Gracie Faltrain Gets it Right (Finally) (18 page)

‘I've been thinking,' I say to Annabelle. ‘Maybe over the summer holidays we could go on the road trip together.'

‘Maybe. Let me think about it.'

‘Okay.' I wait a bit. ‘How long do you need?'

‘Longer than five minutes. I'll let you know when I decide.'

Let me know soon. Now that I've imagined it, I don't want to go without you. I want to drive until we see the water spread out on all sides. I want to stop wherever we feel like it and swim.

‘Yes,' Annabelle says after a while. ‘I'll go with you.' And behind us the popcorn starts popping.

I feel like the only thing I've done over the past few weeks is bounce between school, state soccer, study and bed. I've hardly seen Dan, which is good because I wouldn't be able to fit everything in if I was thinking about him. Obsession sucks the time right out of the day. And at the moment, I need every second that I have.

This afternoon I have my final training session with the state squad girls. This Saturday I have my last school game before we break for the exams and the holidays. We have a break from state trials too. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm glad that there's a break in the games. I'm tired. And I'm nervous about the exams.

This week has been even harder because Jane's on study camp and Alyce has been acting weird since Sunday. ‘What's up?' I asked today.

‘Nothing. Nothing at all.' And then she closed her mouth like she does when she has a secret.

‘Are you mad that I won't talk to Flemming?'

‘Of course not, Gracie. It's your decision.'

She is mad, though. She wants me to tell him that it's okay. That I forgive him. I can't though, because I don't. I know what you're thinking. That's a harsh philosophy to live by, Gracie Faltrain, especially when a person makes as many mistakes as I do in the friendship department. It's true; I've done some bad things. But I've always said sorry.

Flemming swings down the corridor this afternoon and the anger rises in me. The thing about anger, though, is that it's easier to hate a friend from far away because they're blurry. You only see the bad thing they did and not all the reasons you know they did it. The closer Flemming gets the less he looks like the guy I've been hating and the more he looks like the Flemming I know. ‘Hey,' he says.

‘I didn't think you were back at school for ages.'

‘I'm not coming back. I'll be working with my dad when I'm off these.' He taps his crutches. ‘I came to see you.'

So I'm faced with a choice. The same choice Alyce and Martin were faced with last year when I wanted to say sorry. ‘I'm heading to the library,' I say. And I walk slowly enough for him to swing beside me.

We sit at the back, staring through the windows at the soccer field. ‘Seems like not long ago we were out there in Year 7,' he says. ‘You were a crap player at the start.'

‘And you weren't? Francavilla told me you couldn't even touch a ball in your first match. He reckons you spent the whole time running laps.'

‘Francavilla's lucky I'm not in a fighting mood these days.'

‘That's a first.'

He nods. ‘I've been thinking about that fight we had last season. If you hadn't ducked I'd have broken your nose.'

‘I shouldn't have said you were stupid.'

‘Too stupid for Alyce,' he says quietly. ‘I'm sick of feeling like that. Those kids at the neighbourhood house, they look at me different. They don't see some guy who's failing school. They see a guy who can help them play soccer.'

‘I thought you'd be more upset about your knee.'

‘I've been going over and over that day. If I hadn't been such an idiot I'd still have my chance at trials. But none of that does me any good.'

‘You can try again next year.'

‘Maybe. It's not all bad, anyway. My dad actually listened to me for once. We're looking into trades. I always liked woodwork and drawing.'

‘I never knew that.'

‘Maybe there are some things you don't know about me.'

He's standing to leave when I realise he hasn't actually said sorry. We haven't talked about the test at all. But I know why Flemming did it. He needed soccer even more than me.

‘You and the girls from state could give my kids' squad a taste of the game,' he says. ‘They've never been on the field before.'

‘I'd like that. After the bet's over and mid-year exams are done.'

‘You have to take it easy on them, though,' he says. ‘I don't want their little legs broken.'

Yeah. He was definitely wagging English on the day we covered irony.

*

I wait for Jane's bus to pull in after school. ‘How was study camp? Did you get a kiss?' I whisper.

‘Is the Pope a Buddhist?' she whispers back. ‘How was your week?'

‘Alyce's been acting weird since you left. That should change now I've spoken to Flemming, though.'

‘He said sorry?'

‘Not the actual words. But it was close enough.'

We walk to my last extra session of soccer with the girls.

‘You've made them better players, Faltrain. Even I can see that,' Jane says. ‘Kally's helped. And Dan.'

‘It's weird that the three of you turned out to be such good friends.'

‘I trust them,' I say. ‘As much as I trust you and Alyce.' I run off to join my team for one last time before the holidays. I run off to make this session count.

I've been strange with Gracie all week. I feel awful because I'm lying about Martin. But I don't want to be the one to break it to her. ‘So don't,' Andrew said when I asked him for advice. ‘Just leave it alone and eventually Knight will tell her.'

I go to Roberta's after school this afternoon. Andrew has Friday afternoon training with the kids and I feel like talking to someone who'll give me advice without worrying how I feel. Roberta will definitely give me that.

‘So Gracie doesn't know Martin's seeing Annabelle and Annabelle is her number one enemy?' Roberta sips on her tea and shifts her old legs to get comfortable. ‘And you're dating Andrew at the same time you're going out with Brett.'

‘That's right.'

‘This is better than a soapie.'

‘I'm doing everything wrong. Things were easier when I didn't have any friends.'

‘So go back to your old life.' She looks at me with that cat stare. ‘But this one's more exciting, isn't it?'

‘Andrew's exciting. The thought of New York is exciting. Brett will hate me if I tell him, though. He's my friend, too.'

‘You're treating him worse than a sack of potatoes, keeping him in the dark till you need him.' Roberta eases herself up and walks to a cupboard. She comes back holding a photograph. Three women stare out from a world of years ago. The one in the middle's smiling like she has a secret. The other girls' faces are open, books with pages you could flick through.

‘I'm the one in the middle.'

‘You were beautiful.'

‘Were, hey? It was taken before a friend's wedding.'

‘You're smiling like the Mona Lisa.'

‘That's what my mother always said, “Smiling like there's something you're not telling.”'

‘Did the three of you stay friends a long time?'

‘Not after they found out what I wasn't telling them and you can get that nosy look off your face, I'm not telling you now. A week after the wedding it all came out and I never saw them again.'

‘That's terrible.'

‘Point is, it's not really friendship if you don't know the other person.' She stands unsteadily. ‘I have to pee now. So you have to go.'

I call Jane on the way home. She knows Gracie better than anyone. She answers her mobile straight away.

‘Okay. Talk slowly. I thought you said Martin is dating Annabelle.'

‘I did say Martin is dating Annabelle.'

‘And you want to tell Faltrain because you're tired of life and you want it to be over?'

‘I want to tell her because I don't want to lie.'

‘Alyce, listen carefully. Say nothing of this to Faltrain. I do not want to spend the next twenty Christmases visiting my best friend in prison. If she kills anyone she'll be tried as an adult.'

‘She'll find out eventually.'

‘If I have anything to do with it she'll find out when she's in a nursing home falling asleep in front of old soccer reruns of her days of glory.'

‘So what's the plan?' I ask.

‘The plan is very simple. We lie. We lie through our teeth until Martin tells her. He's a good guy; this must be a recent thing.'

‘They looked comfortable.'

‘We'll give it a week, and then I'll tell her.'

‘Jane, there's something else. I think I'm cheating on Brett.'

‘You think? It's usually one way or the other, Alyce.'

‘I am, then. I told Andrew I'd broken up with Brett so he'd go to the movies with me.' She's quiet. ‘Jane?'

‘I'm still here. It's not like you. I'm not sure what to say.'

‘Say to me what you'd say to Gracie.'

‘Okay. Here goes. Fuller, the world does not revolve around you. Tell them. Tell them today. If they find out on their own you will be right in the middle of a huge mess. How was that?'

‘Good. I'll do it now. Did Declan kiss you on camp?'

‘Are the world's oil reserves never-ending?'

‘Maybe he needs more time.'

‘Maybe he needs a manual. I'm hanging up now so that you can call Brett.'

Jane's right. If I don't tell then I'll hurt Brett as much as Martin's going to hurt Gracie. I dial his number. ‘Hey, Alyce,' he says. ‘I found this article on the net about the UN. Can I bring it over?'

‘Okay.'

I will tell him. Tomorrow. Actually, telling him after mid-year exams would be better. That's it. I'll tell him straight after mid-year exams.

Is it possible to cram a brain with so much information that
it actually explodes?
Gracie Faltrain

‘Wild goose looks for food, hands circle up in an arc, as they come down shake them like little bird's wings.'

‘Okay, Faltrain, you're freaking me out,' Jane says this morning.

‘I'm doing my tai chi. Mum says if I'm too stressed I'll forget everything before the mid-year exams start today.'

‘Does it work?'

‘Follow me. The wild goose . . . you're meant to be a goose, Jane. You look like – I don't know what you look like.'

‘What texts are you writing on?' she asks.

‘
Blade Runner
and
A Midsummer Night's Dream
. Shake like little bird's wings now, Jane. That's it. Awaken your chi. What about you?'

‘Same.'

‘Good. Now bow.'

‘That's it? One goose looking for food and I'm meant to be de-stressed?'

‘I've been up since five. I'm so stressed it took me hours to wake my chi,' I tell her.

‘I'm with you. I was up till twelve studying last night. When I'm finished my chi's going to sleep for a week.'

‘We're going to be okay, aren't we?' I ask.

‘Yes, Faltrain. We are going to be fine.'

So, in this scene, women get walked all over by men and Helena gets way jealous.

It's a shame Mrs Young said not to bring my own life into my essay on
A Midsummer Night's Dream
because this is something I actually know a whole lot about.

I think I'm actually in a time warp. That clock can't be right.

. . . and the reader is reminded in the text of the dark side of love . . .

I will tell him. As soon as the exams are over, I'll tell Brett everything.

. . . some people in the text lose sight of who they are . . .

If he doesn't kiss me, maybe that's a sign I should go home. I thought all guys could think about was kissing. I thought they were
always
ready.

That can't be the time. I'm not ready yet.

In this text the outcomes are uncertain . . .

I don't want to lose my hair. I really like my hair.

. . . in the forest the world of dreams is more real than reality.

If Martin doesn't tell Gracie soon, I swear I will kill him.

. . . and in the end, right, it's all about the love.

After the exams, I'm taking Gracie to the movies. I'm giving her that bracelet I bought. And then next year, I'm taking her flying.

. . . And pens down everyone. You're done.

Great. That means I've only got four exams to go. This has to be listed somewhere as a form of torture. Alyce should speak to the UN when she goes to New York next year.

Oh yeah, baby. Two whole weeks of nothing to do.
Gracie Faltrain

‘My chi is so tired I'm even glad I have a break from trials and school soccer. I've never felt like this before. But then, I've never really studied before.'

Dan laughs. ‘So are you too tired to celebrate and see a movie tonight?'

‘No way. I want to see that one with all the blood.'

‘I love having you as my girlfriend,' he says.

Okay. This is one of those perfect moments I was talking about, the ones you have to make the most of. I lean back and stare at Dan, his arm resting on the side of his sky-blue Valiant Sahara, the sunny world blurry outside the window. And I make the most of it.

‘How'd you go in the exams?' I ask Corelli.

‘Good.'

‘Okay, enough of the small talk. This is how it's going to go. You're picking me up tonight at six. We're going out for dinner. There will be candles. After, we're going to the movies. You will buy the tickets and I will buy the popcorn. We'll see the film with all the blood. It will be scary. You will hold my hand. You'll drop me home, you'll have a little mood music playing that will not be Britney Spears, and when we get to my place you will kiss me. Got it? I'm taking that strange choking noise you're making as a yes.'

I'm so tired of stuffing around.

‘How did the exams go?' I ask Annabelle.

‘Good. And to celebrate I put our name down for free tickets tonight. You want to see that new horror film?'

‘Yeah. There's meant to be an amazing amount of blood.'

‘Hey, Alyce, it's me. You want to go to the movies tonight?' Brett asks.

I cough. ‘I'm not feeling very well. Can we go another time?'

‘You want me to come over and bring some soup?'

‘I'll probably just sleep.' I hang up, and the phone rings straight away.

‘It's me,' Andrew says. ‘You want to see a movie tonight?'

‘Okay.' I am a bad, bad person. I'll break up with Brett tomorrow. He sounds so happy now that mid-year exams are over. It's only fair to give him one more day.

‘Hey, Francavilla, you want to see a movie tonight? Alyce is sick.'

‘Yeah. I want to see that one with all the blood.'

There are rules on dates. Number one: you have to look good.

But not too good. She'll think you made an effort for her.

The trick is to not try too hard at not trying hard.

My hands are all sweaty. That's bad, right?

Relax. Just don't make a move while you're sweating.

What if I can't stop sweating?

See a doctor, mate.

Rule number two: you have to be in control.

My brother told me to always carry a hammer.

I find the hammer puts them off.

She's right.

Rule number three: you have to be cool.

But not cold. I've gone out with some guys and it was like visiting the Arctic.

At least I wouldn't sweat in the Arctic.

You want to be laid-back and calm.

But not so calm you look like you'd rather be at your grandparents' house watching reruns of
Gilligan's Island
.

I like
Gilligan's Island
.

I refer you back to rule three.

Rule number four: you have to be funny.

Don't be weird, though. Girls don't like it when you're weird.

I'm weird. Can girls be weird?

You can be quirky, which is different from weird.

I suppose it's no use saying ‘just be yourself'?

Mum ate from a fondue set the last time she dated. Don't listen to her. I repeat: do not listen to her.

I think I need to go over the rules again.

Corelli pays for the tickets and we line up at the Candy Bar. So far, the night's going exactly how I planned. There was music. There was good food. There were candles. I'm about to hand over my money for the popcorn when I see it. ‘There's going to be blood.'

‘Yeah, it's meant to be the best horror film made in years.'

‘No, I mean out here, before the film even starts. Faltrain's life is a freaking movie.' She and Dan walk in from one side of the building while Martin and Annabelle walk in from the other. ‘This is bad. This is badder than bad.'

‘It's worse than you think,' Corelli says, and nods towards the middle of the foyer. ‘Brett Mason's here.'

‘So? He's the least of my problems.'

‘But he's not the least of Alyce's.'

I follow his eyes and see my other best friend, hand in hand with Andrew Flemming. I hope that Alyce told Brett. I cross every part of my body, hoping that she told Brett. ‘Do you have the urge to run right now?'

‘Nope,' he says. ‘This, I wouldn't miss out on for the world.'

I would. I'd miss it for a dollar and one measly piece of popcorn. In fact, I'd pay someone so that I could miss this. I don't want to see the people I love get hurt.

Gracie spots Martin and Annabelle holding hands about five minutes after they walk in. She jolts, like the life she's travelling in stopped suddenly and changed direction. I see her trying to make sense of it. There's no sense to make,
though. There's only life doing its thing, taking us by surprise, taking us to places we never expected.

I have to look away. When I look up again Gracie's staring at Alyce. Alyce sees me. Brett sees her. Flemming sees him seeing her. Martin sees Gracie. Annabelle sees Martin seeing Gracie. Dan sees Annabelle seeing Martin seeing Gracie. Gracie sees me. She sees that I don't look all that surprised. We both see that neither does Dan.

Martin and Annabelle move behind the Candy Bar for protection. If only a counter were enough to stop my best friend. On a scale of one to ten this is a twenty's worth of crap. And not one of us saw it coming.

Oh dear.

Standing here, staring at Faltrain staring at me, I realise what an idiot I've been. Annabelle was right. I hate hurting her. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want to say I've been gutless. I want to drag us back to that first soccer practice where her eyes were more scared than Corelli's. I want to drag her back to when we were mates because whatever dumb things she does, Faltrain always has your back. And tonight I realise, I don't have hers.

It always hurts worse to be slammed from behind. There's no time to get ready for the pain. It hits you full force and steals the wind and you're left feeling like an idiot because you didn't see it coming. Faltrain and I have been mates for years. I saw this running up behind her but I didn't do a thing to stop it.

I can't untangle all the reasons why I didn't want to tell her. Maybe part of me thought she'd drag me back, make it impossible to look forwards because I was feeling so guilty. It's been such a long time since I just felt happy. I wanted to keep it simple.

But things aren't simple. If you're only happy because you're blocking the world out, bet on it caving in. Faltrain deserves better than what I gave her. She's biting her lip and looking like she's going to cry. There's no time to say any of the things I'm thinking, though. There's no time for sorry. She's launching the first phase of her attack.

‘Faltrain, no. You don't want to do this . . .'

There are a few options open to a girl who needs to preserve her dignity when she sees her ex-boyfriend holding hands with her number one enemy.

Personally, I really wish I'd gone with the: ‘It's lovely to see you, Martin. I'd like you to meet my date, Dan Woodbury' option. It's neat. There's room for a quick getaway. It doesn't leave Dan standing there looking like an idiot. It doesn't leave me looking like an idiot, either.

But I choose option number two. In my defence, my life is coming undone around me like wet sticky tape. For a second I think I'm in an episode of
Ripley's Believe it or Not
, or
Candid Camera
. Alyce is back with Flemming? Martin loves Annabelle? Dan and Jane knew?

So under the circumstances I think it's completely reasonable that I leap the Candy Bar and land on Martin's back. I think it's less reasonable, but still understandable, that I open the popcorn machine and start smashing hot buttered handfuls into his face. But once I start spraying soft drink, I know I've gone beyond reason. ‘Stop me, Jane,' I say when she runs behind the counter. ‘I need help.'

‘I told you to tell her,' Annabelle says, Coke dripping from her hair to the floor.

‘Why didn't you tell me?' I ask.

‘I had this crazy idea you might not take it well.'

‘It's okay, Frank,' Annabelle says to the manager. ‘I'll pay for it.'

‘No, I'll pay.' I pull out my wallet. It's soaked and my hands shake and I can't get the money out. I feel like an idiot.
All this time Martin was falling in love with Annabelle. Did he always like her? I empty every last cent that's in my wallet on the counter and leave the scene of the crime, feet squelching and cracking across a sea of soft drink and smashed popcorn and and broken lollies.

‘How long have you known?' I ask Dan. Even before he answers I'm clicking the pieces together. ‘Kally knew,' I say. ‘That was Martin at the Orions' house. All this time I was helping her with the trials and that stupid bet and she didn't say a word? I talked to her about Martin. I trusted both of you.'

‘I thought you should hear it from Knight, at the start. Then after a while I thought having me around meant you wouldn't care so much.' He looks at the damage. ‘I guess you're not quite over him, though.'

‘This isn't about me not being over Martin. This is about being lied to by all of my friends.' I feel like someone's taken the good bits of this year and the last – the memories when Martin laughed with me and played soccer with me and kissed me, the memories of Dan and Kally – and stamped over them till there's nothing left. ‘It's not about you, Dan,' I say.

‘I know it's not about me. I thought it was, that's all.' And before I can answer he's gone.

‘Faltrain, I'm sorry,' Jane says. I want to be mad at her, too. But I have to trust someone because my world's speeding past disaster and heading towards that apocalypse she predicted and on top of that I have popcorn in my undies.

‘I want to go home.'

Jane dials Mum's number. ‘She'll meet us out the front in ten minutes.'

‘Faltrain,' Martin says. ‘Wait.'

‘Don't talk to me again.' I leave without looking back. I walk with as much dignity as sticky shoes and popcorn in my undies allow. Which isn't very much.

‘You're still going out with Mason, aren't you?' Andrew asks. ‘You'd better talk to him. He looks like someone's kicked him in the guts.' His voice isn't angry. It's sad. It reminds me of those clouds that hung in the sky when he hurt me. I hate that this time I'm the one who made it rain.

When Gracie lied to Martin and me last year I told her she was exactly like Annabelle. She wanted me to take that guilt away but I made her carry it all. I gave her more.

Life's so much simpler when you sit on the side. It's black and white from there because you're so far away. When you come up close, though, it's full of all different colours. It's hard to make a decision about which one you like the best. Sometimes it's so bright it's too hard to see. You make the best choice you can and then you stand in front of the person you've hurt and you say sorry. ‘Brett, I feel terrible.'

‘How long have you and Flemming been together?'

‘Not long. I haven't even kissed him.' It's a technicality, though, and it doesn't make things any better. He keeps blinking, like he's trying to make sense of things now that I've turned on the light. ‘Did you ever like me, Alyce?'

‘Yes, I did.' But like I said before, ears can hear things that are scientifically impossible. Brett hears the whisper between my words tonight. I didn't like him like he liked me. ‘I wanted to tell you . . . '

He leaves before I finish talking, though. My list seems so stupid, now. This is how I thank the first boy who ever liked me enough to like me in front of everyone.

‘Alyce, we're going,' Jane says, in a soft voice. ‘Do you want to come with us?'

I nod, and follow them into the cloudy night.