Half-truths & White Lies (12 page)

'That's great news,' was Laura's rather surprising reaction
when I told her apologetically that I had slept with her
sister. I had known that if I waited, sooner or later she
and Tom would turn up at the workshop. It was not
only Faye who took advantage of the privacy it offered
when we were all living under our parents' roofs.
Whether they were as puritanical as mine, as protective
as Laura's or as liberal-minded as Tom's, it saved any
embarrassing questions.

'How is it good news?' I was completely thrown by
her, expecting disapproval at the very least.

'Well, if you got together with anyone else we
probably wouldn't see each other so much any more,
but this way—'

'You don't get it.' I was pacing the floor. 'I told her
there can't be anything more to it.'

'You did what?' Laura's mouth dropped and her face
turned red. This was more along the lines of the reaction
I had expected from her. I looked to Tom for moral
support, not wanting to explain out loud to Laura what
was obvious to him. 'What the hell were you thinking
of? You know how badly she's been hurt in the past and
she adores you.'

That was all news to me. The look on my face was
enough for Tom. I could see him trying to contain a
smile in the palm of his hand, but it was seeping out of
the edges.

'I'm sorry,' he blurted when she looked at him
accusingly. 'But look at the facts. This is Pete we're talking
about. Sorry, Pete,' he appealed to me as an aside.

'No offence taken.' I knew that he was standing up for
me, although I had no idea exactly how he might
defend me when the situation seemed indefensible.

'There is no way that Pete would have deliberately got
himself into this mess. It's obvious what happened.'

'And what is that, exactly?' Laura crossed her arms,
facing him squarely.

'Faye seduced him,' Tom explained quietly, mirroring
her stance.

'Oh, come on!' Laura looked at me and waited for me
to deny it. I hung my head.

'Well, even if she did,' she changed her tack, 'that's no
excuse. You could have turned her down gently.'

'It's not as simple as that.' Tom shook his head. 'It's
very difficult not to cause offence. If a bloke tries it on
and a woman pushes him away, it's like, "Fair enough,
you can't blame me for trying." When the shoe is on the
other foot, the woman wants a full explanation about
what's wrong with her – and God help you if you
try to answer that one – and she won't even take the fact
that you're involved with someone else as an excuse.'

'I wouldn't know.' Laura was dismissive. I could have
said exactly the same thing. Unlike Tom, I had no
experience of seducing women and, equally, I had
no experience of trying to turn women down, gently or
otherwise. There had never been the need.

'Stands to reason,' he countered.

'And what exactly is that supposed to mean?'

'Well, who in their right mind would turn you down,
Laura?'

She allowed herself a small smile before composing
herself. 'So, you're saying you think that you would
cause less offence by sleeping with a girl who makes the
first move and then letting her down, than by saying no
in the first place?'

Tom and I looked at each other. It was a question that
was impossible to answer without looking bad. Tom
was the one who nodded. He was the one with
sufficient charm to make it sound like the man was the
innocent victim in this scenario.

'You're pathetic. Both of you!' She walked to the other
side of the workshop and leaned on a bench before
turning back. 'Are you going to tell me exactly what
happened, Pete, or not?'

'Not,' I said, feeling the need to stand up for myself.

'I thought you had nothing to hide?' Laura accused.

'If it's not too late, I'd rather try to do the gentlemanly
thing.'

'So now you start to worry about being a gentleman!
You' – she pointed at me – 'I want you to know that you
have ruined my evening. And you' – she pointed at Tom
– 'can forget it for tonight. You'd better take me home
to see what kind of a mess Faye's in. I said that I'd kill
the next bloke who mucked her about. I just wasn't
expecting it to be you.'

'Hang on a minute . . .' Tom frowned. 'Pete was on his
own here this evening. You were the only other person
who knew that, and you told me that you and Faye got
ready to go out together. You didn't look nearly
surprised enough when Pete told you what had
happened . . . you
knew
what she was planning. Why
didn't you put her off?' Laura turned red and wouldn't
look him in the face. 'You encouraged her, didn't you?'

I looked from Tom to Laura.

'Well!' she exploded, her arms waving out of control.
'We can't just carry on like this, can we?'

'Like what?' It was Tom's turn to look accusing.

'
I
can't carry on like this,' she back-pedalled. 'It's just
too confusing. I had to take one of you out of the
equation.'

'What equation is that, Laura?' Tom asked, gently but
firmly.

'It's like . . .' She made one false start before she
blurted out: '. . . having a boyfriend in two parts. I have
this one wonderful boyfriend who takes me shopping
and to the movies and listens to me moan about my
day and laughs at my jokes and walks me home at
night. And we always have a great time and we never
fight. And he has never, ever, let me down. And I have
this other boyfriend who I fancy like crazy and we
have fantastic sex together but he can't find it in himself
to put me first.' She looked at me tearfully. 'I'm sorry,
Pete. And I have asked myself time and again' – she was
talking more loudly now – 'who I should really be with.
And it's making me very unhappy constantly looking at
them both and wondering what kind of a life I could
have with each of them. And it's not fair, and it's
nobody's fault, but I can't do this any more.'

Tom went to her and held her, one hand against the
back of her blonde head. 'I can't promise what you want
me to promise, Laura. I won't give up the band. I've
worked for this and dreamed about it for so long. And
there's something else.' He looked at me then held Laura
at arm's length, looking her in the eye. 'I don't mind you
hearing this, Pete. I haven't asked you to marry me,
Laura, because there's a very good chance I can't have
children and I know how much you want them. And
you should have the chance to have them. A late case of
the mumps. It hasn't mattered to me before because I
have never met anyone else that I would like to have
children with. So, it's up to you. Another unfair choice
for you to make. Or maybe it will help you make your
mind up.

'I'm going to say goodnight now and ask you yet
again, Pete, to see Laura home, because I'd like to be on
my own.' He sat down at the drum kit and started
thrashing out rhythms so painful and lonely that it
made it easy for us to leave.

'Well, that's the end of plan A and plan B,' Laura said
to me as we walked home slowly and awkwardly. She
was trying to make light of the situation but I could
sense how fragile she was, how apologetic and how
utterly miserable. On the one hand, marriage had been
mentioned, but the issue of children must have floored
her.

'Tell me there's not a C?' I said in all seriousness. 'I
don't want to be involved in that one, if you don't
mind.'

'Any other bright ideas?'

'We could always elope.' It was as close as I had ever
come to asking her out.

She laughed in spite of herself, not necessarily the
reaction I was looking for. 'So, you're not too angry with
me then?'

'Are we quits?'

'I can't speak for Faye, I'm afraid.'

'I think that she can probably stand up for herself. My
name is going to be mud in your house. It's going to be
very difficult for you.'

'Not unless she admits to my parents what happened
and I don't think there's much chance of that. But you
may have just lost your Mr-Nice-Guy image.'

'It hasn't got me very far in life so far.'

'I'm sorry, Pete. I'm sorry you had to hear that. I'm
sorry I said half of it and I'm sorry I set you up. And
I'm going to be even sorrier when I get home. I honestly
thought that if you saw Faye on her own, you would see
what a beautiful person she is . . . oh, I don't know what
I was thinking now.'

'Tell Faye I'm sorry too, will you?'

'Oh, no! That's down to you, I'm afraid.'

But there has only ever been one thing I was really
sorry about and that evening didn't even come close to
it.

'Friends?' Laura asked with those big eyes brimming
over.

'Friends,' I lied.

We all treated each other with kid gloves for a while
after that. Silences that would have been comfortable
beforehand were filled with unspoken words. I seriously
considered leaving to give Tom and Laura the space to
think, but at the same time I sensed that I was needed
to diffuse the situation. In the end, it was Tom who
needed to know where he stood and he forced the issue
by asking Laura to marry him.

'I knew straight away from how I felt that it's the right
thing to do,' she told me.

I wanted to ask, 'What about your plans for a family?'
Not wanting to sound the least bit jealous, I kissed her
on the cheek in the most brotherly way I could and said,
'I'm really happy for you. You couldn't have found yourself
a better man.'

She remained on such a high that the practicalities
were unimportant. She even managed to brush aside
her parents' open disapproval of the long-haired lout
that she brought home and introduced as her husband-to-
be. Having never met him before, Tom – on Laura's
recommendation – skipped the all-important tradition
of asking Mr Albury for his daughter's hand. There is no
doubt what his answer would have been. What Laura
refused to listen to, I sat through on two separate
occasions after being lured into their living room under
false pretences.

'Mark my words, he will never be able to provide for
her and make her happy,' Mrs Albury confided in me.
'That girl needs security. You've worked with her, Peter.
You know that she's never going to go far under her own
steam. We wouldn't be so worried if it was Faye we're
talking about. She's always had a good head on her
shoulders.'

On the second occasion, after sitting through half an
hour of nonsense without being allowed to get a word
in edgeways, I did the only thing that I could do and
walked out. With that, I managed all on my own to do
what Faye hadn't. My name in the Albury household
was officially mud. It was a relief of sorts. I no longer
had to live up to yet another set of expectations about
who I was and how I should behave.

'The best man won,' I congratulated Tom, shaking his
hand.

'I wouldn't say that.' He smiled sheepishly. 'In fact, I
was hoping you would agree to do the honours.'
I was flattered to have been asked. Despite the fact
that Laura had openly admitted that I was the competition,
Tom wanted me to be part of the day.
There was no avoiding the fact that it is traditionally the
groom's closest friend who is asked to perform
the duties of the best man. How could I have refused?

But things didn't settle down. Laura's father suffered
a massive heart attack and died. He was only forty-seven
and had apparently been in excellent health otherwise.
They were all devastated but Mrs Albury was cruel in her
grief.

'There's no doubt in my mind who is to blame for
this!' she told anyone who was willing to listen. It was
the first time that Laura had ever known her mother's
anger, having always been her blonde-haired, blue-eyed
girl. Instead, Mrs Albury clung to Faye, who had never
been the sole recipient of her mother's affection before
and didn't know how to react. The dynamics of a family
can change overnight. By the day of the funeral, they
were at each others' throats.

Although the wedding took place as planned, and
Mrs Albury was on her best behaviour for the day, it was
never going to be a completely happy occasion. I found
myself in the peculiar situation of giving Laura away
and acting as best man, while Faye was the bridesmaid.
It was strange to see her in a dress that had been chosen
for her by Laura and fitted perfectly, with her spiky hair
flattened down and curled under at the ends. She could
barely disguise a sneer as we faced each other across the
aisle in the register office. It certainly took the edge off
any other feelings I was struggling with. After she unexpectedly
caught the bouquet, she threw it to me,
saying, 'See if they work for you, Peter Churcher.'

I felt sorry for Mrs Fellows, who wondered what kind
of a family her angel of a son was getting himself
involved with. 'The Alburys,' she asked me. 'Do you
know them well?'

'Well enough.'

'I mean, I know that they've suffered a bereavement –
and I don't want to sound too harsh – but do they
always speak to each other through gritted teeth?'

Gritted teeth? I thought to myself. It's the forked
tongues you need to watch out for!

I drank too much for courage and made an overly
sentimental speech about love conquering all. After the
reception, the happy couple left for the coast for a
couple of days and I left alone, taking a detour via Tom's
workshop and thrashing those drums for all I was
worth. I slept in the back of the van, which was as usual
filled with some rather suspect bedding. I felt something
had ended and I needed to remember who I was
before it had all begun so that I could start again. The
problem was that Laura had always been there and I
could recall so little before her except the gloominess of
my parents' house, the desire to escape the confines
of its dark brown walls and my father's all-consuming
grief.

Eventually I was disturbed by Tom's mother, who
rarely ventured as far as the garden, let alone the 'shed',
but had been overwhelmed by a desire to mow the lawn
in her son's absence. She showed no surprise at finding
me there and brought me tea and scrambled eggs on
buttered toast, and for that kindness I will be eternally
grateful to her.

Tom and Laura moved into a small, rented flat above
a fish-and-chip shop when they returned from their
honeymoon. Laura threw herself into making the place
look homely and made the most of Tom's carpentry
skills and his legendary ability to mend things. Mrs
Albury visited and, having proclaimed their new home
to be 'nothing more than she had expected', left without
having so much as a cup of tea. Laura, who had thought
that things would be better once they were married, was
beyond comforting. Tom visited his new mother-in-law
to try and talk things through, thinking that she would
soften once she got to know him, but only managed to
make things worse.

'Put it this way,' he told me over a drink, 'the conversation
ended with Mrs Albury saying, "Laura's made
her bed and she'll have to lie in it," and me saying,
"Well, if that's how you feel, then perhaps you'd better
stay away.'' '

'Sounds as if it could have gone better.'

'I'm in the doghouse now. I was on the sofa last night
and my back's killing me. This married bliss isn't all it's
cracked up to be, you know. Mrs Albury always seems to
have liked you. What's your secret?'

'I use a suit and tie as a disguise.'

'I tried that for the wedding and it didn't work. I'm
afraid she's going to have to get used to me the way I am.'

The next news was that Faye had left town, no doubt
driven away by her mother, and that Laura had been
sent to bring her home. Laura found Faye and stayed for
two weeks but returned alone. She wouldn't tell her
mother where to find her.

'She's staying with some college friends for the
summer,' she said simply. 'She just needs some space.'

'Space?' Mrs Albury argued. 'Where could she
possibly find more space than at home now that there's
just me rattling around on my own?'

She blamed Laura for driving the family apart, completely
ignoring the fact that she lost her job for taking
unauthorized leave. Although the decision had had
nothing to do with me, and I couldn't have influenced
it in any way, I felt both responsible and angry.

'Laura was the best secretary we had,' I tried to speak
up for her. It was no good.

'She could be the best secretary in this whole damn
town and it wouldn't matter,' the senior partner replied.
'Nobody is beyond the rules of the firm.'

'It's probably for the best.' Laura was infuriatingly
logical when I reported back to her. 'I probably would
have had to give up work when the band go on tour in
a couple of months anyway.'

'I didn't know there was anything definite.' I was
surprised at this latest news. There were always plans –
always had been – but they very rarely came to anything.

She had her back to me when she said, 'Oh yes, it's
full steam ahead. All of the university towns.'

'That's fantastic news.' I tried to sound enthusiastic,
wondering if this was a show of bravado on her part.

When I congratulated Tom, he seemed less certain
than Laura that they would pull it off, but I took this as
modesty. He had been this close too many times to let
himself celebrate before the actual event.

I was spurred on to take some action in my own life.
With everyone else putting down new roots, I decided
that it was time for me to move out of my family home.
My salary had been steadily increasing and I had been
saving without any particular plans. I put down a
deposit on a house that was one of a new development
being built. Unlike Tom, the thought of restoring something
old terrified me. I was happy to wait three months
for it to be finished to give my parents a little time to get
used to the idea. I was almost twenty-five and, apart
from my spell at university and law school, I had always
lived under their roof. My father was not a well man and
looked ten years older than his age, but he had given up
on life long ago. My mother could have been a very
attractive, lively woman, but she was like a bee who had
flown through a window by accident and spent her days
desperately crashing against the glass, trying to find her
way back out.

Laura and Tom left in the band's van for an 'advance
recce' and promised that they would be back in a few
weeks, or that news would be sent about where the
others were to meet them. As the band's official
photographer, I harboured hopes that I would be
invited to join them on tour, although this would have
been completely impractical given my job. I heard
nothing for weeks.

'Any news, Steve?' I asked when I bumped into him in
the pub.

'How should I know?' He shrugged. 'I'm just the
drummer.'

A rushed call from a telephone box later confirmed
that the plans for the tour had stalled but that Tom had
some work in a recording studio doing some engineering
work,

'He's doing really well, making lots of new contacts,'
Laura told me. 'I don't suppose you've seen anything of
my mother lately?'

'Not since the wedding.'

'I know it's asking a lot, but could you find the time
to nip over and see how she's doing?'

I didn't like to say so, but I had no particular desire to
incur the wrath of Mrs Albury.

'Where are you staying?' I went for a quick change of
subject.

'Oh, you know, just some cheap place.' She was vague.
'We can't afford much.'

'Do you think you'll make it home before the tenth?'
I asked. 'I'm moving in and I was thinking of having a
housewarming.'

'Oh, hang on.' I heard tapping. 'My money's running
out. I think the—' The pips went and she was cut off.

Eventually, news was in such short supply that I
visited Mrs Albury. She was curt with me before she shut
the door in my face. 'I thought you of all people would
have known. I seem to be the last person to be told anything.
Laura's pregnant and can't travel, so they won't be
home until after the baby's born. So now we know why
he married her. It's just as well my husband's no longer
with us, bless his soul, otherwise he'd have a few choice
words to say to that lad, I can tell you. He thought it was
bare-faced cheek not to ask for her hand, but it's no
wonder given that he'd already taken liberties. But just
you wait! Over my dead body will I have a grandchild
of mine brought up in a damp flat over a fish-and-chip
shop. Mark my words, there are going to be a few
changes around here when that girl gets home.'