She laughed. “I’m supposed to say that! You’re just jealous the last delivery only gave you six dollars. And you
did
flirt with her. ‘You look nice tonight,’ ” she mimicked.
“It might have only been six dollars, but she underlined her phone number on her check. You have to count that in the tip.”
“So, are you going to call her?” Macy asked, pretending she didn’t care.
“No,” he said, his tone matter-of-fact. “I’m a one-woman man. And I kind of got my eye on someone special. If her Aunt Flo would get out of the damn picture.”
She chuckled and glanced at him as she pulled the Honda out into traffic. “Really, you’re a one-woman man?”
“Really. I’m a monogamous sort.”
She tapped the steering wheel.
Jake, being typical Jake, had managed to avoid all personal topics. She’d tried to bring up his family, his brother, and his grandfather’s party, but he’d dodged those subjects like slow bullets. Not that she was finished firing.
“Have there been a lot of monogamous relationships?”
“A few,” he said. “So, how much money do you usually—”
“Don’t change the subject. How many?” she pressed.
The silence grew louder, and then she heard him sigh. “Are you asking me how many women I’ve slept with?”
“No, I’m asking how many relationships you’ve had.”
“And by what criteria do you determine a relationship?”
“Sleeping with them would count.” She laughed.
“I thought so.” He leaned back against his seat and adjusted his legs.
She tightened her grip on the wheel. “You’re not going to answer?”
“Yeah, I’m just counting.” He glanced in the rearview mirror, as if to check for the FBI.
She gave the rearview a glance, too. “That many, huh?”
“Well, while I’m figuring it out, why don’t you go first?”
She stiffened. “I’m the one who asked you!”
“Yeah, but you can’t ask a question you wouldn’t answer yourself.”
You do all the time.
“If I answer, will you promise to tell me?” She cut her gaze toward him.
“Scout’s honor.”
“Call me paranoid, but…were you even a Boy Scout?”
“Got all the badges. When we go to my mom’s house, you’ll see.”
Macy’s heart squeezed. “You’re taking me to your mom’s house?” Was this the party invitation? Had he suddenly decided she was family material?
He studied her. “She really isn’t as wacky as she came off. Seriously, she’s—”
“I don’t dislike her. You…just haven’t mentioned going.”
“Well, now I’m mentioning it. We’ll have dinner with her one night.”
“Okay.” It wasn’t the party invitation, but it was something.
“So?” he asked. “How many men have you been with?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Two.”
“Two?”
he repeated. “Seriously, only two?”
“What? You think I’m weird because I don’t sleep around, or you don’t believe me?”
“No, I…Look, you haven’t slept with me yet, so I know you don’t sleep around. I was just expecting it to be five or six.”
“Well, I was married for five years.” She paused. “Is that where you’re at? Five or six?”
He turned away and looked out the window. “A few more, but I’m older.”
“How many more?” When he didn’t answer, she said, “If you don’t answer me now—”
“Sixteen, more or less. I went a little crazy in college.”
“And you were faithful to all of them?” she asked, remembering his previous comment. The pain she’d felt from Tom’s infidelity was haunting.
“I never cheated on anyone. And I wouldn’t.” He stared at her. “Is that why you haven’t dated since your ex? You think all men are like Tom?”
“No. I’m not that closed minded. I know all men aren’t like Tom.” She paused. “They could be like my grandpa, or my father, or maybe Billy. And then there’re the Mr. Pracks of the world.” She chuckled, thinking that was pretty funny. But Jake didn’t laugh, and suddenly the humor was lost to her as well. “We should get back.”
They drove back to the Papa’s Pizza in silence, the FBI still behind them. The awkwardness of having laid out her fears on a silver platter had her reaching for the door handle as quickly as she parked.
Jake caught her arm. “Tom cheated on you. Billy disappointed you. Your father abandoned you. What did your grandpa do?”
“What did your grandpa do?” Jake repeated.
For a split second, Macy considered taking the Jake Baldwin approach and changing the subject, but the truth spilled out. “He died.” She bit her lip. “He was telling me that he was going to take me to the—the circus. Instead, he fell dead right into his spaghetti. Nan swears it was lasagna. But I keep seeing it as spaghetti.”
“You saw it?” His tone softened.
She nodded.
“Damn.” He leaned over and touched her cheek.
“Yeah. Damn.” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and called herself weak for getting emotional over something that had happened so long ago.
He leaned his forehead against hers. “I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.”
The lump grew thicker. “You have a dangerous job.” That stupid hiccupping happened in her chest again.
“I can’t argue with that. But I’m good at what I do.” His lips brushed her temple.
Cook or get out of the kitchen. Jump or get off the trampoline.
Oh hell, she was headed for the circus and Tuesday wasn’t soon enough. She buried her face in his shoulder. He felt so good, smelled so good. Then, remembering the sedan parked beside them, she straightened.
The FBI agent wasn’t the only one watching. A frowning Mr. Prack stood at the door to Papa’s Pizza.
Macy sighed. “We’d better go in. It’s the Prick.”
Jake scowled. “What did he do?”
“He’s just an ass.”
He looked at her, clearly not convinced. “He’s the one who asked if you wanted to bump uniforms.”
“Forget it.”
“Forget it? That’s sexual harassment.”
“Yeah, but it’s my word against his. And he’s never touched me. And he’s stopped making passes. Now he’s just an ass.”
“And you let him get away with that?”
“I’d lose my job. You know that. I know that. And I’ve just got too much on my plate right now for that to happen.”
“You’re going to start working at the church in a few weeks. Until that works out, I can—”
“I told you, I’ve still got to work part-time somewhere else. Law school isn’t cheap. The job market sucks. And we already discussed you becoming my sugar daddy. Not happening.”
He exhaled a deep breath. “Hear me out. I can make it a loan. Shit, you can pay me interest.”
She leaned her head back onto the car seat. “Jake, I need to do this myself.”
“Why won’t you let me help you?”
“Because you’re helping too much already. Look at you. You’re a cop playing a pizza-delivery person. You fixed my house, saved my life, and I’m staying at your place. I can’t handle any more help from you before I…”
“Before you what?”
Turn into my mom. Become totally dependent on you.
“Go crazy.” She got out of the car.
They hadn’t yet gotten inside when Jake’s cell phone rang. He hung back, and Macy hung with him, thinking the call might be about Billy.
“Baldwin,” he answered, giving her a quick glance. Then he handed her the phone. “It’s Nan.”
“Everything okay?” Macy asked.
“Yes and no,” Nan answered. “It’s your mom. Can you come by after work?”
“Sure.” Macy met Jake’s gaze, then said into the phone, “Is she crying again?”
“Not crying.” Nan’s concern carried over the phone line. “She…had her belly button pierced.”
“Oh, God.” Macy pressed her palm to her forehead. “She’s given up crying and taken up body piercing. Can you imagine what she’ll look like in a few months?”
“That’s why I want to nip this in the bud,” Nan said.
“I’ll be there as soon as I get off. And for God’s sake, hide all the needles from her.”
Macy pulled up in front of Nan’s an hour later and glanced at Jake. “I wish you’d let me drive you back to your place. I’ll be okay. I doubt Tanks was waiting to follow me from Papa’s Pizza.”
“No way. I’m fine, and I’ll wait here in the car. I’ll probably fall asleep. I’ll be here when you come out. Go.” He reached around her to open the door.
She leaned in and kissed him. “Thanks.” She tried to shake off the thrill of kissing him.
Inside the house, she found Nan on her yoga mat and her mom in the recliner. “Macy,” her mom said. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
Macy went to sit on the sofa. “Just stopping by.”
Her mom frowned. “You told her, didn’t you?”
Nan pulled a knee to her nose. “I might have mentioned it.”
Macy’s mom shook her head. “So I had my belly button pierced. What’s the big deal?”
“You’re fifty-six. And you’re my daughter,” Nan snapped.
“Show me the law that says older people can’t do this.”
Macy tried to understand. “Are you, like, dating some guy who owns a piercing parlor?”
“I’m not dating anyone!” her mother snapped. “You were right the other night. Men are nothing but trouble. They—they lead you to believe one thing and then do something completely different. For God’s sake, she was half his age!”
Macy and Nan looked at each other and shared a knowing nod.
“Who did what and who looked half whose age?” Nan asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Because if I talk about it I’ll cry, and I’m not going to cry about another man. Except for my son.” Tears filled Faye’s eyes. “These are for my son.” She pointed to her eyes. “I can cry about Billy. He’s my baby boy, and he’s God only knows where, and…”
Macy moved to sit on the arm of the recliner. She leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder. “What happened, Mom? Tell me everything.”
Jake opened his condo door and watched Macy walk inside, pick up Elvis, and carry him to the sofa. She looked exhausted and nervous again. She hadn’t told him what was wrong with her mom. He’d wanted to ask, but he respected her privacy.
Leaning down, he kissed her. “Want some hot chocolate?”
“You got some?”
He winked at her. “Bought it today.”
“You’re too good to be real.”
He laughed. “I’m not perfect, but I’m real.”
After she’d drunk her hot cocoa and he’d had a beer, Jake wondered how to approach the subject of sleeping arrangements. He wanted her beside him, in his bed. He hadn’t slept worth a damn last night without her. Of course, he hadn’t slept the night before, when she’d been beside him, but he’d much rather have had her close than not. Especially when he was afraid she’d walk out of his life just as quickly as she’d walked into it.
It wasn’t as if he thought she might walk out the door. But he’d never had to work so hard to win someone over. And while there were moments when she looked at him and he felt sure she was in this for the long haul, he’d then see a flicker of something else in her eyes, something that suggested she was waiting for the right instant to run.
She sat upright. “I’m going to wash off the pepperoni smell.”
He caught her around her middle, leaned in, and sniffed her neck. “I love pepperoni.”
“I hope so,” she laughed. “Because you smell like it, too.”
He raised his arm to his nose. “Yeah, I guess I’d much rather smell you.” He slowly kissed her, and when she finally pulled back, they were both breathing hard. They both rose and went to shower—separately, to Jake’s unspoken disappointment.
Ten minutes later, he towel-dried his hair and went to find Macy. She was in the hall bathroom, door open, brushing her hair. They had stopped by her house during the night’s pizza runs to grab some of her things, and now she wore a different pair of pajamas. They were still cotton, but they were light blue, and the stretchy tank top fit her perfectly. He let his gaze slide down her body, appreciating every dip and curve.
He walked up behind her, curled his arm around her abdomen, and looked at her reflection in the mirror. “You tired?” he asked.
“A little.”
He rested his chin on top of her head. “Do me a big favor?”
“What?” She met his eyes in the mirror.
“Sleep with me tonight.” He pressed a finger to her lips before she could say no. “I
promise
nothing will happen. I remember Aunt Flo. I just want you there. I didn’t sleep worth a damn last night.”
She looked as if she were going to argue, then nodded. He laced his fingers through hers and led her to his bedroom before she changed her mind.
He pulled back the covers and watched her climb in. Then he grinned. “You made my bed?”
“And washed your sheets. I didn’t want cooties.”
“I don’t have cooties.” Once they both settled in, he was afraid to reach over for fear she’d assume he was trying something. So he opted to get permission. “Can I hold you?”
She rolled closer and pillowed her head on his shoulder. He curled his arm around her back and rested his hand on her hip. “This feels so right,” he whispered.
“Yeah,” she agreed. Her cat jumped up on the bed and settled in beside her.
He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but he could tell she was still awake. “A hundred bucks for your thoughts,” he said.
He felt her smile against his bare chest. “I thought a penny was the going rate.”
“Inflation.”
She chuckled, but the sweet sound came and went too quickly. Then she sighed. “I’m worried. My mom. Mostly Billy. And…I feel guilty.”
He ran a hand through her hair. The silky strands felt a little damp. “Guilty about what?”
“About having fun tonight with you. Having fun with you since the morning after you showed up.”
“You didn’t have fun with me the first night.” He shifted. The cat hissed.
“No, you were a jerk then. Except when you stood up to Tom.” She paused. “And I feel guilty about enjoying being here right now, when I should be worried about my brother. I mean, I
am
worried about him, but this feels good. How can something good be happening when—”
“Don’t do this,” Jake said. “As far as we know, Billy is okay. And as much as you love him—” He paused, not knowing if he could say what he had to without hurting her. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted.
“What?” She petted Elvis.
He forced himself to finish. “As much as you love him, he brought this on himself. I’m not saying you shouldn’t love him. But you can’t let his mistakes punish you.”
“I know that in my head,” Macy admitted. “But he’s not a bad kid. He loves me, Jake. And I love him. And…he stood up for me.” Her breath caught. “He took a beating that should have been mine.”
A warm tear fell to his chest, and Jake tightened his hold. “Who did he stand up against?” Jake remembered her mentioning this previously, but she’d never explained. Now he had to know. He wanted to know everything about her: what made her laugh, what made her sad. Everything.
“My dad.” Her voice came out wobbly.
Jake’s stomach bottomed out. He’d had perfect parents. He might not have agreed with all their beliefs, but he’d never doubted their love. Being a cop, he’d come face-to-face with imperfect parents, but he still couldn’t fathom how that happened. “What?”
“He was a mean drunk. He didn’t drink all the time. But when he did he’d lose it completely, and sometimes he’d hit my mom. Once, when I tried to stop him, he hit me. And the night before my birthday…”
Her voice held so much hurt that Jake’s chest felt a lead weight upon it. “What happened?”
“Mom was going tonight school to become a nurse. I was watching Billy.” She paused. “My dad came home drunk. I sent Billy to his room and went to mine. Daddy followed me and started screaming. Billy ran in and got between us.” She grabbed for the sheet and wiped her tears. For a minute, she didn’t talk. Then: “I’ll never forget Billy saying, ‘You’re not going to hurt my sister!’ ” Her voice trembled. “He hit him, Jake. Knocked him across the room. I thought he’d killed him.”
Jake waited a whole minute before he asked, “What did you do?”
“I threw the lamp at him. I called him bad names I didn’t even know I knew. He left and I dialed nine-one-one. Mama got home before the ambulance. Billy woke up, but he couldn’t remember what happened.
“Mom made me lie,” she continued after a moment of silence. “Made me tell them that Billy had fallen out of bed. She said Daddy didn’t mean to do it. That he was sick because of his drinking.” Jake felt her wad up a fistful of blanket. “I hated her for it. Then Daddy left the next day and Mama fell apart. And I hated her even more because I knew she still loved him.”
“Oh, shit.” Jake bundled Macy closer, aching for her, wishing he could impart just a little of the normalcy of his own childhood. But he couldn’t.
“We moved in with Nan and she took over. Mom cried all the time. Stopped going to school. Stopped working. It took years, but I finally stopped hating her and started hating what she was.”
Jake ignored the cat as it moved to lay on the edge of his pillow. “What was she?”
“Weak. Codependent. A victim. I swore I’d never be that. But I am.” She sniffled. “I let Tom get away with things. I was so scared of losing him, I made excuses. I was willing to be a victim. I put up with so much because…I’m just like her. I suspected he was cheating on me a year after our wedding. I didn’t do shit.” She sniffled again. “But you did leave him.” Thoughts of Tom hurting Macy dug into Jake’s gut. Silence filled the room. “Did he hit you?” He’d kill the asshole.
“No. He’d get grabby and yell. And I would just take it.”
“He was an idiot.” Jake now understood even more why Macy fought so hard for independence.
She rested her hand on his shoulder, then pulled back. “Ugh! I slimed you.” She scrubbed the sheet over his wet flesh. “Sorry.”
“You can slime me anytime.” He pulled her on top of him. Her weight was the sweetest feeling in the world. He wanted her to lean on him completely, to let him take care of her.
She blinked. Tears pooled in her eyes, but she looked happier. She grabbed the sheet and cleaned his chest again. “I’m going to have to rewash your bedding.”
“You can slime my sheets, too. I don’t give a damn. As long as you’re here.”
He brought his mouth to hers. She tasted salty, like tears. He kept kissing her, wanting to chase away the hurtful memories. Tenderness turned to passion, but he remembered his promise not to try anything. “We…should stop.”
She rolled off his chest. “Bathroom.” She and the cat jumped out of bed.