Glow (21 page)

66.

Charlie

I find my way to the ship’s kitchen as the ferry takes off toward Refuge Three. Duke’s already here, making a big pot of oatmeal. He likes it behind the stove, filling the coffee urn. In another life he could have been a chef, instead of a gun-toting cowboy.

“Perfection hanging on?” He asks, pouring me a cup of steaming coffee.

I take a swig, wishing we could find more ferries to ransack. This coffee’s better than the moonshine we’ve been drinking for years.

“She’s doing really well. Lucy’s a miracle worker. It’s insane. She lived sixteen years in the dark, never knowing she had this gift. And then, it grew into something so freaking amazing.”

“I think….” Duke starts.

“What?”

“I think I have a gift too. I mean. Okay, don’t look at me like that, Charlie, I mean, I’m not trying to be all voodoo about it. I wouldn’t tell Junie because she over analyzes this stuff. But I keep seeing it. A light around me.”

“Like a light, light?”

“Never mind. It’s crazy, right?”

“Not crazy. I mean, at this point why the hell not? Better to have more people with light because we have no idea what we’re up against when we get to the Refuge.”

“It’s probably nothing. Weird lighting in the bathroom or something when I look in the mirror.”

I take Duke seriously. He’s not one to mess around, like Colton. He says what he means. Maybe that’s why he and Junie work well together, like Luke and Lucy. They’re all able to hold light.

I shake off my insecurities, wanting to keep the focus on my friend.

“What color is it?”

“It’s a soft blue. Not like the others, you know how Lucy’s light just surrounds everything when she’s healing? Or how Lukas puts people at ease, because his light is so massive? Mine’s little.”

“Lucy’s started as a flicker.” I remember the moment I first saw her, using her light. It feels like a lifetime ago. I still lived out with Reagan then. He was still alive.

“I looked at Junie’s book. It says light blue means peacefulness, clarity, and truthfulness.” I swear Duke’s getting red in the face as he says it.

“Are you embarrassed?”

“More like, I feel presumptuous. To think it possible to ever put myself in their class.”

“Maybe that’s why you should be.”

I stir the pot of oatmeal. It’s thick and bubbly, a foreign food to me.

“Forget I said anything. Stupid, anyways. We need to think about our battle strategy.”

“Have you heard the rumors about Jax?” I ask.

Duke shakes his head, and pulls a stack of paper bowls from the shelf above him.

“People say he’s over losing more lives. That he and Lucy don’t actually want to kill the Councilmen.” I heard some cowboys talking about it when I fed Lucky this morning.

“That’s nuts. The whole reason we’re here is to defeat the Councilmen. And Lucy and Jax aren’t allies. They barely speak to one another.”

I put my hands up, shaking my head. “Dude, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I was just looking to confirm or deny it.”

“I’m not cool with this. I’m here to find my sister and kill the men who abused girls like her. I’m not making an alliance with the Devil.”

I backtrack, “I shouldn’t have mentioned it. It was stupid to say anything.”

“Looks like we both wish we’d held our tongues this morning,” Duke says, flatly, as he scoops a clump of oatmeal into a paper bowl. 

I take a dish of oats to Perfection, my mind reeling. It’s hard to understand what more people with light energy would mean. It’s seems like a good thing but hearing rumors of division makes me uneasy. I have no doubt in my desire to kill the men who did this to Perfection. It’s hard to believe anyone could see things differently.

“Thanks, Charles,” Perfection squeaks out as I hand her the bowl.

“Charlie. Seriously, call me Charlie,” I say, smiling.

“You’ve always been Charles to me, though. Besides, I’ve always held it against you that you didn’t have a Naming Ceremony. Everyone else who has joined the fold from the outside had to change their names.”

“Not Lucy.”

“True, but she’s a different one, yes?”

“Yes, she is.” I leave it at that, not interested in dredging up my not-to-distant-past.

“You liked her though.” Perfection doesn’t look for the easy way out.

“I did. She was all the things I thought I wanted.”

“But?”

“But she wasn’t you.”

“Why do you choose me, Charles?” she asks, looking at me hard, as though this answer is the hinge holding this whole thing together.

“Because you’re all the things I need. Not just want. You are the one who makes me fight to be a better man. A better person. You’re the one who sees me as more than a guy riding away from his life. You make me want to stay right where I am.” I set my hands on her smooth face, and I pull her lovely lips toward mine and kiss her.

Softly, because I don’t want to break the girl I was so close to losing.

“Charles,” she whispers.

“Yes?”

“Thank you for coming back for me.”

And I pull her into me, not caring who sees, only caring that she feels. That she knows I am hers.

Below I hear cowboys shouting that they see the Refuge, that we need to go, but I can’t peel away from this girl I hold. Knowing how close I was too losing her makes me terrified of leaving her side.

Terrified that she might let me go.

67.

Lukas

Refuge Three is before us, and the cloudy sky makes no difference to me, it’s not what weighs heavy on me. The time of reckoning has arrived and I’m not losing sight of that for a moment. As Father docks the massive boat, my stomach rolls. Lucy holds my hand tightly; we’re going to walk to the Refuge, together, as the Rainbow Children Integrity christened us to be, as we have claimed for ourselves.

We will stake our claim, and for good measure, claim the lives of some truly despicable men.

“Lukas.” Mom stops me before I get a chance to leave the engine room with Lucy. “Could we speak with you … alone? Before you go to the Refuge?”

My eyes flick toward Lucy who nods her head slightly. If anyone has heartstrings you can pull for family ties, it’s her. She lets go of me, and our gathered light dissipates as she walks out of the room.

“Wait for me, okay?” I call after her. Turning toward my parents, I ask, “What’s this about?” I’ve waited a few days for this talk, but they’ve avoided it. They’ve stuck close to this room, driving the boat, dismissing opportunities to socialize, to talk with anyone, but also me.

Not that I’ve sought them out. Not at all. For what? To get more excuses from the ones who shouldn’t have to make them? I’m not angry,
not anymore
. I’m ambivalent.

“Before you go, we just want to ask, have considered the other side of the coin?” Dad asks.

“I don’t have time for metaphors or games, not now. There’s a fight I’m leading. I need to be with my people, the ones who’ve committed to and supported me, through everything.”

“I know you have an important job,” Mom says, choking up a bit. “And an admirable one. We’re thankful that our son is willing to take this on. But we don’t want you to go into today without knowing how much we love you, Lukas. How much we always have.”

“Thank you … but … six years is a long time for a child.”

“There was no way to contact you, to let you know the truth. Telling you would have put us at risk.” Dad puts his hand on my shoulder, wanting me to see. “You’ve always had a temper, always had trouble at hiding your emotions. Telling you we were on the other side, waiting to reconnect would have been impossible for you to handle.”

“The thing is, you were the ones who let me become this … this monster!” I let the one thing I am most broken over spill out. “You made the machines, you gave them power. And then you handed your son over without a second thought of what doing this might mean for me. My life!”

I say the thing I swore I’d never say, because I don’t want them to feel bad for their choice. But looking at them right now, these people I barely know, it’s impossible to hold back the thing that has always crushed me the most.

They made the chains that bind me.

“We never thought it would be … that you would … that they….” Mother sputters and looks to Father for help.

“What your Mom’s trying to say, Lukas, is that we never thought The Light was cruel. It started so different, when we first got here it was different. And we see that you want to bring it back to the place it once was.”

“So you believe in me as the prophet, as a Rainbow Child?” I ask, surprising myself. I rather like living in a false reality, never knowing who’s telling the truth about what they
really believe
.

“I believe in your light.” Mother says. “I believe something happens when you shine your light on people that doesn’t happen when you don’t. I believe you are a good soul, who came from my womb, who truly believes in doing good for others.”

My shoulders relax as her words float over me, comforting me. Healing the years I felt so alone.

“But we are not true believers of The Light, the religion that you and Lucy intend to promote,” Dad starts. “Love and light are good and well, but I know when you were born, you were still a boy. Not a prophet, not divine. You were my son. Whatever energy flows through you is unexplainable, and your grandfather and I spent years trying to explain it. We can’t. But that doesn’t mean you’re a savior to people. It might just mean you are special.”

All the love I felt as Mother spoke vanishes, I pull away from them. I have so much going on right now, and this is the time they choose to tell me I’m a heretic?

“No. No. I’m not listening to this. You’ve had days to tell me you think I am a fake, and you wait until the moment I need to lead these followers of mine into the Refuge?”

“Lukas, hear us out, we want to take out the Councilmen too, that’s why we Tasered you in the first place!” Mom’s voice grows cold. “But maybe there’s more we should eliminate.”

I don’t want to think about what I know she means.

“Enough!” I raise my hands to silence them. “I am the leader of The Light. I won’t tolerate being anyone’s puppet.”

I storm out of the room, leaving my parents in tears, but I don’t care about that. I grab Lucy’s hand and let the light pour out of me, wanting to release all my pain. Their choice sixteen years ago, the day I was born, the day they offered me up to The Light as a sacrifice, has always held me back. The day I became an energy source, no longer a boy, was the day I got lost.

Lucy is the only reason I am found.

I pull her against the wall before we go down the stairs to meet the cowboys. Pressing my lips to hers and taking in her healing light, I let it pour over me and cleanse me in ways I can’t heal myself.

“I love you, Lucy. Know that. No matter what happens next, no matter how this unfolds. I love you.”

“I love you too, Lukas. More than anything else in this world.”

And we go down the stairs, hand in hand, ready to take on the Refuge, but also ready to take on our fears.

68.

Lucy

Lukas and I lead the cowboys off the ferry. He holds my hand tightly, as though he needs my grip to stand. Lukas falls in ways I didn’t know were possible. So low, but then he recovers, and stands so tall. The times he crashes are deeper and truer and entirely more beautiful because of it. I am more beautiful because of it. Because I get to be there after the crash, to help him back up. To help him stand.

That is what love is.

The learning curve of figuring out real life relationships has been steep. For a while I wanted it to even out, to steady itself. That’s why Charlie was so alluring. He was this even-keel sort of guy, who knew what he wanted.

But I’m messier than that, and I need to be with someone messier than Charlie.

I need Lukas.

We walk the mile to the Refuge. It’s set away from where we arrived on the island, because when it was built it wasn’t centered around ferry riders. It was a haven away from the bustle of life, set apart on these romantic islands where a near-perfect paradise was created.

The founders made their own docks for their boats when they built the Refuges, which made sense then, and even more sense now. The Light was built to be self-contained and everything would have worked wonderfully if the generators had been created to work a steady sixteen years after the grid went down.

We walk towards the same small dock I arrived at when I first joined The Light. I shudder remembering how nervous I was then, how uncertain. I just met Basil, just lost Dad. I only had Mom.

It was a lifetime ago.

Before we can walk up the long trail that leads to the entrance, we see them standing at the very top.

“Are they for real?” I hear Colton ask behind me.

This is the first time many of the people with us have seen male members of the fold. There are the nine Councilmen waiting for us at the top of the hill. Everyone is there, including the Head Councilman. Everyone except Integrity. Their arms hang to the side of their white robes that wave in the cold wind. They look regal and foreboding. Terrifying.

“Seriously? Unarmed and just waiting? This makes no sense,” Duke says. “This is gonna be easy.”

“Hey, hold up. We aren’t just going to charge and kill them,” I say scowling back at them. “Tell them, Lukas!”

“Well, we could just get it over with. I mean, we have so much ammunition. It’s much easier then we could have imagined. Or predicted.”

“Why are they waiting for us?” I argue. “They aren’t fools. I mean, fools yes, but not idiotic.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Colton says, standing next to me as we all stop, staring up ahead. “We are going with the plan. Kill them before they kill us.”

“Stop. Seriously. I want to talk with Integrity before anyone starts shooting people. Okay?” At least make sure the Vessels are somewhere safe before we slaughter their fathers and husbands!” I shout, surprised at my forcefulness.

But all I see is the apple tree and the ghosts of my past and all I see are more bodies lying on top of the ash, next to Timid’s. All I see is my hand putting them there.

“Enough,” Lukas says, silencing us. “We are twenty yards from our enemy and we’re screaming like fools. Stop. We’re going to announce ourselves and wait for Integrity.”

I see Basil roll her eyes in fury. She has her own agenda, and so do many of the others. I seek out Jax, knowing he isn’t siding with the rest of them. He nods slightly at me, reassuring me I’m not alone in this hesitation for manslaughter.

We walk closer and Junie calls out.

“Guys, um … not to be weird, but they aren’t moving. At all.” She points above us at the stoic Councilmen. She’s right.

Still as statues.

“Oh god.” I press my hand to my mouth. “Are they…?”

“No, not dead. Just Tased and confused,” Basil quips.

“Holy shit.” Jax lets out a low whistle.

Charlie, who’s been strangely quiet all morning speaks up, “I’m glad Perfection didn’t come out for this show.”

Me too. The idea of seeing her father Discernment, like this makes me sick. I watched both of my parents die. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thankfully she’s tucked away with Layla, Hana, and the other rescued Vessels on the ferry.

Once Junie assures us that they aren’t a threat, we climb the trail much faster, suddenly more curious than cautious. The Councilmen stand, but not by their own might. They are staked to the ground.

They’re tied to large beams poking out of the earth, tethering them in this pose. No wonder they look so terrifying, they themselves must be terrified. It wasn’t that many days ago I was like they are now, lost to the world, floating away in darkness. I’m scared.

For them, for us.

Resolve and Rely are positioned next to Discernment, and it’s hard to forget the last time I spoke with them. I pleaded with them to help Mom, and hold her mate accountable for the abuse. They scoffed at Lukas and I, turned a blind eye, and let my mother die.

The rest of the Councilmen I don’t recognize. It’s strange to see these authoritative men suddenly so hollow, so far away.  I want to understand what’s happened here, to these men. I want to understand what happened, before, to create them into the monsters they have become.

“Lukas, we need to find Integrity. Now.”

But before we can do anything about the Councilmen staring off into the distant sound, he greets us himself. Our makeshift army surrounds Lukas and me and the entire area leading up to the Refuge’s entrance. I feel protected, yet uncertain.

“Nobleman, Noblelady, they wait for you.” Integrity speaks with a low, hushed voice. He uses his hands to indicate the door he just walked out of. The entrance to the Refuge.

Instantly our ears ring with the melodic, transcendent voices of the Vessels. It carries out to the cowboys waiting in the courtyard. Their eyes grow wide as they absorb the sound. Harmonious vocals aren’t readily available at the Safe House or headquarters. Nowhere. All the women have been tucked away with The Light.

Lukas squeezes my hand, the insecurities he felt this morning after talking with his parents vanishes, it’s as though this entrance is exactly what he’s been waiting for. My heart soars for him as his dreams come to fruition.

“Come to the Haven. The Vessels and Humblemen, the faithful followers of the Rainbow Children wait for you.”

Lukas smiles at me, and I bite my lip, suppressing an overwrought grin, overwhelmed by this entrance. For Lukas, I understand, he’s always been their prophet. But for me? Weeks ago I was a nobody. A girl with red hair and green eyes who was good at playing chess and reading books, but besides that, I knew nothing.

Nothing about what living life was or dying in honor meant. I knew facts from encyclopedias but no concept of sacrifice.

Now I pass the Vessels who bow low to the ground. For me. We walk into the great room, followed by our friends and also the cowboys. I’m grateful for their support, even though we haven’t exactly gone to war like we anticipated.

Looking behind me I see Junie’s eyes twitch, taking in everything, her purple hue growing brighter as she takes each step. I wonder, silently, if everyone can sense it too. In step with her is Duke, and I swear soft hints of blue color radiates from his skin. I do a triple take, blinking, trying to understand. My mind flashes to Perfection and her silvery halo around her head yesterday when I healed her.

I want to talk to Lukas and Junie, but now isn’t the time. Now is the time we’ve been waiting for and the first conversation I need to have is with Integrity, obviously -- Councilmen are staked outside.

Before we can talk, we need to walk into our home, take our place in the Haven, and fill everyone with the light they’ve been waiting for.

We need to take our place as Nobleman and Noblelady, and blindly walk into a life we don’t completely understand, but can in no way deny.