Guardians (Seers Trilogy) (48 page)

If I couldn’t have her, I didn’t want to live. Staying alive for anyone else didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t make it to heaven. I didn’t need an afterlife. Wouldn’t want one, if I couldn’t be reunited with her. I only needed an empty abyss.

I snatched up the needle, my hands quivering in anticipation at what I was about to do. Tearing back the plastic I hurriedly freed the needle. In seconds, I was filling the syringe with the only substance that could end my eternal life.

I tapped the side and the small amount of liquid rippled, sloshing inside the cylindrical tube.

I opened my arm, baring the inside of my elbow. The thick vein waited, bulging with tension. As if my body was as desperate for death as my mind.

I took a deep breath, my eyes on the long needle as it descended, touched against the vein.

I heard scuffing footsteps outside, and I knew time was up. Done hesitating, I jammed the needle into my arm and flushed the virus inside.

M
y eyes opened
slowly, vision blurry—like I’d been asleep for a long time.

I knew I was dead. Not because I was in pain. On the contrary, I felt perfectly fine. Better than fine. No, I knew I was dead because I was in a white room, just like Toni had described to me.

Complete, comforting white. The temperature was perfect. Not chilly, not too warm. The plush bed I was lying on was the sole piece of furniture, though the room was not small. The ceiling wasn’t low, but it wasn’t high. Everything seemed moderate. Perfectly balanced.

The only difference from Toni’s death experience was the person sitting at the end of my bed. It wasn’t a little girl. It was Grandpa Bennett.

He looked exactly as I remembered him, though I knew in heaven he would be a handsome young man. Seeing his weathered face and wispy hair caused my heart to burn. His large hands looked just as rough and calloused as they should be. He was even wearing his overalls, though they weren’t crusted in dirt from the backyard.

He was smiling at me, eyes edged with melancholy. “Hello, honey.”

Though it was probably the least graceful reaction of all time, all I could do was blubber as I pushed up into his arms. He held me tightly, crushing my shoulders in his muscled grip. He rocked me gently and I cried into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I finally managed to choke out. “I’m so sorry for everything. For making you die.”

“Hey, it wasn’t your fault at all. Don’t be ridiculous. I’m so proud of you, Kate.”

But his reassurances meant nothing to me in my current state. “I ruined everything, Grandpa. Everything. I trusted Peter, and I shouldn’t have. I watched them kill Lee—and they went after the twins. I tried to go back but I don’t think I made anything right. Wouldn’t I know if I had? And Patrick—Grandpa, I made a horrible mistake. I should have told him yes. I don’t know what I was thinking. He proposed to me—”

“I know,” he cut in. “I was there.”

“What? Really?” I pulled back so I could see his face, though the burning tears made his features indistinct.

He set his hand lovingly against my face. “Of course. It’s one of the things that makes heaven so great. We’re the
real
guardian angels, when it comes right down to it. We watch over our loved ones, so you’re never alone. We just live on another plane—one that even Seers can’t glimpse. But we’re always there.”

“Mom and Dad?”

“They saw it too. She was especially thrilled when he used both knees. Called it the most romantic pose. Your father thought he could have at least gotten a ring first, but I think he was mostly joking. As for Patrick’s parents, well—”

“They were there too?”

“Of course. It only makes sense, doesn’t it?”

If I wasn’t dead, I might have been embarrassed to think we’d had an audience. Still, the idea felt so right. They
should
have been a part of that moment. “I’m glad you were all there.” It was almost a whisper.

He smiled, but it was a tired action. “You’ve been keeping us busy, that’s for sure. The last few days have been especially crazy. I left the twins just a while ago . . .”

I paled. “They’re not—they’re not
here
, are they?”

“You mean dead? No. Patrick and Sean kept them safe.”

“Sean?”

He nodded seriously. “He’s had more than one angel hovering around him for a while now, working on his conscience, trying to help him recognize his feelings again. His mother, his father—and, most recently, me. He’s broken through a lot of barriers today. Emotions he’s been hiding from for a long time, he finally decided to face.” He seemed to consider something. “Well, I guess Jenna and Josie did the final breaking for him, though, of course, it was his choice in the end. We can go over the whole story later. We’ve got eternity, after all.”

I hesitated, unsure of how to pose my next question. “Can I . . . can I do what you do? Watch everyone? I need to see everyone.”

“What do you want to know?” he asked instead.

“Well . . . is Patrick all right?”

He pursed his lips. “He’s alive. In his room, at the warehouse, when I left him. He’s not taking your death well.”

I swallowed hard, trying not to imagine what he must be going through. It was a pain I was confident I’d be feeling soon enough, once my mind adjusted to the fact that I was really dead and I couldn’t ever be with him again—talk to him, kiss him, be held by him. It was hard to come to terms with death because I just felt so . . .
alive
right now. It was hard to imagine my body was lying around somewhere, that I’d been dead for over an hour by my reckoning, when I felt perfectly healthy.

I needed to distract myself. “What about the Demon Lord?”

Grandpa patted my hand. “Dead. Along with Selena, the Dmitriev brothers, Takao Kiyota, and Mei Li—all of them gone.”

“What will happen to the evil Seers? They haven’t gone to heaven, have they?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know for sure. They’ve probably earned themselves a place in Prison forever after all they’ve done, though. I’m sure they’re being treated to the fate they deserve.”

“So if the Demon Lord is gone . . . what will happen to the Demon uprising?”

“Since most of his closest confidants were also killed, it’s suspected that things will slowly go back to normal. Without anyone to unite them, they’ll fall back to their old ways. Different groups of Demons will fight amongst each other, trying to divide the world like regular street gangs. It’s nothing the Guardians can’t handle.”

“But what about the virus? The Demon Lord’s been distributing it all over the world.”

“Rounding up the vials will probably take awhile, but it’s possible to cleanse the world of it. Not all of the Guardians are susceptible, after all.”

What he said made sense, so I tried to keep from worrying about it. I still had other questions. “Is Lee here?”

“No.”

I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. “I know she’s not in the room, but—”

“Lee is not in heaven.”

My mind and heart rejected the thought. “But I saw her die. And you can’t tell me she didn’t qualify—”

“Lee had a long talk with her uncle, and she decided to become a Guardian. She’s already returned to that plane, and due to her unique circumstances and death, she has been granted permission to break a few rules.”

“Rules?” My head was spinning. I couldn’t decide if I was happy for Lee or depressed that I’d lost her again.

He nodded once. “Normally a new Guardian cannot revert out of their invisible state. Not until everyone who previously knew them has also died. The time is usually used for training, but she has been allowed to jump back into her old life. Only Seers would notice the difference, until they realize she’s not aging. Her mother will have to be told eventually, but I think Peter’s presence will help make that easier.”

My eyes narrowed at the mention of the Demon Seer’s name. “But he’s the one who betrayed us!”

“And he’s extremely repentant. He saved Hanif’s life.”

“Hanif survived? What about Dr. Radcliffe?”

Grandpa’s head was already shaking. “But don’t mourn him too much. He’s absolutely fascinated with Heaven, and the plane of existence we live on. He’s only been here a few hours but he’s already taking down notes to write a book about it.”

“Alex and Ashley?”

“I saw them briefly. They’re both fine. Heaven isn’t exactly an unhappy place, young lady.”

I curled some errant strands of hair around my ear. “So . . . that’s it then? I just . . . go on existing?”

“You make it sound so boring. You won’t believe all the people you can meet. Aside from that, your parents are eagerly waiting for you, just beyond that door there.”

He pointed to a white door I hadn’t yet noticed, and I felt my heart tighten. And though I wanted to see them so badly—more badly than words could express—I couldn’t make myself stand up. Not yet. I still had too many questions, and they needed immediate answers. “What about the twins? And Grandma? I . . . I can’t just leave them hanging.”

He sighed deeply. “I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know. But it’s the way of things—of life. Eventually they’ll come along, and we’ll all be together again.”

I glanced away from him, looking back toward the door. I bowed my head, pinching my eyes closed. “What about Patrick? I can’t just leave him like this. Even if I can watch him, be around him . . . It won’t be enough. Not for either of us. I can’t leave without saying good-bye. Grandpa, those things I said to him . . . I never got to look him in the eye and apologize.”

I looked up quickly when I felt Grandpa squeeze my hand. “Kate, I think it’s time to let you in on a little secret. Something Seers aren’t allowed to know until they die. Special Seers receive a token of appreciation for all the services they rendered on earth.”

When he didn’t continue, I frowned. “A . . . ‘token of appreciation’? What does that even mean?”

“Well, it’s like a special request. A favor, really.”

“Seriously?” It came out almost wryly.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I thought you’d sound excited.”

“It just sounds . . . unreal.”

“Well, it’s quite real, I assure you.”

“So you got one?” I clarified.

“I did.”

“Can I ask what it was?” I don’t know why I was hesitant—he’d always been open with me in life, and that certainly hadn’t changed with death.

“Of course. I asked for the chance to interfere with circumstances on another plane, with one person. Specifically, that the selected person could hear my voice.”

“How would you even think of something like that?”

He winked. “I’m a wise person, Kate. Ask anyone but your grandmother.”

“So who did you choose?”

He almost smiled. “The answer will surprise you, I think. Sean O’Donnell.”

He was right—I was more than surprised. “But . . . he’s the one who . . .”

“Who killed me? Grudges aren’t easy things to hold, Kate, especially here. You gain a lot of perspective after you die.”

“What did you do?”

“I helped unbury the emotions he’d been hiding from for so long, forced him to feel
something
. Once he remembered how to feel, it wasn’t that hard. He chose to keep feeling, to help save Jenna and Josie from Yuri Dmitriev.”

I thought back to Pastor O’Donnell’s words, when he told me that somehow I would be the one to save Sean. And maybe I’d helped. Without my final warning for Patrick to save the twins, a lot of things wouldn’t have happened; so perhaps I had contributed. Still, it sounded like I was merely one of the keys to his redemption.

I was glad Patrick had his brother back. I was sure they still had a lot to work out, but at least now they had a chance.

Grandpa’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “So, if I might ask . . . What will your request be?”

I was almost afraid to voice my deepest wish, but hope won out. “Could I . . . Could Patrick come with me?” Even as I asked, I knew it wasn’t right. Not that the idea of being in heaven with him was wrong—but taking him away from his brother, having him lose the title of Guardian, changing a decision he’d made in the distant past—the choice that had brought us together in the first place . . .

Grandpa was shaking his head, confirming my impression. “Patrick made his choice to abandon heaven long ago. That can’t be undone now—not by him, and not by you.”

He waited for my next question, but I could tell by the look in his eye he knew what was coming. I looked at him, and he looked back at me, waiting for me to say the words.

He didn’t have to wait long. “Can I stay with him?” I whispered.

If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. “That choice comes with a cost,” he warned honestly.

I bit my lower lip, felt tears burn behind my eyes. “I know. Mom and Dad . . . You, and someday Grandma and the twins . . .” Just saying the words, recognizing the cost, nearly undid me. I swallowed back my emotions. “But I can be with the twins now; be with them as they grow up . . . And I’ll have Patrick forever.”

“Will that be enough?”

I hesitated to respond only because I was overwhelmed with sudden clarity. It wasn’t until now—now that I was truly forcing myself to answer the question—that I realized my answer had been confirmed again and again, every time I was near him.

I nodded. “You’ll let Mom and Dad know that I love them?”

He smiled, though there was a flash of something like regret—or pain—in his eyes. “Of course I will. But they already know. And you know? More than that, they understand.” He embraced me firmly, planting a quick kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Guardian Seer,” he said roughly.

The light in the room was getting brighter. I pulled in a deep breath, knowing time was up. I could feel the tears I’d been determined not to cry spilling down my cheeks. “Grandpa, I love you.”

He grinned. “And I love you.” He patted my hand. “Bit of advice, Kate. When everything starts to fade, you should look around the room one last time.” My brow furrowed, but he only winked, tapping the tip of my nose with one finger. “Tell your grandma I said hello.”