Guilty of Love (40 page)

Oh man, this is all Annette’s
fault,
he thought as he was submerged under the water in Jesus’
Name.

Cheney was heartbroken after Parke’s
hesitation. He had her spoiled, saying yes to many of her requests,
but not this time. The urge was so strong, she walked
alone.

That sermon was for me.
Cheney
needed not only to forget and forgive herself for having the
abortion, but she wanted God’s forgiveness, too. She had done all
that she could do to shake the guilt. Taking in foster kids hadn’t
worked. Nothing had. She believed the preacher when he said she
wouldn’t leave out the door the same way she came in, swollen with
guilt, bitterness, and self-pity.

“‘
And God will subdue
our iniquities and cast all our sins into the depths of the
sea.’
Micah 7:19. Rest assured that the sea is too deep for
your sins to rise again after God leaves them there,” a bald man
told a dozen gathered for their baptism.

Nervously climbing three steps to a
large water tank, Cheney’s heart pounded. As she steadied herself
and looked up, Parke stood on the other side and mouthed,
I love
you
.

Two ministers stood waist-deep in the
pool, beckoning for Cheney and Parke to begin their descent into
the water. She faced Parke. Curving his lips into a bright smile,
Parke whispered, “I realized I had to get myself cleaned up,
too.”

“
Cross your arms against
your chest,” one minister said to both of them.

Gripping the back of her garment with
a steady hand, the man lifted one arm in the air. “My dear brother
and sister, upon the confession of your faith and the confidence
that we have in the blessed Word of life, concerning the death,
burial, and grand resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
we now baptize you in the name of Jesus for the remission of your
sins. You shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” Despite
his firm hold, he gently dipped Cheney back. “Your sins are now
buried, Sister,” were the first words out the minister’s mouth when
she resurfaced. “Praise God. Don’t let the devil convince you to
dig them up again. Let God fill you with His precious Holy
Ghost.”

Cheney wiped water from her eyes as
Parke shouted, “Hallelujah!” and the ministers encouraged him to
worship God. Something was happening in Parke. She didn’t know
what, but she wanted it, too. But a woman motioned for her to get
out the pool so another female candidate could get into the pool.
“Now, don’t you feel better, sugar?” she asked, draping a warm
white towel over Cheney’s shoulders.

“
I feel like I dumped a
heavy load,” Cheney confessed, but her mind remained on Parke.
Besides the night he shed tears with her, he hadn’t been that
emotional again.

Inside a large ladies’ dressing room,
two older women assisted Cheney with drying off and changing back
into her black dress.

“
You’re a new creature,
sweetie,” a plump grandmother-looking woman said, “Thanks to
Jesus’s death on Calvary, you’ve got a clean slate.”

“
Sho does,” the other women
agreed, rolling wet socks off Cheney’s feet. “It looks like that
man in the pool with you may already have received the Holy
Ghost.”

Cheney’s head shot up. “Parke?
Whatever it is I want it.”

Neither woman stopped working with
Cheney’s clothes as they talked.

“
Usually when someone
starts shouting like that in the water, if they don’t have the Holy
Ghost, they’ve got the anointing,” said the shorter
woman.

“
Sho ’nuff,” the taller
woman added. “You want God to fill you with His power because
you’re clean and sanctified before the devil tries to lure you
away.”

“
It’s a gift from God and
the evidence is His spirit speaking through you in unknown tongues.
That’s just the beginning, the breakthrough,” Ethel
explained.

“
Well, whatever God has for
me, I want it all,” Cheney with finality. This was the first time
in six years she was at peace. Somehow, her life was about to turn
around.

“
You can read all about the
Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues in the book of Acts,” Ethel
instructed.

“
Will I know what I’m
saying?”

“
Only if God has a message
for you; otherwise, it’s God’s way of edifying you.”

“
Oh.” Minutes later they
arrived at a small chapel sparsely filled with other baptized
converts. Some were crying, but mostly they all were shouting,
“Thank you, Jesus” or ‘Hallelujah”. Parke dominated a far corner
with his hands in the air talking a mile a minute in a language she
didn’t recognize.

“
Yeah, he’s got it,” the
shorter woman stated matter-of-factly.

All three of them sat on a back row.
The women instructed Cheney to just thank God, praise Him for being
God. Cheney shrugged as she closed her eyes. She didn’t know how to
pray other than “Our Father” so thanking Jesus for a second chance
seemed simple enough. Funny, baptism was such an effortless task to
rectify a serious act. Cheney didn’t know how Parke “got it” but
she wanted this Holy Ghost, too.

A while later, words unrehearsed,
unlearned, and indistinguishable exploded from her mouth. The
sensation along with the words began in her belly and spread
throughout her body. It was as if she was experiencing an
out-of-body episode, but she was fully aware.

Cheney heard herself speaking, and
felt her lips moving, but she couldn’t control the words, speed, or
volume. She didn’t understand what she was saying, but the
spiritual, supernatural connection was undeniable. Rejoicing roared
through the room.

“
Sho ‘nuff, she’s got it!”
a woman yelled.

Unbelievable.
Cheney didn’t
know what kind of high junkies experienced, but she was sure it
couldn’t compare to what just occurred. “It’s real. It’s real. I
got Pentecost like in the Bible!” The Power was still very much
alive in the new millennium. Her burdens, guilt, and hate were
finally extinguished.

***

“
My life is over,” Hallison
complained, stomping around in her bedroom. With Paula Silas at
work, her mother’s daily salvation reminder calls, and now Cheney
and Parke receiving the Holy Ghost, church seemed to be closing in
on her.

She wanted to curse out her
frustration. God would probably strike her dead for blasphemy. She
had faked sickness, lied, and repeatedly turned down her mother’s
last invitation to attend church. Now, Malcolm wholeheartedly
agreed to visit with the newly converted, happy, and rejoicing
Pentecostals.

“
Baby, we’re not making any
commitments, they are,” he had said.

Whatever demons Cheney had, they had
been exorcized. All Hallison wanted was to live in sin, out of sin,
or with sin—in peace. She was a contented backslider, but God kept
sending His servants her way. Unfortunately, her so-called demons
were angels from God, and they had more warfare than any devil
could conjure up.

Tugging a plum-colored suit off the
rack in her closet with too much force, she snagged several other
outfits down with it.
Great
. “Who am I kidding? If I step
foot in church, I may turn to a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife.”
She clenched her teeth. “Malcolm, why do you have to be so
accepting? Ever hear of just saying no?” she shouted.

“
Accept that I don’t want
to be saved anymore.” Her mild irritation was escalating into a
major temper tantrum as the phone rang, interrupting her
ranting.

“
Hey,” Malcolm hushed into
the receiver when she answered. “This can’t be my woman. You aren’t
starting your day off like that. Close your eyes and have a
seat.”

She rolled her eyes instead. Her mood
wasn’t conductive to romance. “Sweetheart, I phone you every
morning to love you with soft words and sweet thoughts. What is
ruining it today?”

Flopping on her bed, Hallison debated
if she should discuss her fears with him. Without warning, tears
spilled from her eyes. Her steady, angry voice became weak and
shaky. “I’m so scared, Malcolm.”

Malcolm cooed into her ear. “What’s
scaring you? Tell me, I’ve got time. I suggest you make time to
talk to me now, or I’m calling your office all day.”

“
The thought of going to
church.” She sighed. “Then, there’s Parke and Cheney receiving the
Holy Ghost and the pressure to share their jubilation.”

His laugh held a touch of relief. “Oh,
don’t let them scare you. They’ve been excitable since their
experience. They’ve been finishing each other’s sentences, and
praying for folks on the spot. I’m kinda interested to see what
caused that.”

“
They spoke in other
tongues, Malcolm. That’s called receiving the Holy Ghost. That’s
what happened to them! I was once like that.”

“
Then what’s the problem?”
Malcolm asked, sounding confused.

“
I don’t want to be like
that anymore. I mean, I’m all for going to church, but I want to do
what I want and not be reminded that I’m sinning against
God.”

Malcolm was quiet, then slowly
responded, “You know I’m not one for pressure, especially when it
comes to religion. I’ve already accepted their invitation for
church. I thought you and Cheney were becoming good friends. But if
you’ll be uncomfortable, I can tell Parke we can’t make it,
although I can’t understand why you’re stressed.”

She loved her man deeply, but at the
moment, Hallison could’ve shaken Malcolm like a rag doll
.
He
should’ve checked with her, but he didn’t know how she felt.
“You’re right. I guess I’m just freaking out. I’m
sorry.”

“
It sounds like I need to
spend more time with my woman. Like I told you before our hiatus,
you’ll get no pressure from me. Feel up to dinner and dancing
later?” She agreed. “Oh,” Malcolm said, chuckling. “Don’t think
this conversation is over.”

Shutting out bad vibes, Hallison
closed her eyes and smiled. “I just love you so much. I don’t want
anything to come between us, not even church. I keep getting these
strange feelings that something is trying to steal my
happiness.”

“
Our love is too strong for
you to worry. You’re mine and I’m yours. We can do church and
survive. Now, Miss Dinkins, say,
“I love,
Malcolm.”

The man was irreplaceable. “I love
you, Malcolm, my strong, handsome and fearless warrior.” Smiling,
Hallison was content the remainder of the day until she stopped by
the Galleria from work. That strange feeling returned, and she was
about to dismiss it when she heard her name. She turned in that
direction. “Tavia, is that you?”

“
Yeah, girl, it’s me. How
have you been?” They embraced.

Hallison didn’t recognize her old
friend from her church days. Tavia was heavier, hair shorter, and
she didn’t look like she had been taking care of herself. “How’s
David?”

“
Girl, don’t mention that
man’s name.” Tavia’s eyes bucked. “I should’ve never married
him.”

“
Huh?” Hallison blinked in
shock. “What? You two were so in love.”

“
Yeah, and pastor told me
not to marry him.”

Hallison shook her head. “Well, he was
wrong. You’re happily—”

“
No, the pastor was right.
He used drugs, beat me…tried to kill me.”

“
No!” Hallison covered her
mouth.
How could the pastor have known, or did he know?
“Are
you okay?”

“
Only by the grace of God,
but David was stabbed to death while buying drugs. I repented big
time and called the pastor and apologized. I’ve learned my lesson.
When the man of God tells me something, I’m going to listen from
now on.”

Stunned, she couldn’t believe it. For
years, Hallison had misjudged God concerning Tavia and David. Was
God now talking to her? Cutting their conversation short, Hallison
exchanged a hug, then headed home. Her shopping spree was put on
hold.

***

Mrs. Beacon stared Cheney down.
“You’re kiddin’ me. Please tell me you’re not on a religious
crusade. Go to church? It ain’t going to happen, unless it has
bingo tables.”

Parke folded his arms, standing in
Mrs. Beacon’s living room. “Cheney, you said she would be
difficult.”

“
Yeah, I know. We could use
force.”

“
I wanna know who is bad
enough to tie me up and carry me out of here?”

Cheney pleaded, “Come one time. The
experience is unexplainable. After so many years I have peace from
a bad decision I made. God can get rid of your
bitterness.”

“
I’d rather hold on to it.”
Mrs. Beacon squinted. “God’s the cause of all my lonely nights,
cloudy days, and something else. I’ll remember it in a minute. I’ll
bargain with God if He hands over the hit-and-run driver who took
Henry away.”

Kneeling in front of Mrs. Beacon,
Cheney rested praying hands on her lap. “Grandma BB, I don’t have
all the answers. He has already proven Himself to me in a way
that’s indescribable. A woman at church came up to me and said
God’s mercies are new every morning. I wake up every morning trying
to find out. Will you please come to church with us, just one
time?” Cheney stuck one finger in the air. “I want to share this
incredible experience.”