Gone (Sons of Judah MC Book 1) (9 page)

“Make up your mind,” she chided in a soft voice. “What am I? Angel or demon?”

He gazed into the depth of her eyes and felt as if he was drowning. “I don’t know, and I don’t care. Whatever you are, you’re perfect for me.”

Her hand trailed over his chest, her cheeks flushing with color. “And you’re perfect for me.”

Their fate was sealed. As far as Marco was concerned, they were together—and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about it.

Chapter Nine

As she lay next to him, Stacy felt as if everything was alright with her world. She was perfectly in tune with this man and all that he wanted. This was where she was always meant to be, and sure she took a few wrong turns, but she did end up at the right place, and that was all that mattered in the end.

Now that she had found him, she wasn’t going to let him go.

She turned to face him. His hand remained on the curve of her hip, and she could feel the warmth of his fingers, as they spread on her skin. It felt great, amazing. Lifting her hand, she touched his face. Her fingers trailed lightly down his cheek and settled on his jaw. She traced the lines of his soft lips. The pull of desire was immediate, scary. With him, it was never enough. Whatever she got, she always wanted more.

She lifted her other hand and traced his eyebrows. He kept his gaze fixed on her, but she was lost in her world. She wanted to memorize his features, etch them on her mind. All her attention was focused on the way his skin felt under the tip of her fingers and the contours of his face. Finally, she leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. Something flashed and burned in her heart, as his lips moved over her. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it was full of some unknown emotion that she never experienced before.

Love?

Certainly not.

She couldn’t be in love with this guy. After all, she barely knew him. It just wasn’t possible. Stacy wasn’t a naïve girl anymore who mixed desire and lust with love. She made that mistake with Ned once, and from now on, she wasn’t going to ever think like that. And yet her heart told her that this time it was different, special.

She leaned away, and he smiled. Stacy resisted the urge to gasp. Who the hell was she kidding? Of course, she was already half in love with him, and if she wasn’t careful, she would tumble down this slippery slope and have no one to blame for it but herself.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She straightened and lay down on her back. “It’s a little…scary, you know.”

“What?”

“We barely met a few days ago.”

“And these have been the best days of my life,” he admitted easily, casually. “You’ve made my life bloom.”

It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her, but she’d been hurt too much by a man who never meant a word of what he said. Perhaps it was unfair to always compare him with Ned. So far he had not done anything to earn her mistrust. He was honest, transparent, and direct. She was grateful for that. But still a part of her heart that was broken when she found out about Ned’s infidelity refused to accept that he could be this sincere.

“Thank you,” she said after a brief pause. “I…am so confused. Honestly, I’ve never felt like this about another man, and it’s hard for me to believe that it could be real. Surely, this is just lust…you know, it has to be.”

He turned on his elbow and looked at her. The swirl of emotions in his eyes made her nervous. “Lust? I thought so too…but I’m not sure anymore.”

Her skin hummed, as he put his hand on her taut stomach. His fingers rubbed gently, and she felt the breathless anticipation of what was about to come, but more than that, she was anxious to hear what he had to say. “Not sure about what?”

“I think I’m already in love with you.”

His words made her freeze. She felt hot and cold at the same time. It was as if someone dumped her in icy waters and then took her out and made her sit in front of a heater. No. He couldn’t have said it. Was he joking? They barely knew each other. But what reason did he have to lie? They were already sleeping together, so it wasn’t as if he used those words to get her into bed.

“You can’t possibly be.”

“Are you going to tell me how I feel?”

The sharp edge of his temper was unmistakable. He was hurt by her words. “I’m sorry. It’s just…” She took a deep breath. “I’ve promised myself not to compare you to my ex-husband who was really…always lying to me, but I find it hard to believe what you say because it’s been such a short time since we got to know each other.”

“Love has nothing to do with time. It has a direct connection here.” He trailed his fingers up and landed them on her heart. The cool punch of his words was nothing compared to the feelings that stirred inside her when he pushed up her bra and exposed one of her breast. “I want you, more than I have ever wanted another woman. That much is true, but what I feel for you is also more than what I have ever felt for another woman. And it’s not just desire. Maybe I am mistaken and it’s not love, but I highly doubt it. If it’s love, then it’s something new for me, too.”

His finger plucked her nipple ever so gently. The fire was hot in her belly, consuming her. She rubbed her thighs together in a bid to stem the flow of her juices that stuck to her panties. She was hot for him, but more than that, she was drenched in the beauty of his words. She didn’t know what the hell he was doing when he said all those things, but it made her feel precious, loved.

“I’m scared,” she admitted without looking at him.

There was a brief moment of pause. Maybe he was disappointed that she wasn’t accepting that she felt the same way, but she simply couldn’t say those words. Scary didn’t begin to define how she felt. It was more of an overwhelming fear that took her by storm. If she told him how she felt, he may use her emotions and words against her, to manipulate her and use her.

Surely, he wasn’t that kind of a guy, but she just wasn’t able to trust him a hundred percent after all the shit she went through in the past two years with her ex-husband.

It wasn’t fair to Marco, but Stacy had a need to protect herself. At least right now she couldn’t say that she felt the same way. Maybe if things progressed the same way, she would be able to admit her feelings to him.

But now was not that time.

It was as if he understood her emotions. “I’m scared too, Stacy.”

She closed her eyes when his lips settled on her nipple. The tug of lust, the hard hit of it, careened through her nerves, as he sucked her bud. Stacy put her arms around his broad back, as he caressed and fondled her nipple. When he sucked it, she was transported into another world—where nothing else mattered except the demands of her body. She was willing to surrender and let him do what the hell he wanted, because in this particular dance, they were both likely to win.

He wasn’t in a hurry. Stacy was grateful, as he took his time and paid ample attention to her nipple and breast. Lifting her a little, he unhooked her bra and threw it aside. With his hand, he squeezed her other breast, touched it, and fondled it while his mouth remained glued to her nipple. The ache of longing was as fierce as ever. He trailed his fingers down to her stomach and then pushed forward until he slipped inside her panties. She moaned, her nails digging into his flesh, but he didn’t seem to mind the pain. His finger rubbed over her pussy until her lips parted. She raised her legs and put her feet on the bed. Stacy parted her legs in an attempt to give him better access.

Oh, how she wanted this torture to end.

And yet she desired for it to go on forever.

His finger rubbed on her clit and the sea of sensations that undulated inside her was overwhelming. She was drowning in the depth of the emotions that engulfed her. Every time he pushed down on her nub, the storm intensified inside her. It was unbearable, and yet at the same time it was the most magnificent pleasure that she ever experienced. Every fiber of her body longed for release, but he was determined to take his time.

“Marco, please.”

She raked her nails over his back. As if on cue, he pushed his finger deep inside her. Her hips arched, and she groaned. In and out, he moved while she kept in tune with his rhythm. She thought she had experienced it all, but he was teaching her that she was a novice at this. Every time she thought it couldn’t get better, it did.

When he pushed deep into her and simultaneously pressed his thumb on her clit, the orgasm that drove into her muscles was life changing. Her hands gripped his arms, and she shook her head from side to side. He looked at her, but she was too far gone to care what he thought. Before she could realize what he was up to, he took off her panties and threw them aside. He turned her on her stomach, as her muscles continued to jerk. Then, he put his hands under her and made her raise her butt. Her breath came out in pants, as her skin shivered.

She was still in the throes of orgasm when he took position behind her. Stacy let out a moan when his penis thrust inside her. The gasp of pleasure that escaped her lips was loud and clear, as was the grunt he let out. His hands squeezed her butt and kneaded the soft flesh while he remained joined with her. She reached between his legs to cup his balls. They were hard, needy. Her fingers played with them, as she tried to give him the pleasure that he so freely bestowed on her. In and out, he moved at a breakneck speed. She adjusted her position so that she could see his cock slide in and out of her. It was drenched in her juices. Stacy didn’t think it was possible for her to experience any more pleasure, but the sight of it and the continuous rhythm made her spiral higher once more.

Waves upon waves of pleasure coursed through her veins, and once more she enjoyed the ride with him. She held his balls in her hand and closed her eyes. It was a hard and fast ride. He held her a prisoner so that she couldn’t move an inch, but at the same time, the sense of capitulation heightened her pleasure.

In and out, in and out, he moved. The rhythm was insane. The second orgasm took her by surprise. He actually let out a scream when he exploded inside her. Every limb shuddered and shook, as she clenched the pillow with both hands to steady herself. When he pulled out of her body and collapsed on the bed, it took her a moment to settle down.

Nothing in her life ever prepared her for such an amazing ride.

The man had magic.

“I’ve died and gone to heaven,” he said.

She couldn’t reply. Stacy was too exhausted, and yet every cell in her body was energized. She got off the bed and went into the adjoining bathroom. After she washed and cleaned herself, she took stock of her surroundings. He was a neat, clean man. Another plus as far as she was concerned. What little she saw of his kitchen and living room, let her know that he took pleasure in his space.
Wonderful!
The man sure had some moves in bed and added to all that, he was civilized, smart, funny, and sensitive.

Stacy walked over to the basin. She washed her face and hands. When she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she saw a woman who was too shaken by all that transpired. “You’re in a lot of trouble, babe,” she told herself. “Your heart isn’t safe anymore.”

Stacy just didn’t want to fall in love anymore. She did that once, and the lesson stayed with her still. Love needed trust, and trust required blind faith. Even though her heart screamed at her to take his words at face value, she was too scared to do so. If she did, and he failed her, the pain of rejection and failure would be too intense.

And yet, despite all the cautionary thoughts, she was quite sure that she was fast falling in love—and the mere idea of that shook her right down to the core of her being.

Chapter Ten

On her way home the next morning, she was a little sheepish, a little confused. Marco held her hand in his as they strolled up the stairs from the subway and walked in the direction of her apartment. Last night was magnificent, comfortable, and amazing. She had slept beautifully, and when she woke up, he made love to her once more. She didn’t think it was possible to touch greater heights of pleasure, but with each lovemaking session, he proved her wrong.

She told him that she would go home on her own, but he insisted on coming with her. The gesture was sweet and intimate—and she didn’t quite know what to make of it. He said that he loved her, and every move seemed to prove that point, and yet she wasn’t ready to accept this all.

How could she?

If she did so, she would have to accept her own feelings, and Stacy just wasn’t ready to do so. “What are you doing at night?” he asked.

“Ah! I’ve a birthday dinner to go to.”

“Tomorrow night?”

“Sure, I’m free.”

He rubbed his fingers over her knuckles, and the sweetness of his gesture pulled at the strings of her heart. “How about you stay over at my place? Pack a bag so that you can leave directly for work from my apartment?”

“Sure, that sounds like a plan.”

It seemed that she was incapable of having her own thoughts. Whatever he wanted, she was willing to do. There was a time when she planned every meticulous detail in her life—
that
Stacy appeared to be a little lost and confused. For now it was ok, but she didn’t really want to lose herself too completely. She would have to take back the control of her life from him. Sure, he was addictive. He was decisive, and he cared about her feelings, but she really wanted to make her own decisions and not be someone who was only nodding her head whenever he said something.

“Maybe we can catch a movie for our next date?” he asked.

When was the last time she went to a cinema? Stacy couldn’t quite remember. With Ned, they covered the social circuit. It was important for him to be seen and to see others who were important and upstanding citizens of the city, and she’d fallen into that pattern all too easily. Movies, according to Ned, were a waste of time.

Well, once in a while, she would like to waste her time because it was her time to waste. “That’s a good idea.” She whipped out her cell phone and began to search on it. “Ah! There is a thriller and a romantic comedy. What would you like to see?”

“Whatever you want.”

“A wise choice indeed,” she said. “But are you sure you can sit through a romantic comedy. It’s about a bride who discovers two days before her wedding that she is really in love with the best man and not the groom.”

“Ouch!” He winced. “Why do that make painful movies like that? If I was that groom, I would shoot myself.”

“That’s the whole point of it. The groom would likely discover that he wasn’t in love with her really, that he imagined those feelings, and what he really wants is to sail across the Atlantic alone in a yacht for a year,” she predicted as she shoved the phone back in her purse. “Although they are predictable, such movies appeal to people because they reinforce the concept of discovering yourself, soul-searching, and happily ever after in the case of at least one person.”

“Crap, I tell you.”

She giggled. “So I guess the romantic comedy is out.”

“I don’t mind watching it if that is what you want. Personally, I can have a good time with a tub of popcorn and a large soda.”

She raised her eyebrow as she considered him. “So you’ll suffer through a romantic movie if I want to watch it.”

“Suffer is too strong a word. I would likely enjoy it too.”

She halted and peered closely at him. “Oh my God! You’re a closet romantic. It goes against your image, so you don’t want to admit it, but really you’re thrilled with the thought of watching a romance.”

“What nonsense!”

“I know it. I just know that is true. Oh come on! Admit it.”

He laughed and grabbed her hand. “I’m certainly not a romantic. Sure, I would watch the movie and enjoy it but don’t read too much into it.”

Stacy was quite aware that she’d hit the nail on the head. He was really a big softie, especially when it came to women. Since he didn’t want to admit it, she left the topic, but it gave her some food for thought. The man wasn’t quite whom he projected himself to be. Maybe she didn’t make such a bad choice when she became involved with him. It could be a good thing really for both of them. In quite a lot of ways, they were perfect for each other. She liked being with him, and it was obvious he enjoyed spending time with her. Maybe in the end, it would all work out. He said that he was already half way in love with her, but that wasn’t something she was prepared to think about at the moment.

Sure, she was worried, but maybe she just needed to relax and go along with the flow of their relationship. It was hard for her to do so because she liked to know exactly where she was going and what the plan of action was, but once in a while it wouldn’t hurt to just let the waves of fate tug her along.

If this was meant, it would work out, and if it wasn’t in her destiny, they would fall apart.

The concept was alien to her, but she was willing to give it a try just this once.

“Ok, we’ll watch the romantic comedy then, and if you hate it, don’t blame me for it. I’m willing to give you a choice.”

“And I am willing to go along with whatever you decide,” he said.

“How do you do that? Doesn’t it scare the hell out of you?”

He turned to face her when she stopped in front of her building. Raising a hand, he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, the sweet gesture making her heart pound. “It doesn’t make that much of a difference as to what movie you choose.”

“No, I don’t mean that.” She cleared her throat. “I mean, doesn’t it scare you to simply go along and let life throw its punches without being prepared for them.”

He ran a finger down her cheek. “If life throws a punch—even if you’re mentally prepared for it—it hurts just the same. I would rather take each day as it comes and let it unfold and surprise me.”

“I need to plan, to prepare, and to think about every move,” she muttered.

“And we’re so opposites that way.” He laughed. Leaning forward, he kissed her lightly on the lips. The touch of him and the scent of him made desire glide in her veins, the intensity of it never failing to amaze her. “But I quite like it. Don’t you?”

“It’s a bit scary.”

“If you remain scared of everything in your life, nothing would make sense,” he said. “Just live and be. That’s how you’re supposed to greet each day.”

She didn’t think it was possible for her to be so spontaneous. Maybe she could try it and then see if it made sense to her, but the mere thought of discarding all thoughts and plans and allowing herself to be adrift scared the hell out of her. It wasn’t going to work for her.

Baby steps. Baby steps.
She reminded herself.

Leaning forward, she kissed him on the mouth. “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.”

He smiled and waved. “At six then. I’ll pick you up. Wear something comfortable since we’ll be riding on a bike.”

She blanched. “A bike?”

“You’ll love it.”

He walked away, and she wrung her hands. Should she call him back and tell him that she’d never ridden a bike in her life. Or perhaps she should just allow him to take the lead in this particular instance. She wasn’t quite sure, and by the time she made up her mind, he disappeared from view. A bike, indeed. That was going to be a first for her. She wasn’t prepared for such daring moves, but with him, she would have to get used to them.

The man managed to surprise her time and time again, and truth be told, she was excited to see how her life changed with him. A little tired of the boring pattern she settled in, she was eager to taste and savor the delights he exposed her to. Stacy went inside. She changed her clothes and went to work. It was a fruitful day. After her divorce, she stopped appreciating the good things in her life, but Marco made her realize that there was a lot of beauty in her current existence. She really did love her job and was happy to move up on the corporate ladder. It made sense to her to work for long, hard hours and reap the rewards for it.

Her boss was happy with her. She got an excellent review last year and was slated to get one this year too. It was a challenging job because every day there was something new happening as different clients came in, but she liked dealing with various people.

***

“So who is the new guy?” asked her secretary when Stacy left the office.

“What guy?”

“Oh, come on. There has to be someone behind that new spring in your step.”

Stacy gaped at her. She didn’t realize people could pick up on her new happiness. Not that she minded. She’d been steeped in self-pity for too long—even before the divorce. “He is someone special,” she admitted after a brief pause.

“Ah! Tell me everything.”

“Not today, babe. I’ve to be somewhere. Maybe someday.”

Stacy wished she was meeting Marco, but instead she’d other plans. Images flashed through her mind as she walked out: his body next to hers, his lips on hers, and his hands entwined with her limbs. No. She wasn’t going to think about that. Tomorrow she would see him, and until then she’d to be patient. Stacy went through her work and her social life, pretending that all was well, but instead every cell in her body ached to be with him. She should have canceled every social commitment to spend time with him, but maybe this distance was good, because it made her realize that she loved being with him.

If she’d any doubts about her relationship, they vanished in the two days she had to wait to see him again. When the evening of their date rolled around, she was in an optimistic, happy frame of mind. It was good; it was exciting. She longed to be with Marco. It would be great to catch a movie with him, have dinner, and then retire to his apartment to make passionate love. She couldn’t wait to feel his hands on her again. Stacy was always a sensual woman, but she never experienced desire with so much intensity. It was a new high, and she loved it.

She checked her reflection in the mirror. The grass green shirt clung to every inch of her body, and she’d worn a brown jacket over it. Since he had said casual, she was wearing jeans. The bag slung over her shoulder was just perfect. No one could tell that it contained a change of clothes and her accessories so she could get ready for work the next day. She quite looked forward to spending time with Marco. It was the beginning of their amazing relationship. Finally, her heart and mind were in sync, and she was ready to delve head first into this tumultuous affair.

When the doorbell rang, she glided to open it. The smile on her lips faded when she saw the man who stood on the other side of the door. He was not whom she expected. “Ned. What are you doing here?”

“Surprise.” He came in before she could do anything to prevent his move. “I wanted to see you.”

“But…I’ve already signed all the papers you wanted. Is there anything else?”

He was dressed in tailored trousers and a jacket that highlighted his wide shoulders. There was a time when she was thought he was incredibly suave and handsome, but now he was just another guy, and she didn’t really want to see him. “Stacy. Stacy. Can’t I just come in to say hello?”

He never did that in the past six months. Whenever they needed to sign papers, he summoned her because he was always too busy. She was quite aware that he liked having her at his beck and call, but those days were long gone. She’d embarked on a new life and there was no place in it for Ned. “Actually, this isn’t a good time. I was just stepping out.”