Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm (13 page)

“You could have helped your mother?”

She nodded, afraid to speak. Using her shoe to toy with a pebble nearby, she stared at the ground, not really seeing it. “I wish someone could have helped her. I was so young and really didn’t even realize what was going on.”

“But your father knew?”

Again she nodded.

“So for years you’ve blamed your father for what happened to your mother?”

“Yes,” she said, her voice raspy. She clenched the pebble in the palm of her hand until its sharp edges cut into her skin.

“Sometimes people aren’t ready to accept help, and no matter what a person does he can’t change it.”

“I know that now. Dad and I have talked. I know he tried to help Mom, but she just didn’t or couldn’t accept it. At least I know it in here—” Darcy pointed to her head “—I’m still working on knowing it in here—” She placed her hand over her heart.

“You weren’t the only one affected by your mother’s death. Your father was too.”

“I’m discovering that. It helps to finally talk about it. For years my father wouldn’t say a word about my mother, especially about how she died. There was a part of him that felt so betrayed. There was a part of me that did, too.” She swung her gaze to Joshua’s. “She’s been gone for thirteen years, and yet almost every day that goes by, I still think about her. I never really got to say goodbye.”

The rough pads of his thumbs grazed the skin under her eyes as he looked deeply into them. “A lot of people never get to say goodbye. We don’t get to pick when we’re going to die. People often leave behind unfinished business. That’s why it’s important to live your life to the fullest. Make each day count.”

“I’m working on that.” She laid her hands over his on her face.

Joshua bent forward and touched his mouth to hers. Her senses reeled from the sensation of his lips on hers, of his hands on her face, of his scent invading her nostrils. She was floating on clouds, soaring through the
sky. Dangerous feelings bubbled to the surface—emotions of caring beyond friendship. A part of her wanted to surrender to those feelings, but years of hiding her innermost thoughts and emotions kept her from giving in to them completely.

She pulled back, his touch falling away. Something in his eyes told her that he was as surprised by the feelings generated between them as she was.

He shoved himself to his feet and extended his hand to her. “I’m on duty tonight. We’d better start back.” A stiffness had entered his voice, his stance.

Darcy fitted her hand within his, and he tugged her to her feet. Releasing his grip, he walked toward his mare, untied the reins from a small tree and mounted. Darcy followed suit, her legs shaking from the emotions sweeping through her.

“Want to race back to the barn?” Joshua asked, guiding his horse from the grove of trees.

A meadow, tossed with wildflowers, stretched before Darcy. Off in the distance she saw the new barn being erected. A little to the left were three mares with their foals, grazing in the paddock.

“You do like to take risks. Are you sure?”

“I like to push my limits. I haven’t ridden Patience at a full gallop yet.”

“The last one to that gate over there—” Darcy gestured toward the one close to the new barn “—gets to cook a meal for the winner.”

“What kind of bet is that? Neither one of us can cook.”

“An interesting one.” Darcy spurred her horse into a gallop.

Joshua shouted something behind her, and she glanced over her shoulder at him, laughing at his stunned expression. He prodded his horse into action. Wind whipped her hair behind her. Sunlight beat down upon her. She was one with her horse and happy, sharing something she loved with Joshua.

Her destination loomed ahead. The pounding of Joshua’s horse sounded closer. Darcy was impressed. Joshua was a quick study. Slanting her head to the side, she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye. Pushing her mare, she lengthened her lead, laughter rushing from the depths of her being at the pure joy of the contest.

She didn’t slow until she made it to the gate. Reaching it first, she pulled up, twisted about in the saddle and saw Joshua only a few yards away. The expression on his face mirrored the elation she felt. Their gazes locked. Across the short expanse a connection formed and strengthened.

“I won!” Darcy said when he stopped next to her.

“You may change your mind after you eat the dinner I prepare for you.”

The teasing glint in his eyes spurred her heart to beat as fast as her horse’s hooves had pounded across the meadow. “Can’t be any worse than what I would have fixed you.”

“What a pair we make,” he said with laughter, then
leaned down to open the gate and allow her to go through first.

Yes, we do make quite a pair
, she thought, directing her mare toward the far barn. Next she would be thinking they were a couple.
A mistake
, her common sense warned.

When Darcy reached the barn, she swung down and began walking her mare to cool her off. Joshua fell into step next to her. A comfortable silence was only broken by the horses’ hooves striking the dirt. She sighed.

“I’ve had a nice time, Darcy.”

“So have I.” She headed into the barn to brush her mare.

Inside, the cool shade offered a reprieve from the summer heat. Her father and Sean stood staring into a stall at the far end.

“What’s up, you two?” Darcy asked them.

“Moonstruck is restless. She should have her foal soon,” Sean said, turning toward her. “Grandpa said I can watch when the time comes.”

Her father caught her eye. “Only if you give your okay, Darcy.”

Pleased that her father had sought her opinion, she said, “It’s about time he learns about that part of a breeding farm. Of course, Sean, most foals seem to be born at night.”

Sean squared his shoulders and drew himself up to his full height. “I’ll be okay. I can rest the next day.”

Darcy secured the reins to a post, removed the saddle, then used a curry comb to brush the mare. With his back to her, Joshua did the same.

As he watched Shamus and Sean leaving the barn,
Joshua paused and said, “Have you ever noticed that Sean does everything your father does?”

“Yes. This morning at breakfast he asked Lizzy for a cup so he could have coffee like his grandpa. Thankfully Dad persuaded him to wait a few more years before drinking coffee. I tell you, as a parent you always have to be one step ahead of your child.”

Joshua peered over his shoulder at her. “Darcy, you are lucky to have a child.”

Her teeth dug into her lower lip. She remembered Joshua once talking about how he had wanted children and had been devastated when Carol had left him at the altar, destroying that dream. At thirty-three he was cynical about marriage and leery of a deep emotional relationship. They definitely
were
a pair!

“I
don’t smell anything burning. That’s got to be a good sign,” Darcy said, entering Joshua’s house for the second time since she’d met him.

Joshua splayed his hand across his chest. “I’m crushed.”

Ringo sauntered over to Darcy and wound himself around her legs, purring loudly. “What are we having for dinner?”

“A surprise.”

“Do you even know yet?” She inhaled a deep breath. “Come to think of it, I don’t smell anything cooking.”

“Okay, if you must know, Trenton’s Café is delivering—” he checked his watch “—in thirty minutes.”

Darcy laughed. “I love Trenton’s food. A man after my own heart.”

“Then you don’t mind?”

Darcy couldn’t resist picking up Ringo and holding him close to her, rubbing her cheek into his soft fur. “If
I had lost the bet, I would have pleaded for Lizzy to cook the dinner, and if she wouldn’t have agreed, I would have done the exact same thing. So how can I mind?”

Joshua escorted her into the living room. “Good, because I have another confession to make. I tried to cook lasagna and failed miserably.”

Darcy arched a brow. “Why didn’t you try something easier?”

He sat on the couch, leaving her plenty of room to have a seat next to him. “Sean told me it was your favorite dish.”

“You asked him? When? You’ve been gone these past few days.” A rush of pleasure zipped through her. He had taken time away from his arson investigation in the eastern part of Kentucky to check with her son about her favorite food. Clay would never have done something like that. Her husband never even would have attempted to prepare her something to eat.

“I called him yesterday.”

“That explains that silly smile he wore for half the day.”

“I’m sorry about the lasagna, but thankfully Trenton’s has it on their menu.”

Chewing her lower lip, she glanced away from his penetrating eyes, busying herself by sitting down on the couch.

“Okay, what’s up?”

Sighing, she smoothed her lime-green sundress. “Lasagna is my
son’s
favorite dish, at least this week.”

“You don’t like it!”

“Oh, no. I like it. Really I do.”

“What is your favorite food?”

“Fried shrimp. And yours?”

“A big, thick, juicy T-bone steak.”

She relaxed back. “I’m glad we got that out of the way. I guess there’s a lot we don’t know about each other.”

“We’ve only known each other two months.”

“And I’m leaving at the end of next week.” The reminder brought to mind all the reasons Darcy needed to keep herself from falling in love with Joshua. They really hadn’t known each other long. She hadn’t even known his favorite food, and he hadn’t known hers.

Silence thickened the air. Joshua shifted on the couch, cloaking his expression and turning his attention to Ringo, who lay between them.

“In four months, I’m coming back for a week at Christmas.” As she said it, the amount of time seemed inadequate. A week would pass in a flash. She would have her family obligations and Joshua would have his work.

“Sean said something about coming for the summer next year.”

“I hope to. Even though Dad won’t admit it, I think he would like the help.” A nervous laugh escaped her. “I can’t believe I’m saying that.”

“You two have made amends. Now you can spend time strengthening those bonds.”

But their relationship was still fragile, and with hundreds of miles between them those bonds might break. Her breath caught. Who was she referring to—her father or Joshua?

“You didn’t tell me how your trip was. Was the fire caused by an arsonist?” Darcy asked, needing to change the subject. This evening was supposed to be fun and light.

“Yes. Arnold discovered where the fire started. I gathered what evidence I could. I suspect it was set for insurance purposes.”

“You’ve got Sean debating whether to be a breeder of horses or a firefighter. He’s thinking he can do both.”

“Sort of like you with your books and your horses? Have you ever decided which you prefer?”

“The jury is still out on that.”

The doorbell chimed. Joshua rose to answer it while Darcy stroked Ringo, curled against her side. Which did she prefer? It really didn’t make any difference. She was returning to Panama City in ten days. Her trip to Sweetwater, though, had shown her how much she missed riding horses. She would have to find someplace in Panama City where she could ride. Maybe one day she could even have her own horse again.

“Dinner has arrived,” Joshua announced from the doorway.

He held several boxes, and the smells drifting to Darcy promised her a delicious meal. Her stomach responded to the aroma of tomatoes, meat and bread by rumbling.

“I’m hungry. I didn’t realize how much until just now.”

“It isn’t fried shrimp, but Trenton’s makes a wonderful lasagna with bread sticks and a Caesar salad. And for dessert a chocolate fudge cake that melts in your mouth.”

Pushing herself to her feet, Darcy chuckled. “You could be a walking advertisement for them.”

“I eat there several times a month. I’m a regular.” He waved her toward the dining room.

She passed him and entered the room, coming to a halt a few feet inside the doorway. Before her the table was laid with china, crystal and silverware, all gleaming in the soft candlelight flanking the large bouquet of lilies, carnations and roses of red and white. “I’m impressed.”

“I thought since I couldn’t actually cook the meal with my own two hands that I could manage to set the table. These were my parents’.” He indicated the dishes and utensils. “I haven’t used them before now.”

Touched by his gesture, Darcy swallowed several times to clear her throat before saying, “It’s beautiful.”

Joshua began opening the boxes to put the contents into the serving dishes. “I remember my mother pulling all this out for Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. She insisted on ‘going fancy,’ as she called it, those three times during the year. Every other meal was with our everyday dishes.”

Darcy’s meals with her parents hadn’t made for happy memories. If her mother showed up, there usually was an argument between her and her father before the food grew cold, especially during the last few years before her death.

“We had a series of housekeepers. Usually they didn’t last—until Lizzy came along. She’s a trouper. She weathered my mother’s ups and downs, and now my father’s sullen disposition. She’s a part of the family.”

Joshua pulled the chair back for her to sit. Then he pushed the chair in and unfolded the napkin to lie across her lap.

“I feel like I’m in a fancy restaurant and not dressed properly. You should have warned me.”

Joshua eased into the chair next to her. “And spoil my surprise? No way.” His intense gaze held her. “You look great to me.”

Dressed in a simple sundress with white sandals, she felt his attention riveted to her. From the expression in his eyes, she knew she was the only woman in the world. Long ago she had given up hope of ever being cherished by a man. But now Joshua was making her wish she wasn’t leaving Sweetwater next week. He teased her with all the possibilities—if only they had more time to get to know each other, if only she wasn’t so afraid, if only he wasn’t still dealing with his emotions concerning Carol.

Seize the moment, Darcy O’Brien
. She shoved her doubts and concerns to the back recesses of her mind. She would enjoy this evening and the man she was with. She would let him make her feel special for this one night, and she would cherish the memory.

“At least you didn’t greet me at the door with a tux on. That would have sent me running back home to change.”

He chuckled. “I don’t own a tux. If I had my way, I wouldn’t even own a suit. I feel like I’m suffocating when I wear a tie.”

“That’s the way my dad feels. Does any man like to wear a tie?”

Joshua shrugged, then passed her the crystal bowl with the salad in it. “Beats me. Not the ones I hang with.”

After dishing up the greens, Darcy took the platter with the lasagna and spooned a large portion onto her dinner plate. “I can’t believe this is still hot.” Selecting a warm bread stick, she gave the bowl to Joshua.

“It helps that Trenton’s is only five minutes away and that I’m such a good customer.”

“And Sam Trenton goes to our church.”

“Not to mention his daughter is in my Sunday school class.”

Darcy filled her fork with some lasagna and slid it into her mouth. Ground beef, tomatoes, noodles and several different cheeses all mixed together deliciously. “Mmm. My compliments to the chef.”

“I’ll tell Sam the next time I see him.” Joshua bit into a bread stick. “I did make the iced tea.”

“Will wonders never cease?” Darcy tasted the raspberry-flavored tea. “Mmm. My compliments to the chef.”

He inclined his head. “Thank you.”

For the next few minutes Darcy ate, savoring the different favors and aromas. The soft candlelight and the elegant table setting lent an intimate atmosphere to the dinner. She became transfixed by the movement of Joshua’s mouth as he chewed. Fantasies played across her mind, making heat rise to her cheeks. She looked down at her nearly empty plate.

“I guess this Sunday will be our last time to teach together at church.”

She looked up at him. “You’re right. I hadn’t realized.”
Hadn’t wanted to think about it
.

“I’m gonna have to find someone to replace you. Any suggestions?”

No!
The thought of someone replacing her bothered her. “Maybe Jesse.” Even that suggestion made her frown. Jesse was single and would be great for Joshua. Darcy should be happy if they both were happy. But she wasn’t.

“She would be good. I’ll have to ask her this week. With my schedule I need a partner. There are Sundays I can’t come because of work.”

Partner
. She’d always wanted to be an equal partner with someone. She’d hoped her marriage would be that way. It hadn’t been, and now she didn’t know if that would ever be possible. Someone always wanted to dominate—at least from her experience with Clay and her father.

But Joshua never has
, a little voice inside her retorted. That was different. They weren’t married—just teaching a class together—being friends.
Is it really that different?
the voice challenged.

Joshua scooted back his chair. “Wait here. I understand presentation is everything.” He hurried into the kitchen with the last container from Trenton’s.

Scanning the now empty dining room, Darcy realized she would miss Joshua more than she cared to admit. Sean would miss him, too. This was the reason she hadn’t wanted to pursue a friendship with him—

Who was she kidding? Their relationship was beyond friendship and that was the problem.

“Ta-da!” Joshua produced two plates with pieces of the thick chocolate cake, caramel drizzled over them in a design. A few raspberries with a sprig of mint finished off the creation. He placed her dessert in front of her, then sat. “Well, what do you think?”

His eagerness made her smile as she sliced into the cake and sampled it. “I’ll have to tell Sam the next time I see him how delicious this is.”

“No, the presentation. I saw a cooking show and got the idea for this from it.”

“And they say you can’t learn anything from television.” Her smile grew. “You did good.” She took another bite, enjoying the rich chocolate mixed with caramel, one of her favorite combinations.

“When you’re stuck in a motel room in a strange town, there isn’t much else to do except watch what’s on TV.”

“I find it strange that you’re watching a cooking show when you don’t cook.”

“I don’t have to cook to appreciate the food being prepared.”

When she finished off the last bit of her dessert, she said, “You’ve got the presentation part down pat.”

“That and the tea are my personal touches. Do you want any coffee?”

“No. I don’t drink as much coffee in the summer as I do in the winter.”

“Then let’s retire to the living room.” He rose, putting his linen napkin on the table next to his plate.

“How about all this?” She motioned to the dishes left.

“You’re my guest. I’ll clean up later.”

“Our bet said nothing about you having to clean up without some help.”

“It’s all part of the package, especially since you insisted on driving yourself to my house.” He waved her toward the living room.

Darcy took a seat on the couch. “I have to pick up Sean at Nate’s later.”

“I could have done that.”

“I know. But you’ve been away, and you have to work tomorrow.”

When Joshua sat, he seemed to take up most of what was left of the couch. He was only inches from her and she felt the temperature rise.

“When do you have to get Sean?”

She glanced at her watch. “Soon,” she said through dry lips. She ran her tongue over them and moistened her throat.

“When are we going to talk about us?”

“Us?” she squeaked, gulping.

“You know perfectly well what I’m talking about. We have something going on between us.”

“What about Carol?”

“She’s history.”

“Is she, Joshua?”

“She’s married. What do you think?”

“I think you still haven’t dealt with her betrayal. You’ve avoided even thinking about her.”

“Why should I think about her? She isn’t part of my life anymore.”

His defensive tone underscored Darcy’s point. “When we went to Northland for lumber you were upset because Carol’s husband was the manager. You have to deal with your past before you can really move on.”

“Have you dealt with yours?”

“My father and I have come to terms.”

“How about your feelings concerning your husband?”

Darcy stiffened.

“Just as I thought. You haven’t dealt with Clay and the problems you two were having when he died.”

“Why are you bringing this up now? Pushing me?”

Joshua surged to his feet and began pacing in front of the couch, rubbing his thumbs across the pads of his fingers. Then he stroked his jaw. “Because I don’t want you to leave, but I realize I can’t ask you to stay, either. Your job and your life is in Panama City.” He came to a halt in front of her. “Yes, I
can
ask you to stay. I don’t want you to leave yet. I care about you, Darcy.”