Going for Four: Counting on Love, Book 4 (25 page)

“So you’ve been in love with me for, what, two months?” she asked, praying he’d say yes. She could handle two months.

“Longer than that, Liv,” he said gruffly.

“How long?” she demanded, her voice rising on the last word.

“As long as we’ve been baking together.”

She felt her eyes widen. “We’ve been baking for like seventeen months.”

“At least that long,” he said with a nod.

She swallowed against the tears that suddenly threatened. “Why didn’t you
tell
me?” she asked. “That’s something you
tell
someone. How could you let me think you
didn’t
feel that way? How could you let me feel this way and not let me know that you felt this way too?”

He frowned and stepped forward. “Feel what way?”

She stared at him. He was going to make her say it? Now? Like this? In front of her brother? “You
know
how I feel.”

He reached for her and gripped her upper arm firmly but gently. “Tell me,” he said. “Now. How do you feel about me?”

“You know I’ve been in love with you for months!” she burst out.

His eyebrows slammed together. “
What
?”

“You knew. You had to know.”

“How would I know that?” he demanded, sounding almost angry. “You’ve been putting up barriers between us from the beginning.”

“When it was just about the sex!” She worked to take a deep breath. “And you never tried to knock any of those barriers down.”

“Didn’t I?” he asked, pulling her closer. “I think the fucking barriers definitely came crashing down the other night, don’t you?”

She flashed to the night in the bar, the kiss on her front step, the day in her kitchen, and then, of course, the night in the hotel when they were
finally
together.

“But then…we were matched up. You didn’t do anything until that happened. Until the computer put us together. Until
I
said that it was destiny.”

“The computer?” Conner cut in. “Seriously?”

“It matched us up,” Olivia told him. “The dating site put us together.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” was Conner’s response.

Cody dropped his hold on her and moved back.

“There is no way that you really believe that destiny brought you together through a dating site,” Conner said.

He didn’t act surprised about the site. One of the other girls must have told him. And he’d probably been fine with it, Olivia assumed, because Cody was always there looking out for her.

She crossed her arms and pressed them against the stomachache that kept getting worse.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said. “We signed up, thinking we would find other people since—” She glanced at Cody. “Since we couldn’t be together.” She licked her dry lips. “Then when we were matched, it felt like maybe it was a sign. But we still fought it, Conner. The first time.”

Conner rolled his eyes. “There was more than once?”

She nodded. “Twice. We were set up together twice.”

Conner looked at Cody. “Really.” The sarcasm was almost palpable. “That’s amazing. The odds of that have to be four billion to one.”

Cody shifted his weight from one foot to another, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

Olivia felt ice trickle through her bloodstream. “Cody? We were matched up, right?”

Had he set it up? To keep her from other men? To finally have her to himself? How did she feel about that?

“Go ahead,” Conner said to his friend. “Look her in the eye and tell her it was legit. If it was, who am I to argue? I mean, if you’re really her destiny, I can’t get in the way of that. Tell her it’s true.”

Please look me in the eye and tell me it’s true. Please.

“No, we weren’t matched up that first night,” Cody said.

Olivia’s heart dropped like a rock to the pit of her stomach, increasing the ache.

“I didn’t know it at the time. I thought we had been and I was thrilled,” he rushed to say. “But I got an e-mail—the day Conner was in the fire—from my date for that night, apologizing.”

“I never got an e-mail about a mix-up or anything,” she said.

“I don’t know what happened with yours,” Cody said. “But I know that my date had a flat and didn’t have a phone number for me. That’s why she wasn’t there.”

The ice in her bloodstream grew even colder—if that was possible.

“What about the next time? Were we matched up the night we…” The night of the hotel. The night they finally made love. The night that had truly changed everything.

“I don’t know for sure,” he said again. “I didn’t get any e-mails saying otherwise. But I didn’t set it up or anything either,” he was quick to add.

“But?”

She could tell there was another but.

“I saw a guy and a girl outside the restaurant. It was clear they were each waiting for someone. They saw one another and started talking. They decided that they must have been there to meet each other.”

“That could be true,” she said, clinging to that idea.

“Yes. It could. But it could be true that they were there for us.”

She pressed her hand to her stomach.

The chances of her and Cody being set up were astronomical. She knew that. But she
wanted
it to be true so badly that she’d easily gone along with it. She’d
needed
it to be true. She’d needed the reassurance that she was making the decision about being with Cody based on something other than her own emotions, something that was concrete and real and objective, something that had nothing to do with his charming smile or his chocolate butterscotch muffins or something equally ridiculous.

“So…none of it’s true,” she finally choked out. Everything in her felt tight and cold.

“No,” Cody said firmly. “Everything about how I feel is true.”

That didn’t make her feel better. “Why didn’t you tell me we weren’t really matched up?”

“I…”

“It’s easier that way,” Conner said. “Cody loves doing things the easy way. It’s a hell of a lot easier to feed your romantic notions to ensure that you’re all his than it is to actually
earn
the assurance that you won’t leave or find someone else.”

“Shut the fuck up, Conner.” Cody turned on him. “You’ve had your say. We know how you feel. Got it. Won’t forget it. Now shut up and let Olivia decide how she feels and what she trusts.”

But that was the problem. She had no idea what to trust—not Cody, not fate, not even the stupid computer. She also had no idea how she felt—beyond disappointed, hurt and maybe a little angry. At both of these men.

“I…need to think. Or something.”

“Liv—” Cody started.

“No.” She wasn’t sure what exactly she was saying no to, but it was her instinctual answer.

“I’ll give you a ride,” Conner said.

“No.” She also knew she couldn’t be with him right now.

Cody reached for her. “Babe—”

But she stepped back, then turned and bolted from her office, then from the fire house, needing space from Cody. For the first time ever.

It wasn’t like the pounding headache and general hatred of the sunlight pouring in his windows shocked him. Getting rip-roaring drunk three nights in a row had a way of causing both of those things. And Cody had most definitely gotten rip-roaring drunk the past three nights.

But the incessant ringing of his front doorbell was enough to make him want to cut his head off—right after he cut the head off of whoever was ringing his fucking doorbell.

He swung the door open, fully expecting to see one of his friends there to haul him back into the real world. “I swear to God—”

Olivia stood on his front porch.

“Oh.” Damn. He didn’t want to see her. He’d been avoiding seeing her for a week.

Because seeing her reminded him of how much he wanted to see her and how much he wanted her to want to see him.

She wanted to be with him. Or
had
wanted to be with him. He’d had her. She’d been his. No more resisting touching her, kissing her, telling her she was amazing and beautiful, making love to her.

He didn’t want to step out the door into a world where that was no longer true.

Damn Conner.

And damn Conner for having a point.

Cody had never purposefully, consciously put Olivia away for later. He’d never thought of her as his backup plan.

He’d been trying so hard not to be an asshole, not to have feelings for a woman who didn’t want him to have those feelings for her, feeling like a jerk because he wanted his friend’s little sister in spite of the friend warning him off.

But he had scared the other guys off. He’d told himself it was to protect her, but Conner was right—he’d been
sure
she was going to find someone better than him and he was going to lose her.

So he’d kept her for himself. Maybe as only a friend, but all his nonetheless.

It wasn’t the same situation as Ashley. He’d grown up a little bit since then. He hadn’t strung Olivia along, knowing that she was in love with him and intending to marry her after he’d had his fun. Conner was an asshole for thinking that.

But yes, Cody had messed with Olivia’s life because he didn’t want to give her up. He wanted whatever he could have with her—even if it was only baking cookies.

Pathetic and selfish. Clearly he hadn’t
totally
grown up. Not as much as he’d hoped, anyway.

She raised an eyebrow at his less-than-enthusiastic greeting. Then she took in his appearance.

He was wearing sweatpants. Old, ratty sweatpants. And that was all. It was three o’clock in the afternoon and he hadn’t been out of bed to shower or shave yet.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he turned and headed for the kitchen.

“Are you hungover?”

He jerked open the refrigerator and grabbed the orange juice. “Very.”

“Feel like crap?”

He lifted the juice carton to his mouth and took a long swig. Then looked at her again. “Yeah.”

“Good.”.

Okay, so she wasn’t here to make him feel better. Good to know. He finished off the juice and tossed the carton into the sink before facing her. As if that would help.

“What are you doing here?” he asked again.

“I have some things I need to say. And since you’ve been a coward and haven’t been in to work for a week, I finally realized I needed to come here to say them.”

He’d taken the week off of work to give them both some space. The working together thing was great when they wanted to see each other all day, every day. Not so much when they…didn’t.

Because they were in love with one another.

This was the most confusing damned thing that had ever happened to him.

He leaned back against the counter. “Fine. I might have a few things to say too.”

She moved to stand in front of him but far enough back to be out of reach. “Great. Let’s do this.”

He crossed his arms and waited.

She took a deep breath. “I believe that you thought we had been set up by Perfect Pick too.”

He looked at her, everything in him softening with the affection she brought out in him so easily. Olivia always believed the best of him. He loved her for that.

He loved her…for that. For that. The words kept repeating in his mind.

He loved her for that.

He frowned.

Had his main attraction to Olivia been that she believed in him, forgave him, supported him no matter what? Did he want her because she made him feel like he was a great guy? Was it all about him feeling good?

If he was honest, he’d say…maybe.

Fuck.

He hadn’t wanted her to find someone else. Because if she had, he would have lost his biggest cheerleader.

He’d kept her from getting serious with anyone else, but—and as far as self-awareness went, he was pretty proud of this—he hadn’t been willing to stand up to Conner, say “I love your sister, deal with it”. He could tell himself all day long it was because he didn’t want to hurt Conner, but the truth was he’d already had so much of her—her sweetness, her humor, her optimism, the long talks and the nights in front of the TV and the family barbecues and the weekends at the lake—he hadn’t
needed
to mess things up with Conner. He’d had the best of both worlds—essentially dating Olivia but maintaining his friendship with her brother.

Of course, he’d been missing the hot, sweet, amazing sex with her. But he hadn’t known that. And it wasn’t like he’d been celibate.

God, he was an asshole.

And he wanted to kiss her anyway. So bad it hurt.

“I also believe that part of you was truly trying to protect me by intimidating the other men.”

He shifted his weight. That was also partly true, but honestly that part was quite a bit smaller than the selfish part where he didn’t want to risk losing what he did have with her.