He opened his mouth, words of love on the tip of his tongue, then closed it regretfully. Was it worse to say the words now, when she would feel they had been forced, or not say them at all?
Before he could decide, she finished dressing and started packing their things away. It seemed the moment had passed.
Melancholy, he searched through his pack until he found their bundle of food. He offered her a chunk of soft, white bread to break her fast, and then hurriedly ate his own, impatient to be on their way.
Ten minutes later, they were hiking down another tunnel, this one on the far side of the settlement from where they had entered. It angled slightly upward and Rhoswen’s compass had determined they were headed in Hawkesmere’s direction. But she had not said more than a handful of words to him since they had finished eating, and he knew he had hurt her.
He wanted to fix the rift, but did not know how. In a matter of hours, it might not even matter anymore, but he did not want to leave things like this between them. Gathering his nerve, he reached out and caught her arm, turning her to face him.
“You know I love you, don’t you?”
She looked up at him, and her eyes filled with tears. “No,” she whispered. “I don’t. How could I? You never said. Not even once.”
He cupped her face in his hands, overwhelmed with tenderness. “Do you think I would have risked my brother’s wrath if I did not love you? Do you think I would be going to rescue the man who might take you away from me forever if I did not love you?”
Her tears spilled over, making silvery tracks down her pale cheeks. “There’ve been times I was sure you did, but every time I thought I was certain, you pulled away.”
“I do not wish to love you,” he admitted hoarsely. “I do not wish to feel this way. The thought of losing you frightens me far more than the thought of dying at my brother’s hands.”
“Don’t say things like that,” she cried. “Everything’s going to be fine. You won’t lose me. If you want me, I’m yours. Somehow we’ll find a way.”
“Do you swear?” he asked, afraid to hope. “Do you swear to stay with me, no matter what happens today?”
“Of course.” She flung her arms around him and hugged him tight. “That’s all I want. That’s the whole reason I wanted to come with you. I didn’t want to say good-bye to you. Not now, not ever.”
“Rhoswen, my love. I never thought to find someone like you. I never thought I would feel like this. Loving you scares the hell out of me, but I would do anything not to lose this. To keep you.”
“And I, you,” she whispered. “I love you, Sebastian. Only you. Always you.”
He held her awhile longer, all the tension and guilt of the last hour fading away. He had done the right thing by telling her. In fact, he had never been so sure of anything in his life. No matter what the day held, he now knew he had done everything possible to put things right between them.
After a long moment, he pulled reluctantly away. “We have a long way ahead of us. We should keep going.”
She nodded and brushed away what he hoped were happy tears. “You’re right, of course. But I needed to hear you say that. I needed it more than you can ever know.”
He gave her a tender smile. “I think I needed to say it even more than you needed to hear it. I have never said those words to anyone before, you know.”
“Neither have I,” she said softly.
For a few seconds they just stared at each other, then she laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him forward. For a long time, nothing more was said. They continued their trek, hand in hand, down the seemingly endless tunnel.
As they walked, Sebastian mentally reviewed his plans, such as they were. Before, he had approached Trevelan’s rescue with fatalistic resignation, never truly believing he would survive the attempt, but now he had the promise of a future to look forward to.
Somehow, he must succeed not only in freeing Trevelan, but in making it out of Hawkesmere himself. He briefly entertained the idea of forgetting about the medicines he had brought, but knew he could never live with himself if he did.
Perhaps his concern for his fellow man had been late in coming, but his love for Rhoswen had opened his eyes to the world around him. It would be a betrayal of what she had come to mean to him, of the man her love had made him, were he to turn his back on the people of Hawkesmere now.
He tried to imagine Simon’s state of mind once he had returned to Hawkesmere. Had his brother considered the threat eliminated, or had he placed the guards on heightened alert? Had he moved Trevelan back to the dungeons or left him in the tower room where he had been taken to convalesce?
Miranda might know and she was the only one he trusted enough to ask, but she dwelt outside the castle walls. Seeking her out would negate the advantage of the tunnels.
No, he would just have to take his chances and depend on his knowledge of the castle’s myriad hidden passageways. The tunnels had been built to provide escape routes for the lords and ladies of Hawkesmere. Hopefully they would shield him from discovery as he navigated Hawkesmere’s walls.
“You’re quiet,” Rhoswen said, after a long while. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just making plans.” He shrugged. “Helping Trevelan escape is either going to be relatively simple or damned near impossible. I will not know until I get there.”
She squeezed his hand in an obvious attempt to offer comfort. “I’ve been thinking, too. I hate that I had to ask this of you, hate that my actions make it necessary to try. But I want you to promise me something now.”
He cast her a quick glance, suddenly wary. “Of course. Anything you want.”
“Promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks. Promise me if, as you say, rescuing Trevelan is damned near impossible, you won’t attempt it. Come back to me, and we’ll try to come up with a different plan.” She stopped and grabbed his other hand, forcing him to stop and meet her earnest gaze. “I won’t lose you both.”
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. Her concern for his safety erased the last of his doubts about her feelings for Trevelan. “All right. I promise I will be careful.”
She searched his eyes for a long moment, as though trying to ascertain the truth behind his words, then finally sighed and started walking again.
They continued on in silence for what seemed an eternity. Rhoswen had wilted visibly, and he was about to suggest they stop and rest for awhile when the tunnel finally came to an abrupt dead-end. A deep pool of steaming water blocked the path in front of them, and beyond that lay a solid stone wall.
“This can’t be right,” she muttered, turning around in a circle as though another way would magically appear. “This can’t be the end of the tunnel.”
He released a low curse of frustration. He had been skeptical of this hidden entrance to the tower all along, but after seeing Old Halcyon he had allowed himself to believe he had somehow overlooked something that had literally been right in front of him for years. Now they had apparently wasted several days chasing something that was not there.
She sank down on one of the stones that rimmed the pool and buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she whispered miserably. “I really thought it was here. It should be here.”
Frowning, he sat his pack down on the tunnel floor and surveyed the pool with sudden interest. She was right. This did not make sense. They had headed in the right direction, the history books claimed a tunnel existed, and he could not imagine the people of Old Halcyon had dug for miles just to end in a hot spring. Especially when there was one inside the tower.
“The entrance is here,” he assured her. “We just have to find it.” Slipping out of his tunic, he waded into the pool and crossed to the far side where he examined the stones. They must make up the backside of one of the walls of the tower’s hot springs.
He was certain there was some sort of hidden mechanism here, like those he had found other places in the tower. But after ten long minutes of running his hands over every inch of the wall, he still couldn’t find it.
“Maybe it’s beneath the waterline,” Rhoswen offered helpfully.
He gave her a quick grin, impressed by her suggestion. That would explain why he had never found it. “Will the lightstick work under water?”
She nodded and tossed him one. He gave her a reassuring smile and dove beneath the surface of the pool, shining the light across the stone until he found what he was looking for. About three feet down there was a passageway chiseled out of the rock, an underwater tunnel. Did it lead all the way through to the tower?
He came back up for air, taking several deep, cleansing breaths.
“Did you find anything?” Rhoswen leaned forward, excitement shining in her bright eyes.
“I think so. There is a tunnel down here. I am going to try to swim through to the other side.”
“All right,” she answered, a sudden note of worry lacing her voice. “But be careful.”
He smiled and took another deep breath, then dove swiftly through the water, using one hand to hold the light and the other to guide himself forward. It cannot be much farther, he assured himself, as his lungs began to burn. Just a few more feet and he would break through to the other side.
But five feet stretched to ten, and then twenty. The tunnel seemed endless, and he had come too far to turn back. If he did not reach the other side soon, he was not going to make it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Five minutes ticked slowly by as Rhoswen watched the pool for any sign of Sebastian. Her heart thundered in her chest, and her anxiety grew with each passing second.
Where was he?
At first she calmed herself with the thought that he had taken a few minutes to catch his breath on the other side. But as the minutes passed interminably by, she became convinced something had happened to him.
The tunnel had been abandoned for ages. It could have collapsed or become blocked by debris. What if he had become trapped and been unable to turn around? Panic skittered through her veins as the surface of the pool remained placid.
Without conscious thought, she pushed to her feet and stripped down to her undergarments, keeping her gaze locked upon the water. When he didn’t appear by the time she was done, she grasped the other lightstick and dove into the pool.
If something had happened to him, she had to know. She couldn’t just sit passively in the tunnel and wait.
She found the passageway right away and pushed herself through it, shining the light ahead of her in a desperate attempt to see either the end of the tunnel or some sign of Sebastian. After she’d gone at least thirty feet, her panic intensified.
Too far. Her lungs were already straining, and in the next few seconds she knew she’d gone too far to turn back.
Not that turning back would be easy. The stone pressed in on her from all sides, giving her just enough room to continue forward.
She became terrified that at any moment she’d find Sebastian’s lifeless, drowned body.
At last, the tunnel seemed to widen. Bright light exploded behind her eyes as she pushed forward with all her might. Her lungs were going to burst.
Just when it seemed that she would drown here, trapped in the dark bowels of the earth, she broke free of the tunnel and strove upward. Her feet hit what seemed to be the bottom of a pool, and she pushed with the last of her strength, breaking the surface of the water.
She took several gasping, wheezing breaths, unsure if she’d really made it.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Sebastian’s furious voice sounded behind her just as he bent and grasped her around the arms, pulling her free of the water. He set her on her feet in front of him, shaking her a bit, his handsome face twisted with angry concern. “I told you to wait for me!”
“No,” she mumbled, still shaken and confused. “You didn’t. You were gone so long. I got worried.”
He released her suddenly, but his anger seemed to intensify. “Maybe I did not tell you in so many words to wait, but I expected you to do so. You promised me!”
“What do you mean?” she cried. “I was afraid you had drowned. I wanted to help you.”
He raked a hand through his hair in agitation. “You promised me you would stay behind while I did what I have to do,” he said, a little calmer now. “You promised me I would not have to worry about you.”
“But you haven’t left yet,” she replied, hurt and a little angry herself by his unreasonable behavior. “I didn’t think there was any danger here.”
He pointed to a pallet of blankets a few steps away. “Someone’s been here. Not only in the tower, but here in the pool. I took so long because I was checking to make sure the tower was clear.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, suddenly understanding his fear. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. But I couldn’t just wait down there and do nothing. I was terrified something had happened to you.”
He shook his head in obvious dismay. “I knew this would happen. I knew I could not count on you to keep your word. Ever since we met you have been taking unacceptable risks. You promised if I took you with me you would stop. That you would stay behind and return to Halcyon if something happened to me.”
“Sebastian, it’s all right.” She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing her cold, wet body against his. To her shock, she found that he was trembling. “It’s all right, my darling. Everything is all right.”
At first he stiffened in her embrace, but then he moaned and enfolded her in his arms, holding her so tight she couldn’t breathe.
“It is
not
fine,” he told her harshly, pressing his lips to her temple, to her cheekbone, to her lips, in hard, bruising kisses. “How can I do what I must when I know you are probably trailing right behind me?”