Authors: Philip Roth
“Then, Grossbart—” I reached out and stopped him. He turned toward me, and when our eyes met, his seemed to jump back, to shiver in their sockets. “Grossbart—you were the one who wrote that letter, weren’t you?”
It took only a second or two for his eyes to flash happy again. “Yes.” He walked on, and I kept pace. “It’s what my father
would
have written if he had known how. It was his name, though.
He
signed it. He even mailed it. I sent it home. For the New York postmark.”
I was astonished, and he saw it. With complete seriousness, he thrust his right arm in front of me. “Blood is blood, Sergeant,” he said, pinching the blue vein in his wrist.
“What the hell
are
you trying to do, Grossbart?” I asked. “I’ve seen you eat. Do you know that? I told the Captain I don’t know what you eat, but I’ve seen you eat like a hound at chow.”
“We work hard, Sergeant. We’re in training. For a furnace to work, you’ve got to feed it coal.”
“Why did you say in the letter that you threw up all the time?”
“I was really talking about Mickey there. I was talking
for
him. He would never write, Sergeant, though I pleaded with him. He’ll waste away to nothing if I don’t help. Sergeant, I used my name—my father’s name—but it’s Mickey, and Fishbein, too, I’m watching out for.”
“You’re a regular Messiah, aren’t you?”
We were at the chow line now.
“That’s a good one, Sergeant,” he said, smiling. “But who knows? Who can tell? Maybe you’re the Messiah—a little bit. What Mickey says is the Messiah is a collective idea. He went to Yeshiva, Mickey, for a while. He says
together
we’re the Messiah. Me a little bit, you a little bit. You should hear that kid talk, Sergeant, when he gets going.”
“Me a little bit, you a little bit,” I said. “You’d like to believe that, wouldn’t you, Grossbart? That would make everything so clean for you.”
“It doesn’t seem too bad a thing to believe, Sergeant. It only means we should all
give
a little, is all.”
I walked off to eat my rations with the other noncoms.
Two days later, a letter addressed to Captain Barrett passed over my desk. It had come through the chain of command—from the office of Congressman Franconi, where it had been received, to General Lyman, to Colonel Sousa, to Major Lamont, now to Captain Barrett. I read it over twice. It was dated May 14, the day Barrett had spoken with Grossbart on the rifle range.
Dear Congressman:
First let me thank you for your interest in behalf of my son, Private Sheldon Grossbart. Fortunately, I was able to speak with Sheldon on the phone the other night, and I think I’ve been able to solve our problem. He is, as I mentioned in my last letter, a very religious boy, and it was only with the greatest difficulty that I could persuade him that the religious thing to do—what God Himself would want Sheldon to do—would be to suffer the pangs of religious remorse for the good of his country and all mankind. It took some doing, Congressman, but finally he saw the light. In fact, what he said (and I wrote down the words on a scratch pad so as never to forget), what he said was “I guess you’re right, Dad. So many millions of my fellow-Jews gave up their lives to the enemy, the least I can do is live for a while minus a bit of my heritage so as to help end this struggle and regain for all the children of God dignity and humanity.” That, Congressman, would make any father proud
.By the way, Sheldon wanted me to know—and to pass on to you—the name of a soldier who helped him reach this decision: SERGEANT NATHAN MARX. Sergeant Marx is a combat veteran who is Sheldon’s first sergeant. This man has helped Sheldon over some of the first hurdles he’s had to face in the Army, and is in part responsible for Sheldon’s changing his mind about the dietary laws. I know Sheldon would appreciate any recognition Marx could receive
.Thank you and good luck. I look forward to seeing your name on the next election ballot
.Respectfully
,
Samuel E. Grossbart
Attached to the Grossbart communique was another, addressed to General Marshall Lyman, the post commander, and signed by Representative Charles E. Franconi, of the House of Representatives. The communique informed General Lyman that Sergeant Nathan Marx was a credit to the U.S. Army and the Jewish people.
What was Grossbart’s motive in recanting? Did he feel he’d gone too far? Was the letter a strategic retreat—a crafty attempt to strengthen what he considered our alliance? Or had he actually changed his mind, via an imaginary dialogue between Grossbart
pere
and Grossbart
fils?
I was puzzled, but only for a few days—that is, only until I realized that, whatever his reasons, he had actually decided to disappear from my life; he was going to allow himself to become just another trainee. I saw him at inspection, but he never winked; at chow formations, but he never flashed me a sign. On Sundays, with the other trainees, he would sit around watching the noncoms’ Softball team, for which I pitched, but not once did he speak an unnecessary word to me. Fishbein and Halpern retreated, too—at Grossbart’s command, I was sure. Apparently he had seen that wisdom lay in turning back before he plunged over into the ugliness of privilege undeserved. Our separation allowed me to forgive him our past encounters, and, finally, to admire him for his good sense.
Meanwhile, free of Grossbart, I grew used to my job and my administrative tasks. I stepped on a scale one day, and discovered I had truly become a noncombatant; I had gained seven pounds. I found patience to get past the first three pages of a book. I thought about the future more and more, and wrote letters to girls I’d known before the war. I even got a few answers. I sent away to Columbia for a Law School catalogue. I continued to follow the war in the Pacific, but it was not my war. I thought I could see the end, and sometimes, at night, I dreamed that I was walking on the streets of Manhattan—Broadway, Third Avenue, 116th Street, where I had lived the three years I attended Columbia. I curled myself around these dreams and I began to be happy.
And then, one Sunday, when everybody was away and I was alone in the orderly room reading a month-old copy of the
Sporting News,
Grossbart reappeared.
“You a baseball fan, Sergeant?”
I looked up. “How are you?”
“Fine,” Grossbart said. “They’re making a soldier out of me.”
“How are Fishbein and Halpern?”
“Coming along,” he said. “We’ve got no training this afternoon. They’re at the movies.”
“How come you’re not with them?”
“I wanted to come over and say hello.”
He smiled—a shy, regular-guy smile, as though he and I well knew that our friendship drew its sustenance from unexpected visits, remembered birthdays, and borrowed lawnmowers. At first it offended me, and then the feeling was swallowed by the general uneasiness I felt at the thought that everyone on the post was locked away in a dark movie theater and I was here alone with Grossbart. I folded up my paper.
“Sergeant,” he said, “I’d like to ask a favor. It is a favor, and I’m making no bones about it.”
He stopped, allowing me to refuse him a hearing—which, of course, forced me into a courtesy I did not intend. “Go ahead.”
“Well, actually it’s two favors.”
I said nothing.
“The first one’s about these rumors. Everybody says we’re going to the Pacific.”
“As I told your friend Fishbein, I don’t know,” I said. “You’ll just have to wait to find out. Like everybody else.”
“You think there’s a chance of any of us going East?”
“Germany?” I said. “Maybe.”
“I meant New York.”
“I don’t think so, Grossbart. Offhand.”
“Thanks for the information, Sergeant,” he said.
“It’s not information, Grossbart. Just what I surmise.”
“It certainly would be good to be near home. My parents—you know.” He took a step toward the door and then turned back. “Oh, the other thing. May I ask the other?”
“What is it?”
“The other thing is—I’ve got relatives in St. Louis, and they say they’ll give me a whole Passover dinner if I can get down there. God, Sergeant, that’d mean an awful lot to me.”
I stood up. “No passes during basic, Grossbart.”
“But we’re off from now till Monday morning, Sergeant. I could leave the post and no one would even know.”
“I’d know. You’d know.”
“But that’s all. Just the two of us. Last night, I called my aunt, and you should have heard her. ‘Come—come,’ she said. ‘I got gefilte fish,
chrain
—the works!’ Just a day, Sergeant. I’d take the blame if anything happened.”
“The Captain isn’t here to sign a pass.”
“You could sign.”
“Look, Grossbart—”
“Sergeant, for two months, practically, I’ve been eating
trafe
till I want to die.”
“I thought you’d made up your mind to live with it. To be minus a little bit of heritage.”
He pointed a finger at me. “You!” he said. “That wasn’t for you to read.”
“I read it. So what?”
“That letter was addressed to a congressman.”
“Grossbart, don’t feed me any baloney. You
wanted
me to read it.”
“Why are you persecuting me, Sergeant?”
“Are you kidding!”
“I’ve run into this before,” he said, “but never from my own!”
“Get out of here, Grossbart! Get the hell out of my sight!”
He did not move. “Ashamed, that’s what you are,” he said. “So you take it out on the rest of us. They say Hitler himself was half a Jew. Hearing you, I wouldn’t doubt it.”
“What are you trying to do with me, Grossbart?” I asked him. “What are you after? You want me to give you special privileges, to change the food, to find out about your orders, to give you weekend passes.”
“You even talk like a goy!” Grossbart shook his fist. “Is this just a weekend pass I’m asking for? Is a Seder sacred, or not?”
Seder! It suddenly occurred to me that Passover had been celebrated weeks before. I said so.
“That’s right,” he replied. “Who says no? A month ago—and I was in the field eating hash! And now all I ask is a simple favor. A Jewish boy I thought would understand. My aunt’s willing to go out of her way—to make a Seder a month later….” He turned to go, mumbling.
“Come back here!” I called. He stopped and looked at me. “Grossbart, why can’t you be like the rest? Why do you have to stick out like a sore thumb?”
“Because I’m a Jew, Sergeant. I
am
different. Better, maybe not. But different.”
“This is a war, Grossbart. For the time being
be
the same.”
“I refuse.”
“What?”
“I refuse. I can’t stop being me, that’s all there is to it.” Tears came to his eyes. “It’s a hard thing to be a Jew. But now I understand what Mickey says—it’s a harder thing to stay one.” He raised a hand sadly toward me. “Look at
you
.”
“Stop crying!”
“Stop this, stop that, stop the other thing! You stop, Sergeant. Stop closing your heart to your own!” And, wiping his face with his sleeve, he ran out the door. “The least we can do for one another—the least…”
An hour later, looking out of the window, I saw Grossbart headed across the field. He wore a pair of starched khakis and carried a little leather ditty bag. I went out into the heat of the day. It was quiet; not a soul was in sight except, over by the mess hall, four K.P.s sitting around a pan, sloped forward from their waists, gabbing and peeling potatoes in the sun.
“Grossbart!” I called.
He looked toward me and continued walking.
“Grossbart, get over here!”
He turned and came across the field. Finally, he stood before me.
“Where are you going?”I asked.
“St. Louis. I don’t care.”
“You’ll get caught without a pass.”
“So I’ll get caught without a pass.”
“You’ll go to the stockade.”
“I’m
in
the stockade.” He made an about-face and headed off.
I let him go only a step or two. “Come back here,” I said, and he followed me into the office, where I typed out a pass and signed the Captain’s name, and my own initials after it.
He took the pass and then, a moment later, reached out and grabbed my hand. “Sergeant, you don’t know how much this means to me.”
“O.K.,” I said. “Don’t get in any trouble.”
“I wish I could show you how much this means to me.”
“Don’t do me any favors. Don’t write any more congressmen for citations.”
He smiled. “You’re right. I won’t. But let me do something.”
“Bring me a piece of that gefilte fish. Just get out of here.”
“I will!” he said. “With a slice of carrot and a little horseradish. I won’t forget.”
“AH right. Just show your pass at the gate. And don’t tell
anybody
.”
“I won’t. It’s a month late, but a good Yom Toy to you.”