Guardian Angel (21 page)

Was it because of him?  Because of what he had said?  God knew, not a grain of it was true.  No matter how honorable his intentions, the reality was that Rebecca had become everything to him – his sun, his moon, his warmth.  And he had turned her away.  Turned his back on her when she needed him most.  How much courage had it taken for her to reveal herself to him as she had?  And how much had it hurt when he shut her down?

His chest ached so deeply he wanted to roar in agony.  Because this was all his fault.  If he hadn’t turned her away, she would not have been attacked.  She would have been safe and warm and loved in his bed instead of lying terrified on a cold, dark floor while someone beat her and tried to rape her. Nothing like that would have happened if he hadn’t been such a blind fool, he was sure of it.  Because he wouldn’t have allowed it. 

Rebecca was no stranger to pain.  He’d seen the scars.  Since that morning, he had lain awake every night imagining all too clearly the ways she must have gotten them.  But that was before she met him.  Over the past few weeks he’d learned to rationalize the horror by telling himself that nothing would have hurt her if he was around.  But he couldn’t say that anymore, could he? 

Because of him, she was scared to trust anyone anymore.  And that was simply unacceptable.  She had opened up her heart and soul to him, and he’d packed her up and sent her home like a troublesome child. 

When Kane entered the dining room, he searched for her.  But she wasn’t there.  Nor was Aidan.  It was too quiet.  And too many eyes avoided his.

“Uncle Kane, sit by me!”  Riley’s voice rang out in the tense silence.  Kane ruffled her hair, tried to offer her a reassuring smile.  “Thanks, princess.  But I can’t stay.  I just stopped by to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Are you gonna have dinner with Becca, Uncle Kane?” she asked.  “’Cuz Mom says no one should spend Thanksgiving alone.” 

Kane avoided looking at Taryn, not wanting to face the silent demand he knew burned through her unique violet eyes.  “Your mom’s absolutely right, princess.  Have some pie for me, will you?”

* * *

A
idan’s Benz pulled next to Rebecca’s in the parking lot behind the church.  He sprung out of his car and was opening her door before she had a chance to do so herself.

“How could you, Aidan?” 

Angry or not, she accepted the hand he offered her, wishing she had rented something a little easier to manage.  It was a fine thing when she was feeling good, but as stiff and sore as she was it was difficult to get in and out of the small vehicle with any semblance of grace.

“How could I what?  It’s Thanksgiving, Becca.  I missed the last twelve of them with you.  I’m not going to miss this one, too.”

Angus bounded across the driver’s seat – little more than a shift of weight for him – and landed quietly on the pavement.  He leaned his big body against her thigh, instinctively offering comfort as he looked between them.

“Not that, Aidan,” she said with impatience, pinning him with an accusing glare.  “You invited him, didn’t you?”

Aidan’s eyes widened as realization dawned.  “Kane?  Of course not.”

Rebecca snorted derisively.

“
Michael’s
house, Becca, not mine.  Believe it or not, Maggie did not consult with me on her guest list.”

A glimmer of doubt reflected in her eyes.  She was blaming Aidan for something that most likely wasn’t his fault.  Kane was family, after all.  And Aidan was like family, too.  If anything,
she
was the one who didn’t belong. 

“But maybe I
should
have called him,” he challenged.  “You wouldn’t have been attacked if he’d been around.”

“Is that what you think?”  Rebecca’s entire world lurched sickeningly.  Had that been Kane’s whole purpose?  To guard and protect her, to look over her when she would allow no one else to do so?  She asked her brother outright, no longer having the patience to pussyfoot around the issue.

“Of course not!” Aidan protested angrily when she confronted him.  “Jesus.  Do you really think Kane is the babysitting type, Becca?”

She considered the possibility, not wanting to believe it.  Even when he’d brought her back from the cabin, she still felt that he had spent time with her simply because he wanted to.  It was only when she had crossed the line that that had changed.

“Then why would you say such a thing, Aidan?”

It was Aidan’s turn to snort derisively.  “You haven’t been yourself for weeks, Becca.  You’ve been so distant, so distracted ever since you came back from the mountains.  You took off alone, heading to a dark building that was supposed to be empty, ensuring you made the perfect target.  What the hell happened up there anyway?”  His eyes narrowed.  “Did he..?”

“No,” she laughed, the sound desperate and just shy of hysterical.  “He didn’t.”  Her face hardened.  “But I offered myself to him, Aidan.  I practically threw myself at him and you know what he did?  He packed me up like a naughty child and brought me straight home.”

“Jesus, Becca.  I’m your brother, for God’s sake.  I don’t want to hear that shit.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, deflating again as she stepped into him, into his familiar warmth, just as she had when they were kids and something upset her.  She might be older, but Aidan had always been so much stronger. 

“It’s just... He’s different, you know?  I thought maybe he was the ...”  Her voice trembled as she just barely stopped herself from voicing the horrible heartbreak she felt.  To say it out loud would be to experience it all over again.

“Ah, baby, I’m sorry.”

She sniffled against his shoulder.  “Me, too.  Just... don’t go blaming him, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.  He held her like that for a moment; it didn’t make her pain go away, but it did help a little. 

“Come on,” he said finally, tugging her toward the church.  “I’m starving.”

K
ane parked halfway down the block and cut the engine.  Rebecca and Aidan were still at the church; a quick drive by had confirmed that.  Probably not for much longer, though.  Dusk was settling quickly, and the church would be closing after the last remnants of the afternoon meal were cleared away. 

It was a quaint little Victorian, done in tasteful, neutral shades.  Lots of small, angled roofs amid larger ones.  Windows with actual workable shutters.  A small front porch with a swing.  Well landscaped bushes.  A cobbled walk to the front steps.  Detached garage in the back.  It looked like something out of a storybook; so much so that he half expected to see Rebecca glide onto the porch and have a bluebird swoop down and land on her shoulder affectionately. 

A closer look, however, revealed that it needed some work.  A few shingles hung loosely on the far side.  The gutters needed replacing, as well as the worn porch steps.  Things he could fix easily. Things he
would
fix if Rebecca gave him the chance.  Anything to be near her again.  He’d be Bob Fucking Villa if it gave him the chance to spend time with her.

Within the hour, he spotted her little silver car pulling into the driveway and down the back.  The dusk to dawn light back there wasn’t working.  This was a nice neighborhood, but it wasn’t safe for her to be getting in and out of her car in the dark like that, out of the sight of her neighbors.  It would be the first thing to be fixed, he decided, wondering why her brother hadn’t already taken care of it.  But he already knew why.  Because Rebecca probably wouldn’t allow it.  Screw that.

A few minutes later he saw a light come on at the back of the house.  The glow filtered through the flimsy sheers of the big bay window in front.  Her silhouette passed back and forth a few times before settling. 

Darkness came early this time of year, the winter solstice only a few weeks away.  When the light had faded sufficiently, Kane left the comfort of his truck and made his way closer to the little house.  He stood among the shadows of the large maple in between the sidewalk and the street, and gazed inside.

The second story windows were curtained on the street side.  But the first floor windows had only delicate lace adorning them.  From this vantage point, he could see through the room with the bay window into what looked like a kitchen beyond.  He saw Rebecca put her barely touched plate on the floor for Angus, petting him gently while he feasted on her dinner. 

Of course she wouldn’t have eaten at the church.  Rebecca always ate alone.  Except when she was with him.  She’d even let him feed her that once.  The image of her closed eyes, chocolate-caked lips, and cream filling tipped nose filled his mind, along with the pure delight she’d experienced with that damned whoopie pie.  It seemed like a lifetime ago.

When the plate was licked clean – perhaps a total elapsed time of six or seven seconds, Rebecca gathered up the lone plate and glass, washed them, and placed them in the drainer.  It was all terribly lonely, and one thing he knew for certain – Rebecca should not be alone, not as long as he drew breath.

Kane moved up the cobbled walk.  He had to fix this.  He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to manage it.  He’d run a bunch of scenarios through his mind, trying to plan for every eventuality, but the truth was, he wasn’t sure what kind of a reaction Rebecca would have to him.  If that afternoon had been any indication, it wasn’t going to be easy getting close to her again, but he sure as hell was going to try, because there just wasn’t any other option.

The wooden steps creaked beneath his weight, but held.  A little shoring beneath, he figured somewhere in the back of his head, and some new boards on top.  A few hours work, nothing more.

He got as far as the front door, raised his hand to press the bell... and the door opened.  Rebecca looked at him through the screen door.  Angus stood protectively by her side, regarding him with eerily intelligent blue eyes.

“Kane,” she said; there was no trace of surprise in her voice.  Maybe she had been expecting him, he thought.  Though the lack of sparkle in her eyes did not bode well for him. 

“May I come in?” he asked.

“Did my brother send you?”

For just a moment he was taken aback.  “No,” he answered honestly. 

* * *

R
ebecca believed him.  Kane was not a liar.  If she’d learned anything at all about him, it was that he was brutally, agonizingly honest.  “What do you want?”

“I’d like to talk to you.  May I come in?” he asked again.

She considered only a few moments before answering.  Even with the screen door between them she could feel his presence wrapping around her.  Rebecca had a tendency to lose her resolve around Kane.  Being close to him made her do crazy things.  All he had to do was look at her and speak with that slightly rough, deep voice and her body was already responding.  Even after what happened at the cabin she still wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anything.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Then maybe you can come out here for a few minutes?”

She studied him for a few seconds, then nodded once.  Yes, she could do that.  On the porch, with the lights on, she’d be in full view of her neighbors, several of which were undoubtedly peeking out of their windows even then.  If nothing else it might give her the incentive to refrain from doing something else monumentally stupid.  Because of her lack of restraint, she had ruined the best relationship she’d ever had.  As much as she’d wanted him, there was no sex worth the loss of her heart mate, because no matter what he said or did, that’s what he was to her. 

He was the only man that had ever touched her soul.

She disappeared for a moment, donning a heavy sweater.  It was a shield, a form of protection in the event he tried to give her his jacket.  If she had to feel his heat or inhale his unique scent as it wrapped around her, she might not survive it.

“Can we sit for a moment?” he asked, indicating the wooden porch swing.

With a slight nod, Rebecca moved slowly to it and sat down.  Angus laid himself at her feet. 

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. 

Kane’s eyes were powerful.  Her hands closed into fists, feeling his intense gaze as he appraised her.  It reminded her too much of the way he had looked at her that morning at the cabin, like she was defective.   

She wanted to scream.  She wanted to pound her fists on that marble chest until he understood.

But that wouldn’t be fair, because he really hadn’t done anything except speak a truth to her that she hadn’t wanted to hear.  Kane was what he was – rock solid, strong.  He wasn’t the type to sugar coat things or drape her in meaningless platitudes.  Wasn’t that one of the reasons she had been so attracted to him?  Because he wasn’t about all the bullshit? 

No, this wasn’t his fault.  She had only herself to blame.  She had been the one to let her emotions run away with her.  She had been the one to misread his kindness.  She had been the one to ruin the special bond they’d shared by throwing herself at him when he clearly was not interested.

“Why are you here, Kane?” 

“I’m worried about you.”

Her breath hitched a little.  She did her best to offer a reassuring smile.  “Don’t.  I’m fine.”

It was a blatant lie.  She was anything but fine.  She was barely hanging on by a thread, and every minute she sat here with him it grew increasingly difficult to pretend otherwise.  Her hands moved, now held tightly across her midsection in a protective shield.  If that’s all he had come for, then there was no reason to continue.

“Well, it was nice to see you again,” she said, beginning to rise. 

“Please, Rebecca, don’t go just yet.  There’s something I need to say.”

* * *

S
he bit her lip, but resumed her place on the swing.  Kane felt as though he had won a small victory; she obviously didn’t want to be here.  His chest ached.  Rebecca had never denied him anything; he hadn’t realized that until now.

Kane’s eyes trailed back and forth over her.  Every detail of her was committed to his memory, and now he noted with growing horror the changes.  The lack of sparkle in her eyes.  The paleness of her skin and the dark circles.  The slow, careful way she moved.  The way her clothes hung on her thinner frame.  The way her hands clutched each other in her lap and she angled herself away from him instead of trying to quietly sneak a touch, thinking he didn’t know exactly what she was doing.