The weight of his gaze grounded me. Instinct told me to run, to fight, to push away, but I knew Hastie. I knew what we had to go through to make it this far. “Regardless of whether you have bipolar or not, people go through shit, Indy. To make a relationship work, you have to put in the effort because you love the other person. And I love you, Indy. We’ll make this work.”
My smile grew then. In this hopeless, barren world, I believed that we could grow our love. It would take some nurturing. Some sacrifice. But it wasn’t impossible anymore. Hastie had given me hope.
Hastie
Two weeks later . . .
I yawned, stretching out the tight muscles in my back. I’d been sitting in this chair for far too long. The church meeting had gone on longer than expected. But now that I was vice-prez, it was all part of my new responsibilities. After four hours, a pack of cigarettes, and a lot of arguing, we finally figured it all out.
Exiting the meeting room, I went straight to the bar, hearing the echoes of laughter and music from the speakers. My gaze landed on the beauty behind the bar. Indy smiled when she saw me approaching. “Bet you need a drink after all that.”
“Hell yeah and keep it coming.”
“You got it, handsome.” Seconds later, a glass was set in front of me.
Indy bent low, revealing a tantalizing glimpse of her cleavage. My eyes locked on it before moving up to her amber eyes. “Why don’t you and I go to the back room for a bit?” My words dripped with suggestion and a playful smirk tugged at Indy’s lips.
“I don’t know how my boyfriend would feel about that,” she teased.
“He doesn’t have to know.”
“Oh no. I’m faithful to my man.” My grin widened. God, did she even know how pumped it made me to hear that?
“Well then, he’s a very lucky bastard, isn’t he?”
“Very,” she agreed. I watched as she went off to serve other patrons, smiling and flirting with the man two seats down from me. Normally the flirtatious smiles she was sending the man would have triggered a jealous fit, but her earlier words resonated:
I’m faithful to my man.
I knew that whatever advances were sent her way, she would always say no unless it was really over between us.
“Want another?” she asked when she returned.
“I can get it myself.” I pushed off from the bar, ignoring the confused glances from Indy and the other patrons. Of course I went for the whiskey, helping myself to a generous glass.
When I lifted my gaze, Indy was looking at me. “What are you doing?”
“You deserve a little break.” I offered her the glass. “Here, have a drink.”
“No. Get back on the other side. You’re gonna get me in trouble.”
“Babe, trouble finds you regardless.” Nobody said a thing as I stalked towards her and pushed her up against the bar. Her ass pressed against the front of me, like two pieces of a puzzle finding home. Could she feel my straining erection I had for her? In an explorative sweep, my hand roamed the edges of her short skirt.
As her moan sounded over the music, my gaze flipped up, catching the eye of one of the patrons she’d served earlier. My message was clear:
she’s mine
was all but screamed in the possessive way I held her to my body.
Attention back on Indy, my hands explored the curves of her body, never failing to mesmerize me. Her skirt had rode up over the globes of her ass, revealing a glimpse of see-through panties.
“Why’d you stop?” Indy asked over her shoulder when I froze. She followed the line of my focus and simply said, “Oh,” when I looked at her in shock.
“Oh?”
I echoed. Indy laughed, pushing me away from her as she turned in my arms. “You’re taking a break,” I growled, leaving no room for discussion. Grabbing hold of her wrist, I pulled her towards the back room.
Hanna jumped behind her desk as the door slammed open. “What the fuck?”
“Could I get a moment with her?” Hanna’s eyes darted between Indy and I. Sensing something was going on, she simply stood and left, closing the door behind her.
Finally alone, I turned to Indy and just stared at her. Under my gaze, she squirmed and bit her bottom lip. “Christ, Indy.”
She was killing me.
“You don’t like it?”
Like it? I fucking
loved
it. “Turn around and bend over.” I wanted to see it again.
As Indy poised herself over Hanna’s desk, I closed the distance between us, lifting the edge of her skirt again.
And there it was. Riding the edge of her hip and ass was my name written in elegant script. “My God,” I breathed. “That has to be the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”
In the next heartbeat, her panties were at her ankles, resting against the top of her boots. My hands were busy relearning her body, as if seeing my name branded on her skin made the experience feel new.
There was no shame as Indy widened her stance. “I had no idea you were getting this done. You continue to surprise me, baby.” She ground her ass against me, pushing, wanting to hasten the experience.
My own control was slipping but I didn’t want to rush this. When that burning desire couldn’t be ratcheted any higher, I pressed against her, filling her with my cock. Indy gasped, and then moaned when I started to move.
The whole time, my eyes were glued to her ass. Didn’t help that the tattoo stared back at me, a blatant reminder that she was mine.
I didn’t deserve her. Never would. She could protest, fight me, or leave me. But for however long my heart continued to beat in my chest, I would be hers.
Her body tightened deliciously around me before a keening sound charged the air. I breathed in, holding as much of the passion she was giving me until black spots flickered in my eyes. All the while, I never ceased hammering into her. My own orgasm blindsided me, hitting me full throttle until my mind felt like it had short-circuited.
I blinked hazy eyes at Indy’s amused expression. This woman was unbelievable. She had given me all things: her heart at first. Her body, second. And now, the crazy woman had trusted me with her soul, too.
EPILOGUE
Indy
“W
ill I have to carry you again?”
“You didn’t carry me! I hauled my fat ass up all those stupid rocks the last time.”
Hastie shot me a devastating smile that never failed to make my heart do somersaults. “And it took us about two times longer for it.”
“Hey! At least I made it in once piece.”
“Just barely.” I jabbed him in the side with my elbow and pushed past him. The last time we were here, it had been my birthday. Except unlike then, I wasn’t huffing and puffing at the physical challenge. I was making good ground, energized by the fact that things were going well in my life lately.
I felt a certain serenity standing up on that cliff the last time I was here, looking down at the dead shrubbery that dotted the desert landscape below. A sense of peace veiled over me, more comforting than a warm blanket on a chilly night. The place had become a sanctuary of sorts, an escape from the chaotic world we lived in.
I’d been too scared before. Too self-conscious about what others thought about me that it prevented me from letting others see who I truly was. In living the lie though, I had let my mood disorder define me instead of accepting life and letting go of the residual negative stimuli associated with it.
Things were better now. Of course I had my bad days. But in embracing who I was, flaws and all, I not only forged a stronger bond with Hastie and my friends but I had also stopped feeling bad about myself. My disorder was no longer eating at me, destroying every single thing I loved in the process. I was now in better control and with the support of my friends and the family I had found in Glory MC, I felt that I could do this. After all, it was all about willpower at the end of the day.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Hastie murmured, gaze focused on the horizon.
“Um. Could you give me a minute alone, please?”
His green eyes flashed with worry for a second before he slowly nodded and moved away to give me space. His overprotective tendencies still bubbled up to the surface every now and then, but he was getting better at controlling it. In a way, I believe it directly correlated with how much he trusted me. That he didn’t argue with me on this request was an example of his confidence in me.
Taking a deep breath, I turned towards the edge of the cliff. The view was just as mesmerizing as I had remembered. The sky was a gradual wash of blues, peaches, and pale yellows, darkening right before my eyes. All of the colors reminded me of words that Hastie had once said to me long ago:
Color, Indy—that’s what you are to me. You bring color into my life. I want to hold onto that forever.
He’d been the one to say “I love you” first, but I suspected I had loved him before that. It was why I’d been so terrified of my secret getting out. I didn’t want my friends to think I was crazy. If Hastie had been one of those people who had turned away when he learned about my disorder, I didn’t think my heart could’ve taken it. It made me thankful to have someone like him in my life.
Hastie stepped in beside me as my lips tipped down in a frown. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, holding me up against his sturdy body. I hadn’t realized it but my body was shaking. “Do you need to sit down?”
The concern in his eyes broke me. I couldn’t dare lose this. Not when Hastie had shown me strength. In a world filled with uncertainties, it was often hard to keep the right perspective. But as long as I had Hastie, it didn’t matter about the state of my mind. Hastie would love me regardless. “Indy,” he prodded again. “Should we go back down?”
I met his eyes, shaking my head. He was always there to make sure I was okay. “No. I’m fine. I’m just overwhelmed.”
Confusion marred the beautiful features of his face. “Of the view?”
Of everything actually. For once I was looking forward to the future. “Thank you for letting me have that moment alone to myself.”
“Of course, baby. Whatever you want.”
That was the great thing about Hastie, whether I was in a hypomanic or depressive state, Hastie stood by in silent support. I settled deeper into his arms, resting my head against his chest. His heartbeat was a rhythm that hooked me like a fish, pulling me out of the dark depths. My mind and body were finally in perfect harmony.
The future for Hastie and I remained uncertain; he would always ride on the precipice of danger, and I would always be on the knife’s edge of sanity. I couldn’t predict what lay ahead of us any more than I could determine whether or not I’d experience a depressive or a hypomanic phase next. But at least we had each other now to rely on in this chaotic world.
Glory MC had come into my life like a meteor, unexpectedly fast and blazing. It changed my life and while being with Hastie would never make sense of the emotional duality of my mind, in our own way, in my mind, we were finally free.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
When the story for GLORY came to me in 2013, I was busy working on another book so I resisted writing it for a long time but there was something about Indy and Hastie that just didn’t want to leave me alone.
I remember stopping to jot down the idea, just so that I wouldn’t forget it but the notes soon transformed into the opening scene and then, about a month and a half later, I realized that I had finished writing the entire book. I almost couldn’t believe it! GLORY was by far the quickest book I’ve ever written but it certainly wasn’t the easiest because of the sensitive nature it tackles.
It means a whole lot to me that you’re intrigued enough to know more about Indy and her mood disorder. Bipolar disorder is a serious condition that affects a person’s life wholly. But in addition to managing that, people often suffer from the discrimination and stigma associated with mental illness. As a result, it stands in the way of people seeking treatment.
I hope that in reading Indy’s story you get a sense of what bipolar disorder is like and can accept her, with and without her flaws. The mistakes that Indy makes throughout the story aren’t simply because of the disorder, but because she is scared of what people will think of her.
I think it’s about time we stopped thinking of people with mental illness as troubled and crazy and be more sympathetic to what they are going through. They are only trying to live a normal life, just as we are. Maybe the next time you meet someone who has a mental disorder, be polite and ask him or her how their day is going. You may get a long drawn out life story or they may simply say, “Good. And yours?” The fact that you cared enough to ask may very well make their day.
And if you are someone with bipolar disorder, remember that you don’t have to do this alone. There are people around you who can help. And believe me, it does get better.
A few minor changes to the disorder were made to better fit this alternate world. My immense gratitude goes out to the readers for taking a chance on this book. I hope you enjoy the Glory MC world as much as I loved writing it.
Of course, this book would not even exist if it weren’t for my extremely talented editorial team. Thank you Tanya and Marlene for helping me whip this book into shape. Thank you to Helyce for being such a great, supportive friend. And thank you to Ariel for always being there when I needed you the most.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ana Jolene is the author of the Glory MC series, a New Adult Dystopian and the Contemporary Romance series, Moonrise Beach.
Growing up as a rebellious kid didn’t allow for much reading time. It wasn’t until Ana was in university that she found her passion for books and has since then devoured every book placed before her. Ana holds a B.A. in Psychology and has worked in both IT and Administration. But she’s had the most fun in the bookish world, working as a reviewer, columnist, and assistant to multiple sites and best-selling authors.
Ana currently lives in Toronto with her family and an extremely lazy Shih Tzu whom she adores. To learn more about Ana and her books, please visit her website
www.anajolene.com
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