Richmond
could feel the tiny muscles of her sheath fluttering in preparation for her
fulfillment. He released her hips, running his hands up the front of her torso
until he came to her beautiful breasts. Grabbing hold, he pulled her into an
upright position against him and continued to thrust.
"Give
it to me, Riss," he rasped into her ear. "Give me all of it. Let me
feel it."
She
whimpered, shaking her head incoherently. Knowing she was unable to comprehend
his meaning, he maintained a grip on her breasts with one hand as the other
hand moved to the triangle of moist dark curls between her legs. Stroking her hard,
he could feel her tiny bud of pleasure, hard and taut, awaiting release.
Arissa's
climax burst forth in a deafening roar as Richmond manipulated her swollen nub.
Feeling her muscles contract around his engorged member was all of the
encouragement he required to spill his seed, hard and long and lingering. He
was barely aware of her shrieking gasps, hardly cognizant of her heaving body
as she swooned against him. As his tremors died, his reeling senses struggled
to return to the world at hand and he collapsed onto the furs with Arissa
clutched tightly against his chest.
He
could not ponder the fact that he had neglected yet again to use the pessaries.
Somehow, she had taken control of his common sense and he had been helpless
against her. But the deed had been done and there was no use lingering on the
fact as the night passed in icy stillness around them.
He
found himself praying to God that she had not conceived, cursing himself again
for his own stupidity and weakness. He knew better than to allow her demands to
overshadow his wisdom, but God help him, it would have taken the strength of
Samson to deny her heated little body the bliss of his uncontrolled passion.
What troubled him the most was the fact that he knew it would not be the last
time.
Unaware
of Richmond's fear and remorse, Arissa pushed the stray hair from her eyes and
raised her head, focusing on his beautiful blue eyes.
"Did
I give it to you?" she whispered.
He
erupted into low laughter, shaking with mirth. "You did indeed, kitten.
You gave me everything I asked for."
She
smiled sleepy, satisfied and content as his chortles faded. "Good. 'Tis my
pleasure to grant your requests. Even if I do not understand exactly what I am
granting."
He
kissed her hair. "Your body understands even if your mind does not. But
that will come with time."
She
sighed with contentment, falling silent as she listened to the sounds of the cold
December eve. In truth, they were both at a loss to find the correct words to
voice the imminent separation that would face them come the morrow. They had
spent the past week in complete ignorance of the future, living day to day as
if nothing else existed.
But
reality was upon them, whether or not they were ready to accept it, and Arissa
savored the feel of Richmond against her, tucking the sensation of his heated
body deep into the recesses of her memory when the nights at the abbey grew
particularly cold and lonely. The thought of the sun rising, bringing forth the
new day, brought stabs of agony to her heart and the sting of tears prickled
her eyes, threatening torrents. But she refused to give into the pain; for
tonight, she would feel only the pleasure of his love. Come tomorrow, there
would be tears enough to drown her.
Richmond
began kissing her ear tenderly, distracting her from the thoughts of the
pending morrow. Remembering her vow to maintain a brave front, at least for the
duration of the night, she gave into his kisses, twisting in his arms until his
heated lips came to bear on her own. Whimpering softly as his warm hand found
her breast, she wrapped her legs about his narrow hips in preparation for
accepting his scalding manhood when another low, mournful wail penetrated the
night sky.
Richmond
suddenly paused, sighing heavily into Arissa's mouth as he raised his head as
if to see Gavan through the thick oiled tarp. Arissa, her arms wound around his
neck, followed his gaze and she could sense a change in his mood. While he was
tucked away, warm and content to enjoy all that love had to offer, his best
friend was in the midst of the greatest agony he had ever known.
For
a few blissful moments he had been completely oblivious to all but his own
needs; now, however, hearing Gavan's testimony of grief as it carried on the
damp night air brought a measure of guilt.
"We
cannot leave him out there all night, Richmond," Arissa whispered, reading
his thoughts. "We must try to bring him back, if only to keep an eye on
him so that he does not hurt himself in his anguish."
"Gavan
would not hurt himself," Richmond replied, stroking her skin and feeling
her life as desperately as Gavan wanted to feel the life of his beloved Kathryn
once more. He refocused on her pale green eyes, drinking in her exquisite
features. "But I fear for his sanity. I have never known the man to lose
control."
Arissa
gazed into his eyes, seeing his terrible indecision; he wanted to remain with
her, loving the night away, but deep inside he harbored a fierce desire to
comfort his friend. Even if they were on the verge of separation, one factor
remained clear; they would be together, eventually. Their brief respite from
one another was nothing compared to the picture of their overall future. They
would be together again, eventually. But Gavan could not look forward to the
same with his wife.
Pushing
her own wants aside, she tapped Richmond lightly on the shoulder. "Get up
and find your clothes. We must comfort Gavan."
He
looked surprised and uncertain. "But... Riss, this is our last night and...."
"I
am well aware that is our last night together for a short time," she said
as bravely as she could manage. Another pitiful wail wafted on the salty air
and Arissa gave him a second pat, encouraging him to rise. "Up, I say.
After we put Gavan to bed, we shall still have until sunrise for our own
pleasure. We must take care of him, Richmond. He’s all alone now."
He’s
all alone now
.
Richmond saw the truth of her words, the selflessness of her manner, and his
decision was made for him. Kissing her gratefully, he pushed himself up and
went in search of his clothing as she fumbled for her soft woolen
undergarments. Securing his hose and heavy tunics, he turned to help her finish
fastening the lamb's wool surcoat he was so very fond of. Securing a new woolen
cloak about her slender shoulders, he grasped her hand and quit the tent in
search of Gavan.
He
was not hard to find. On his knees in the middle of a muddy clearing, his
massive broadsword had been driven into the ground before him and Gavan leaned
against the weapon as if praying to it. Richmond and Arissa emerged onto the
mucky field, their manner silent and hesitant. They approached to within
several feet of the grieving man before Richmond released her, silently
beckoning for her to remain in place as he moved closer.
Richmond
was reluctant to speak, lest he interrupt whatever prayers Gavan was offering
to God on Kathryn's behalf. After several doubtful moments, he cleared his
throat quietly.
"Gavan?"
The
big man did not move; there was no indication that he had even heard Richmond's
softly uttered hail. Arissa watched Richmond with big eyes as he slowly knelt
beside his friend, concern in his expression.
"Gavan,
do you hear me?"
Again
he was met with no response. Feeling a growing measure of despondency, he cast
a long glance at Arissa and was about to make a third attempt when Gavan
suddenly shifted on his bent knees.
"I
hear you."
Richmond
let out a long, heavy sigh. "The hour grows late. Mayhap you would allow
Arissa and I to escort you back to camp."
Gavan
shifted again and his head came up, his impassive expression barely visible
under the cloud-shrouded moon glow. He stared at the hilt of his sword as if
the semi-precious jewels encrusted the hilt contained all of the answers he was
seeking. Over his shoulder and several feet away, Arissa could feel his pain as
if it were her very own. Tears renewed themselves in the pale green eyes as she
gazed at the once-mighty warrior, all but crumpled with grief and agony.
She
could only empathize with his pain; knowing that if anything ever happened to
Richmond, surely she would not want to live, either. She knew that her grief
would kill her.
"I
killed her," Gavan said after a moment, his voice faint and raspy. "I
killed her with my massive seed. She was far too small to carry my son. I.... I
should have known, Richmond. I should have known."
Arissa
swallowed hard, hearing Richmond's word echoing in her mind. But Richmond did
not look at her; he was focused on Gavan.
"That
is simply not true,” Richmond replied softly. “What happened was the will of
God, Gavan. You must not believe you had anything to do with her death."
Gavan's
hands came up, gripping the sword with fierce intensity as he walked the fine
line between reason and madness. "God is punishing me. He’s proving my
worthlessness by taking away what is most precious in my life," he
suddenly grasped the hilt of the sword, driving it deeper into the earth,
carving through the damp soil as he wanted to carve out his own heart. "God
is punishing me for my shortcomings. Perhaps he’s punishing me for not being
pious enough or for creating more widows than I can count. In battle, they say
all is forgiven in heaven and hell, but that is not the truth. God is
punishing me, Richmond. I have become his fallen.”
Richmond
was distressed. "Untrue, my friend. Kathryn succumbed to a familiar
happening and nothing more. This has nothing to do with punishment."
Gavan
suddenly bolted to his feet, weaving dangerously as a startled Richmond nearly
stumbled in his attempt to regain his footing. Gavan's face was filled with
more emotion than Richmond had ever seen. "You do not understand, Richmond,"
he exploded with madness. "God is condemning me by taking my wife."
Arissa
let out a choked sob, rushing to Gavan in a great billowing cloud of soft wool.
Throwing her arms about the man's waist, she sobbed loudly into his chest,
absorbing the anguish from his soul as if it were her own.
Watching
him descend into the depths of agonizing madness frightened her; Gavan had
always been an exceedingly kind and gentle man, his wisdom and rationality
unmatched. To observe his plummet into the bowels of grief was a truly
terrifying event; not knowing how else to save him, she grabbed hold of him as
if to physically prevent him from plunging further and further into the realm
of dementia.
"Gavan,
please do not curse yourself," she murmured urgently. "You did not
kill her, nor is God punishing you. Please do not hate yourself for loving your
wife enough to give her a son," her head came up, tears streaming down her
cheeks as she gazed into his tormented eyes. "Any woman will tell you that
the risk of bringing forth a son for the man they love is worth the threat of
death. It is considered an honor to devote one's life to something so
selflessly that you would be willing to die for it, is it not?"
Gavan
gazed at her, unbalanced and disoriented. But he managed a slight nod and
Arissa forced a smile through her anguished tears. "You would willingly
die for England, or Richmond, would you not? And you would do it a thousand
times over were you give the choice because you love them so," she
sniffled, releasing one arm from him and wiping daintily at her eyes.
"'Tis the same with women and childbearing, Gavan. To bear a child for the
man you love, to provide him with a legacy, is the greatest honor any woman
could ask for. Death is simply a part of that choice and you cannot blame
yourself for a risk she was more than willing to take."
He
stared at her, hearing a powerful rational in her softly spoken words. He was
tremendously torn between the desire to seek comfort in her intelligence and
the undisputable evidence of God's wrath. As Arissa gazed into his tortured
brown depths, silently beseeching him to come to reason, he closed his eyes and
looked away from her; he could not entertain the notion that, mayhap, she was
correct. He knew for certain he had as much as killed his beloved Kathryn
himself.
"God
is... he’s…," he stammered, refusing to look at her.
Arissa
squeezed him tightly, firmly. "He’s
not
punishing you. Kathryn has
died attempting to complete a most noble task. Are you going to disgrace her by
casting the blame upon yourself to divert attention from her sacrifice?"
He
swallowed hard, meeting her urgent gaze with the utmost reluctance. Bits and
pieces of her wisdom were succeeding in penetrating his brittle shell, weakening
him and strengthening him at the same time. The longer he gazed at her, the
more his reasoning began to return.
He
suddenly let out a huge sob, collapsing to his knees and nearly taking Arissa
with him had Richmond not grabbed her. Gavan wrapped his massive arms about
Arissa, pressing his face into her soft abdomen as if to hide from the reality
that threatened, the truth that cut him to the bone. Richmond stood behind her,
supporting her against Gavan's considerable weight and putting his arms about
the both of them. Wrapped in two pairs of comforting arms, Gavan allowed his
tears to come.