stairs. Her door slammed. Colby
flinched. She groped for
the chair behind her and sat down,
feeling shel -shocked.
How had this happened? All these
years, she'd kept the
truth from Lena, not wanting to hurt
her. And now,
because of one stupid letter she
should have thrown away
long ago. . . .
Why hadn't she? But she knew why.
She'd kept it as a reminder to
herself that she'd done
the right thing. That Doug made his
choice, and he was
the one who would come out the
loser.
She now understood Lena's rebellion,
her anger. She'd
been keeping this inside, letting it
build until the wal
between them had become so high that
they might never get
past it.
How did she explain this to Lena?
Tell her that Doug
wanted her to terminate the
pregnancy? That he'd had no
understanding of Colby's refusal to
do so? She couldn't.
She wouldn't. Right now, she feared
what that might do to
her daughter more than any
resentment Lena felt for her.
She sat there until al the sunlight
disappeared from the
room, torn between the need to go to
Lena and the fear that
she wouldn't be able to find the
right words to say. Finally,
204
GOOD GUYS LOVE DOGS
unable to avoid it any longer, she
got up and climbed the
stairs to Lena's room, feeling as if
her feet were weighted
with lead.
She knocked at the door. “Lena?
No answer. She
turned the knob, surprised to find
it unlocked.
Lena sat on the side of the bed,
staring out the window
that looked onto their backyard.
Colby went over and sat
down beside her, close but not
touching. “Baby, we need
to talk, she said, unconsciously
reverting to the
endearment Lena recently demanded
she stop using.
“What's there to
talk about?
“For starters,
the fact that I love you more than life
itself and the last thing I ever
wanted to do was hurt you.
“Why did you tel
me my father was dead, then? He's
not, is he?
Colby looked down at her hands and
shook her head.
“No, he isn't. At
least not that I know of.
Fresh tears gathered in Lena's eyes.
She swiped at
them. “Al these
years I've wondered what he would have
been like, if he would have been the
kind of father I'd have
wanted to take to parents' day. .
.if I looked like him.
The lump in Colby's throat
thickened. How she wished
that he had been. How she would have
liked for him to
deserve this child's grief over not
knowing him. But he
didn't
deserve it. Not once had he ever cal
ed to see whether they
had a boy or a girl. Not once in al
these years had he ever
tried to contact them. Lena deserved
better than that. So
much better.
205
INGLATH COOPER
“Honey, your
father and I were so young. He. . .he
wasn't ready for that kind of
responsibility. I wish things
had been different, but. . . .
Lena jumped up from the bed, cutting
her off and
turning to stare at her with angry
eyes. “Why didn't you just
tell me that? That the two of you
broke up? At least I
would have had the option of seeing
him.
“Lena, it's not
that simple.
“Will you find
him for me? she asked, her eyes
defiant.
“Oh, Lena. Colby
didn't know what to say. When
she'd heard years ago that Doug had
married, the news
hadn't bothered her in the least.
Whatever love she'd
thought she held in her heart for
him died the day he'd
renounced any obligation to their
unborn child. But for
Lena's sake, she feared opening that
can of worms. It was
already done, though, and she
couldn't close it again. “Is
that what you real y want?
“Yes, Lena said,
her expression set.
In that moment, Colby realized that
Lena wanted to
hurt her. To pay her back for
keeping the truth from her.
And she had found the most effective
way of doing it.
With a sigh of resignation, she
said, “Then I'l do whatever
I can to find him.
Sleep proved a futile effort that
night. Colby lay awake
thinking about what calling Doug
would mean, dreading it
more than she had ever imagined she
would. She had no
idea whether he still lived in
Philadelphia, but she would
start there.
206
GOOD GUYS LOVE DOGS
Up before the sun rose, she sat at
the kitchen table
drinking coffee until almost eight
o'clock when she picked
up the phone and called Phoebe. She
needed to talk to
someone. She didn't want to call her
parents. This would
upset them too much.
Phoebe's hel o sounded cheerful
enough that Colby
knew she hadn't gotten her out of
bed. She told her, in as
few words as possible, what had
happened last night.
“Oh, Colby,
Phoebe said when she finished. “That's
what's been wrong with her, then?
“Yes, she said,
miserable.
“So are you going
to call the slime bucket?
“I don't have a
choice.
“She'd resent you
forever if you didn't.
“How'd I turn out
to be the bad guy in this? That's
what I want to know.
“Give her a
chance to judge him. You'll come out
smelling like a rose. Trust me.
She hoped Phoebe was right. She
would never forgive
herself if this permanently marred
her relationship with
Lena.
She waited until nine o'clock and
then dialed
information.
“Directory
assistance. What city, please?
“Philadelphia.
Douglas Jamison.
“I have a Douglas
A. and two Douglas C. Jamisons.
Colby asked for the first Douglas C,
since she had no
way of knowing which was the right
one. She punched in
the number. After three rings, a
woman answered.
207
INGLATH COOPER
“May I speak to
Doug Jamison, please? Colby asked.
A pause of silence, and then the
woman said, “My
husband is no longer alive.
“Oh. I'm sorry,
Colby said. “I have the wrong
number. She hung up, a knot in her
stomach. The woman
sounded too old to be Doug's wife.
Maybe that had been
his parents' home, and his father
had died.
Colby tried information again and
asked for the
second Douglas C.
Before she lost her courage, she
picked up the phone
and dialed the number. It rang
twice, and then she heard
his voice for the first time in more
than sixteen years. She
couldn't say anything for a moment,
frozen with too many
emotions to identify.
“Hel o? Is anyone
there? he asked, irritation marking
the words.
“It's Colby,
Doug, she said final y.
Silence, and then the click of a
door closing.
His voice sounded lower when he
said, “Colby. Where
are you?
“I'm at home. In
Keeling Creek.
“Oh. He paused.
“You're the last person I expected
to hear from.
“Believe me, she
said, “this isn't a social call.
“What is it,
then? he asked warily.
“It's about our
daughter. . .she wants to see you.
Blunt, but what point was there in
beating around the bush?
“What do you
mean? The words held an edge, as if
he were being backed into a corner.
208
GOOD GUYS LOVE DOGS
“I had a girl,
Doug. I never told her the truth about you.
She found out recently, though, and
she's understandably
upset.
“What did you tel
her?
“What difference
does it make? You weren't a part of
our lives. She couldn't keep the
accusation from her voice.
He was silent a moment, then said,
“You can't just
spring this on me and expect me
to—
“Cal ing you is
the last thing I ever wanted to do. But
Lena is hurting over this. She's
confused and—
“I have a family,
Colby.
On some level, she had known that he
would. But
hearing him say it somehow brought
back a pain that she'd
thought long ago put away. He had
been nineteen when
Lena was born. He hadn't wanted
marriage and a family. It
hurt somehow to think that he
eventual y chose them with
another woman, other children. For
the first time since her
confrontation with Lena, she thought
she truly understood
how her daughter must feel. “Are
you saying you don't want
to see her?
“I don't know, he
said, the words sounding as if
they'd been issued through clenched
teeth. Just for her
own satisfaction, she pictured him
fat and sweating.
“Look, Doug, I'm
not asking anything of you, she
said, her voice cool. “But
I wil not allow you to hurt her. If
you don't want to see her, just say
so, and I'l think of
something to tell her.
“This is too
sudden, Colby.
209
INGLATH COOPER
Colby laughed. She couldn't help it.
It was such a
ridiculous statement, and typical of
the selfish person he was.
“You're right.
Sixteen years is a bit sudden. As soon as the
words were out, she wanted to take
them back. She didn't
want him to think that she'd ever
spent a moment yearning
for him.
“I made my
decision about this before she was born,
he said, his voice ice-cold and
impersonal to the point that
she wondered if she'd ever known
him. “You know what
my choice was. I didn't want this
child. I wanted you to
have an abortion. You chose not to
do that. I hardly think
it's fair for you to call me up out
of the blue and—
“Fair? she
interrupted, anger scalding through her.
How dare he sit there, blithely
talking about an abortion as
if Lena didn't exist? As if he had
any idea what he had
missed in not knowing her as his
child? How had she ever
imagined herself in love with him?
“I'm sorry to see that
you haven't changed one bit, Doug.
Give me a cal when
you've had enough time to think
about this. Personal y, I
don't think you deserve to know our
daughter. I won't tel
her we talked until I hear from you.
She gave him her
number and hung up without saying
goodbye.
She tore off the piece of paper on
which she'd scribbled
his number and shoved it in her
pocket. To her disgust, her
hand shook, and she hated herself
for letting him get to her
that way.
Fourteen different emotions
assaulted her at once, anger
and protectiveness at the top of the
list. A few minutes spent
talking to him brought back al the
old insecurities with which
210
GOOD GUYS LOVE DOGS
their relationship had left her.
Doug Jamison would be a
disappointment to his daughter. She
knew that. How would
Lena handle his rejection? Be
anything but devastated?
Colby glanced at her watch. The
eleven o'clock church
service would be starting in an hour
and a half. But she didn't
feel like going this morning. She
needed to pul herself
together. Deciding to let Lena sleep
on, Colby wrote her a
note, then grabbed her keys and left
the house.
211
32
t had become a ritual for Ian to
drive into town for
Ithe Sunday-morning paper. He
arrived at Cutter's
Grocery around eight-thirty. Located
in the middle of
town, Maude Cutter and her husband,
Harvey, ran the place.
Since he'd first set foot in the
store, he'd been unable to
resist Mrs. Cutter's homemade
cinnamon rolls, which she
made fresh every day. The
tantalizing aroma predictably
tempted him as he stepped inside and
poured himself a
cup of coffee from the pot on the
counter. He nodded at
Dil ard and Wil ard Nolen, who were
sitting on the bench by
the door swapping sections of the
paper.
“Morning, Mr.
McKinley, Mrs. Cutter said from behind
the counter. “Looks
like we're gonna have a nice week.
“No rain in the
forecast? he asked. This, too, was part
of the ritual—Mrs.
Cutter's weekly weather bulletin.
“Doesn't look
like it. We may get a few clouds by
Wednesday, but they don't talk like
it'l turn to rain.
“Good. I've got
some work to do on the barn. Then
there's al that hay that needs
cutting, he said, some inner
212
GOOD GUYS LOVE DOGS
devil urging him on. Dillard and
Willard both peered over
their papers at him, nodding in
approval. Obviously, they
hadn't heard about his tractor
mishap or they would have
known he wouldn't be going anywhere
near one. He smiled
to himself and picked up the paper.
“I'll take some of those
cinnamon rolls, too. You've ruined
my wil power, Mrs.
Cutter.
The older woman beamed. “It's
nice to know I can
still tempt a young looker like you.
Ian chuckled and paid her, enjoying
their banter. He