Gray Hawk's Lady: Blackfoot Warriors, Book 1 (31 page)

It was then that something struck her. Gray Hawk had once told her that he enjoyed his freedom—but he’d been speaking of his independence as a bachelor at the time. He’d been explaining to her why he had never married.

And now that she was remembering it, other memories came back to mind. He’d plainly told her that he wasn’t happy about marrying her, saying that he was sacrificing much to take her as his sits-beside-him-wife. He’d said it quite plainly to her:
he did not want her.
She just hadn’t really listened.

As though momentarily haunted, Genevieve stared off into space.

“Once you take her back to her father,
nitakkaawa
,”
White Eagle was saying, “you will have your carefree life back. Therefore, I would agree that it is well worth your time to take her to her home.”

“
Aa
,”
said Gray Hawk. “And it will be better if I do it right away. I have already delayed too long.”

That was it, then. Gray Hawk really meant to leave her.

She didn’t know why the thought of it should make her feel so desolate. But it did.

Genevieve got to her feet as quietly as possible and turned away, not waiting to hear more.

Well, at least she knew.
He means to abandon me…after he’s helped my father, of course.

She wasn’t certain why she should feel so sarcastic, or so despondent about the whole thing. That was what she had intended from the beginning, wasn’t it? To find and take an Indian back with her for her father, and then to let the individual go?

Her stomach began to twist almost painfully, and she felt as though she might, at any moment, cry.

Well, it wasn’t that way anymore; she didn’t want to let the Indian go. She didn’t care what she had planned at the start; she didn’t feel that way now. She’d come to know Gray Hawk.

She scoffed at herself. Know him? Who was she fooling? She loved him. She’d do most anything for him.

Even live here in this camp with him.

She caught her breath. That was a truth she hadn’t quite realized.

Never, in all the time she had been in the Indian village, had she ever consciously decided she might want to stay. Always had been in the back of her mind the idea that she must go home.

But look at what she was doing, at what she had been trying to accomplish in these last few weeks. Wasn’t she learning to live here? Making friends, discovering, trying to please? Why?

For Gray Hawk. Why?

She reached her own tepee at last and, pulling back the buckskin flap, she stepped quickly inside.

She glanced around her, at all the items she’d been given here, at those things she’d made herself. And for what?

She’d never come back here.

She shut her eyes and fell to her knees.

How was it possible? When had she started to regard the Indian camp as her home? She, who had always had the riches of the world to surround her? How had this happened to her?

When she had tried to make that pact with Gray Hawk almost a month ago, she’d promised him that she would return here with him if he would only take her to St. Louis. And though she’d meant it, she had felt as if she were sacrificing her very life to do so.

But now, here she was, knowing she would be going home to her father, never to return, and not only did the thought of it bring her pain; she felt as though her life might suddenly stop because of it.

How was this possible?

Love. She moaned.

Of course it was love. She wanted to be near Gray Hawk always. Coming to live here, beginning to know the people, their ways…and seeing that it wasn’t all so bad…

In truth, there was a freedom here that she would be hard put to find back home. Factually, she couldn’t remember ever being so happy, or so at peace with herself, with the forces of nature all around her.

Maybe she should have known that it would come to this…maybe.

But how could she have realized that love would make her want to give up everything: wealth, her country, even her work with her father?

Her father. She groaned.

What was she to do about her father?

She didn’t want to return, and yet…

She suddenly looked up. She had a crazy idea…or maybe not so crazy. Why hadn’t she thought of this before?

There was a solution right here. How had it escaped her for so long?

She
knew enough about the Blackfeet to write her father’s thesis for him.
She
had lived with the Blackfeet; she even knew their language and its roots; she was familiar with the Blackfoot customs, their beliefs.

She
could write it down and then
send
it to her father. With the steamship traveling up and down the Missouri, there were regular mail passes between Fort Union and St. Louis.

She could
write
to her father. She didn’t
have
to go and see him.

Of course, there was always the problem of how to get to Fort Union, but that was a minor problem. The main thing was that she didn’t
have
to return to her father, to England.

Could she convince Gray Hawk to take her to Fort Union?

She dismissed the idea immediately. If he meant to leave her in St. Louis, he might not relish the idea of her finding a way to stay here…with him.

She thrust out her chin. How dare he think that way!

One thing was certain: he had to get used to the idea that when a man takes a sits-beside-him-wife, he had better be ready to keep her with him for the rest of his life.

She was going to see that he did.

But first she needed to get to Fort Union.

Perhaps she could do it on her own. Could she?

How difficult could it be? After all, the Blackfoot trading party had managed it once before.

Could she?

She wasn’t exactly a novice anymore. She had
some
knowledge of how to survive on the prairie.

Hadn’t she watched Gray Hawk when he’d brought her here? Hadn’t he taught her well? And hadn’t she been learning from his sisters? Couldn’t she trap her own food now, skin it and cook it?

By goodness, yes. That was it. She could and she would do it on her own. She would go to the trading post alone; she only needed to know what direction to take—well, maybe a few more precise directions—and a little help from her friends or, rather, her new “sisters.”

And then wouldn’t Gray Hawk be proud of her? He’d better be.

She raised her head and squinted her eyes. She’d make that man see that he was making a mistake by wanting to dump her in St. Louis…somehow…some way, she would do it.

But there was more. It wasn’t fair that she loved him, and that he only…well, did he love her? Exactly what were his feelings toward her?

Yes, she knew she had his passion. But, she decided all at once, it wasn’t enough. She was going to make this man come to
love
her.

By goodness, this was what she’d do.

And it all depended upon her ability to get to Fort Union.

Well, she’d do it. Just watch her. It was a crazy scheme, a white woman going off alone to do such a thing, but didn’t a person have to pay attention to dreams sometimes just to get anything done?

She lifted her head. She felt better already.

Chapter Twenty

“She what?”

“Your sits-beside-him-wife was asking me many questions today about the white man’s trading post, seeking to find the path to take to reach it.”

Gray Hawk barely gave the orphan boy a glance. “And what did you tell her?”

“I did not see the harm in pointing out the way to the Big River, and from there to follow it to the fort, at least not at first. But now I wonder.”

Gray Hawk, who was still lounging against a willow rest in White Eagle’s lodge, peered steadily at the boy. The youth, who had probably reached only ten winters, had come to White Eagle’s tepee only a few moments ago, seeking an audience with Gray Hawk. Gray Hawk asked, “Why do you now wonder?”

The young boy stared at his feet. “I worry.”

Silence ensued while Gray Hawk waited for the lad to continue. At length, he prompted, “You worry?”

The young boy swallowed. “
Aa
,
yes, I do.”

“Why?”

The youth looked away. “Because your sits-beside-him-wife left the camp.”

“
Annisa
,
I can understand it, then, your worry. Did she go to bathe alone? You are wise to have come and told me this.” It was the only thing Gray Hawk could imagine Gen-ee would do that might upset this boy. To bathe after dark, without a chaperone, was to take risks, even here in camp.

Gray Hawk started to rise, determined that he would speak to his wife at once about the dangers of bathing alone. He said to the boy, “You have done well. I have a new knife I will give you for observing with such diligence.”

The lad shifted, looking down at his feet. “Perhaps I do not deserve it.”

Gray Hawk had gotten to his knees when he glanced up sharply at the boy. “What do you mean?”

Again the boy fidgeted, and even White Eagle sat forward. “I am not certain that she went to take a bath. I saw her lead your best pony out of the herd today…”

A long pause. “
Aa
,
yes?”

The boy shuffled his feet. “She rode out of camp early this afternoon, and she had with her several parfleches that looked full, plus she took with her a robe around her shoulders and an extra one for warmth. Do you see? I fear she may be going to this fort, and that is why she asked me about it.”

Gray Hawk couldn’t speak for several moments. He just stared at the boy.

“Why did you delay coming to us with this information?” It was White Eagle who finally put the question to the lad.

“I did not see the harm in it before now. She is, after all, a warrior woman, and as such I have no right to question her movements. Yet, something about what she did seemed strange to me, because she kept looking around her, as though afraid that she might get caught doing something. It wasn’t until just a few moments, ago that I remembered her asking me the way to the white man’s fort.” The boy suddenly looked up. “I have done the right thing in telling you, have I not?”

Gray Hawk nodded. He cleared his throat, but still he said nothing.

“Do you say that she went out alone?” It was White Eagle who spoke.

“
Aa
,
yes. I saw no one else leave with her.”

“And she is definitely gone?” Again White Eagle questioned the youth.

“
Aa
,
yes. I checked her lodge before I came here. I was hoping I was wrong.”

Gray Hawk met White Eagle’s glance, but still Gray Hawk did not speak. Something had hit him hard in the pit of his stomach, and Gray Hawk was uncertain how long it would take him to recover.

His Gen-ee, gone? How could it be?

She had looked so happy to see him today, and he had…ignored her.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have, but it seemed to him that this was the way a man was supposed to treat his wife. Hadn’t he seen other men in the tribe, well-respected men, handle their women this way?

Gray Hawk sighed. Such behavior had certainly gained him nothing.

Perhaps he was wrong to have ignored her. It wasn’t the way
he
would treat a woman if he were alone with her. A woman, as far as he was concerned, should be handled with respect.

Something he hadn’t done today.

Had his Gen-ee rebelled and gone off
without him?

It was something he would never have predicted she would do, but then she had more spirit than most, a spirit he did not wish to crush.

He would go and find her, of course. There was little else he could do.

Not because it was expected of him. No, he would go to her because…why? Why did he feel as though the earth had suddenly slipped out from beneath his feet? Why so…empty?

It couldn’t be that he…cared for her, could it?

Well, of course he
cared
for her. He had made her his sits-beside-him-wife. But his feelings for her didn’t go beyond a need to protect her, did they?

Or did they?

He stared at the young lad before him.

At length Gray Hawk repeated, “She is not in our lodge, you are certain?”

“
Aa
,
yes. She is not there.”

Gray Hawk acknowledged the youth with a mere look and a flick of his wrist.

“And did she tell you anything about where she went or why?”

The lad shuffled his feet again, looking down. At last, though, the boy said, “Your mother and your sisters were with her when she left. They waved to her.”

“My mother?”

The boy acknowledged.

“My sisters?”

“Yes. Your sisters gave her the extra buffalo robe.”

Gray Hawk glanced over toward his friend, who seemed unable to do more than give Gray Hawk a puzzled glance.