Going, Going, Gone! With the Pain and the Great One (2 page)

The next day the Great One was at it again. She spent all afternoon in the ocean on her Boogie board, riding the waves to shore. She says it’s the best fun she’s ever had. She says I don’t know what I’m missing.

“You
have
to try it, Jake!” she said the next morning while I was eating my Cream of Wheat.

“Try what?” I asked, like I didn’t know.

“Your Boogie board!”

“I’m waiting,” I told her.

“Waiting for what?” she asked.

“The perfect wave.”

“Ha!” she said, laughing.

That afternoon I decided to build a sand fort. Grandma helped me. “I have a lot of experience,” she said. “I used to help your mom build sand castles when she was your age.”

“With moats around them?” I asked.

“Oh, sure,” Grandma said. “They all had moats.”

Grandma was good at making turrets and drizzling wet sand on top of them. But after a
while she fanned her face with her hat and said, “Whew—it’s hot out today. Time for a swim. Want to come in with me, Jake?”

“Not now,” I told her. “I have to stay here and guard my fort.” I watched as Grandma dove under a wave.

Sometimes I go into the ocean up to my knees. But no higher—not even when I’m with Dad. Because higher means the waves could crash over your head. No way will I ever dive under a wave. Not if I live to be a hundred million years old!

When Mom called us for snacks, the Great One said, “You’re the only kid on the beach who won’t go into the ocean.”

“Am not!” I told her.

“Are too!” the Great One said. She was peeling a tangerine. “Do you want everyone to think you’re afraid? Do you want everyone to think you’re a baby?” She shoved a piece of tangerine into her mouth.

“I’m not a baby!” I shouted, grabbing a juice box. “I know how to swim in a pool.”

“You call the doggie paddle swimming?”

“Yes!”

“Then why don’t you pretend the ocean is a big pool?”

“I don’t like salt water in my eyes,” I told her. “And I don’t want it up my nose, either!”

“Wear a mask,” the Great One called as she ran back toward the ocean with her lizard Boogie board.

That night on the boardwalk I saw a store window filled with masks. I asked Grandma if we could go inside. She took my hand and we went into the store together.

I checked out all the masks. I tried on Spider-Man first. Next I tried on Batman. Then I tried on a mask that looked like the President. After that, one that looked like a gorilla.

When Grandma walked away to look at something else, I saw it. The perfect mask—the
Wolfman
! I pulled it on and crept up behind Grandma. Then I poked her in the ribs
and growled. Grandma jumped a foot off the floor and shrieked so loud she scared me. Everyone in the store turned to look at us. At least, I think they did. It wasn’t that easy to see what was going on from inside the Wolfman mask.

When Grandma calmed down, she laughed. “You surprised me, Jake!”

“I could tell,” I said.

“Would you like that mask?”

I wasn’t going to ask for it, but if Grandma wanted to buy it for me, it wouldn’t be nice to say no. So I said, “Sure. Thanks a lot, Grandma!”

“You’re welcome,
precious
.”

Precious
is what Grandma calls me when no one else is around. It’s our secret word.

I pulled off the Wolfman mask and plunked it on the counter.

“Getting an early start on Halloween?” the cashier said.

“No,” I told him. But I don’t think he believed me.

The next day at the beach, after the Great One raced into the ocean, I pulled on my Wolfman mask. Dad said, “That’s a scary mask, Jake. I hope you don’t scare your sister.”

I was hoping I would.

I grabbed my yellow Boogie board with the wolf face on it and carried it down to the ocean’s edge. Then I stood on the board, like I was a surfer.

“Look, Mommy,” I heard a little kid say. “That boy thinks it’s Halloween.”

Was he talking about me?

It was hot inside my Wolfman mask. Hot and sweaty. Soon I felt like pulling it off and dumping a bucket of water over my head. Water from the sink, not ocean water.

When the Great One came out of the ocean, she said, “Why are you wearing that thing? You look like a dork!”

“I look like the Wolfman,” I told her.

“You think the Wolfman wears a bathing suit?”

“He does when he goes to the beach,” I said.

“The Wolfman is covered with hair,” she said, “in case you didn’t know.”

“He shaves it off in summer.”

She laughed.

So I shouted, “You
said
to wear a mask, remember?”

“I meant a
dive
mask,” she said, “not a Halloween mask!”

“That’s how much you know!” I told her. “Because this is a—” I had to think fast. “This is a
surfer
mask.”

“A
surfer
mask?” The Great One laughed again.

“If you don’t believe me, just ask the man at the store!”

She was quiet for a minute. “He really told you it was a
surfer
mask?” she said. I knew she was looking at me. I could see her legs but not her face.

“Yes, all the real surfers have them.” I was so hot I didn’t think I could last another minute inside my Wolfman mask.

“Let me try it,” the Great One said.

I pulled off my mask and handed it to her. It felt so good to be out of it.
I dumped a bucket of
ocean
water over my head. I was careful to keep my eyes shut.

“How do I look?” the Great One asked. She was posing like a surfer in my Wolfman mask. She looked totally stupid. But I said, “You look cool.”

Then she was off, racing out to catch the next wave. But she missed and fell off her board. She fell off on her next try too. And the one after that.

She whipped off the Wolfman mask and came tearing out of the ocean. “This mask doesn’t work!” she shouted, waving it in the
air. “You tricked me, you little pain! You won’t get away with this!”

But I was already racing down the beach, hoping she would never catch me.

EXTRAVAGANZA

Aunt Diana took us to the county fair. She bought each of us twenty tickets. “I can’t believe how much these tickets cost,” she said. “Use them carefully.”

“We will,” I told her.

“I’m going on the Gravitron,” the Pain told me as Aunt Diana walked ahead
of us, pushing the baby in his stroller.

“No, you’re not,” I said. “You have to be at least twelve to go on the Gravitron.”

“Ha ha,” he sang. “That’s how much you know!”

I know plenty about the Gravitron. I know I’m never going on it. It spins around so fast it pins you against the wall while the floor disappears from under you. I learned about it from a TV show called
Amusement Ride Extravaganzas
.

Aunt Diana turned to us and said, “Let’s see the farm animals first. Before the baby falls asleep.”

The Pain leaned over and whispered to me, “Then the Gravitron!”

The farm animals were in a big barn. First came the pigs. The baby clapped his hands and said “Uh-oh!” Then came the goats and fancy chickens and rabbits. The baby said “Uh-oh!” to everything.

When we came out of the barn, the Pain poked me. “Time for the Gravitron!”

But Aunt Diana had other ideas. “Let’s do the food hall next.”

“Is the food hall like the food court at the mall?” the Pain asked.

Aunt Diana laughed. “Not exactly,” she said.

The food hall was filled with homegrown vegetables. The Pain kept running ahead, announcing what was coming next.

“An eggplant that’s bigger than the baby!”

“A tomato so huge it could be somebody’s head!”

The baby clapped his hands and said, “Uh-oh!”

When we came out of the food hall, Aunt Diana sat on a bench under a tree and gave the baby a bottle. The way things were going, I thought we’d never get to the rides. So I said, “Oh, look, Aunt Diana, there’s the Super Slide! The Super Slide is my favorite.”

“Mine is the Gravitron,” the Pain said, jumping up and down.

“Gravitron?” Aunt Diana said. “What’s that?”

“It’s where you spin around so fast you’re mashed against the wall,” the Pain said. “It’s an
extravaganza!”

“Whoa … that’s a big word,” Aunt Diana said.