Gold Raven (74 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Josey stood there a moment facing the empty doorway. The
house was now quiet except for Hope's soft sobbing behind her,
'Oh
Long Bow, times like these, I need you to be here. Our son needs you here.'

She turned from the door and walked across the room to the
other side of her bed to sit next to Hope, who was now sniffing and
nibbling on her thumbnail while holding a pillow to her chest as she lay in the fetal position. The bed shifted from Josey's weight as she
softly rubbed her hip.

"Hope, honey." Josey started softly, lost for the right words.
Hope looked up at her. "My - my father, oh God, my
father – Josey, he turned my
father -
away." She sobbed as Josey
pulled her into her arms, stroking her back as she cried again.

"Oh sweetheart, I know it hurts. I know you're angry and feeling lost all over again. Believe, when I say, I know how much it meant to
you to find your father, and your mother, but, you have to calm
down. This is no good for the baby."

"I don't care, I - I don't want - this baby - I don't want
anything connected to him. I - I hate - hate him!"

"Hope! You can't possibly mean that. Don't say such things. You don't hate him, and you most certainly do want this baby."

Hope sat up away from her, feeling sorry for herself, she shook
her head vigorously. "No, I - I don't, I'll never, not ever will I
forgive him."

Josey sighed wishing Lena was there. She would know what to
say, but then, she realized that if Lena was there, the current events would not be.

"No more talking tonight. I want you to lie down and get some
rest. I'll hear no argument from you. Come on, turn around and put your feet up. Give me that pillow." She took it and arranged Hope
comfortably, placing the pillow behind her head.

"I want you to take a nap. You're much too upset to think straight
right now. Don't worry about Joseph coming in and bothering you.
Just rest, okay?"

Hope gave no response, just nodded and turned on her side,
fighting tears once again. Josey walked to the door and pulled it shut, having to steady it because the top hinge was loose. Shaking her head,
she could not help but think,
‘
Why? Why in the world did you go so far to
hold onto her, trying to control her?'
She felt bad for him; he had never
dealt with a girl or woman who didn't want him. They all seemed to
offer him all they could without him having to give anything in return,
but what was conveniently pleasurable for him to give.

"My son, I fear you have bitten off more than you can chew." She
sighed aloud picking up things as she went. It seemed he had knocked a few things over on the way out. Closing her front door, she decided
to find Dark Shadow, hoping that he might be able to help.

Hope lay quietly as she tried to deal with her pounding headache from her strenuous crying. Though tears were still falling, they did so
quietly. She placed a hand to her stomach, her baby lay there. Her only regret throughout her ordeal was that she had spoken against
her child. As far as she knew, her baby was all she had.

"I'm sorry little one, so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I do want
you, more than ever now. I don't know how to go about it, but
somehow, I have to get us back to Webster Fields. If we can just
make it there, we'll be fine."

She closed her eyes to rest. She would need it tonight. She would
leave the village, and Red Crow. Once she made it home, her g
randfather would see about her. She was confident in that. Somehow, some way, he would help her find her father and
brother. If she was truly blessed maybe she would get there and they
would all be present. If that was the case, she would run into her
brother's arms and beg his forgiveness.

He had been right
, right all
along; she did not need anyone else in her life except her family. They
would fill any and all the empty places in her life. All she need do was
find them, they were the answer to her happiness and the happiness of her precious baby, they would embrace him or her; showering it
with love, adoration and protection. No man could love her as they
would. With that resolution, she fell asleep.

Red Crow had taken his stallion and ridden to the very end
reaches of their land to a place he always went to get away from
things. To a cave high up in the hillside covered with shrubs, small
growing trees and heavily overgrown with grass covering the
entrance. He sat within the opening of the cave looking out at
the view of the valley floor. From his position, the dwellings blended
in with the dense woods where all had been built, instead of right
out in the clear open valley. As he looked over the land he'd discovered and brought his family and people to, his thoughts were
heavily weighed with his dilemma.

'Why? Why in the hell did I do it? It wasn't supposed to turn out this way!
Greeneye warned me and I failed to listen... if only? Why did I not see down the
road to this probable outcome? I cannot lose her, dear God please, I cannot hare
the thought of not having her in my life. I beg you, make this right.'

When troubled as he now was, he turned to the God of his
mother. The one Christians prayed to, where there was one Father,
assisted by his son and millions of angels. He realized that even when
it came to his beliefs, he was torn. There were the beliefs of his
people, and Christianity.
Which is the correct way?'
He wondered, belief
in the spirit gods or Christianity? When conducting himself as a
warrior, he performed according to the call of the spirits. Yet, now -
he prayed to the Christian God.

Laying his head back with eyes closed, he sat motionless, as the
sun shifted behind the clouds.

"Chief Long Bow, you gave your life to them, and
here, now, I need you. You died for those who will crush us all
one day. Now here I sit, needing you more than ever. Damn you
father, damn you for not being here for me. How could you run to
the aid of white men and leave me? You could make this right. You were wise, strong - doing all things right - except that last decision."
Again, he lapsed into silent thinking.

"Father, I have done wrong, there has to be a way...to...fix
it."

He sat forward, his forearms on top of his knees, reflecting back on his every action from the past. Such a
feeling of sorrow and regret grew to fill him. Regret of not only
what he’d done against his wife, but against others as well, and all those
he led into it. He was chief of his father's people, but oh, how he
wished it were not so.

Were they a part of th
e larger tribe, he knew he
would not be chief. Only because his father had broken away and taken
many with him to relocate was he qualified to stand in his shoes.
Now, with all things taking place... he was ready to hand it over to
someone more worthy and stable in leading the people.

He knew he was guilty of attacking and killing many soldiers.
Raiding one fort after another... never caring about the carnage he
left behind. With a hard heart, he had no sympathies for the
havoc he wreaked or the lives he took. Considering the amount of
loss to his nation of people since their land became overrun by the white man, he would have to kill them for five years non
stop to barely come near a balance; hence, the root of his contempt for
them. He knew the labels they had placed upon him, merciless, fierce,
cruel, demonic savage and Red Devil. Yet, they gave no name to themselves for the injustices they were guilty of initiating. Nevertheless, for
the entire claim to his ferociousness, a mere woman could hold the power to
suck the very life from his soul.

"Here I sit, broken by a golden angel." He muttered.

'Engaging in battle, I stand fearless and unstoppable, strong and proud, fierce
and determined. Before you Gold Raven, I stand corrected. I stand trembling. I
stand afraid. Tell me to grovel, and if it means you would favor me again, I
would... I would.'

His hands went to his head, through his hair in despair as he cried
out.
"You are killing me - Gold Raven - you are crushing me from
within. No matter how you hate me, I could never let you go. If I
must live with your hatred, then so be it. But I will not live without
you, I cannot and to God I pray, that you never ask me to."

Late that night:

Hope crept through the house like a thief in the night. Silence was
thick as she took every step to maintain it so as not to bring attention to her plan. She considered her moccasins a blessing as
each step she took was without a sound. Stopping to listen, she held
her breath, afraid and nervous that it would give her away; she also
prayed that the beat of her heart was not as loud as it sounded in her
ears.
She had to leave now, or lose her nerve. She wore her soft
deerskin dress with its beaded symbol of Red Crow on the front bodice, with her hair divided into two thick braids hanging to her
hips.
She wished that she could change her clothing into the garments
her brother had provided for her, but they were back at her tepee.

She
was not about to risk a confrontation with Red Crow, or else she
would never get away. He was the last person she wanted to see.

If he
caught her slipping away, he would never again let her out of his
sight. She knew that about him and that spark of knowledge made
her heart skip a bit. She shook her head. No. She would never forgive him. Not ever!

She went silently into the kitchen and collected some bread,
cheese, dried meat and fruit, placing them into a cloth that she tied. She shifted the blanket and wrap she carried to her other arm as she
held the wrapped food in her hand. It was cool out, she was glad she’d
thought to grab a blanket, wrapping it over her shoulders, she made
her way to the front door. In the stall, she rubbed down Wenobeg,
talking softly to the stallion as she tied her blanket around her
shoulder more securely and added the bundle to lie against her back.

"What are you doing Gold Raven? Where are you going?"

Hope jumped, startled at the sound of Butterfly's voice; she spun to face the young girl, thinking quickly. "Butterfly, you scared ten
years from my life! What are you doing up so late?"

Butterfly swallowed feeling awful. She knew about the trouble
between her brother and Hope after hearing her mother talk to Dark Shadow, asking him if he could find someone who would be willing
to scout out Manny and his son and lead them back to Hope but he
said at this time it was not safe for any Indian to be roaming about.
Two more braves had left their lands not returning.

Since hearing that talk, she had gone to her mother's room to
check on Hope, especially since her mother made her aware that she
was carrying her brother's child. Twice earlier in the evening, she had checked on
her, and something woke her to check on her again, only to find her gone this time. Her search led her to where she now stood.

"Are you leaving my brother? Please don't. He didn't mean to
hurt you. He didn't mean to turn them away. He just, he just loves
you so much that he was afraid you would leave him, for them. I
know my brother; I know that's why he did it. You, Gold Raven,
you are everything to him. Don't leave him, he'll get better. Plus,
mother is going to help you find your father. But you have to give
him a chance to make it up to you, think about the baby."

Hope's face was burning because she did not want to be talked
out of what she had planned. "Does he know?" Hope asked, afraid
that someone had mentioned her being with child to him.

"No, I don't think so. Mother says you want to tell him.”