Great Sex, Naturally (13 page)

Female orgasms can be clitoral, vaginal, cervical, uterine, or stimulated by the G-spot and culminating in female ejaculation. Clitoral orgasms, probably the most familiar type to many women, are achieved by direct stimulation of the clitoris. Vaginal orgasms typically occur during sex, stimulated by penetration and thrusting of the penis in the vagina. Some women report cervical orgasms—the sensation of orgasm occurring in the cervix, possibly stimulated by deep penetration during sex—although this appears to be far less common than vaginal orgasms. Uterine orgasms appear to be infrequent, too, but some women report sensations of orgasm in the uterus, which may be stimulated by intercourse. Although G-spot ejaculatory orgasms, which we’ll explore below, also seem less common, this is partly because they’re not yet widely recognized.

Different nerves feed each area of the pelvis, so some women may experience any of these five kinds of orgasms at different times, or perhaps simultaneously—in a “blended orgasm” that involves the nerves and sensations for more than one type of orgasm. Each of the various possible combinations of blended orgasm is arguably a separate type unto itself, so the number of ways women can have orgasms is five at the very least, and perhaps far more.

It’s important to realize that there’s no “best” type of orgasm for all women. You may want to explore different possible types, but your body is unique, and whichever you experience naturally is right for you. If you have a single type of orgasm, it doesn’t mean your sexuality is somehow limited or not fully experienced. Many women have exclusively clitoral or vaginal orgasms, with such extremes of pleasure-pulsating sensation that they can’t imagine wanting anything else. If you’re fortunate enough to be orgasmic in the first place, you can’t possibly be “missing” anything; an orgasm is a gift and an anatomical miracle, regardless of which kind you experience.

Just as the type of orgasm varies from one woman to the next, so do its distinguishing characteristics. You may climax with fast, frenzied intensity, or have gradual, gentle orgasms that feel as if you’re gliding in spectacular slow motion over the edge of a waterfall. Women who experience G-spot ejaculatory orgasms often describe them as deeply intense and cathartic. Again, there’s no “right” degree of intensity or universally preferable quality for orgasms—just as every woman certainly doesn’t conform to the four phases of the so-called sexual response cycle (
excitement, plateau, orgasm
, and
resolution
) often used to define sexual function—and the best kind of orgasm for you is the kind that your body naturally enjoys.

Female Ejaculation: The Type of Orgasm That Few Know About

When people hear the phrase
female ejaculation
, they sometimes don’t take it seriously—perhaps because they’ve never experienced it and can’t imagine it’s possible. It may also be because female ejaculation continues to be poorly understood—or not understood at all—by many in the medical community. It doesn’t appear in medical texts or curricula, and you can still find any number of “experts” who insist that it’s anatomically impossible, or even that the urethral sponge doesn’t exist. This can be frustrating for women who ejaculate during orgasm and have nowhere to turn for information—or confirmation that they’re perfectly normal.

As recently as the 1980s, it was difficult to find a single self-help book on sex that even mentioned female ejaculation. Today, although more researchers acknowledge its existence (see accompanying sidebar), books broaching the subject remain few and far between. The shortage of information is no doubt compounded by the fact that not all women ejaculate—or are aware that they do—during orgasm.

Because female ejaculation hasn’t yet been adequately elucidated, it deserves extra attention here. Let’s look more closely at what happens when a woman ejaculates during orgasm, what leads up to it, and which organs are involved.

Earlier in this chapter we described how to locate your G-spot, and pointed out that it’s situated directly over your urethral sponge (your G-sponge). In a sense, your G-spot isn’t a separate entity, but simply the place on your vaginal wall where you can most easily reach your G-sponge and stimulate it. Many people don’t realize that the G-spot earned its reputation for triggering orgasmic ecstasy only because pressing on it during arousal means directly stimulating the sponge.

As you become aroused, your G-sponge, which contains erectile tissue and glands, becomes engorged, not only with blood but with the fluid it produces. This is why you can most easily find your G-spot during arousal, by reaching your finger inside your vagina to feel your swollen sponge; you can further stimulate its fluid buildup by pressing directly on the spongy surface via your G-spot. Ejaculation happens when intense contractions of the PC muscle during orgasm “squeeze” the built-up fluid in the sponge into the urethra (which the sponge surrounds and presses closely against) and out of the body through the urethral opening.

The fluid that a woman ejaculates, which has been called
amrita
, or “female nectar,” has a clear, watery quality and a pleasant, musky smell. It’s not easily confused with the vagina’s naturally secreted lubrication, and noticeably different from urine. But because it emerges from the urethral opening and many women, as well as many doctors, are unaware that it’s produced by paraurethral glands in the G-sponge, it’s often mistakenly believed to be urine.

As mentioned previously in this chapter, the G-sponge is sometimes called the female prostate because it’s the female counterpart of the male prostate gland, and a woman’s ejaculatory fluid resembles male prostatic fluid, although more diluted. It’s worth noting that a man’s ejaculatory fluid correspondingly contains prostatic fluid, which is produced in his prostate.

Depending on the degree of G-sponge stimulation and the intensity of orgasmic muscle contractions, some women release copious amounts of their female nectar. It can spill out in sudden warm gushes that bathe a woman’s vulva, or it can actually squirt like a fountain into the air, projected several inches or more out of her body. Some women release smaller amounts that trickle out less conspicuously.

All women have the potential for ejaculation, but it may require an unusual amount of sexual energy, a high state of arousal, and consistent G-spot stimulation for 20 minutes or longer. When sexual pleasure builds to a sufficient crescendo at orgasm, a woman may arch her back and hold her breath at the point of ejaculation, her pelvic muscles tightening forcefully and propelling her nectar from her body. Some women find that the more G-sponge stimulation they receive, the more ejaculatory they become, and experience multiple ejaculations in sequence without needing a recovery period. It’s also possible for a woman to ejaculate before, after, or without any other type of orgasm.

Some women ejaculate naturally, with no extra G-sponge stimulation. Many may do so without realizing it because they’re distracted by pleasure, or not adequately in touch with their bodies to recognize what’s happening. Many others may be aware of what’s going on but concerned that something is “wrong” with them because of the dearth of information on female ejaculation.

The bottom line: If clear fluid is released from your urethral opening when you’re aroused—whether it dribbles from your vulva or bursts out like a geyser—you have no cause for fear or alarm. To the contrary, this can be a completely healthy part of your sexual response, and a source of immense pleasure.

Is Female Ejaculation “The New G-Spot”?

In some ways, female ejaculation is to today’s generation what the G-spot was to a previous one: an important aspect of female sexuality that many are completely unaware of, few understand, and some consider largely a myth. However, with increasing numbers of women openly describing their experiences of ejaculating, it appears that female ejaculation, once almost a taboo topic among many medical professionals and gynecologists, is finally beginning to emerge from the closet. It seems that it will be just a matter of time, research, and education before it’s no longer widely dismissed as impossible. Female ejaculation is real, and here to stay!

Chi and Your Pelvis: The Great Sex Vortex

The ancient wisdom of Chinese medicine has a lot to say about your pelvis and sexual health. As you’ve discovered, your pelvis plays a pivotal role as the conduit for all the chi that courses through your body in channels known as meridians. You can nourish your sexuality, resolve many pelvic-health issues, and boost your general health by keeping your chi abundant and flowing smoothly through your pelvis. By following all the steps outlined in
Chapters 1
and
2
for creating a sturdy foundation of health, you can keep your chi strong.

If your chi isn’t flowing efficiently, you can develop what’s known as “stuck chi” in your pelvis. This can be caused by poor general health, or emotional issues such as unresolved anger or grief from abuse, miscarriages, or abortions. If you have stuck chi in your pelvis, your meridians can’t bring vital energy to your pelvic organs, and you’re prone to forming masses such as fibroids and ovarian cysts. Stuck chi in your pelvis can also result in abnormal functioning of your pelvic organs, pain, or reduction in the quality of your sex life.

Your pelvis is an energetic vortex because it concentrates not only your chi, but also a special form of chi that originates in your kidneys. For the purposes of this book, we call this type of chi your
sexual chi
because of its unique, primal connection to your sexuality. According to Chinese medicine, your sexual chi fills your meridians and has powerful therapeutic effects on your entire body, mind, and spirit. For example, it increases your circulation, nurtures your emotions, and reinforces your overall chi. Because of your sexual chi, loving sex that deeply bonds you with your partner has profound healing effects on many levels.

Your sexual chi can be especially healing to the organs and tissues of your pelvis, by flushing your female organs with energy, blood, oxygen, and nutrition. You need abundant sexual chi to maintain a robust sexual appetite; if it’s low, intimacy won’t hold much attraction for you. Chinese medicine teaches that common problems with sex organs, such as chronic vaginal infections, ovarian cysts, or painful menstrual cycles, can be resolved by restoring sexual chi.

You can enhance your capacity for great sex—or replenish your sexual energy if it’s depleted—by tapping into the power of your sexual chi. Because your sexual chi is derived from your entire body, mind, and spirit, you can build it with lifestyle shifts that improve your health and happiness. A balanced lifestyle gives you ample sexual chi, but a life of excess quickly depletes it. As with your overall chi, following the recommendations earlier in this book for creating a strong foundation of health will cultivate your sexual chi.

You can also stimulate your sexual chi with acupressure. Your body stores a vast reservoir of it in your pelvis, at an acupressure point called
Ren 6
, also known as the
Sea of Chi
. Another point for enhancing sexual chi, called
Kidney 1
(also known as
Gushing Spring
because it’s traditionally considered an upward-flowing fountain of energy), is found on your foot. To locate both points on your body, see
Appendix A
. By pressing firmly on these points for a few minutes each day, you can strengthen your sexual chi.

Getting into Your Flow with Acupressure

According to Chinese medicine, you can directly affect the channels of chi that flow through your body by pressing on key points along the courses they follow. When you stimulate your chi with acupressure, it can have systemic effects on your body, mind, spirit, and sexual energy. Acupressure can be thought of as a variation on acupuncture that you can easily apply yourself. To do so, you use your finger to press gently but firmly on a designated point for one to three minutes. This simple technique of applying steady pressure to the point enhances the flow of your chi through it.

“Sex-Flex” Exercises for Boosting Pleasure and Empowering Your Pelvis

You can create greater pelvic health and increase your sexual satisfaction by strengthening, firming, stretching, and releasing your pelvic muscles. Exercises for enhancing sex and boosting pelvic-muscle strength have been recommended in Chinese medicine for centuries. One well-known Chinese manual,
The Art of the Bedchamber
, instructed women to exercise their pelvic muscles and improve vaginal sensation with “pelvic squeezing” during sex.

According to traditional Chinese medicine, strengthening your pelvic muscles brings chi to your pelvis and improves its flow throughout your body. In addition, if your pelvic muscles are weak and lack tone, your vagina “leaks” your sexual chi, resulting in a reduced sex drive and overall fatigue. When your pelvic muscles are strong, they preserve the healing force of your sexual chi, and use it to maximize the health of your female organs.

The best-known modern exercises for enhancing pleasure and pelvic strength are Kegels. Introduced in the 1940s by physician Arnold Kegel to treat urinary incontinence (the involuntary release of urine), the exercises had the unexpected benefit of also improving women’s sex lives; some who did them regularly reported having orgasms for the first time.

Kegels increase blood flow to your pelvis and keep you connected with your core by familiarizing you with your inner pelvic muscles, particularly your PC muscle. By learning how to contract and relax your PC muscle, you can increase the intensity of your orgasms and literally flex your way to better sex—and also enhance your partner’s pleasure by increasing his sensation as your vagina tightens around his penis.

In addition to preventing and treating urinary incontinence, which we’ll explore later in this chapter, doing Kegels on a regular basis can prevent, alleviate, or reverse pelvic organ prolapse, which occurs if your pelvis doesn’t correctly support an organ. Kegels help with this condition by lifting, toning, and building up your inner pelvic muscles, which (as described in previous pages) include the PC muscle that forms the “hammock” holding up your pelvic organs. This is why Kegels are recommended for women about to give birth, or recovering from a vaginal birth. A woman’s pelvic muscles expand dramatically during childbirth, and afterward can remain stretched and weakened, making her prone to organ prolapse.