Ben stretched his legs out between the front seats. “I can’t take it back. All I can do is be better from now on. I’d really like it if you would give me another chance.” He slid his hand over to Connor’s and grasped it. “I have never stopped loving you.”
Connor squeezed his hand. “And I haven’t stopped loving you, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t wished every day these past three years that I could.” Connor looked away out the window. “I came out for you, man. I came out to
be with you
. And then you left me.” A tear rolled down Connor’s cheek and he sniffled. “You know that my family has treated me differently, not Kiely thank God, but my parents? They were all I had in the world besides you. It’s been lonely.”
Ben reached over and wiped the tear from Connor’s jaw with his thumb. “You haven’t dated anyone else?”
Connor shrugged. “Not wholeheartedly. Not whole-anything.”
“Me neither.” Ben blinked hard to keep his own tears from falling. “I mean, there have been dalliances, I won’t lie. But not even as many of those as I would have people believe. You’re right, I use sex as a power. It’s one that I can control.”
“So, you haven’t had feelings for anyone?”
Ben thought for a moment. His first instinct was to swear up and down that he hadn’t, but that wasn’t entirely true and Connor deserved to hear the truth. “The closest I came to feeling anything about someone else was for this girl Zellie that we’re going to see.”
Connor tried to pull his hand away, but Ben held fast. “Let me explain.” How did he explain Zellie, though? He’d had
intentions
toward her. “The feeling wasn’t love, it was more like comfort. She understood me. She didn’t make me want to climb out of my skin. We were in the same situation; she couldn’t be with the person she loved either and I, I just thought if it couldn’t be this epic, crazy love like I had with you, at least it could be...pleasant. Good? I don’t know.”
“And what happened?” Connor looked at Ben sidelong. “Am I walking into a love triangle I don’t want to be a side in?”
Ben shook his head. “She shot me down, sicced her best friend Claire on me, and found a way to be with her trigger forever.”
“Okay, so there’s nothing going on with anyone?”
“No. Like I said, Zellie was the closest thing and it was barely even a thing.”
“Not this
, Claire
?”
Ben smiled at the idea. Claire knew what was what. She was a professional beard in training. “Well, we did have a righteous dance-off at her sixteenth birthday party, but that’s as far as it went. Just flirting.”
Connor considered this. “I can live with flirting. I think. It has always been a
large
part of your personality.”
“You can
live
with it?” Ben asked. His whole body hummed with electricity, with anticipation.
Connor leaned over, his face close enough to Ben that he could feel the heat coming off of his mouth. Ben gazed into Connor’s eyes, getting lost in their brilliant green.
Connor gazed back “I’m...”
“Beautiful,” Ben whispered, lowering his gaze to Connor’s mouth. The corners curled up in a smile.
“You’re...”
“An idiot.” The corners of Connor’s mouth lifted further.
“Those weren’t the words I was going to use, but they’ll do.” He moved his free hand up Ben’s leg and rested it on his hip.
They inched their faces closer to each other at the same time until their lips were touching. Ben wanted so much to initiate the kiss, but he knew Connor had to do it.
Connor tightened his grip on Ben’s hip. “No one else,” he said into Ben’s mouth.
“No one.” Ben could hardly breathe. He pushed down the feeling that he didn’t deserve this, having Connor back in his life.
Bringing his hand up from Ben’s hip, Connor cupped the back of Ben’s head and their lips connected. Ben pulled his legs from the between the seats, signaling his desires to Connor. Soft, cautious kisses quickly became fervent as Connor pushed Ben over onto the car seat and climbed on top of him. Ben pushed him back and yanked Connor’s hoodie off over his head.
The front passenger door opened. “I got you guys some fr- oh, shit, sorry.” Christopher shut the door.
Connor laughed. “At least he didn’t say get a room like Kie used to.”
“She’s probably the next person on my list of people I need to apologize to,” Ben said, his breathing ragged.
“Take caution. Her right hook has improved with age.” Connor gave Ben a sweet kiss and then sat up. He retrieved his sweatshirt from the floor.
“God, I wish you didn’t have to put that back on.” Ben slid up into a sitting position.
“We’ve got time now,” Connor said. He knocked on the window, catching Christopher’s attention.
Christopher opened the door and handed the bag of french fries to Connor.
“Thanks, man.”
“No problem,” Christopher said. “I’m glad to see you two have reconciled. Ben’s been a hopeless, pathetic ass without you.”
Chlorine fumes swam around Ben’s head, wafting up his nose.
Oh, shit.
“Chris, vision...”
He and Connor sat outside a restaurant with two male friends at a table bordering the sidewalk. He knew now that they were in West Hollywood. The traffic in the street was at a standstill, waiting for a green light. Crowds of people passed them on the sidewalk. He and the other guys were laughing about something funny, although the vision started after the joke or whatever had been told. He never knew what they were laughing about, but it felt good. True. Connor put his arm around Ben’s shoulders and pulled him close, kissing his temple.
“
Do you mind?” an old white dude wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt said to them. “I’m trying to eat.” He picked up his large glass of beer, slugged it down, and then pushed the empty glass across the table where four other empties sat.
Ben turned to the man, furious, as Connor’s grip tightened around his shoulders. “It’s gonna be real hard for you to continue eating if I shove that fork down your throat, asshole. Don’t look at us if we offend you.”
The man glared at him, pushing back from his table, his face reddening and veins popping out on his forehead.
Ben jumped up.
Who the fuck did this fat-ass joker think he was? “
It might be a good idea for you to stay out of this neighborhood in general, come to think of it. Bigots aren’t welcome here.”
“
Why you sonofabitch! No dumbass pretty boy faggot is going to threaten me,” the man said. He staggered forward a step and then reached back behind him, grabbing the steak knife off of his plate.
“
Whoa!” yelled Connor. He stood up and got between Ben and the man. “This is getting way outta hand.” He placed his palm on Ben’s chest and gently pushed him away from the drunk guy. “Why don’t we all sit down and finish our food and pleasantly ignore each other.” He turned to the man with a firm but politely authoritative expression on his face. “Sir, there’s no need to be brandishing a steak knife at my husband. Can you please sit down?”
The man threw the knife to the ground.
“
Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your meal,” Connor said as he and Ben and their friends all relaxed, assuming the altercation was over. Just as Ben was sitting back down, the man pulled a pistol from under his pants leg out of an ankle holster. Pushing Connor gruffly out of the way, he aimed the gun at Ben. He gasped as the bullet hit him in the stomach. He fell to the ground and then Connor was on his knees next to him, begging for his life. The man shot him through the left eye. Ben and Connor’s friends and several other diners and passersby tackled the man and brought him down.
Ben lay bleeding on the dirty concrete in the middle of the chaos, flickering in and out of consciousness, too weakened to lift his hand and rewind. Helplessly, he watched as Connor inhaled shallowly and died. Then...nothing.
Ben opened his eyes. Well, that hadn’t happened when he was awake in a long time. Christopher didn’t have many visions, so he’d had nothing to share for months. Of the three, Zellie seemed to be the vision-centric one.
He’d slumped over in the seat and drooled a little bit. He wiped his mouth and sat up.
Connor took his face in his hands. “That was freaky.”
Marcus, who’d apparently been standing by the cracked door waiting to get into the car the whole time, opened the door and climbed into the backseat. Ben was the filling in a trigger sandwich once again. “It’s totally freaky. Ant only did it a couple times in front of me. You guys go into, like, a trance or something.”
Frank got into the car, dropping a heavy bag of hamburgers onto the console in between he and Christopher. He twisted around. “What’d I miss?”
“I had Connor’s death vision,” Ben explained.
“Any changes?” Frank asked.
“Nope, same ol’, same ol’.”
“Bummer.” Frank started up the car and drove back toward I-5.
“What’s,” Connor swallowed, “my death vision?”
Ben told him.
“And that’s why you left me? So
that
wouldn’t happen?” Connor scrubbed at his face with his hands.
“Yeah.”
“Jesus Benji, you’re not the idiot, I am.”
After stopping for gas in Medford, Ben and Connor moved to the front seats and Ben drove. Every few minutes he looked over at Connor, unable to believe that he was actually sitting next to him.
He forgives me and still wants me.
The first chance they got to be alone together Ben was going to finish what had started in the backseat that was for damn sure.
So far the only downside that he saw to being in a monogamous relationship with Connor was that he was going to have to give up wearing skinny jeans. They made things a bit too, um, obvious.
Ben shifted uncomfortably in his seat and concentrated on the road. He drove for several miles before he was tempted to look over at Connor again. Just as he was turning his head, the familiar scent of chlorine stung in his nostrils. It was too strong to be coming from his boyfriend.
Quickly, he pulled over to the shoulder and turned off the ignition.
Christopher leaned forward between the seats. “Hey, why’d you…” was the last thing Ben heard before the vision of Claire’s attempted kidnapping flashed through his mind.
He came to, conscious of everyone staring at him and of Christopher’s hand on his bare forearm. Their eyes met.
“Nothing says ‘
Welcome to Oregon’
like a Zellie vision,” Ben said, starting up the car.
Christopher sighed and sat back in his seat. “Yay.”
Chapter Fifteen
While Zellie, Avery, Jason and Claire all slow danced to the lameola live band that was spewing out soft rock hits on the Lodge’s large outdoor patio, Melody waited for the guys by the empty t-shirt tent.
Ben had texted her five minutes before that they were almost there and that he’d shared Zellie’s vision of Claire. He wanted to have a powwow with her and Zellie immediately to figure out their strategy. Melody just wanted to see who was driving the car and what they did with the keys.
A gunmetal gray Suburban pulled around the driveway and stopped in front of her. Ben rolled down the passenger side front window and leaned across one of the hottest guys Melody had ever laid eyes on. He had to be Ben’s trigger, Connor.
God, they’re almost too pretty together for a girl to handle.
Raleigh’s sweet face popped into her head.
That’s more my speed.
“Hey, Mel,” Ben said. “There isn’t an available place to park in this mofo. Think I should leave it with the valet?” His eyes sparkled mischievously.
Melody smiled. “What? You couldn’t get a Hummer on short notice?”
“Oh, I can get a hummer any time-”
Connor cleared his throat loudly.
Ben’s face turned as red as the shirts he liked to wear. “I’m just going to take it over to the valet station.”
“Great!” Melody said, trying not to laugh at the newly whipped Ben. “I’m sure those guys can find a place to park that behemoth. Every other person in Rosedell has one.”
And then I’ll know exactly where your car keys are!
Ben drove the Suburban down to the valet station and then all the guys got out. Melody noticed that they had a boy about her age with them.
One more person to worry about.
Frank grabbed three duffel bags from the back.
As they approached, she took them all in. Ben may have been making his usual jokes, but they all looked like there wasn’t much to be happy about. She chided herself for thinking of the new boy as an inconvenience. She didn’t know what his story was, but he had such an intense sadness on his face that she knew it couldn’t be good.
Ben wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug. “It’s good to see you, sweetie.”
“Yeah. You too,” Melody said, forgetting for a second that her life would be easier if they hadn’t shown up. Ben and Frank, and even Christopher, had become like family to her and it
was
good to see them no matter what the circumstances were.
He stood back from her and pointed to the exhausted black-haired man standing behind him. “This is Connor.”
Melody nodded her head. “Nice to meet you.”
He smiled wanly. “Same here.”
“Hello, Melody,” Christopher said, giving her a little wave.
“Hey, Chris,” she giggled.
He rolled his eyes.
Old times.
“Hi, honey.” Frank stepped forward and planted a fatherly kiss on her forehead.
She turned to the new boy. “And who are you?” she asked, not unkindly.
“Marcus,” the boy said. “I’m a-” tears welled up in his eyes.
Christopher stared at him, focusing his gaze on Marcus until he blinked back the tears.
He looked blankly at Melody. “I’m a trigger. My boyfriend Antoine was killed yesterday.”
Ben spoke up. “Our recruiting turned into a shitstorm of attacks. I guess Hazel probably told you.”
Melody gave Marcus a sympathetic look and then motioned for the guys to follow her. “Claire gave me the key card for your suite and Avery dropped off a backpack full of clothes in case you all didn’t have anything clean.”