Gooney Bird on the Map (3 page)

Everyone groaned. The baby triplets at Malcolm's house did make life difficult for his family.

"Maybe you could go to the park," Keiko suggested. "I know your mom has that huge stroller."

"In February?" Malcolm asked. "The park in
February?
"

"Well, maybe not," Keiko acknowledged.

"Announcement!" said Gooney Bird loudly. She stood up. Everyone listened.

"We all feel sorry for Malcolm because of those babies. But William Henry Harrison and his wife had ten children," Gooney Bird told the class in a serious voice. "That's spelled T-E-N.
Ten.
Moment of silence."

The room was very still. Malcolm's expression brightened a little. The announcement had made him feel a little better.

Mrs. Pidgeon let the world map go and it rolled itself up with a snap. Next she pulled down the map of the United States.

"Well," she said, "I just wanted to point out how far different places are from the equator and why some are colder than others. You see that there are other lines across the map? Those are the latitude lines. Let's find Vermont, where Ben is going skiing on vacation."

"Snowboarding," Ben corrected her.

"It's up here, in the northeast United States." She pointed. Then she leaned forward and looked carefully. "The equator is zero degrees and Vermont is about forty-four degrees north of the equator.

"Now let's find Hawaii, where Barry will be swimming."

"Surfing!" said Barry loudly.

Mrs. Pidgeon sighed. "Anyway, it's way over here to the west. See, beyond California, out in the Pacific Ocean?" She pointed and looked closely again. "Looks as if Hawaii is about eighteen degrees above the equator. Which is farther from zero, class: forty-four or eighteen?"

"Forty-four," everyone agreed.

"My dad is forty-four," Malcolm announced.

"My mom is thirty-four," said Tricia.

"My mom is—" Felicia Ann began.

"Class?" said Mrs. Pidgeon. "You're right that forty-four is much farther from zero than eighteen. I wonder how much farther! I have a feeling we might have a math problem here. We need to do some subtraction!"

"My mom says that when she's forty she's not going to tell anybody," Chelsea announced. "She's going to be thirty-nine forever!"

"Forty minus thirty-nine equals one," Barry Tuckerman pointed out.

"But what about her driver's license?" Tyrone said. "It'll say forty on her driver's license! You can't lie to the po-leece!"

Mrs. Pidgeon took a deep breath. "Let's think about the number forty-four, class," she said. "It would be how many tens, and how many ones?"

"
Lie to the cops and they bust you in the chops,
"Tyrone chanted.

"
Bust you in the chops!
"the other children echoed. Malcolm stood and began to dance. Ben threw a fake punch at Nicholas.

Mrs. Pidgeon put down the pointer. She pulled the little string that made the map recurl itself. She looked frustrated. "In your seats with your hands folded, please!" She said loudly. "Right this minute!" The children obeyed quickly.

"I didn't get to see how far Disney World is from the equator!" muttered Beanie.

"Everybody!" It was Gooney Bird's voice. She raised her hand, and Mrs. Pidgeon nodded at her.

"Is it time for your idea, Gooney Bird?" asked Felicia Ann.

"Yes," Gooney Bird said.

The children waited and listened.

"But first I have to get permission from the principal," Gooney Bird said. "Mrs. Pidgeon, is it okay if I go see Mr. Leroy for a minute?"

Mrs. Pidgeon nodded. "Yes, but if I were you, I think I'd take off the tiara. I don't think Mr. Leroy has ever fully understood your sense of style the way the rest of us do."

"I agree." Gooney Bird reached up and removed the tiara from her red hair. "Anyway, it's a good plan to look businesslike when you are conducting business. I'm going to wear gloves. I always wear gloves for serious meetings."

She went to her cubby, stored her tiara there, and pulled on a pair of white gloves that had been folded on the shelf.

The children didn't think her appearance unusual. It was just typical Gooney Bird, and they were used to it.

She stopped at the door of the classroom and smoothed the fingers of her gloves. "How do I look?" she asked.

"
Trés Chic
!" the second-graders all said loudly.

"Good. May I take Mr. Leroy a heart?" she sked. Mrs. Pidgeon held out the small bag of candies, and Gooney Bird selected one."
U Da Man
"she read. "He'll like that. I'll be right back," she said.

At the door she looked back and added, "William Henry Harrison never once in his life snowboarded or surfed or wore mouse ears. Moment of silence."

The class became quiet. They could hear the door open and close as Gooney Bird headed out on her visit to the principal.

 

"Mr. Leroy says yes!" Gooney Bird announced when she returned. Carefully she removed her gloves, folded them neatly, and put them back into her cubby. "He is definitely
Da Man.
"

"Yay!" the children all called. "Awesome!" They clapped and cheered. Then Barry Tuckerman asked, "What did he say yes to?"

"He donated a piece of land to us," Gooney Bird said, "at my request."

"A piece of land?" asked Mrs. Pidgeon.

"Yes. You know that corner of the playground where in good weather there's a seesaw but they take it down for winter?"

Mrs. Pidgeon nodded. She looked through the window. "My goodness! There's Mr. Furillo out there! What's he doing?"

All of the children began to stand up. They wanted to see what the school custodian was doing. Ordinarily he was inside the building, emptying the trash cans, mopping the halls (sometimes he had to clean up throwup, usually in the kindergarten, but he said he didn't mind), and fixing broken things such as pencil sharpeners and towel dispensers.

"Stay seated, children," Mrs. Pidgeon said. She shaded her eyes against the sun with one hand and peered through the window. "It's all packed snow out there. I'm glad he has his warm boots on. He seems to have something in his hand, like a spray can? Yes. A spray can of paint! He's painting a line on the snow!"

"Our borders!" Gooney Bird explained. "Inside that line is our territory. Mr. Leroy donated it to us until vacation."

"But what's it
for,
Gooney Bird?" asked Mrs. Pidgeon.

Gooney Bird hummed a melody very loudly.

"'This Land Is Your Land'!" called Chelsea, recognizing the tune.

"You got it!" said Gooney Bird. "We're going to make us a map from California to the New York island!"

"How?" several children asked. "It's all snowy out there!"

"Ever made sculpture out of sand, on the beach?"

They all nodded. "Sandcastles," Keiko said.

"I built a monster once," Nicholas said, "with tentacles."

"Well, this will be like that, only out of snow," Gooney Bird explained.

"Well! This sounds exciting! Outdoor clothes, everyone!" Mrs. Pidgeon announced.

The children moved toward the hooks that held their jackets.

"Mrs. Pidgeon?" Gooney Bird asked. "Could you bring a map? I know the pull-down one is too big. But do you maybe have a book with a USA map in it?"

"Oh, yes, I'm sure I do." Mrs. Pidgeon went to the bookcase.

"Good. Bring that. And, everybody?" Gooney Bird added, pulling on her boots. "Be prepared to tell us your vacation plans. Every single one of you. Even you, Malcolm." Malcolm scowled.

"Why?" asked Keiko as she wrapped her pink scarf around her neck.

"Because we're going to put us all on the map!"

"Don't get too close or wag your tail, Bruno, until the paint dries," Mr. Furillo warned his dog. The big Newfoundland was watching as the custodian finished drawing the spray-paint line around the huge rectangle of snow-packed playground.

"It wouldn't matter, Mr. Furillo," Nicholas said as the children approached the corner of the playground that Mr. Leroy had given them for the project. "The paint is black, and Bruno's tail is black. It wouldn't even show."

"Ah, but he'd use his tail as a paintbrush," Mr. Furillo explained. "He'd paint the halls inside the school!"

Fortunately, Bruno was very obedient, and very lazy. He simply lay down on the snow, his tail tucked under him, and watched while the custodian finished the last line. Mrs. Pidgeon and the children watched, too. "There you are!" Mr. Furillo said. "There's your official territory, all marked off. What do you think? Like it? Need anything else?"

"One more thing," Gooney Bird told him. "Is there still paint in the can?"

He shook it and listened. "Yep. Lots."

"Okay," Gooney Bird told him. "In this corner"—she pointed to the lower right corner of the huge rectangle—"could you make a big plus sign?"

"A plus sign?"

"Yes. You know what that looks like. Two plus two?"

"It's like the 'add' key on a calculator," Barry explained to him.

"Oh! Got it!" Mr. Furillo said. "Where do you want it? Right here okay?" he stood in the corner that Gooney Bird had pointed to. She nodded, and he sprayed carefully.

"Oops," he said. "A little wobbly."

"That's all right," Gooney Bird reassured him. "Now we need a letter at each of the four points. N, E, S, W Can you do that? The N goes at the top."

Mr. Furillo gazed at the plus sign, thinking. "I get it!" he said. "North, east, south, west!"

"Good for you, Mr. Furillo. That's exactly right."

Carefully he sprayed the letters onto the snow. The children all watched with interest. Bruno snored slightly.

Mr. Furillo stood back and looked. Bruno yawned, got up, stood beside him, yawned, and looked. Mrs. Pidgeon and all of the second-graders looked.