Going Long (16 page)

My instincts kicked in, and I
started to help. “Noles, damn. I’m so sorry. I got it, it’s okay. It’s fine. We
have plenty of food,” I said, trying to clean it up before she had to look at
it any longer. She just looked up into my eyes then, hers so sad and puffy. She
started to cry harder then, and I couldn’t take it. I slid, kneeling, closer to
her and just reached for her, pulling her into a hug in my lap.

“Hey…” I whispered. “It’s okay.
I got you. It’s okay…shhhhhhh.” I just held her while her body quivered in my
arms. I stroked her hair, and each time I tucked the strands behind her ear,
she shook a little more, letting out everything inside. My girl was broken.
She’d ripped my heart from my chest when she kissed another man, and then
stepped on it when she let him spend the night with her. But seeing her cry
like this…I couldn’t handle it.

I was content to stay there the
rest of the night. I wasn’t hungry, and I was fine sitting in a pile of
peaches, and flour and sugar. But my moment wasn’t meant to last long as Jason
rounded the corner just in time to break everything just a little more. “Whoa,
what the hell?” he said as he saw spilt dessert on the floor. “Ooooooh,
sorry…did I interrupt?”
He was such an ass.

Nolan broke from my arms
immediately upon the sound of his voice, rubbing her nose on her sleeve, and
going back to work cleaning up the floor. “Sorry, I dropped the cobbler. I’ll
get it, Reed. You go,” she said, willing me away.

“I can help,” I said, reaching
for her just a little. When she pulled away, it broke me all over again. She
just looked up at me, her lips tight as she took in a deep breath.

“I’m good. Just go,” she said
before going back to work.

I stood at her words, and just
stared at her busy hands. Rosie must have heard the commotion because she was
in the kitchen now, too, and bending down with a towel to help. “Oh, Noles,
your pretty dessert. It’s okay, I’ll get it sweetie. You go clean up. Why don’t
you use the spare bathroom,” Rosie said, squeezing Nolan’s hand to get her to
stop. She finally looked up at Rosie and smiled, but her eyes still seemed so
damn sad.

“Ooooooh, trouble in paradise
there, little brother?” Jason teased, condescendingly, as he picked a crouton
from the salad on the counter, and popped it in his mouth as he turned to walk
away. I was instantly filled with rage and found myself grabbing a fistful of
his buttoned shirt and twisting it to make him uncomfortable, my fist locked
just under his chin. “Ah, I hit close to home, didn’t I? You wanna take it out
on me because your little high school romance didn’t work out? Go ahead; hit
me, you little shit. But you know I was right. And you can do better.”

I stared him down, my face
inches from his, my breathing ragged, and my heart pounding with more anger
than I’d ever felt. I wanted to break his nose. But I also knew he lived to
push my buttons, and I didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving. And then I looked past
him and saw Nolan standing at the foot of the steps, not yet upstairs, just
chewing on her fingernails and seeing…
everything.
Not taking my eyes off
of her, I just thrust Jason’s shirt collar back into his body and backed away,
brushing off the front of my shirt and cracking my neck a little to one side. I
finally looked back at Jason to see his arrogant smirk. I couldn’t let him off
completely. I looked back to where Nolan had been standing, and she was gone. I
settled back on Jason, leaning in close one more time, taking pride in the fact
that I almost doubled him in size now. “You’re a dick,” I said, holding his
eyes for just a bit so he’d see I meant everything I said before turning to join
the rest of my family in the living room.

Despite the hours Rosie spent in
the kitchen working on every detail of our dinner, we managed to demolish it in
a matter of minutes. The table was quiet for moments at a time while we all
stuffed our faces with her delicious turkey, stuffing and gravy. Pops, Jason
and I always ate like Neanderthals, shoveling food in our mouths sometimes with
our bare hands, and picking up fallen crumbs from the table and pushing them
into our mouths, too. My mother always hated it but Rosie seemed to take it as
a compliment.

Tonight was the first time I’d
had a real Thanksgiving meal in my own house,
ever
…and it was amazing!
Even Nolan’s mom praised Rosie on her cooking, which was saying something,
since every meal I’d had at the Lennox home was the single best thing I’d ever
eaten, each thing Nolan’s mom made one-upping the last.

Nolan and I were sitting at the
far end of the table next to one another, but like strangers. We were both
putting on a performance it seemed. She would smile and nod at conversations,
half leaning her head in my direction, but never fully settling in to make eye
contact. I found myself challenging her, though, staring right at her for
longer than I should. She was friendly, and almost flirtatious, but there was
an underlying sadness to her that I couldn’t deny. I just kept replaying her
crying on the floor in my kitchen, so lost and helpless, and my stomach sank in
fear that I had made her that way. I’d almost feel sorry, and then remind
myself that she was the one who kissed another man…and maybe more, and then
when I thought of Gavin, I balled my hands into fists on my knees and quit
feeling so bad.

“So, Nolan…how’s school going?”
Jason was engaging her now, but he had that tone to his voice that he only made
when he wanted to give me shit. Immediately, I was defensive.

“Oh…uh, it’s fine,” she just
smiled and looked down to straighten the napkin on her lap.
Shit!
She
was barely holding it together, I could tell.

“Huh…” he just said, taunting
her.

“What do you mean…huh?” I said,
not able to take it, but probably just throwing gas on the fire.

Jason slid his chair a bit then
and sat up straight to meet my gaze. “Well, little brother…” I knew he was
going to lay into me now, get me back for knocking him around in the kitchen a
little, getting in his face. Jason didn’t like to be shown up, even if nobody
was watching. “I just mean it must be hard between the two of you, long distance
and all. I just wondered if Nolan ever had to turn anyone down, break some poor
ASU guy’s heart?” He smirked, tempting me.

I felt my heart beating in my
stomach, and the weight of everyone’s stares bouncing between Nolan and me.
They were all rapt with the conversation, smiling and waiting for our cute
response. And I was so pissed at the part of me that wanted to let them all
down—just to crush her a little, the part that wanted to say, “No, she
never turns anyone down. Instead, she just kisses whatever asshole wants to get
her into bed that night.” But I didn’t, I just looked at Nolan, every muscle in
her face clenched, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek softly. Then I looked
her right in the eyes as I backed away and got my own little dig in, private
and not for anyone but her. “Never,” I said, holding her gaze, and instantly
feeling regret for saying it as she fought to keep the water pooling in her
eyes from falling.

Suddenly not hungry for dessert,
I excused myself, and pushed back from the table to head upstairs and clear my
head. I noticed Sienna’s hand squeezing Nolan’s under the table as I walked
away, and immediately knew I’d made a mistake. “I’m such an asshole,” I
thought.
But I had been so angry for so long, for once I just wanted to give
into it. Turns out it wasn’t worth it.

I hung out in my room for about
20 minutes, just lying flat on my back and staring up at my ceiling. I was
startled when my dark room lit up from the hallway light as someone cracked it
open. My heart jumped a little, thinking it might be Nolan, but then settled
when I realized it was Sarah.

“Hey,” I said, laying back down
and folding my hands under my head. The bed flopped heavily as she lay down
next to me.

“Hey,” she said, mimicking me.
We both sat there in comfortable silence for a while. I was growing to really
like Sarah. She was real, always gave it to people straight, and I admired
that. Of course, that meant sometimes I had to take what she was dishing.

“So…that was a prick move down
there,” she said, turning her head to prop it up on her hand and look at me.

Sighing, I put my hands on my
face to try to rub away the memory of an hour ago. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.
My brother is a real asshole,” I said, turning to her and wincing.

“Hmmmmm, yeah…he is,” she said,
then sat up, and looked down at me. “But I was talking about you.”

The look she was giving me could
have burned a hole through my eyes. I just stared right back into, owning it.
She was right, and I knew throwing my vow to never cheat on Nolan in her face
was the shittiest thing to say the moment the words came out. Not wanting to
get into it with Sarah, and partly wanting to take my punishment, I just
shrugged a bit, and lay flat on my back again, throwing my arm over my eyes.
“Yeah, it was a prick move,” I said.

We were quiet after that again
until we heard the others start to stir downstairs. The sounds of chairs
scuffing the floor and dishes clanking had us both sitting up. I was dreading
going back down there to face everyone after the shit I’d said. And I was
pretty sure after the stunt I’d pulled, Nolan’s parents were starting to
question us, too.

“Get your shit together, Reed.
We’re going out tonight,” she said as she flung the door open, leaving me there
without an opportunity to say no.

By the time I got downstairs,
Nolan’s parents had left, and I didn’t see her either. I felt a weight lift off
my shoulders, but it was instantly replaced with self-pity. I saw Sarah
standing in the kitchen swinging her keys around one finger. “Sar, look…if
nobody else wants to go, maybe we just call it a night,” I started, but she
just held up a hand in my face.

“Oh, everyone’s going.
Everyone,” she said, turning me around to see Nolan standing at the doorway
with Becky, Trig and Sean, her face at peace for the first time this evening.

We split into two cars, I took
my Jeep with Trig, Becky and Sean, and Sarah drove Sienna and Nolan. We headed
out to the Old Wheelhouse on the outskirts of town. It was an old-fashioned
country bar, the kind where bands played honky-tonk, and the ranch hands came
to spend their paychecks on beer. It also happened to have karaoke and pool,
which is where I was sure Nolan would spend most of her night.

The girls got there before we
did, and I as I pulled in to park, I watched them walk up to the front doors.
Nolan was lagging behind—her hair slung over one shoulder. I wanted to
reach out and touch it, kiss her neck. But instead, I just sat there in the
Jeep, resting my chin on the steering wheel, and panting after her like a dog.

When we walked in, Sarah had
found herself a spot on the dance floor already, working the crowd into some
line dance and getting the attention of a few of the locals. I slid up to the
bar next to Trig and Sean, and nudged Sean a little with my elbow. “Where are
the girls?” I asked.

“They’re in there watching Nolan
sweep the floor with some guy at the tables,” he chuckled. It was her favorite
thing to do, hustle some poor sap into some stupid bet. She’d gotten us free
drinks when we went out more than once. I loved watching her do it, but I never
wanted to play against her. I was shit at pool. Trig seemed intrigued at our
conversation and slid from his stool to go check out the match himself.

“Hmmm, maybe I’ll take her on,”
Trig said, wiggling his eyebrows a little like he had a shot in hell. Sean and
I just laughed. I nodded at the bartender, who slid over a beer before reaching
out to shake my hand. I was a bonafide local celebrity in Coolidge, but the
people here were more down-to-earth. It was comforting. Like home.

There weren’t many options at
the Wheelhouse—shots or beer. I started sipping mine when I felt Sarah
slide into the stool on my other side.

“So, cowboy. You wanna dance? Or
what?” she asked. I knew I didn’t really have a choice, so I let her guide me
by the hand out to the dance floor. It was some slow country song, so I just
kept hold of her hand and put my other one on her back. This dance was going to
be all about conversation.

“Look, Sarah. I’m sorry about
earlier...,” I started, but she cut me off.

“Just don’t, Reed. I get that
you’re hurt, and pissed, and angry, and all kinds of other shit. But you need
to cut our girl some slack,” she had her bossy tone on now. She pursed her
lips, almost like she was reigning herself in. That was
huge
for Sarah.
“Reed…Nolan’s on academic probation. She’s been skipping
a lot
of her
classes because of everything that’s happened. Sienna and I have been taking
turns trying to get her out of her room, but she never leaves it. She just
holes up in there. The only thing she comes out for is to help her floor
charges or to work her writing workshop.”

I was a little stunned, and
stopped our dance—not that it was much of one—to soak in her words
for a moment. I knew there was something sad about Nolan, but I didn’t think
she’d ever be in academic trouble. Her scholarships were everything to her.
Suddenly, I felt worse…about everything. Sarah and I weren’t even really
spinning anymore, but rather just swaying slowly in the middle of the dance
floor, the only couple out there.