Guinea Pigs Online (6 page)

“No, one is not!” Coco squealed and stamped hard on his foot.

Scarlet heard the commotion and grabbed her sharpest chopping knife. She saw the three guinea pigs cowering beside the cooker.

“Now see what you’ve done!” Eduardo yelled. “Come on!”

He pulled her toward the door. Looking up at the glinting blade,
Coco decided to do as she was told. She would catch up with Her Majesty later.

They all turned and ran toward the back door. Scarlet ran after them.
The chefs and waitresses stood and stared. Most of them were secretly pleased that the guinea pigs had escaped. They weren’t particularly looking forward to cooking animals that some of them had had as pets when they were children. A couple of them still had guinea pigs as pets, like Ben and Henrietta did. But no one had dared object to Scarlet’s guinea-pig plan because they were terrified of her.

“
Arriva!
” called Eduardo as he reached the back door.

“Beg your pardon?” panted Fuzzy
as he shot through the door behind him. (There had been no time to explain Eduardo’s South American roots.)

“Gotcha!” shouted Scarlet. She grabbed Coco by the neck and lifted her into the air triumphantly.

“Fuzzy! Eduardo! Help me!” called Coco, but it was too late. There was nothing they could do. She
saw them peeping round the door, paralyzed with fear. She saw the knife above her. She closed her eyes.

“No one keeps the Queen waiting for her dinner!” shrieked Scarlet, throwing Coco onto a silver platter. “And as there isn’t time to skin you and fry you, she’ll just have to eat you alive!”

10

Dinner Is Served

C
oco landed on a soft bed of finely chopped lettuce. The lid of the silver platter banged down, leaving her completely in the dark.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Scarlet Cleaver screamed. “Take it through!”

Coco felt the platter being hoisted high in the air. She was being carried through the kitchen. She heard the hinges of the kitchen doors creak and sigh. She heard a soft murmur of voices and the delicate plink of the harp. She came to her senses with a thrill of joy. This was it! The moment she had been waiting for. She just wished Fuzzy and Eduardo could be there to see it. They would come, she told herself. They would get past Scarlet Cleaver somehow and see her—Coco—talking to the Queen.

She felt the dish being lowered, a
slight bump as it met the table. She preened her whiskers quickly for one last time and stood up.

“
Conejillo de Indias
, Your Majesty.” The waitress’s hand was shaking as she removed the lid.

“Your Majesty,” Coco said, curtsying deeply.

“Coco!” Her Majesty exclaimed. “What a lovely surprise. I was expecting halibut.”

Coco shook her head. “I’m sorry to tell you, ma’am, that
Conejillo de Indias
is not halibut. It’s Spanish for guinea pig.”

“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish!” the Queen said. “How remarkable.”

“Oh, one picks things up,” Coco said airily. She glanced around a little nervously. She didn’t want
everyone
to know how special she was.

“Don’t worry, we’re quite alone,” the Queen said kindly, “apart from Sharon, of course, and my two bodyguards.”

Sharon was the Queen’s chief lady-in-waiting.

Coco was relieved to see that the Queen was sitting in a private part of the restaurant with a curtain separating her from the other guests.

“Pan-fried guinea pig, eh?” The Queen frowned, glancing at the menu over her spectacles. “I don’t much like the sound of that!” She leaned forward. “I imagine you didn’t either.”

“No, ma’am, that’s why we came,” Coco explained. “Eduardo and one. To rescue the guinea pigs from Scarlet Cleaver.”

“So she was going to serve guinea pig to the entire restaurant?”

“Indeed, ma’am. She captured hundreds of us.”

“Sharon,” said the Queen quietly, “make sure the license on this restaurant is taken away at once, along with Scarlet Cleaver. And get the animal-welfare people here to take care of those poor guinea pigs.”

“Oh, thank you, ma’am,” said
Coco, curtsying again. “I had a feeling you would straighten the situation out.”

“The only problem now is that I am a little peckish,” the Queen said wistfully. “I must say I
was
rather looking forward to some halibut.”

“Let me see if I can rustle something up, Your Majesty,” Sharon suggested, as she returned.

Coco looked around. She saw Scarlet Cleaver being escorted away by two policemen. Everyone else was gathering their coats to leave. But there was no sign of Fuzzy
or Eduardo. Had they really just abandoned her? They hadn’t believed any of the things she had said about the Queen. They’d thought she was making it up. Now, when she finally had a chance to prove it was all true, they had run away.

“Thank you, Sharon,” the Queen said. “If you can’t find anything I’ll have to have baked beans on toast when I get back. Now, Coco my dear, tell me, are you still playing the harp?” she asked.

“I’m afraid not, ma’am,” Coco said sadly. “One doesn’t have very
much chance to practice these days.”

“I’ll tell you what,” the Queen said firmly, opening her handbag. “Why don’t you hop in and come with me back to the Palace? I miss our chats. You can have your old feather-and-down duvet and practice the harp
as much as you like. I have it tuned every week.”

“That’s very kind of you, ma’am . . .” Coco hesitated. She used to enjoy sitting in the Queen’s handbag.

“I’ve often wondered why you left,” the Queen said sadly.

“To tell you the truth, I don’t remember how it happened,” Coco replied vaguely. She was thinking of Ben and Henrietta. They would miss her, but she could always write to them and ask them to visit. She thought of Banoffee and Terry and all his brothers and sisters. They
would miss her too, but she could send them royal baskets full of vegetables and wool to knit hats with and the occasional photograph of her playing the harp.

Of course, she told herself, there would be no question of returning to the Palace if Fuzzy had bothered to come after her; but Fuzzy hadn’t bothered, even after all the trouble she had gone to rescuing him. And neither, she thought, tears welling up again, had Eduardo.

“I . . .” She heard the curtain rustle.

Sharon approached the table, bearing a gleaming silver platter.

“Halibut, Your Majesty,” she said, removing the lid with a flourish. “Grilled. With mashed potatoes and spinach surprise. With the compliments of the new chef. He’s a friend of Coco’s, I believe.”

Sharon gently patted her pocket. Fuzzy popped his head out.

“Fuzzy?” Coco exclaimed. “You hadn’t left after all!”

Fuzzy looked proud.

“No. I’ve been in the kitchen rustling up a little something for the Queen.”

“But you can’t cook!” And then she realized what she’d said. “Sorry, Fuzzy.”

“It’s OK. I can cook now. I’ve spent
the last couple of days watching very carefully how to prepare halibut.”

“Perfect!” the Queen said. “Could one have a fish knife, by any chance?”

“Certainly, Your Majesty.”

A blur of speckled short thick black fur sprinkled with silver leaped from the curtain tie on to the table. It was carrying a blue satchel.

“Eduardo!” Coco cried.

“At your service, señorita!” His black eyes twinkled. He rummaged in his satchel and produced a delicate flat silver knife with a pointed end.

“Eduardo, why do you have a fish
knife in your satchel?” Coco gasped.

“I never got the chance to tell you: my mother is the Queen of the Agouti Guinea Pigs, señorita,” he said, grinning. “I know my knives and forks. She is very particular about such things.”

“Another royal guinea pig!” the Queen exclaimed, addressing him directly. “How marvelous.”

“I told you the Queen could talk to anybody!” Coco whispered.

“Fuzzy, this spinach surprise is the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted,” the Queen added, taking a mouthful.
“I tell you what, why don’t all three of you come back to the Palace and live with me? Fuzzy, you can cook, and you two, well . . .” She glanced at Coco and winked. “Can one hear the sound of royal wedding bells, perhaps?”

Coco blushed. And so did Eduardo.

“It’s really very kind of you, Your Majesty,” Coco said, “but now I’ve had a chance to think about it, I don’t think we should leave home. Ben and Henrietta—our owners—would be sad. Ben misses Fuzzy terribly. And Henrietta will be worrying about my fur getting matted. She thinks we’ve just gone out for a long walk, like her mother the Antarctic explorer. She’ll be looking forward to giving me a bubble bath when I get back.” The thought cheered her.

“Antarctic explorer, did you say?” the Queen gasped.

“Yes.”

“I had tea at the Palace with an Antarctic explorer and her daughter just before you went missing. You must have gotten into one of their handbags, thinking it was mine, and fallen asleep in there!”