Authors: Kevin Brennan
“Just keep going flat out, Sean, don’t ease off and don’t back down.” I told myself, remembering being out-ballsed by Vinno on his XBR before. I wasn’t going to let it happen this time, no fucking way! I moved over slightly to the right (bullying John a little) to make sure Charlie and Vinno had room to get past the car. I had a feeling that Shay would go inside in this case - it seemed the logical approach for him being on the far left. I was correct.
As I passed the car I could see Shay speeding past on the inside. Charlie had eased off slightly, as he and Vinno jostled for position to pass. That meant that the dice for the gap between the next two cars would be between me and Shay, unless he went inside again, which I doubted.
As soon as I was past the car I started easing over left to line myself up for the gap - Vinno and Charlie could go left in front of the car if they had to get past me.
Who was I kidding! They were not going to get past me now and fuck them if they didn’t like it! It was only inevitable that this move was bound to be discussed in loud voices in the pub later
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Shay easing over to his right aiming himself in a diagonal line for the same gap I was going for. At this stage we were both moving in excess of 90 mph, converging on a gap moving at about 60 mph that was
never going to take both of us and neither of us was going to give way. Something had to be done here.
Having being hit with a moment of inspiration, realising that at the angle I was at my light was pointing at the car in front of Shay. I reached my left forefinger down as far as my overtake button and pushed it frantically – causing my head light to flash repeatedly onto full beam directly at the car driver. It worked like a dream and the brake lights lit up on the back of the car. Shay, who had been level with me, disappeared backwards as he braked in response. I sped past the decelerating car, swung around the next car with ease and powered on to make the most of my lead.
The next lights at Cabinteely junction were green. Usually coming up to a junction I brake even when the lights are green just in case (with so many gobshites, lunatics and heroes on the road you can never be too cautious), but not with these screaming demons speeding along behind me. Flat out in top gear doing about 115 mph, I sped through it recklessly, getting away with it this time but scolding myself for future reference. Shay had been next behind me but had eased off (the man’s vast experience putting caution ahead of glory no doubt) and been overtaken by Charlie. The XBRs (still neck and neck) were trailing off a little but would have been doing the guts of a ton going through, with Paddy and Elaine a little behind them at 85 and Mick slugging through at near 80. From here on in anything could happen though, because this was where the traffic got heavy and - as a direct result - dangerous.
I don’t think Charlie was over impressed with my little blocking manoeuvre on the Loughlinstown stretch because he was driving like a man possessed to catch up on me with Shay doing his best to catch him from about ten metres back again. I could almost see smoke coming from Charlie’s helmet; his glare was so intense that it was the most noticeable thing to me when I glanced in the mirror!
I urged myself not to let up one bit because if I did, I was history. As it was he was gaining on me slightly but we were now entering the traffic where I was determined to out-drive him.
There were two solid lines of cars (about 20 cars long) moving slowly on the approach to the next lights at Cornelscourt. As I approached them –aiming for the gap up the middle - I swung my bike gently from side to side to get a good look before committing myself to this line. This is also a good way to get noticed by motorists you intend to pass in the near future.
About five cars up, I saw the car on the right indicate left to change lane - that was enough for me! I swung left without slowing down and positioned myself in the hard shoulder to get past the whole lot of them on the inside. Charlie went for the middle, probably wondering what the hell I was playing at. He was soon to find out.
It was totally gratifying in an I’m-a-real-smart-arse sort of way to hear Charlie beeping at the car that I had seen indicate. This meant that what I had predicted had happened and that Charlie had to brake, taking him off my arse for a while. No time to celebrate my genius though, because Shay had followed me into the hard shoulder, knowing that there was a reason for my line of action. He gave it plenty in the hard shoulder also, being aloof and solid on the big beemer even on the dodgy surface of the emergency only lane and was breathing down my neck by the time I got to the lights. I could also see the lights of the two XBRs (and some of the smoke), who had followed Shay and were probably both just ahead of Charlie who no doubt had one of his lips eaten away with the frustration by now.
One of the dodgiest things about driving a bike in the hard shoulder - and there are many of them - was coming up on the traffic lights. Traffic lights are invariably situated on an island at the edge of the hard shoulder. This particular traffic light had the left turn to Cornelscourt at it, which meant that the island blocked off the hard shoulder to the left, turning it into a left exit. This left me with whatever gaps the cars in the left lane had between them and the island to sneak through past the island, in front of the car and onwards to victory and glory.
These gaps tended not to be very wide and the surface was always bad at the island due to the build up of whatever debris comes off the road (small stones, gravel, sand, mud and so on)
so I always prefer to judge it so as I’m passing the island with a gap between the cars to give myself more leeway (and also to give myself more options in an emergency). This was hard enough to accomplish under normal circumstances, but today I was moving much faster than normal - doing maybe 70 mph at the point of most crucial judgement, flashing my overtake lights to make damned sure that a) the motorists saw that I was coming up the inside and b) the motorists realised that I was going like fuck.
I had my gap well worked out from way back and was delighted to see one of the cars in my sight nudge to the right slightly to accommodate me. It was nice of him to give me a little more room to manoeuvre but more importantly letting me know that he knew that I was coming.
Having being full of the adrenalin rush of danger and without braking (very dodgy on this surface); I slipped through my gap doing about 60 (having eased off the throttle to slow down a bit) without incident. Through the junction, powering on hard (now on normal road surface) up to about 80 - still inside all of the traffic- while straining my neck to look for a gap back into the faster moving traffic. Shay had eased off a little more than me to get himself the next gap between the cars and had lost a little bit of ground, with both XBRs going through the next gap together, causing cars to swerve and beep at the sheer fucking audacity of them. Charlie had to brake again as one of the cars swerved because the XBRs blocked off his path in the middle.
There was no immediate gap in the traffic, condemning me to stay on the inside for the moment. This didn’t bother me too much because the traffic was opening up as the cars accelerated up Foxrock Hill and I would definitely get my gap a little further up, especially when I was going so much faster than any of the cars. The lights at Foxrock Church were also green and I saw my gap halfway through the junction and swung across into the middle, being beeped by a startled motorist (who hadn’t been looking in his mirrors) in the process. The same gobshite gave Shay an even longer beep as he came across after me and no doubt the XBRs got treated to his expression of indignation
as they followed suit (I was too far ahead and concentrating too much on the job in hand to hear, but I saw both of their distinctively large headlights in my mirror appear behind Shay having followed the same line). I could imagine that Charlie was not very far behind the XBRs and could visualise him moving up through the pack with me as his prime target. I was going to have to keep a close eye in my mirrors for him, because people in his frame of mind have a tendency to take all chances to achieve their objective. He had hit me once already today (although that was totally my fault and he did well to do so little damage to my throbbing foot) and that was quite enough collisions for one day.
After Foxrock Church the road widened to three lanes and a bus lane on a good dry surface coming up to Whites Cross, one of the biggest junctions on the Stillorgan Road. I could see the lights change to green from a distance so I nailed it all the way, doing over a ton through the junction, having to beep and swerve to avoid someone coming onto the Stillorgan Road via the slip road off Leopardstown Road who - not realising how fast I was going - thought he had room to cross into the fast lane. He wasn’t long rethinking about it when I beeped him and he adjusted himself to stay in the middle lane, as I swerved into the fast lane around him. This helped me because now he was in Shay’s path and Shay, being the experienced old hand that he was, eased off before swerving around him after me, which increased my lead over him. Vinno on the other hand, read the situation before I did and had positioned himself to take the car on the inside without letting off one little bit. This got him past Shay and almost level with me on the inside. Vinno was, as ever, shadowed by John on his XBR with similar driving skill and the inner-drive to win. There was only a bike length between them doing about 95 on this fast downhill stretch towards the Stillorgan junction.
As I swung my bike towards the middle lane to overtake a van which was in the fast lane, I caught Vinno’s glance for a microsecond. It was long enough for me to notice that he was smiling, and why shouldn’t he be - a master of his craft display
ing his skill, nerve and judgement for all the world to see. He still wasn’t going to get past me though!
The next lights were also green and we smoked through at a silly speed, swerving around the odd car, changing lanes over and back to get the shocked motorist into our past and trying to out–think or out manoeuvre each other. Charlie was back in contention now, having followed the XBRs into the bus lane after Whites Cross and he was firmly glued to John’s tail looking for a way past. At this speed in this traffic overtaking another bike had to be done with total precision to avoid one or both bikes having to deal with very serious hazards and John was on a mission to keep up with Vinno so he wasn’t giving any chances away. Charlie would have to wait and that was the end of it. The next lights were, as always, red.
These were the notorious Stillorgan Road lights and every one of us knew that they were scheduled to stop any vehicle that had got through the previous lights. The next five sets of lights - the most notorious in the city - were rigged to stop the traffic on the main road at each one of them which was totally fucking ridiculous for a main thoroughfare into the capital city. Obviously whatever prick had worked out this system was a northsider with a chip on his shoulder about southsiders. The objective was no doubt safety but the system encouraged people to break the law to beat it which was, of course, exactly what most of us did.
It worked as follows: you had to jump the lights a little on taking off from these lights (the slower your bike, the earlier you had to go). On my bike I could do it by going just after the other side had gone red, but the XBRs would have to go just as they turned orange – which was very dodgy because motorists frequently break these lights coming up from Blackrock, especially if they were turning right for town. Next you had to get full acceleration out of your machine on the long slightly uphill stretch before the next lights. The danger here comes from the first cars you encounter which have come up Stillorgan Park from Blackrock and turned right for town (through the lights you have just jumped). These cars are still accelerating from
the turn they have just made and are not expecting bikes to overtake them already – concentrating too much on their own driving or, even worse, on changing lanes for position – to be bothered their arses looking in their mirrors. There is usually a lot of these motorists to get past before the next lights and they have to be gotten past at top speed or you’re not going to make it – if you brake or ease off you’re finished; if you don’t accelerate up to and past one 100 mph, the next red is going to get you. I found the best way to do this stretch was the hard shoulder; with a dodgy flick back into the traffic at the traffic light island, with the aforementioned light usually just going orange as I go through it. The speed you have to be moving at at this stage should take you through green at the next lights -the Trees Road junction - without any problems but the next lights will be red. These ones have to be broken because there will be a green feeder light for a right turn onto Mount Merrion Avenue, with the traffic for town (in other words, you) stopped for a pedestrian light. I have never encountered a pedestrian crossing the road here but I always slow down a bit and have a good look just in case before proceeding illegally through the red. This licence risking move should take you through lights number four in this sequence from hell, which is shortly followed by the Foster Avenue junction.
Now, more often than not, you will see these lights go red just as you go through the previous set but all is not yet lost. Inbound traffic is stopped here to give outbound traffic a chance to turn right onto Foster Avenue. This means that it’s safe (although, of course, still illegal) to break these lights if there is nothing turning right. This I have done many times, but only under extreme pressure. This leaves a lovely, fast, light free mile or so past UCD and up to the lights at RTE. Today I was going to beat this system and beat it good and I would have been very surprised if any of my amigos had not been planning the very same thing as we lined up five abreast one more time, like race horses waiting for the gates to open in an evenly matched five horse race. The line up from the left was: John, Charlie, Vinno, myself and then Shay, with two lights approaching from the bus
lane at speed that were probably going to catch up this time for sure. I took a deep breath to relax myself a little