down on my bed, flinging my arm across my face.  “Is this day ever going to end?”

Claire switched beds and plunked down next to me, cuddling up.  “It’s got to.” She played with my hair, letting it run through her fingers.  “Listen, we’ve been talking. How about the three of us go stay with your Aunt Hazel for the summer? Just the summer. Give people some time to get their heads out of their asses and love you again.”

I sat up and looked across the room at my sister. “What exactly did you tell Claire about Aunt Hazel that would make her think that would be a good idea?”

Melody looked down at her hands, picking some nail polish from her thumb.  “She lives in Portland, that’s what I told her.  Zellie, every year in her Christmas cards she always tells us that we’re welcome to stay with her.  I can’t think of a better time.”

“Isn’t Aunt Hazel like, sixty years old though?  I mean, three teenage girls in her one bedroom apartment for a whole summer? I don’t think that’s the kind of visit she was envisioning.”

Melody got up and walked to the edge of my bed. I had never seen her so serious. Ever.

“I read the letter that Mom gave you and I called Aunt Hazel already.  I told her everything.”  She teared up. “She said it was my responsibility to take care of you right now, she said that we younger sisters may not have the powers that you and Grandma did, but that we were meant to be your protectors.  And that’s what I’m going to do Zellie, so, no more talking about this. Mom and Dad think it’s a good idea too. We leave the day after tomorrow. Claire’s dad is going to drive us.”

“Okay,” I said simply, realizing I had nothing keeping me here.

I stood outside in the driveway waiting for Mr. Vargas to come pick us up. Melody was still packing.

It was a perfect summer day. The sky was a crisp cloudless blue and the heat had let up a little for once.  I closed my eyes and turned my face upward, soaking in the sun.  Hearing a car pull into the gravel driveway, I opened my eyes, expecting to see Mr. Vargas’ immense green Suburban. 

Instead, it was Mr. Adams’ red truck with Avery behind the wheel. 

He turned off the ignition and jumped down from the truck, pointing his key chain and pressing a button to lock the doors.

I fought the urge to run back into the house and hide in my room as he walked toward me.  I scrambled for something insignificant to say.  “Hey, you’re not supposed to be driving yet!” I turned the corners of my mouth up, attempting to be cheerful.

He stuffed the keys into his jeans pockets. “Yeah, well there isn’t anybody to tell me not to so…”

I dropped the corners of my mouth.  “Right, sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

He stood stock still in front of me, as beautiful as ever. His hair was pretty long now, curling way over his ears.  He never did get that haircut from his mom. I ached in every part of my body.

“I have some things I need to say to you before I lose my nerve,” he said.

“Okay.” I could barely get the word out of my throat.

Avery steeled himself and looked me straight in the eye. “I know you didn’t kill my dad on purpose.  I know that you were trying to save him. That you thought my mom was going to kill him because of the vision you had or whatever…but then you’re saying you had a vision of your dad dying too.”

“Avery. I’m so sorry.  You have to know that—” I felt like I was going to collapse.

He held his hand up to stop me talking and took a deep breath in. “What I wanna know is, what made it more my dad’s day to die than yours?”

I couldn’t get the words out fast enough now. “I don’t know.  Don’t you think I’ve thought about that too?  Believe me when I say that I don’t know what came over me.  I don’t even have theories.  All of this? This vision stuff? It’s only been happening to me for a couple of months.”

Avery looked away, blinking back tears.  “So that’s all you have to say?  You don’t know?”

That got me crying too.  He wasn’t going to hear me out.  “Yes, for now that’s all I can say.  I’m hoping my aunt Hazel can help me fill in the blanks. Especially since my own mom isn’t speaking to me.”

He glared at me. “Can you really blame her?  My dad was the love of her life.”  Avery wiped his forearm across his eyes.  “You know, I thought you were going to be that for me? That’s all screwed up now isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess it is.” My blood began to boil. This boy had no forgiveness inside him and it was pissing me off. 

“Avery, I have a question for you.  Why can’t we blame her?  Why can’t we blame them?  If your dad had never talked my mom into moving back here, none of this would have happened.”  I reached out to touch his arm; I needed him to remember our bond.

He flinched, stepping back from me.  “Don’t touch me, please.”

Oh, I’d had enough of this. If he wanted to throw what was between us away, well then I was gonna help him do it. I pushed him as hard as I could. I wanted him with me or gone! He stumbled backwards and fell.

“Come off it, Avery!” I yelled. “God!  You know what? You, my parents, you can all just go to hell.”

He stayed on the ground, looking like he was terrified of what I might do next.

Now I was hollering.  “I saved your lives.  When is that going to register with any of you?  You would be
dead
now if it weren’t for me.  This whole stupid vision thing? It’s trial and error, but I have had nothing but good intentions.  I lied a minute ago. It was your dad’s day to die, regardless of whether I intervened or not. Regardless of what I did or did not do. It was either going to be me that killed him or your mom that did.”

I balled my fists up, feeling like I was going to bust wide open. “I mean, if your mom had killed your dad, no one would be mad at me right?” I leaned down and got in his face.  “No. Wrong. Because if you’d found out after the fact that I could have done something and didn’t, you would have hated me more than you do now. My dad was not supposed to be there Avery, and yours was.”

Kneeling down, I made a last ditch effort and reached for him.  Why wouldn’t he understand?  Why wouldn’t he love me in spite of everything?

Avery dodged my grasp and got to his feet, pulling his keys from his jeans pocket. “Wow. I didn’t know you could be such a bitch, Zellie. I can’t believe that I was ever in love with you.” 

He turned away from me and walked back to his truck.  Over his shoulder he said, “I hope you get some answers, I really do. But don’t bother telling me.  We’re done. I’m never going to forgive you, you stupid freak.”

I picked up a handful of gravel and flung it at him, hitting the open driver’s side door. “Yeah, we’ll see about that!” I screamed, “Don’t forget I still have to save your dumb ass sometime in the future!” I crumpled and fell forward onto the palms of my hands, sobbing.

Avery started up the truck, flipped me off, and drove away.

Melody rolled one of her three suitcases down the steps. “Is everything okay out here? I saw you push him down.  That was awesome.”

“No.” I got up, brushing the rock dust from my knees.

Melody stood beside me. “Everything gonna be okay?”

I turned to her, a weak smile on my face.  “Honestly, Mel, I don’t know.  That’s not the kind of future I can see.”

Aunt Hazel was nice enough to us, but made it clear early on that she did and had everything the way she liked it. Also, there was a time and a place to discuss my visions, which was over dinner at exactly six every night. Other than that, she wanted us girls out of the apartment taking advantage of all that Portland had to offer.