Goddess Bared: Goddess Series Book 5 (Young Adult / New Adult)

Goddess Bared

Copyright © April 2013, M.W. Muse

Cover art by JTLW Design © April 2013

Stock Photography from Fotolia

Penning Princess Publishing

Maumelle, AR 72113

www.penningprincess.com

ISBN: 978-0-9882130-6-7

No part of this e-book may be reproduced or shared by any electronic or mechanical means, including but not limited to printing, file sharing, and e-mail, without prior written permission from Penning Princess Publishing or M.W. Muse.

Dedication

When I decided to take on the task of releasing the books in this series no more than a month or so apart, I knew it was going to be a major undertaking, especially since we are now up to book five and I’ve pretty much stayed on schedule. But I’m not the only one that has made this happen. I owe a huge thank you to my beta readers for helping me get the books ready for my editor Brieanna Robertson, who works for several publishers but has graciously squeezed me into her schedule; to Brieanna for taking on this insane concept of releasing a book a month; to JT Lacy with JTLW Design for getting both the artwork and the formatting completed as soon as Brieanna and I finish with one and get ready to jump into another; and to my assistant Carla Gallway for the interviews, guest spots, contests, street team, and all other online events she has tirelessly worked on to spread the word about this series.

We’ve encountered some bumps along the way but the overall reception of this series has been beyond my expectations. From just wanting to get Legacy’s story out there to getting tons of emails about how much the series is loved and achieving number one status in several categories, I am totally floored. But I could not have done it without Brieanna, JT, or Carla. You guys totally rock.

Chapter One

Snow had covered the ground since Adin’s death. It was because of her emotional state. Legacy knew it.

She didn’t care.

School had been out for two weeks while she’d stayed hidden in her bedroom. She continued to have her same dream every night. Now that Adin was gone, it was proof that the dream wasn’t about him, though she never really thought it was. She still thought it was about River, but she had no idea what it could mean. Right now, she didn’t care about that either.

River and Calli had come over every day, though Calli had ridden with River because she was scared to drive in the snow. Both had stayed over with Legacy many nights. Calli had slept in her bed while River camped out on the couch. Both of her best friends tried to in many ways to help her with her grief, but both were truly at a loss of how to do so.

Legacy took turns crying in each of their arms, but their turns weren’t even. She sobbed to whomever was closest when the grief became too much. In the middle of the night, Calli had gotten more turns. During the day, River had.

They both tried to contain their own pain for what she was going through, but they both cried with her at times. A few times, River had cried a little more than she expected, and she knew it was because of their bond.

The underlying attraction she’d felt for him was gone, and she knew it was gone for him too. She welcomed that change. She felt freer to grieve for Adin without feeling that small physical connection to River. Her love—and her grief—were purer now.

But she knew River did not feel relieved. He’d loved her much stronger than she’d ever loved him. Now, the physical feeling was gone, and he didn’t know how to accept it.

She still loved him, and he still loved her, but they loved each other as friends. How it should have always been between them.

Yet, she was in no proper mindset to help him with this fact. He’d grieved in private over her while she envied that. Everyone had to see her fall apart over Adin.

Once, she noticed River consoling Calli in the kitchen, so Legacy knew they were really trying very hard to hide their own sadness. When she’d walked in, they both immediately turned their attention to her. Her friends had been selfless when it had come to tending to her every need.

All Legacy could do was cry. She couldn’t bring herself to accept what had happened, or to even talk about it. Not yet.

When the snow hadn’t stopped, Myrha and Rose had decided not to wait any longer on scheduling Adin’s memorial service. It was to be at Rose’s house in the garden, so they’d paid a neighborhood kid to shovel the snow to make room. The flowers were all dead, so it seemed a fitting environment for them to mourn their loss.

Today was the service, and Legacy felt numb. She’d cried more than she’d ever thought was possible up until this day, but today she hadn’t cried once. Not one single tear had been shed. She was still an emotional wreck, though. And she refused to talk about what had happened. Talking about it meant acceptance.

She rummaged around her closet, looking for something presentable, but also something Adin would like. Calli tried to help, but she wasn’t having any luck. She settled on a black skirt, black sweater, and black boots. It was respectful, but still youthful. She looked like she was in mourning, but she didn’t look like a grieving widow. She looked like a grieving girlfriend. But she silently wondered if she still looked the part. Thinking about that gave her something to focus her attention on, so she welcomed it.

She also wore the jewelry Adin had given her, but she’d been wearing it ever since his death.

His death
.

She rarely thought of Adin being dead. She preferred to think of him as gone. If she thought about him being dead, it would send her into a crying frenzy, but as she thought the words just now, she knew she didn’t have time to mourn him like that. It’d have to wait until she was through being strong for other people.

Calli helped her with her makeup, but there wasn’t much she could really do. Legacy’s eyes were swollen and red from weeks of tears. But she tried slathering the appropriate amounts of cosmetics on just the same.

When it was time to walk over, River and Calli both put their arms around her while she crossed her arms over her chest. It was her default stance, her defensive maneuver. If she didn’t let people see her chest, maybe they wouldn’t recognize the gaping wound there.

When they got to Rose’s house, there were a ton of people there. Legacy was passed around like a newborn baby. It was as if everyone wanted a chance to coddle her. She shut down mentally and emotionally to get through it.

“I’m fine,” she said so many times that the response became ingrained, and she lost count how often she had to repeat it.

She saw some friends from school. Ellen and Kate, Thad and Seth. They didn’t gush over her, but each took turns hugging her. She wondered if she felt as hard on the outside as she felt on the inside.

No matter who was hugging her, River or Calli was always in earshot, ready to grab her away if she lost what grip she was clinging to. She didn’t think about what was actually happening, why she was actually here. Pretending helped her to get through the experience she never thought she’d have to endure. Not for another seventy or eighty years anyway. Old people had to do this all the time, not seventeen-year-olds.

When it was time for the service to start, River and Calli escorted her out back. When she looked up and saw the huge photograph of Adin, she didn’t react. She was expecting to see a photo of him. But when she saw their homecoming picture blown up—with Adin’s arms wrapped around her—she couldn’t help but cower. River noticed her reaction at once and stiffened his arm to keep her from running back inside.

She looked up at him, and he reflexively wrapped his other arm around her and guided her to her seat.

River sat on one side of Legacy, arms still locked around her waist from her near panic attack, while Calli took the seat on the other side.

She was so wrapped up in the role she had to play for everyone she hadn’t noticed the tall, dark beauty sitting in the back row.

Venus.

Legacy should have known that woman was going to show up, and she sighed when she saw her sitting back there. River followed her gaze and shook his head. Her presence in Legacy’s life was his fault. There was no way around that.

When the minister started the service, she tried to put on a brave front.

“We are gathered here today to say goodbye…”

That was as far as she could listen. She started shaking her head, but she could still hear his words. Her hands flew up to her ears to block out what the minister was saying. She wasn’t here to say goodbye to anyone!

“Legacy?” River whispered to her while he rubbed her back.

It wasn’t enough. The real reason why she was here came crashing down, and what little grip she had, she was losing. She stood up quickly and walked back into the house, her ears still covered. She kept shaking her head, not moving her hands from her ears. She felt the sobs build low in her abdomen as she looked around the room she was in with unseeing eyes.

Where was she? Did it really matter? She wasn’t with Adin.

And she lost it.

Legacy started screaming. River ran up to her and threw his arms around her. He tried coaxing her to a couch while Calli watched, but Legacy wasn’t having that.

“Oh gods!” she screamed while she cried. “He’s dead!” That was the first time she’d said that out loud, and the accompanying pain was unbearable. “It’s all my fault!” she sobbed against River’s chest.

“No, baby. It’s not your fault.”

She pushed him away. “H-how can you say that? He’s dead because of me!”

Calli walked over to her and put her arms around her. Legacy cried in her embrace.

“I-I can’t believe he’s dead.”

“I know, Legacy,” she murmured.

River walked over and wrapped his arms around both of them. They all cried. When Calli pulled away, River wrapped his arms around Legacy and tried guiding her to the couch again. This time, she went. He sat her down, rocking her while she cried. Pretending she was okay didn’t do anybody any good, and she just couldn’t pretend anymore. She didn’t go back out to the service. She stayed on the couch with River and Calli beside her while she cried.

When it was over, Lissa, Olive, Myrha, and Rose all came over to her, but she didn’t want to talk to anyone. The earlier breakthrough was all she could physically do in one day. She just kept crying on River’s shoulder nonstop. The pain was too strong to do anything but weep.

Someone brought her a plate of food, and River kept pressing her until she started eating. She sniffled and struggled to breathe while she ate, but at least she did eat.

When the crowd thinned, she decided to excuse herself to the restroom. She didn’t really need to go, just wanted to get away, and she figured some cold water on her face would force the numb feeling back. On her way to the restroom, though, she passed the door to Adin’s room. She stopped and turned around, looking back at it. She slowly walked up to the bedroom, and placed her hand on the doorknob. She shut her eyes as she turned it and entered his room.

She was immediately enveloped with his scent. She breathed in jagged breaths, trying to drown herself in it. It consumed her, and it was the first time in weeks she’d felt the closest to being whole, which she thought she’d never be again.

She shut the door and walked around. She looked at everything. She glided her hand along his dresser, smelling the knickknacks that dotted it. She walked into his closet, burying her face in his clothes. Then she slid the hangers one-by-one and looked at every shirt, every pair of pants, remembering the occasions she’d seen him wearing them. She walked into his bathroom, smelling his soap, his shaving cream, his aftershave, his cologne…

Legacy walked back into his room and over to his bed. At first, she stared down at it, tracing her fingers along the blanket, along the pillows. Then she sat on the edge while she looked at the photo of her on his nightstand. There were pictures of them everywhere around this house. She was so used to seeing them that she didn’t really
see
them anymore.

She picked up the photo and smiled as tears spilled over. It was a picture of her sitting outside of this house at Rose’s birthday party. She wasn’t looking at the camera—she was looking to the side—but she had a happy expression on her face, and she remembered what captured her gaze.

She had been looking at Adin. He’d given her one of those longing looks as he was about to sit beside her. He’d given her a lot of those kinds of looks that day. The day of Rose’s party was the first time they’d made out…horizontally. Right here, on this very bed, before the actual party had started.

She sat the picture down and slumped onto the bed. Of all the things she smelled in his room, nothing smelled more like Adin than his pillow. She cried until she could cry no more at the moment. No more, because she felt too exhausted to assemble the energy required to cry. As her breathing hitched with small whimpers, she felt her eyelids drop, and she drifted to sleep, clutching Adin’s pillow.

She felt someone’s hand stroke her hair, and she smiled as she awoke. For two seconds, she thought it was Adin. She could smell him. Who else could it have been? But when she opened her eyes and saw the black clothes on her body, reality crushed her again.

Her breathing hitched, and she turned her face into the pillow. She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but apparently, it was long enough for her to find the energy to cry again.

“Shhh…Dinny wouldn’t want you suffering like this, dear.”

Her head slowly turned toward Rose. She looked sad, but nowhere near the level of sadness Legacy felt. Sad wasn’t a strong enough word to describe her pain, her agony.

“I know you’re having a really tough time right now, but you’ll heal,” she murmured.

“I-I don’t want to heal. If I heal, he’s gone.”

“He
is
gone.”

Her hands flew up to her face as she began to sob.

Rose stroked her hair. “It makes me sad too. No grandmother should have to live through a death of a grandchild. Especially one as perfect as Dinny. He loved you so much, you know.”

She nodded as she cried. This was the first time she actually felt selfish about her grief. She wasn’t the only one who’d lost Adin. And it was her fault he was dead. His family shouldn’t be nice to her—his killer. But she knew they didn’t see her that way. “H-he loved you t-too,” she mumbled.

“I know, dear. But Adin waited his whole life to experience the love he felt for you.” Rose turned to the side and pulled out a book that sat beside her. “He wanted you to have this.”

Stunned, she sat up and took the book. “W-what is it?”

“It’s a journal. He got it the Christmas before you started dating. He didn’t write in it every day, but he wrote in it often. He told me that writing in it became his way of expressing his feelings for you.”

She stared at her, too shocked to understand the emotions coursing through her. “He, he told you to give it to me?”

“Yes,” she murmured.

What?
“When?”

Rose smiled softly. “When he got back from his father’s after Christmas.”

If Adin had told his grandmother to give Legacy his journal, then he suspected she would kill—no—that he would die. Legacy wasn’t sure what her face was showing Rose, but she suddenly stroked her hair again.

“He-he knew?” she asked, confused.

“He wanted to be prepared. That’s all,” she said soothingly. “He also wanted you to have this.” She lifted her hand, the keys to Adin’s Porsche dangling from it.