God's Gift of Love (2 page)

They stood in silence for a moment as Gabe’s hands warmed with the mug. “May I ask you something?”

Katie tilted her head in curiosity. “Yes?”

“How far along are you?” Gabe motioned to her belly and color flooded his cheeks. It was not done to talk about such things. Would he have angered her?

Katie touched her belly, a blush spread across her face, but her expression softened as she looked down at herself. “Six months.”

Gabe nodded. “My. Only a few months left.”

Katie’s smile brightened. “
Jah
.”

“Aunt May will spoil it rotten.”

Katie laughed softly. “I hope so. She always spoiled me.”

“Do you have ideas for names?”

Katie shook her head. “My mother wants to name him Mark if it’s a boy but. . .” Her expression sobered for a moment. Gabe wanted to reach out, touch her arm, or say something to comfort her. Before he could draw up the courage to, she forced a smile. “I also like Andrew.”

“What if it’s a girl?”

“I’m partial to May.”

Gabe grinned. “Do you think May would like that?”

“I already told her and she said, ‘No, you cannot name a
boppli
afte
r
m
e
!’”

They laughed together. For a moment, Katie looked like the young woman he fell for years ago. She met his eyes, the smile lingering on her face. She looked down at the porch. “It is
gut
to see you again, Gabe.”

His heart lurched in his chest. “It is more than good to see you, Katie. I wish the reason I were seeing you wasn’t. . .”

Katie lifted her hand, motioning it away. “Yes, I know. I’m glad to be here, though. In this district, everyone is so kind, welcoming. I like being with family again.”

“Yes, family makes everything worthwhile,” Gabe said.

“I missed them all so. My parents, aunts, uncles. . .” Her voice was low and it trembled as she said, “Mark’s family was never my family. My family never would have let him…” She covered her mouth as though she’d said something she hadn’t meant to. “Excuse me, Gabe that was rude of me.”

Gabe inclined his head. “No, Katie, it--”

“I should be going.” She turned and walked inside quickly.

Gabe’s shoulders drooped in disappointment. He let out a slow breath. It felt like he hadn’t been breathing at all. It felt like he didn’t even need to breathe in her presence.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times; having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

- 2 Corinthians 9:8

Katie felt a strange kind of absence when Gabe left that night after his work on the porch. Even though he said he’d be back tomorrow to finish.

It was odd seeing him again. It had been so long since she had last seen him. Two years that had felt like two lifetimes. So much had happened since then. She felt like a different person than the eager Katie, who had eyed Gabe from afar. Back then she had sought out ways to talk and laugh with him and had even considered marrying him.

That girl was gone, but Gabe seemed the same. Older, yes of course. The extra weight in his face was gone, and his chin was more pronounced. His eyes seemed wiser, more serious. But his voice was the same careful voice; his smile the same subtle joy; his mannerisms the same.

She was surprised he hadn’t married yet. He was so handsome, so kind, and he had his parents’ old farm. There had to be girls interested.

He would find someone eventually. But it wouldn’t be her.

She could tell he still felt something for her. The way he looked at her, it set her stomach aflutter. Like she was the only thing in the world.

Even now, after two years.

If only he knew that no one could truly love her. Nor should they.

Back inside, she helped Aunt May get ready for bed.

“Gabe’s such a nice man,
jah
?” May asked as she pulled back her covers.

Katie smiled. “He is. It’s very kind of him to help with the porch.”

May tsked. “I told him he needn’t help, but he insisted! I know Klaus would have done it had I asked. . . I didn’t even notice.”

Katie stoked the fire in May’s wood stove. “Did you get cold last night? When I woke up, the fire had almost died.”

“No, I was fine.” May sat on the bed and undid her
kapp
. Her gray hair was pinned back at the base of her neck. When she took out the pins, it fell down below her waist. Like all Amish women it had never been cut and it was still luxurious even though it was completely gray. Her eyes were so kind as she looked over at Katie. “What about you, my dear? How are you doing?”

“
Gut
.”

May stood and walked over to her. She took Katie’s hands in her own wrinkled, soft fingers. “Truly?”

Katie nodded, looking down at their clasped hands. Her young, pale skin against May’s age spots. Every morning when Katie awoke in her new bed, safe and far from Mark and his family, a relief flooded over her, fresh and just as sweet as the day before. Then guilt settled in for feeling so free after her husband’s death. For praying, for deliverance from his cruelty. She never could have imagined that her deliverance would come from his death.

May squeezed Katie’s fingers. “You say so little, but I know there is much going on in your mind.”

“
Jah
,” Katie whispered. “I don’t know how to say any of it.”

“When you do, you can come to me. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Thank you so much for letting me stay here.”

“You will always have a home with me.”

It’s something she’d said before, many times, but only in the last few weeks did she realize how true it was. She could have gone back to her home to be with her parents, but her precious Aunt May was all alone in this house, even though her children weren’t far.

And Gabe was here.

That hadn’t been the main factor in Katie’s decision. Just a tiny nugget that pushed her toward this village instead of her own. A friend, someone she had known before she married Mark and her life changed forever.

Already he was making her feel like this place could become home.

She worried she’d said too much tonight when she mentioned Mark’s family. She didn’t want those dark times to affect what she had now. May, her child, their future together. Mark was out of her life forever.

She hugged May and led her back to the bed. “
Gut
night, Auntie.”

“
Gut
night, my sweet.”

* * *

He was yelling again. “Why do you have to be so stupid? Can’t you ever listen?”

Katie’s hands were trembling in her lap. She clenched them together, trying to still them. She should say something to him, but she wasn’t sure what. She stumbled over her words. “I’m sorry, I--”

“I told you, I told you so many times, and you ignore me and disrespect me.”

“
Nee
, I--”

“
Nee
?” His voice rose even more and she winced. He bent down, grabbed her arm, and shook her. “You don’t say ‘Nee’ to me. You say ‘Jah,' always ‘Jah,' nothing but ‘Jah.'”

“Jah,” she whispered. Her eyes stung from tears, and she furiously blinked them back. A few escaped, though, trickling down her cheeks. She raised a hand to wipe them away, but he grabbed her other arm.

“Are you crying?” His fingers were digging into her arms painfully, and she gasped as she shook her head. “You’re always crying! So stupid!”

He let go of her and stepped back.

The dream morphed as he stumbled on something on the ground. He fell back, crying out her name, and he kept falling, falling, and Katie was falling with him, down into darkness--

Katie awoke with a gasp, sitting up in her bed. Her heart pounded in her chest and blood rushed in ears, and a thin layer of sweat covered her body. She put a hand to her chest and felt her beating heart against her skin.

Just a dream.

Just another memory she’d tried to bury. During the day, she succeeded, helping May around the house, visiting with Klaus and Jane, meeting others in the district. But at night, her memories became nightmares, demanding her to remember, to relive every horrible moment.

Katie tried to recall good moments with Mark. The few times he could be kind. When they discovered she was pregnant, he had never looked so happy. He took her face in his hands and she winced, but he didn’t notice. He kissed her and said he loved her. He touched her stomach gently, the way he might touch someone he loved.

She rubbed her swollen belly, closing her eyes. He hadn’t loved her. He said it, more than once, but she knew. No one could love her.

She couldn’t get back to sleep, so she decided to rise early. She worked around the house tidying up, and then stepped outside. Fog clouded near the ground, blocking her view of the fields ahead of her. The sun was rising, its rays of light barely piercing the fog. She could see her breath in the air. Everything was still and calm, nothing like how she felt inside.

She had trouble praying ever since Mark’s death, but the beauty around her made her whisper, “
Denke
, Father. It’s beautiful.”

She pulled her shawl closer as she stood on the porch Gabe was almost finished repairing the porch. He’d been working on it all week, and she would bring him warm coffee and sometimes hot chocolate and speak with him. But soon, she would say she was distracting him from work and he would try to convince her to stay because he wanted company.

Katie smiled, shaking her head.

He wouldn’t be by today since it was a busy day on the farm with deliveries and a new calf. But she hoped to see him soon.

She went to take care of the chickens. May’s children had milk cows, but May only had five chickens that produced her eggs. She would be getting another goat soon, now that Katie was here to help her tend to it.

She’d only been here nine days and it already felt more like home than Mark’s district had. Mark’s family accepted her, but they turned their eyes when they saw him mistreat her. The rest of the village was, on the surface, kind, but she never had time to fully get to know people. Mark would say she shouldn’t leave the house without him; shouldn’t see Sarah because she was a bad influence; should just focus on the house and on the Word. As though she couldn’t do those and make friends.

Katie shook her head again. Enough. It was daytime now, and she needed to dispel thoughts of Mark. That was in the past.

She was about to go inside when a few women walked by her house. One of them waved, and the group slowed down.

She hadn’t been to a service yet, but she knew the faces of some of these women. One of them, Rosella, came over with her daughter Isobel to introduce themselves.

As Rosella broke away from the group to come towards the porch, Katie smoothed down her skirt self-consciously. Rosella smiled brightly at her. “
Gut
morning, Katie.”

“
Gut
morning,” Katie said. “It’s a beautiful one.” The sun had risen, and the fog was dissipating, revealing the beautiful green fields and distant rolling hills.

“
Jah
, praise be to
Gott
!” Rosella clasped her hands in front of her. “I wonder if you would join us for dinner tonight.”

“Oh?” Katie asked, smiling.

“
Jah
, Abel’s brother, will be over, as well.” Rosella’s eyes brightened, almost mischievously, and she tilted her head. “You know Gabe,
jah
?”

Just the mention of him had her beaming. She tried to hide it. “
Jah
. We’re old friends and he’s helping fix May’s porch.”

“You must come, then!” Rosella said. “And at the service next week, you’ll meet Samuel and Zachary.”

“
Jah
...” Katie trailed off. “
Jah
, I’ll be there.”

“Perfect!” Rosella beamed. “We will see you at seven, then.”

“Seven,
denke
.”

* * *

Seven o’clock came slowly. All day, Katie agonized over seeing Gabe in a different situation with his family, and for a longer period of time.

It finally came though, and at nearly seven o'clock she drove May’s buggy to Rosella and Abel’s house. May decided to have dinner with her daughter Jane, but Katie wished she could come with her. Everything was easier with May at her side.

But no, she could do this. It was only dinner.

Rosella and Abel’s home was on the opposite side of the farm from where Gabe lived. Two buggies were lined up at the front, and Rosella steered her horses to be beside them. She’d made bread to bring for dinner, so she took her basket up to the door. She fidgeted with her skirt while waiting for them to answer the door. She tucked some stray curls of her auburn hair beneath her
kapp
. It always seemed to be coming loose now, maybe it was the hormones of her pregnancy making her hair rebel. Her
kapp
was black now because she was no longer married. She’d worn white for two years and somehow the black made her feel free if only she could forget what had happened.

The door opened, and Gabe stood there. Katie sucked in a breath. She hadn’t expected to see him yet. She inclined her head. “
Gut
evening.”

He smiled at her. “
Gut
evening, Katie. Come in.”

"
Denke
." She slipped past him and he closed the door. The house smelled of fresh grass.

Isobel ran up to greet her. “Katie!”

“Hello, Miss Isobel,” Katie said, smiling. Gabe motioned for her to follow him, and she did, Isobel trailing behind her playing with her doll, as they went into the kitchen.

Rosella was preparing dinner, and she beamed when she saw Katie. “Welcome!”

“
Denke
,” Katie said. “I brought a loaf of Friendship bread.”

“
Denke
.”

The back door opened and a man walked in. He had a short beard, indicating he hadn’t been married for long. “Katie, hello! It’s been a long time.”

It took her a moment to recognize that it was Abel, Gabe’s younger brother. Ah yes, of course. He looked so different now with his beard. He held himself differently, too. Katie wondered what Gabe would look like with a beard when he married.

“Hello, I hardly recognized you!” Katie said.

Abel chuckled. “Well, I might not have recognized you either if I didn’t know you were coming.”

They all laughed, and Katie asked how she could help with dinner.

Soon, they were all seated at the table, Katie next to Gabe. He had been quiet so far tonight, but he kept smiling at her. He was nervous, she could tell. He fidgeted with his napkin and the toggles on his shirt and was constantly shifted in his seat during grace. She held back a smile of amusement. Not that she found it funny in a cruel way. It was charming, the fact that he felt nervous around her. He shouldn’t. It was just her, just Katie.

Though she felt nervous around him, too, but it was just Gabe. They were old friends, it shouldn’t be this way, she knew. But something in the air between them was charged, thick, and she could tell he wanted to say more than what he did, wanted to look at her longer. When she passed him the bread, his fingers brushed against hers as he took the basket, and he let them linger there, his soft touch just a whisper.