My eyrie is one of my
favourite places in the universe, especially just on the ends of
sunset, with a light breeze and the sky fading to midnight-blue as
the colours creep away. Kaoren was standing before one of the big
windows, looking out over the lake, the sheer gauze curtains
swelling around him.
"You won't mind if I
beat up your brother will you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around
him from behind and snuggling into his back. "Just a little. All
this combat training has to be good for something."
He let out his breath,
one of those little snorts, but wisely didn't comment on the
likelihood of me succeeding in beating up even someone who left the
Setari program before his teens. Then he loosened my hold on him
enough so he could turn, looking down at me in the
half-light.
"Arden was hoping for
tantrums," he said. "You've been too tolerant for his
tastes."
"Improbably sweet." I
laughed, but broke off when Kaoren reached down and scooped a hand
under the back of my thighs, lifting me easily. "We'll be late for
dinner," I said, not particularly firmly.
"Taken care of," he
told me, then turned and flew out the window.
Once outside we flew
straight up, so that in seconds the house was visible only by the
patio lights, and I could clearly see the bright gems of Pandora
and the far smaller clusters on Siriath and Lenecki. We flew away
from all of these, heading briefly toward Nurenor and then leaving
the lights behind us, zooming west and then south until the lake's
main southern bank had curved to hide anything but the night and
the stars.
Then we began to drop,
and I looked down, tightening my arm around Kaoren's neck
instinctively, and saw that instead of black water there were
barely visible balls of light, little muted moons. They rose around
us as Kaoren gently touched down and lowered me to grass-covered
ground.
We stood at the edge of
a circle of trees on an island not twenty metres wide, completely
alone except for stars, and the hush of water, and white paper
lanterns the width of two cupped hands suspended in the
branches.
Kaoren is much better
at keeping secrets than I am. And psychic space ninjas can totally
take sweeping a girl off her feet to new levels.
He'd curled his fingers
through mine, and I had to grip his hand tightly and take a breath
not to ruin the magic of the moment. I took a step forward, and
found an edge of a blanket, a little nest he'd made for us beneath
the lanterns.
What do you say to
that? How do you put into words any kind of response to a perfect
gesture, to a thing which fills your heart and makes your throat
ache, and your eyes shimmer with tears? There wasn't a song, or
poem, or story I had ever read which could express how I felt then,
beneath stars and lanterns, holding the hand of the person I
love.
I touched him instead,
brushed fingers across his cheek, his lips, knowing that his Sights
would tell him everything that I could not.
And then, well, lots of
sex.
In his ever-efficient
way he'd thought of all contingencies, from the sumptuous picnic
basket to a spicy-scented insect repellent. We spent half the night
there, touching and talking, swimming in dark star-studded water,
then curling chilled and damply together to make every kiss count.
A few hours before dawn he flew us home, and one day I guess I'll
tell Taarel that Kaoren is indeed capable of being
romantic.
Absolutely.
Fortunately we had
enough sense left in our heads for a quick hot shower and some
semblance of clothing so that when our kids woke us mid-morning for
breakfast in bed we didn't have to dive beneath the sheets. They
made a very sweet procession, Ys and Lira carrying a tray for each
of us, Rye with a jug of juice, and Sen coming last with a big vase
of flowers. Which she promptly dropped, her hands flying to her
mouth.
Kaoren caught the vase
with Telekinesis and set it out of the way. He'd anticipated her
reaction, having seen the same thing Sight Sight had shown her, and
thus was prepared for Sen leaping onto the bed to strangle me with
a hug, shrieking "My Baby!".
I stared at Kaoren,
whose eyes were almost closed because he was very happy. He said:
"A boy" and I got very overwhelmed by that and kind of understood
how Alay had been so off-balance even after preparing for a month
for the possibility of having a baby. I asked Sen if she'd enjoy
being a big sister but she was busy rubbing her cheek against my
stomach and going "My baby!" so I looked at Ys, Rye and Lira and
said: "I think I need a group hug," and waited as they somewhat
stiffly put down their plates and came around to hug me. Kaoren
rested his hand lightly on Rye's head, but waited until they'd let
go to hug me.
I said: "So efficient!"
to him and laughed, and then made sure to turn my attention to the
treat the kids had brought and to try and make clear without being
clumsily obvious that they were by no means less important just
because Kaoren and I were having a baby. It's not public knowledge
yet, though not precisely a secret (with so many Sight Sight
talents in the house, there was no hope of that). I think the kids
are okay about it, but I do feel the need to watch my tongue, and
not talk about "our first child" or anything like that. Of course
it does feel different to me to actually be
having
a baby,
but this is our fifth child and I made sure to be very clear about
that.
Our morning was
low-key, since nothing was scheduled till after lunch, and there
were no major dramas leading up to the ceremony, just tiny
annoyances like Tick-tock kidnapping one of my earrings, and the
flowers I was planning to carry as a simple bouquet having been
ravaged overnight by one of the tree-critters, much to Rye's
chagrin when he went to pick them. He dashed off on a frantic hunt
for the same kind of flower, until Kaoren went and fetched him, and
they ended up bringing totally different flowers, but Kaoren had
obviously been saying just the right thing to Rye, since he was
looking a great deal happier than he had all morning. That was just
when we were about to split up to start getting dressed, and I gave
both of them a big hug, and then took the girls off to the
'lighthouse', which is where we were due to meet Chiane to get
dressed.
We'd partially
furnished the lighthouse and so, while it still needed things like
plates and cooking utensils, it worked well for getting ready. Zee
brought Chiane and the small collection of attendants and
hairdressers and of course the clothes, and I set them to working
on the girls first, since I knew that Sen and Lira's hair would
take a lot longer than mine. Then I went up to the bedroom on the
top floor, sat on the bed, and started crying.
I hadn't meant to. I
hadn't realised how upset I was, but then I found I was sitting
there with tears running down my face, and it was a good thing that
it was Zee who came up to chat to me because I think that would
have confused the girls endlessly. Zee wasn't fussed, just sat down
and put an arm around my shoulder and said: "Well, it can't be
second thoughts, or your Kaoren would not be looking half so
pleased with himself."
"My Mum won't be here
when my baby is born." I started to cry all over Zee, then realised
she'd changed into a very gorgeous dress which wouldn't be improved
by snot, and managed to snivel into my shirt sleeve instead.
"Sorry, should be happy, but I just – just–"
"Want your family on
your wedding day. And your mother to talk about babies. Of course."
She squeezed me lightly, adding: "Congratulations. I know this is
something you've been looking forward to. Or at least Sen has on
your behalf."
"I'm really very
happy," I said, sounding miserable. "Everyone is so good to me, and
I couldn't stand losing the people I have here."
"But you are still a
girl very far from her home. Though your family here is getting
very large. And colourful."
The wry note in her
voice made me feel suddenly more settled, and a little giggle
bubbled up. "I'd hate to imagine what Arden would do to a squad, if
he had stayed with KOTIS. Did you see his face while The Llama was
trying to climb into Nils' lap?"
"Considering the
potential of the scene. He makes no attempt to hide her purpose. A
strange variation of a Sight talent – just as uncomfortably able to
see to the heart of matters, but also...meddlesome."
"He likes to stir
things up and then see what happens," I said. "He always watches
Kaoren when talking to me. And I think he was hoping you'd go snap
The Llama like a twig for touching Nils. I sort of like him, but
only despite the things he does. And I'm so glad to know you,
Zee."
She ruffled my hair,
and told me to go wash my face, and ran interference so I could get
down to the bathroom without anyone noticing that I'd been crying.
Then I was taken over by Chiane's minions and primped and clipped
and dressed and arranged and when only the veil was left I went and
joined the girls.
I have beautiful
daughters. I was half-expecting Ys to be lost in a scowl, since her
tolerance for primping is pretty low, but she was watching Sen and
looking very relaxed and thoughtful and reminded me so much of
Isten Notra. One day I think she will inspire the same sense of
awe, will be someone who the world thinks it a privilege to spend
an afternoon with. Plus she looked great in her dress, with her
hair styled in a way which really suits her, and just a touch of
lip gloss. Unexpectedly adult. She's so tall for her
age.
Sen and Lira were
really thoroughly enjoying their fairy-princess hairstyles, and
their fancy dresses and their flowery hairclips and unashamedly
preening in front of the mirror. Sen was spinning in a circle and
watching her skirt flare out, but then made one of her delighted
noises and ran and hugged my legs.
I'd ordered a special
present for them, gossamer-fine chains with tiny white flower
pendants, and really enjoyed putting each one round their necks in
turn and seeing that they all really liked it. Then we paused to
have a glass of water and a quick visit to the bathroom and by then
it was nearly time to go down, so we carefully attached the veil to
my flower circlet. I'd really appreciated Chiane's attitude, and
the straightforward way she'd told Ys her best colours and ideal
styles and makeup, and so asked if she wanted to take some scans
for her records (which, I'd worked out, is tantamount to doing some
publicity shots for her) and obligingly let her pose me and the
girls and tweak the dress to be just so. I took scans for myself,
since I wasn't really planning on posed pictures otherwise – just
had a scanner set up down in the Wedding Garden to catch the
ceremony and party.
We went as a group down
the stairs (it would have been pretty pathetic if I'd tripped on my
dress while half-blinded by the veil after all), and Zee went ahead
and we waited for the music to signal it was starting (not an Earth
bridal march, but the Taren 'the parties approach' music) and then
Sen started out, followed by Ys and Lira and then me. Sen – who had
been aching to show Rye her dress and new necklace – skipped out
enthusiastically, forgot what we'd covered in rehearsal, and
whizzed across to meet Kaoren and Rye and pirouette in front of
them (much laughter from everyone watching). Both groups of us
(boys and girls) were supposed to walk out at the same time, but I
guess this evened up the numbers and Kaoren rested one hand on
Sen's head and the other on Rye's shoulder and walked on. I handed
my bouquet to Lira and took her free hand and Ys' hand, and so it
ended up looking like our children were leading us to the
wedding.
Kaoren was impossibly
gorgeous. I hadn't seen his outfit, but it had been described to
me, and I'd teased him about it sounding like the Setari uniform
with something over the top. He'd said it was a lot more effort to
put on than the Setari uniform. Still, it was definitely the same
high-throated, close-fitting black, and over it a dark moss
robe/coat which hung to his knees (and obligingly had gaps at the
front and side so you could admire his totally hot body). As per
Taren tradition, the pattern of his and Rye's clothing was more
geometrical, though still based around leaves and occasional
blossoms. I don't remember much of the walking out onto the little
island, or anything of people's reactions, and it was probably just
as well the girls ended up leading me, because I didn't take my
eyes off Kaoren the entire way.
The ceremony was a mix
of Taren and what you'd get for a Sydney wedding. Kaoren's Sights
made him really want to see my face throughout, so the first thing
he did was lift my veil. I've watched the scan of the ceremony now,
of course, and fortunately I don't look like a complete idiot, just
overwhelmed and very happy and barely managing to respond at the
right moments because I was too busy gazing at Kaoren. He was
definitely looking very pleased (extra-possessive), and kissed me
very thoroughly, audience or not, when I was officially
Certain.
Fortunately he was the
one supposed to do most of the talking for the adoption part. We'd
spent ages trying to figure out a ceremony which would be heartfelt
without mortifying the kids too much, and eventually decided to
have Tsur Selkie start out by announcing the adoption, and then
Kaoren and I had the kids stand between us, and Kaoren made this
really great speech about how 'family' was a charged term to the
Setari, that the word had come to cover dorm-mates, squad members,
more than just the blood relatives they only saw once a year. That
he had always been reluctant to add to the people who he felt that
way about, and had only just accepted that I had become everything
to him when three new lives had walked into his. How his first
instinct had been to separate them from me before I got too
attached, but then he'd wanted to know more of them himself. How
helpless he'd felt to do anything for Lira but not lie to her. The
straightforward enjoyment he'd found in giving them a place to feel
safe and welcome and how he'd found that the word family now, for
him, meant them.