Graceful Ashes (9 page)

His hand massaged my breast as his hips ground against me, causing noises that I didn’t know were possible to erupt from my throat. I was new to everything that was happening, but it felt far too good to make him to stop.

One of my hands slipped down his chest and under his shirt, reveling in the warmth of his skin. His abs rippled when he thrust his hips against me. My mind was on sensory overload as he pulled his hand from my bra and briskly pulled his shirt over his head, exposing his tanned chest.

“Do you want me, Zoey?”

Hendrix’s husky voice made my eyes flutter closed as he pulled my hoodie and T-shirt over my head. I had never been in a bra in front of anyone except other female dancers and Tegan.

Embarrassment reared its head and I covered my chest. I wasn’t tiny, but I was a dancer, lean figured so I definitely wasn’t large.

Hendrix grabbed my hands and pulled them high above my head, arching my back. “Don’t hide your body from me, Zoey. It’s beautiful…you’re beautiful,” he whispered.

He placed a loving kiss against my lips before letting go of my hands and sitting back on his haunches. His eyes took in my body. From my head all the way to the waist band of my jeans. I was thankful I had thrown on the one halfway sexy bra I owned, black lace with just enough coverage that didn’t make me look or feel like an old woman.

I squirmed under his gaze. Not wanting to see his face morph from want desire to the disappointment I knew was coming, I closed my eyes. My cheeks heated at the thought of Hendrix not wanting me.

“Open your eyes,” he demanded.

I opened them and my mouth parted as Hendrix stood from the bed in the dimly lit room. His movements were slow as his hands found the button on my jeans and slipped it through the hole.

I was
beyond
thirsty.

My mouth had dried from nerves and the desire pulsing through my veins. I had no idea what was about to happen next, and a piece of me wanted so badly to find out, whereas another part of me didn’t.

“Hendrix…”

His hands ceased their motion of lowering my zipper and his gaze lifted to mine. “If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I just thought…” He took a step back and ran a hand through his messy hair. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like…”

He stopped talking as I sat up in the bed, my hands planted in the mattress to hold myself up. My mind was running a mile a minute as I tried to think of a way to tell him just how inexperienced I was…and afraid.

“I’m a virgin!” I blurted out.

I clapped my hands clapped over my mouth then quickly slipped from the bed and collected my shirt and hoodie. I dashed out of the room like the place was on fire, but not before seeing the look on Hendrix’s face at those three little words I had thrown at him.

I’m a virgin!

I couldn’t believe how quickly I had ruined the moment between us. My shoes slapped against the concrete floor as I fled toward the door that led out into the hallway. But before I could get half way across the large room, hands wrapped around my waist.

“Zoey,” Hendrix softly spoke and pulled me back against his chest.

I sagged against him as he smoothed my messy hair from my face. I sighed at the feel of his erection pressing into my back. Emotions were a fickle thing, and mine were all over the place.

“I didn’t know…I’m sorry if I pressured you into moving too fast. It wasn’t my intention.” His voice was thick and gruff. He had no reason to apologize. My virginity wasn’t his fault, but I should’ve told him upfront instead of hiding behind my pride. Some people say being a virgin is good, but to me at my age it seemed to be a giant burden.

Kind of like being damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

“There’s no need to apologize.” I sounded as embarrassed and let down as I felt.

Hendrix turned me in his arms.

I dropped my chin so I didn’t have to look him in the eyes.

He gently lifted my chin so that I had no choice but to look into his eyes. They weren’t as dark as before, but were still held a stormy overcast. I adored how his emotions played out within his eyes.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed,” Hendrix said softly.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but failed and tears rimmed my eyes. “What nineteen year old is a
virgin
in today’s society?”

“You.”

A small laugh passed my lips as a lone tear slipped down my cheek. Hendrix wiped the pad of his thumb across the tear’s trail to keep it from falling. He cupped my cheek and I turned my face into his palm.

“It doesn’t scare you off?” I asked.

Hendrix eyes softened. “If anything it makes me want you more.”

My heart rate spiked as a genuine smile spread across my face. His response hadn’t been one I was expecting, but made me adore him even more than I already did. Hendrix had a hard exterior, one that most would be leery of, but I wasn’t. Something about him pulled me to him, like metal to a magnet. Even if he had let me run out that door from my embarrassment, I knew that I wouldn’t have stayed away from him in the long run.

As crazy as they sounded, my heart and soul were telling me that Hendrix would alter my life in ways I couldn’t even imagine.

Chapter Nine

My eyes slowly fluttered open. The tension in my limbs from not drinking enough water before bed made it hard to move. I was stiff as a board. I took in the surroundings of Hendrix’s bedroom, which was tucked away in a room off of his studio. We’d been alternating staying at one another’s place for almost two months. Ever since I’d let the cat out of the bag about my V card, and he’d spent the night telling me how I shouldn’t be ashamed of it.

Thanks to him I wasn’t ashamed anymore.

I stretched my arms high above my head and the sheet slipped off of my naked torso. The night before came barreling back to me in a flash of images that made
me
blush.

He had showed me how my body could feel under the touch of a man that I was attracted to. Boy, was I attracted to Hendrix.

A hand snaked around my bare midriff and a low groan sounded from beside me.

“Lay back down. It’s too early to be awake.”

Chills broke out across my skin at his sleep filled voice. Mainly from the thought of what that same mouth had done to me before we had fallen asleep.

We’d crossed every boundary that led up to having sex, but had yet to follow through. A part of me was frustrated about that. Even if I knew it was for the best.

He was showing me how to experience things I had never experienced, while literally showing me things I had never seen before…like a male’s anatomy.

I leaned over and softly kissed the side of his head. “I have class today, I can’t lay back down.”

“Can’t you skip it and stay in bed with me all day?” Hendrix’s hand lazily drug up my stomach to cup one of my breasts.

“Mmmm…” I slid a hand down his arm and pulled it away. “As tempting as your suggestion is, I seriously can’t.”

I slipped from the bed and put my clothes on from the night before. Even though I had known I’d most likely end up crashing with him, I hadn’t brought any extra clothes. I was afraid that bringing some of my things over might overstep my boundaries with him.

“What time is it anyway?” Hendrix sat up in the bed.

“Maybe if you got a clock it would be easier to tell, but it’s pretty dark in here so I’m assuming it’s around seven or eight,” I replied as I slipped on my shoes.

“Yeah, I’ve never been one to care much about the time of day. I work all hours.” Hendrix yawned out his response as he checked his phone.

He definitely worked all hours. I didn’t know for a fact what he did when he had those mysterious calls, but I had a very good idea that it revolved around drugs. I hated that aspect of who he was, but I couldn’t berate him about it when I had no hold over him whatsoever.

“It’s a quarter ‘til eleven.”

I almost jumped out of my skin. “Eleven at night or in the morning?”

It was bad that I had no idea whether it was day or night.

“Morning.”

“Shit!” I yelled.

The only thing running through my mind was there was no way I could make it to class in time. I’d skipped numerous classes, but if I screwed up with Mrs. Vurdo one more time she would cut me from the performance we had in less than two weeks.

I ran around the room looking for my purse as I rambled on about how much trouble I was going to be in and how I didn’t want to disappoint anyone but I was on the verge of being a major disappointment.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Hendrix put his hands on my shoulders. “Why are you freaking out right now?” His tired eyes locked onto mine.

I took a deep lung burning breath and exhaled slowly. “My dance class starts in thirty minutes and there is no way in hell I can get there in time.”

Hendrix smiled like he had the answer to the horrible situation at hand.

“I’ll drive you on the bike. I know some short cuts that will get you there right on time.” He linked his hand with mine and he guided me out of the bedroom. “Come on.”

I planted my feet, jerking him to a stop. He whipped around to face me, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You shouldn’t be driving,” I said.

He flinched. “Why not?”

“You tied one on pretty good last night. I’m sure you’re not fully over it yet.”

Hendrix rolled his eyes. “If you won’t let me drive you then fine, but I’m walking you to the train station.”

“There’s no way in hell I’ll make class in time taking the train,” I huffed and made a beeline out of the studio with a shirtless Hendrix on my tail.

“There’s a cab on the way, I requested one with that app you had me download.”

I spun with a loving smile on my face and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” I softly kissed his lips as the cab pulled up to the curb.

“Let me know when you make it to Juilliard.”

“I will.” I slid into the cab and shut the door just before we sped off toward my side of town.

I pushed my legs even harder as I ran my heart out across the field that was between me and the building I’d needed to be at five minutes ago. If I had my dancing stuff with me at Hendrix’s place, I wouldn’t be in the predicament I was in.

But hind sight was twenty, twenty.

My hands slammed into the metal bar shoving open the door. I turned and ran down the hall. The squeak and slap of my sneakers against the floor echoed through the quiet hall. Everyone was already tucked away in their classes like good little students, unlike myself.

“Why am I always running anymore?” I came to a stop, my chest heaving to catch a good steady breath before I entered the room and had all eyes on me, the chick late to class.

“Okay, here goes nothing.”

I pushed the door open and just like I expected, everyone stopped stretching and turned their attention on me as I walked in.

Mrs. Vurdo stood at the front of the room with her back to the mirrors. Her curly blonde hair was twisted into a high bun and her black leotard was covered with a black shirt tied around her waist. She reminded me of an older version of Tegan, just taller and with thin black rimmed rectangular glasses.

“Glad you decided to join us, Zoey.” She stared at me over the top of her glasses.

The chilly welcome I was receiving made me wish I’d skipped class all together, but that would’ve made things worse. I dropped my bag to the right of the entrance and quickly changed my shoes.

“Once you get changed fall in line behind Jeff there.” She pointed to the last row of people.

I was officially being banished to the lower forty of the classroom. That wasn’t a good sign.

“Yes ma’am.” I replied nicely and fell in line behind Jeff, the newbie of the class.

It was going to be a very long hour and a half.

I kept my head down throughout class as I followed Mrs. Vurdo’s instructions. The exercise was simple—warm up our muscles and practice footing for upcoming performances. No one had been chosen for the leading spots yet, and I was still hungry for one of those spots.

I sat on the bench beside my bag and my muscles groaned from the soreness already setting in. Since I’d met Hendrix, I’d been slacking on my stretching, and my body complained constantly at my negligence. I desperately needed to learn how to juggle my time between Hendrix and dance.

“Zoey could you stay after a minute please?” Mrs. Vurdo asked as people began to file out of the classroom.

“Sure.” My lips quivered as I smiled at her.

“You’re in trouble now…” Jeff patted my back then left me by my lonesome.

I didn’t put on my tennis shoes, but walked over to Mrs. Vurdo in the tape still wrapped around my feet.

Mrs. Vurdo put her planner into a messenger bag.

“Can I help you with that?”

She glanced up at me and smiled. “Oh, it’s fine. I’ve got it.” She stood to her full height and wiped her hands down the front of her leggings. “What’s going on with you, Zoey?”

Diving in head first.

“What do you mean, Mrs. Vurdo?”

I knew exactly what she meant. I was slacking in class, showing up late, skipping the extra days of practice that I used to kill for. I was becoming the person I wished would just drop out of Juilliard back when I was dead set on being the best.

“Please, call me Elizabeth. I’d rather my students call me by my first name.”

“Okay.”

“You’ve been different the past couple months. Like your head is elsewhere.”

Apparently I had been way more obvious that I thought I had.

“You aren’t taking the initiative to prove that you could be one of the best dancers Juilliard has seen in a very long time. I’d hate to see you throw away a passion that burns so deeply inside you for something that could ruin your future.”

My eyebrows dipped low in the center. Had someone mentioned Hendrix to her? Who was she to tell me that he could ruin my future? My pulse quicken as anger spiked within me. “What do you mean exactly about me throwing away my passion for something that could ruin my future?”

Elizabeth’s features soften. “Please don’t take me out of context here, Zoey. Yes, I’ve seen you around with a young man, and ever since he’s been around you seem to be…” She tapped her finger against her chin. “preoccupied I guess you could say. I’m not saying he will ruin your chance at a career in dance, I just want to point out to you that if you don’t get your head back into your schooling here at Juilliard, your time here will be cut rather shorter than you had anticipated.”

A heavy sigh left me as I crossed my arms over my chest. “Who says dancing is what I want to do with my life anymore?” I challenged her, knowing damn good and well that dancing was the only future I had set myself up for.

Elizabeth smiled a small closed lipped smile as her piercing blue eyes slightly narrowed. She knew exactly what I was doing.

“That’s up to you, Zoey If you choose not to be a dancer after all of the years you’ve spent trying to be a professional one, that’s your choice. But don’t waste the school’s time and money, along with your talent, if your heart isn’t in it.” She sighed. “Far too many times I’ve seen someone throw away their talent then regret it later.”

I scoffed. “If you say so…”

“Zoey.”

My name came off her tongue sternly.

“If you’re going to have an attitude and not take my concerns seriously, I believe it would be best for you to take a couple days off from classes. I’ll make sure I let the dean know before I leave this afternoon.”

“You can’t do that!” My hands dropped to my sides as I regretted the way I had treated Elizabeth.

“Oh, I can and I will.” She bent down and retrieved her bag. “Now grab your things so I can lock up, and be expecting a call from the dean later today.”

Without another word I gathered my things. But instead of wanting to beg for her to rethink her decision, my mind instantly went to how I would be able to spend more time with Hendrix now.

My priorities were all out of whack.

As I trekked toward my apartment my phone vibrated deep in the pocket of my jacket, or should I say Hendrix’s jacket. Clara’s name flashed across the screen and I sent up a silent prayer that it wasn’t Talon or Tegan calling to rip my ass for talking back to Elizabeth the way I had. Lord knows she’d probably gone directly to the dean once we left the studio.

“Hey!” I answered quickly.

“Where the hell have you been, bitch?”

She tore into me right off the bat. I sighed. “I’ve been busy…”

“To say the least!” She huffed. “You’ve been too busy shacking up with that hot piece of mysterious ass to give anyone else the time of day haven’t you? I’ll forgive you if you please tell me you’ve slept with him by now.”

A bubble of laughter erupted from deep within me. I couldn’t help it. The way Clara was rambling about me and Hendrix was far too comical not to. She had a way with words.

“That’s not an answer, little missy!”

“If you must know, we haven’t had sex yet. But we’ve been extremely close.”

Clara didn’t know that I was still carrying around my V card. She was one of the last people on the planet I wanted to divulge that bit of information. Mainly because she would make it her mission to get me laid by someone I’d rather not give my innocence to. A one night stand was not my ideal way to transition into full on womanhood.