Good Intentions (Welcome to Paradise) (Volume 2) (25 page)

Sitting down on the mattress next to her, she pulls me by the elbow and we fall backward. We take a minute to look at each other, really look, deep into each other’s eyes. The brilliant emerald flecks in her eyes shine through the worry lines creasing her forehead. Tears fill her eyes as she holds my gaze.

She nods, the words she wants to say so obviously stuck in her throat. Clearing her throat as I catch her tear and gently wipe away its tracks, she says, “We should go or I’m gonna be late.”

Like our morning, we don’t talk much on the drive to the airport. The reality and accompanying sinking feeling of her departure is all too real to me now. My hand never leaves her leg until I pull into the airport parking area. We get out, slow and unsure of ourselves, awkward even in these final moments.

As we walk into the main terminal, she checks in, and then I follow her to the departures zone outside security. I’ve been here countless times before, but this is the only time it ever mattered. This is the only time my heart aches and tears fill my eyes.

I don’t take my eyes off of her. My gaze doesn’t stray or care about who sees me or who I might see or the next group of girls landing for their vacation. I’m focused, desperately committing Mallory’s face, body, and smell to memory while I still have her with me. I don’t want her to doubt this moment or my feelings for her. But I especially don’t want her to be reminded of that first time we saw each other. The first time we made eye contact was over Kelly’s shoulder. So I remain, full attention on her, which is easy to do.

I grab her, squeezing her against my body, one last time to appreciate all that is Mallory. This one last time I sense my heart will be whole.

Muffled in my shirt, she says, “So here we are at the scene of the crime.”

So much for hoping she doesn’t think about how we met. But I have to say, the only reason I’m not ashamed of my behavior that day is that it actually worked and brought me and Mallory together.

I kiss the top of her head, and whisper, “You can trust me, baby. Will you?”

“I already do.”

I exhale in relief.

“Evan?”

“Yes,” I reply, holding her tightly to me, how she should always be.

She sighs. “You told me to trust you, but don’t rely on—”

“You can rely on me.”

“I know I can now.” She smiles and I see the glorious trust she’s given me reflected in her eyes. Glancing over her shoulder at the growing security line, she says, “Guess I should go?” It’s more of a question than a statement.

I feel her relax into me again, her arms tightening this time. “This is goodbye.”

Closing my eyes, I tilt my head into her hair, holding the inevitable tears back. My voice is weak, so I only nod.

“Flight 2678 to Denver Colorado is now boarding at gate 9.”

“That’s me,” she says, letting her tears fall without care as all her stubborn strength leaves her. She gives in to what we both feel, weakening, her shoulders slumping as she begins to cry.

I quickly take her face in my hands, maybe too aggressively, but I’m panicked and need to try one last time. “Don’t leave me. I can’t… I need you. I love you, Mallory.”

Tears streak her pretty face, coloring her cheeks in red, sadness settling into her eyes. I kiss her. I kiss her for her sake and I kiss her selfishly for my own. My tongue mingles with hers knowing this is it.
Is this, it it? Or is it, just for now it?
I’m so freaked out I don’t realize how hard I’m squeezing her, holding her captive to me.

“Baby…” She cries and then as if sounding out each word for herself, she whispers, “I have to leave.”

Her wet lids and lashes lift to reveal those eyes that mean the world to me, but are now colored in pain. A small smile crosses her face finally reaching her eyes and she says, “You didn’t look away from me once. I saw at least four ‘next opportunities’ walk by and you didn’t even notice them.” She giggles as if she just realized how much she means to me, realizing how much I love her.

“Why would I ever look at anyone else when I have you?”

As she holds my hand, she holds my complete attention as well. “I love you. I’ll always love you, Evan. Carry that in your heart,” she says, tapping her palm on my chest.

I need to say her name so she understands the importance of my words. “I love you, Mallory. You’re the only thing in my life worth living for and I will never hurt you.”

“Flight 2678 to Denver Colorado is now boarding at gate 9.”

She bends down taking her carry-on bag in hand and I take her other hand, walking the last ten feet with her, it feeling much like what I imagine a death row march feels like.

When she turns to go, I jerk her back, hastily dipping her and kiss her hard, for my own selfish needs, for her, and for everyone to see.

Movies, books, daydreams… girls dream of moments like this and I want to give her a moment that she’ll remember for the rest of her life. I plan to make many more memories with her, but this is how I want to send her back to Colorado.

I keep my lips on hers as long as I can as my thumb rubs over the new ring I gave her. When I lift her back up, she looks a bit dazed. Bending my head to the side, I give her the smile that was created only for her.

She stares into my eyes, mumbling something incoherently while pointing over her shoulder.

I nod, taking a step back from the security line. She walks backward, and with a small wave of her fingers, she turns and walks away, leaving me standing there alone.

I watch as she goes through security. Once on the other side, she glances back only once. We lock eyes and in that moment, I let her go. I have to, to protect myself. She leaves me there with an empty chest, my heart deciding long ago that it belonged to her, with her, and there it remains leaving with her.

A cold wind blows as I walk to the car, abnormal for this time of year, but the universe understands loss and devastation, and responds accordingly.

Shoving my hands in my pockets, my head lowers, feeling a new burden replacing the one I carried for years. This is the first time I’ve been worried about anything in a while and it’s unsettling the way it has taken hold of me.

Inside my car, her scent surrounds me. I close my eyes and allow myself to enjoy it because I know the scent will fade soon. Remembering that she’s wearing my ring on her left hand ring finger makes me smile and I let that feeling tide me over for the time being.

Mallory landed in Denver three days ago. Her parents picked her up from the airport and she is staying with them this week. Sunny also flew back yesterday to visit her family before the fall semester starts.

Because our girls are gone, this might explain how Zach and I ended up with a box of tissues on the coffee table and “Titanic” on the TV in the middle of the afternoon. I put the bottle of Jack straight to my lips, not worried about etiquette and not caring since I’m not sharing the bottle anyway. I take another shot, thinking this is the third, but it could’ve been more.

Going through his own form of alcohol therapy since Sunny left, Zach has built a beer can pyramid that I must admit is quite impressive.

“What’s up, dudes?” Murphy bellows as he walks in the front door with my sister in tow.

Neither of us bother replying, finding the love story unfolding on the TV before us more interesting.

Kate walks over, smacks the back of my head, and says, “I’ve been missing you, baby bro. You still sulking over Mal leaving?” She ruffles my hair, which pisses me off.

I shrug her off and don’t bother answering. I take another swig instead, sticking to my
drowning my sorrows away
philosophy.

“Dad wants you back in Manhattan sooner. I’ve booked your flight. You’ve got two days until we leave,” Kate states.

I sit up, surprised. “I can’t! Zach and I already have plans.”

“What plans…
Dude! That was totally uncalled for
,” Zach says, taking the couch pillow I just threw at his head and tucking it behind him.

“Get over it. It’s a fucking pillow, brah. And we’ve made plans,” I say, winking at him, hoping he’s onboard with my scheme.

When I glance at Kate, she crosses her arms and arches an eyebrow at me. “You’re going. We have a lot to look over before the board meeting and those files are kept at the office.” She starts walking away, pulling Murphy behind her. “It’s only a few days earlier than you planned, so suck it up. You’re going.” Her voice trails off as they walk down the hall away from us.

“Your sister scares me sometimes,” Zach says, eyes still focused on the TV.

“She scares me too, but I can’t let her know or she’ll use it to her advantage.”

“Two days, Evan. We’ve got two days… what should we do? It should be something big to end the summer off in the most epic way possible.” Zach sits up as if he’s plotting the greatest plan ever. His fingers tap against each other and then the light bulb goes off. “Cliff-diving!”

“We’ve done it before.”

“Two words, dude. Spinning. Caves.” He jumps to his feet with a burst of excitement. “We’ve done the sissy cliffs. We’ve talked about jumping Spinning Caves for years. We’ve gotta do it. What better way to send you off into the real world than to get a fucking adrenaline rush like that?”

“Uh, I can think of lots of ways, like sitting my ass right here on this couch and watching this fucking chick flick. I’ve never seen the ending—”

“No, we’re doing this and it’s fucking “Titanic.” The ship sinks and almost everyone dies.” He clicks the TV off. “The fucking end. Now get your ass up and let’s do this.”

“You suck balls, brah. Ruining a perfectly good movie like that.” I sit up, taking this Spinning Caves jump into consideration. “So if we do the jump, we probably shouldn’t do it after drinking liquor. A lot can go wrong and it’s getting kind of late.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure? Where has Evan fucking Ashford gone?” He shakes his head in disappointment. “It’s now or never, man. And, I vote for right the fuck now!”

“Sense of adventure? Evan fucking Ashford? What the fuck are you talking about, Z? It’s suicide to hit it after drinking.” I pause in momentary thought, more tempted than I should. Glaring at him, I see a passion in his eyes that I haven’t felt for anything other than Mallory in forever. Standing up, I say, “Fuck it, let’s go!” I put my hand out and he shakes it, doing the ritual we’ve done since we were sixteen.

As Zach drives to Spinning Caves, I notice the sun setting in the distance. We have at least ten minutes left in the car and I don’t know if we’ll make it before dark.

My voice of reason, my more sane side, finally decides to verbalize its presence. “We can’t do this in the dark.”

“We’ll make it, but you can’t pussy foot it. We have to go for it. Don’t over think this.”

We’re quiet for the remaining time in the car, lost in our own thoughts. I realize after a minute or two that he shouldn’t even be driving much less cliff diving. By the time he’s parking the car, all that fades into the background and a different fear starts to make itself known. Zach gets out of the car without hesitation and I follow though I’m hesitant.

He’s pumped and turns to look over his shoulder at me trailing behind him. “Don’t chicken out.”

“I won’t. I’ve got your back.”

He nods knowing I won’t let him do this by himself. That’s not what friends do. I’ll go, but it’s against my better judgment.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out and quickly answer when I see the name on the caller ID. “Hey, baby.”

“I was thinking about you and wanted to call,” Mallory says, making my heart ache at the sound of her voice.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you, but Zach and I are about to…” I don’t finish telling her because I have a strong feeling she won’t be too pleased to hear about the insanity that’s about to go down.

“Hello?”

“I’m still here,” I say, walking a little bit faster. Zach tosses his shirt and keys to the side. “Mallory, I need to let you go. Zach is about to do something that I probably shouldn’t let him do. I’ll call you back in a bit, okay?”

“Oh okay,” she sounds sad. “I was calling to tell you I’ve been missing you—”

Unfortunately this is bad timing, her words becoming background to the madness playing out in front of me. With minutes before the sun drops completely below the horizon he takes off running and yells, “It’s now or never, E! Cowabunga!”