Gone By (35 page)

“I got the information from your neighbour”.

“Yeah! You can say... I am writing a book” I nodded my head and headed our steps together.

We reached the college gate and finally made our steps follow in.

“I would love to know about your subject of writing” he sounded loud and parted to his department.

“Definitely” I showed him the thumps up.

He nodded as he walked on, so I bifurcated from his direction towards my own department. I was late for the class. The Professor was in. He made me wait for minutes outside the door and interrogated some question asking reasons for being delay. Somehow I managed to pay him the excuse and let me in to attend his lecture. I took a seat beside one of my classmate. At first he looked  at me strangely.

“What’s wrong” I wanted to know.

He said nothing instead he ignored me and turned his face away. I initiated to pay attention towards the lesson being taught. He gawked at me again. The intolerable temper appeared on my face.

“What’s the fucking hell with you” I frowned loud.

The attention got diverted. Everyone turned on our side to look at.

“C’mon boys just chill out” the Professor uttered cynically.

“Do you want to fight” the lad said urging his voice roughly at me.

“Are you out of your fucking mind..we’re in the middle of class” I said in aggressive tone.

I could feel the heat rising higher. Everyone began to crackle noise. The professor couldn’t handle the situation more better. He had to sent us both out of the class. I knew that was so immature that we acted. But, I had no idea what was the problem with the other guy.

“Why were you acting so lunatic and immature inside” I urged myself to asked him back.

We were both walking down the stair, he ignored again to say.

“Why aren’t you saying something”.

He passed a brief look at my face and we added our steps together again through the stair.

“I’m sorry dude..I apologize you” he said in an apologetic tone.

“That’s ok” accepting his apology.

“What’s the matter with you anyway” I was keen to know.

He faced his eyes towards the ground, his head bent watching his steps as we walked on. He denied to utter a word but I had to keep stimulating every time until he spoke out.

“Well..I had loved a girl but.....” he stopped to complete his sentence.

I climbed my hand on his shoulder gently.

“So what happen then” I asked.

He stopped to walk, we were out in the front yard by now. My hand still gently placed on his shoulder. Realizing his discomfort I slid down to myself. He gave a shallow look at me.

“Have you ever been in love so bad that you can’t forget her” he said in serious tone.

I stood little nervous with my eyes suppressed by surprise and suddenly filled with depth of shuddered vision.

“Let’s sit somewhere” I asked him to walk along with me.

He followed my way and I took him to a silent place where we could have the brim of words which he wanted to unfold from his heart. We were at open space few metres away from our college premise. With my thorough vision I could perceive the shadows casted on the ground, the streams of trees laid in a semi circular arc. We marched towards the site. Took a sloppy seat under the shadow casted by semi circular arc of planted trees. It gave a pleasant view of open space before our eyes.

“Now you can say me what had happen with you” I said him with my most humble tone.

“Do you know my name” he tended to be very friendly.

“How coincidental being in the same class, yet we don’t know each other’s name” I said.

He introduced me his name as Peter, so did I filled the formality of introduction.

“You were talking something about love” dusting my shoulder.

He sighed at me and managed to take a long breath “Yeah! Something I’m being constantly haunted”.

“What’s that”.

“I don’t know where to start with but...she’s no more” his voice feebly faded away.

“What do you mean she’s no more”.

“Last week she encountered with an accident and she had to leave away forever” his voice grew silence.

“I’m Sorry about that...may her soul rest in peace”.

“So, what about you”.

“No..I’m fine being alone” I put an effort to flashed a smile on my face.

“No my friend..there’s something that tells in your face” he added.

“No..no..I’m absolutely okay with my life”.

“Are you sure about that..Your face speaks you’re in love with someone”.

My lips pressed silently, even I could feel the slow movement of the breeze that blew around the surrounding. The depth of silence sorrow began to appear on my face. I flushed in red. The vibes of insecure feel took its steps out of my fearful mind. Inside I was resisted to utter out a reply to him, something bound me stiff trembling with pain.

“ Yeah! I loved her very much too” my voice damped low.

“So, what’s the matter”.

“She found someone better, in fact she never intended she loved me”.

“It’s ok...” he commented short.

“It’s just I can’t decrypt my inner dept of feelings I have for her”.

“They say it’s healthy to stay with broken beats of heart, it makes you stronger”.

I passed a short glance at him and nodded. With an intention of query, he sought to know more about me.

“So, what went wrong” he stretched his voice, rubbing his head through his palm.

I gasped silently and turned my face at him with a cold sight.

“We learn only if their occurs a fault, so a mistake shattered us” I could verb softly.

We were yet seated there. The space was wholly empty. The temperature gradually grew higher as the sun began to reach it’s noon. Yet, we were at a comfortable site under the sheds of giant trees, that casted it’s black shadow. We neglected to attend the other lecture that day. Most part of the day, we spent on our chats. Sharing individual stories about each one’s life struggle. Within no time we both grew as a better friend. After a long hour of talk, I could finally come to conclusion that Peter had something different from the rest. He wanted to be a Pilot. He never said he could be an engineer but every time he diverged his topic and talked about being a Pilot. That was his intense passion. I began to like his company being a friend. In fact, he had a different style of approaching towards observing things at closer sight. I even shared him about my writing passion, told him about my latest project of writing Novel. He seemed very much supportive and urged me to write about his story too. He wanted to script me a posthumous memoir about his love. Perhaps he couldn’t let her go away done injustice. He wanted to give her a words of thank about his great love thanking to her. Her dead did really affected him slightly mentally but that was curable. I took a glance at my wrist watch, almost the evening arrived. I read 5:00pm. We were still at that same place since morning, finally we ended being the good friend. It was time for us to hurry up to walk back. We began to shuffle our steps heading back to our respective colony. “We had a nice day” said Peter.

“Yeah!..we started silly and ended up being something more than we couldn’t expect”.

“So, writer....I’m eagerly waiting your story to read” he plumped his voice raising his tone softly. “Surely...the story belongs to all the people around the world”.

He gave a brief smile, so did I added. We passed through our college premise, some of classmates waved their hands at us. In response to them we waved them back.

“I would be absent tomorrow” I said him.

“Why”.

“ A slight busy schedule, perhaps I would be leaving to Goa”.

“Something important”.

“Sort of like that...perhaps for another week”.

“Someone special” he nodded and broke a silent smile, throwing at me.

“Oh! C’mon...there’s no one special in my life”.

“It’s fine...I was kidding out” Peter said calmly.

“Actually I got a NRI friend there, she had been waiting for me to come”.

“That’s fantastic. I had never been came across any of NRI”.

“Well, it’s the first. I just met her in Mumbai”.

“So, where she’s from”.

“Houston”.

“Is she an Indian by birth”.

“Not exactly but her ancestors belonged to India”.

“That’s cool”.

We reached the bifurcating lane. It was time for us to make our own way. Stopped for a while at the junction of separation.

“Well, then have a safe journey” he greeted.

I offered him for a hand shake. He forwarded and shook off. We both bid goodbye. He walked along the other side of the way that led him to his home, while I stood at the junction point watching him. I made a slow movement of my feet and shuffled to walk towards my room. I had to pack my bag to get ready for the next day. While walking back I thought of making a call to Isha. I popped out my mobile out of pocket and dialled her number. After it’s thrice attempt she finally picked my call.

“Hey” she said from the other end.

“How have you days gone so far” I tried to know a little about her.

“Absolutely fine..I have been busy with my thesis”.

“I would be leaving tomorrow”.

“I’ll wait for you at the station..do make a call before you reach”.

“Sure”.

I wished her goodbye and hanged the phone. In the meanwhile I was at my front door, unlocked the door and pushed in. I fell on my bed to relief myself from being exhausted. Influenced by the words from world of Authors I grabbed a Novel to pass the leisure evening. While on fifteenth page I was interrupted on my mind, something that I read and resembled with my life. I began to think about the scene I had been reading. For seconds I could remember about Anannya. I did really missed her. I stood on my feet, and shuffled few steps around that four wall. Something deeper emotions began to grew. I couldn’t say how much I had been missing her although I knew she wouldn’t back anymore. The scars left in my heart would burnt me all through my life. Gradually I could see I had been living my life with uncertainty that weren’t fruitful. The constant thought about her never left me free out of my mind. Somewhere in the back of the brain I always thought about her no matter whatever task I did. I began to realise she had been my source of inspiration because of which I began to write about her in my diary, which I finally thought of converting into a book. Despite of her absence in my life I always felt her presence within my heart and that’s how I had been building my days. If my love was so true I knew someday it would ask me to sacrifice for her happiness. That’s what I let myself go. Indeed she was more happy to be in someone’s life. I wanted to see her smile every time and I could, by letting my love free. I began to accept my failure, the reason that I couldn’t be throughout her life yet in believe I’ll always love her from core of my heart in true sense. My love shall be conveyed to her some way or the other to make her feel the joy of being loved. She shall be remembered all through my life. I shall have her the first love lady that gave me a new beginning and zest to rebuild myself. Though it affected my heart when she swept away from my life but it left an imprint beyond imagination which finally let me know that our love was so true, which had the deepest connection of our soul. In an appeal to my heart, it always supported me at the time of insecure feelings. Maybe I shouldn’t anticipate any more thing from my love, but there was one thing that I always followed, give more to others than to receive yourself.

My life has turned into an excerpt which everyone could read out. My face gave them the hint of some story floating before my eyes. Nevertheless every story has bad and good effect. In case of mine, my life played the leading role and my love, Anannya proceeded to direct. Whenever she comes on my mind, I could just create an image of her right before me. With my feet on the ground I stand still, my eyes locked into her. Somewhere from deep down of my heart words begins to flow out of my mouth. Every words, every sentence flourished out from the core expressing its deep feelings and emotions about her, which I feel till today. I never wanted her to walk away but she did, not me. I was never born to be perfect so was my love also wouldn’t be perfect at its height. A chance would have make the things better, but she encased it in a cage of her heart. And I pleaded on my knees for it. She hadn’t return to my pleading, such jerk did trembled me and I could see myself nowhere but lost into the vast ocean.

I was standing adjacent to my window. Outside I could see the birds flying high. It’s just the evening time, glanced at my watch to know the accurate time. I was still holding the Novel, stuck at its fifteenth page. That weird sadness began to accumulate on my face. The only reason was, I thought about Anannya. Every time I tried to isolate my mind from her it returned back with a strong punch on my mind. That’s led me not to forget about her. I stood still neither my hand nor my feet promised to move. Precisely I could only feel my eye ball turning its direction viewing outside. I inhaled a deep breath and my conscious refreshed again. I objected to read the Novel ahead. This time my feet made a slow movement to locate myself in front of my book shelf. I gently placed the book back to its original place. Stood silent a while, pulled it’s door to close the shelf. I had to pack the other things for the next day. The early bus would be good enough to leave for Goa. I began to pack up my belongings into my bag. As I opened my closet to grab some new clothes, an envelope fell from the top rack. It went unnoticed by me.

After having been selecting my dresses, I held to close the closet. In an instant I saw the envelop on the ground. Momentarily I had no idea about it. I picked up, neither there was a name of the person to belong. I unsealed the envelop. A folded letter was in. I began to read out. It was smoothly written with black ink in cursive hand writing.

Twenty

................

Dear Anannya,

I don’t know where to begin but I always wanted to tell you the truth of my heart. Days seemed me no longer without you, things go wrong when you are not by my side. My world stands empty, my vision lays dark when a sight of you is not seen. I know it’s hard to stay together. But, I can make sure not to be far from you. I think always the days you and I shared. With that memory I had been staying alive through these days. I can understand how hard it’s for you too, but here I’m anytime you wish I’ll be there for you. For whole of my life, I’ll breath only for you. Every morning you’re my very first thought, and I always think of writing to you. It brings the charm on my face. And before going to bed you’re my last thought, that’s how I see a beautiful dream to write you the next day. I even pray for you, and God tells me you’re an angel. When I think of you it brings smile on my face knowing that somehow you have completed my life. I love you but not for just now, for always. I dream of the day when you’ll be forever in my arm.

                                                                                                                                                 With  love

                                                                                                                                                    Beatone

At the end I could realize this letter was written by me to her long ago. I was seated on my bed by then. I remembered I have posted this to her. But now it’s in my hand. At the time when she walked away she returned it back to me. Maybe according to her the words never valued, but I still have that same value like the one I had at that time. For certain moment I began to feel the shallowness, slight rise of deep sadness crumpled upon me. I folded back and placed it at the same place from where it fell off. I resumed back to pack up my belongings. For the moment I gave least time to think about the letter. Within an hour I could settle all my things for tomorrow. By now the clock time ticked 8:00pm. It was time for me to take dinner. Well, life at my engineering institution was never colourful. Hardly there were any source of extravagant entertainment other than the technical books. The Majority of people’s thinking were very primitive style. Other than being a bookish child they hardly had any interest in passionate fields.

A knock sounded at my door. I helped to open up. A friend of mine, Peter stood in front of my door.

He greeted “Hey”.

“Hey” I wished him back.

“Would you like to come out for dinner” he asked.

For certain reason I had a different kind of dislike about the food which was being provided to us at our student’s mess. I wasn’t ready to go but he requested me to accompany his loneliness. “Sure” I said with an intention.

I urged him to come in and have a seat inside, until I was ready. We headed together. Now, Peter was unlike the other that surrounded me. He said his Mom was a Christian from South India and his Dad from North India, Delhi. Indeed, it’s a fantastic inter caste marriage. But, he always said me that his Parents always do quarrel with each other, that’s why he hardly spent time at home instead he visits his Grand mom in Kerala. He even shared me his infant stories, how he grew up in the capital city of India. And I always loved to put on my ears for his words to listen. We were walking on with our steps added up together. Came by few restaurants and hotels. But, we had our own choice, which we made one of our favourite. Anytime we would go out to eat, that’s the only hotel we present ourselves as the guest.

“I heard you’re leaving for Goa” Peter said.

“Yeah!..I said you...I believe.... By tomorrow”.

“Yeah!...It’s something important right”.

“Well, I got an appointment...the NRI”.

“Appointment” said Peter with an exaggerate expression.

“Yes!”.

We were very near to the hotel. Pushed the glass door and occupied one table. I shifted my chair and took my seat. Peter managed the other one. For some reason he wanted to drink that day. And he wanted someone to join him. He ordered two can of beer. We were served chilled.