Handling Cynthia: A Second Chances Novella (11 page)

He scooted next to her. "Cyn, I feel terrible about the mistakes I made this morning. But let's put those aside for a minute. Think how aroused you got at the threat of punishment. I want to incorporate BDSM into our lives so that sex is spontaneous and fun. Would you really prefer it to be scheduled and negotiated like a business transaction?"

She stared at her hands. He brushed her hair off her shoulder, his fingers glancing the sensitive skin of her neck. She leaned toward him, and he kissed her temple. In a small voice, she said, "I want our relationship to be an equal partnership."

"So do I. That doesn't mean we're both in charge of everything. You're in charge of some things, and I'm in charge of others."

"And in some things, you're in charge of me."

"Things we both agree to." He buried his face in her hair and kissed her ear. "The sub always has the final say."

She played with the buttons on his shirt. "As long as it's a role-playing game, it doesn't feel like oppression. But if it becomes part of our daily lives…"

"Cyn, I don't want to oppress you. I want to give you an orgasm every time you walk into a room. That's what BDSM is about for me. Maximizing the number of orgasms I give you."

She giggled. "When you put it that way, it does sound kind of awesome."

He drew her onto his lap and kissed her. She rested her forehead against his neck, absorbing the pleasure of his closeness and his care. "I'm sorry I'm so difficult."

He lifted her chin. "You're not difficult. I screwed up. This is a big adjustment for both of us. I'll do whatever it takes, Cyn. I've wanted this since I was fifteen."

"I hope reality can compete with the fantasy."

"So far, reality has been orders of magnitude better."

She giggled. "Except for the fighting."

"It wouldn't be real without the fighting." He teased her lips with his, then deepened the kiss. His hand cupped her breast.

"Mmm…" Her breathing quickened, but she forced herself to pull away. "We need to meet Rick and Jordan for dinner soon."

He eyed the clock. "We've got almost an hour. That's plenty of time."

"Trent, seriously, I'm not a machine. You're the grandmaster of fucking—but after four orgasms in twenty-four hours, I need to pace myself." She kissed him. He smirked and stroked her hair.

She rose and took her MacBook from the desk. She powered it up and sat beside him with the computer on her lap. "Let's discuss our boundaries."

"We can talk later, when I'm in Delaware and you're in New York. We've got a limited window for sex."

She opened a new spreadsheet. "Tell me what you're into."

He shrugged. "No edge play or anything. Just your average bondage and discipline."

She smiled, her shoulders relaxing. "Good. Me too."

"I'd like to try some toys."

"Oka-ay." She sat forward. "You mean like vibrators?"

He shrugged. "Vibrators, anal beads, plugs…"

She bit her cheeks, a band of tension gripping her neck.

"Is that a problem?" he asked.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that."

He trained his gaze on her, the unyielding look softening her resolve. "But you write that stuff in your books."

Her spine stiffened. "When did you read my books?"

"I downloaded a couple today. Skimmed through the sex scenes."

"It's fiction, Trent. I haven't actually done most of that stuff. I mean, not
with
anyone. I've tried things on my own, as research, to see what it feels like. But that doesn't mean it's something I'm into."

"So what are we talking, here? Hard limit, soft limit?"

"Not limits, exactly. I'm willing to try things. Well, except for clamps. Those are off the table."

He frowned. "Okay, for now. But so we're clear, anal toys are okay?"

She brushed her hair off her face and set her feet squarely on the floor. "Do we have to talk about this?"

"I don't want to find out in the middle of a scene that something I'm doing is a hard limit." 

She exhaled. "I don't know…I mean, psychologically…" She fiddled with the roller ball on her laptop. "When Rick and I were dating, he wanted to try anal sex. I was
so
not ready. It made me feel violated, even the fact that he brought it up. So this is a difficult conversation for me."

His hand glided from her shoulder to her waist. "Did he pressure you?"

"Not at all. But I felt guilty for saying no. It's how I'm wired."

"You never have to feel guilty for saying no to me. This is about your pleasure as much as mine. If you don't want to try it—"

"It's not that I don't want to. It's that…" She stared at her shoes. "I don't want to have to say yes to it."

"But you're not saying no?"

She exhaled. "I'm not saying no."

He leaned in and teased her lips with his own. She tried to deepen the kiss, but the computer was between them. He slid back and glided his hand along her arm. "You're curious."

"I think about it a lot, because of my books. But it scares me."

He nuzzled her neck. "I promise I won't hurt you. The moment it hurts, we'll stop."

She leaned toward him, then pulled away. "You've done it before."

"A few times."

"With Emily?"

He scowled. "Hell, no."

"So, just someone you were fucking."

"Someone I was
dating
." Irritation tinged his voice. "Em and I broke up two years ago. I haven't been celibate all that time."

She pouted. "I'm jealous."

"Now you know how I feel about you and Rick."

"Please. That is
so
over."

"To a casual bystander, it doesn't look over. And if you don't behave yourself, you
will
have to answer for it." His stern tone made her stomach flutter.

She lowered her eyes, cheeks flushing, and looked over her spreadsheet. Her mouth grew dry. "We should talk about implements."

He shifted beside her. "I don't want this part to be so structured, we can't just play." He lifted her chin and brought her gaze to his. "Part of the turn-on of dominance is that I make the decisions, especially when it comes to discipline."

His hard stare melted her insides, and the protests on her lips fell silent.

"During a scene, I expect you to obey me unconditionally. Let go of control, knowing that your body is more precious to me than my own. Even if you're apprehensive, I want you to submit and trust me to take care of you, because everything I do is for your pleasure."

She chewed her thumbnail, but quickly balled her fists to keep from ruining her manicure. "You're asking a lot."

"I know. But I also know how strong you are. If I didn't challenge you, you'd get bored."

She swallowed.
Damn. He's right.
"I don't mind trying things, but if I safeword, that's it. You won't pressure me?"

"If you safeword, everything stops. I might encourage you to try again, but I'll never pressure you."

She let out a sigh. "Okay."

"We'll experiment, figure out together what we like." He kissed the corner of her mouth. "Do you have any hard limits?"

"Privacy is important to me. No sex in public places…and no multiple partners."

"I wasn't planning to share you." His eyes danced.

"This is going to sound weird." Her lips pulled tight. "I don't want you to spank me in the morning. It's just not sexy to me then. "

He tapped his chin. "I can live with that. If you break a rule, I won't mention it until later in the day. And you can spend hours stewing over what might happen."

Instinctively, she grinned. She tried to hide it, but too late.

"You like that idea." He took the computer from her and closed it, setting it on the desk. She rose and he pulled her into a kiss. Her body yielded to his tight grip, his mouth suckling her lips. She pressed her body hard against him, unable to get close enough, his flat planes rubbing against her curves. His tongue explored her mouth, probing and swirling.

"Trent," she breathed. Her sex throbbed. She wanted him to lay her on her back, push up her skirt, ram himself deep inside her. She reached for his belt, but he stilled her hand.

"I want you to wait for it. All through dinner, I want you to think about me, how hard I am for you, how good it's going to be when I pinch your clit and make you scream. And remember the rules, Cyn, what I said about Rick. You won't like the punishment I have in mind if you disobey."

A rush of blood engorged her sex painfully. The idea of waiting until after dinner to find relief both frustrated and aroused her. She nibbled at his lips.

He clutched her face in his hands. "I'm going to change for dinner. Meet me in the lobby at seven forty-five. You can guess what will happen if you're late."

Cyn left her room at seven-forty and found Trent in the lobby reading on his phone. He smiled when he saw her, kissing her cheek. "You look gorgeous."

He had changed into a suit, so she was glad she had put on a red backless dress, the skirt falling just above the knee.

Jordan was next to arrive, looking like he'd stepped out of a Ralph Lauren ad in a sea-green herringbone sport coat over chamois-colored jeans. He smiled when he saw her. "Damn, you look good. I would totally hit that…if I understood how any of that worked."

"Come on," Trent said. "You've never been with a woman? Not once?"

"Come on," Jordan said. "You've never been with a man?"

"Dude!"

Jordan looked at Cyn and grinned.

"Hey." Rick joined them, dressed in black. He put a hand on Jordan's shoulder. "We cool?"

"Yeah." Jordan fist-bumped him.

Happiness threaded through her heart. It was good to see them back to normal.

She and Trent put on their coats and headed out to the parking lot, Rick and Jordan following slowly behind. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but recognized the cadence of Rick's voice chattering away. Jordan's laughter cut through the cold air.

"Sounds like they're okay," she said.

"Um-hmm."

"Guess you were right."

"Cyn, I'm not trying to discourage you from being concerned about people. If you obsess over things you can't change, it'll drive you crazy. Emily did that, and nothing I did made it better."

"Is that why you guys broke up?"

He stopped and took her hand. "We broke up because she wasn't you."

Her breath caught, and her heart fluttered.

"I think what first attracted me," he said, "was that she reminded me of you. In the end, she was only a substitute."

A sly grin stole over her lips. "So what did she object to? The bondage or the spanking?"

He chuckled. "Both. One hundred percent vanilla. Didn't even like doggie style." 

Rick and Jordan caught up with them and they got into Rick's car, riding in their usual positions: Trent shotgun because of his long legs, Jordan in the back with Cyn.

She squeezed Jordan's hand. "So have you been seeing anyone since you broke up with the loser?"

He shook his head. "Been focusing on work. Need to put in a ton of hours before I can get my architect's license."

"He broke your heart, didn't he."

"More than anything, he disappointed me. I thought he had the potential to evolve, but I was wrong." He threaded his fingers through hers. "What about you? You never mention dating anyone."

"I haven't had a long-term relationship since Rick. Which isn't a bad thing. I learned to be picky." She giggled. "Not that I was slumming it with Rick."

"I ruined you for other men," Rick said.

"I tried commitment. I was ready for a change."

"Rick felt the same way," Jordan said, an edge to his voice.

"What are you talking about?" Trent said. "Rick is a serial monogamist. Three years with Cyn, two with Amanda, a year with Nicole, and a year and a half with Jessica. Twenty-three years old, and he's been in monogamous relationships for seven and a half years. The guy never learned to date."

"I've dated."

"He and Nicole weren't serious," Jordan said. "It was on-again, off-again. He was mainly with her because they were sexually compatible."

"Jordy," Rick warned.

"What? Cyn knows about your proclivities."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Oh, snap." A nervous laugh fluttered out of her. "You got someone to give you what I wouldn't?"
Everyone in this car has done it but me
.

"Jordy, I will fucking kill you."

"How come I didn't know about this?" Trent asked.

"Because I'm a gentleman."

"Like hell. You told Jordy."

"Trent, let it go," Cyn said. "He needs to focus on driving."

They approached a traffic light, and Rick stopped. "It wasn't only sex. Nicole's fantastic. We were casual, that's all."

"And then Jess swept you off your feet," Jordan mocked.

"I made the mistake of bringing her home. Mom fell in love with her. She fit with my family, you know? Just not with me."

Cyn stilled, hearing the break in his voice. Damn it, she hated that he was upset, and she could do nothing about it. Taking care of him had once been what fulfilled her most.

But she wasn't his girlfriend anymore.

***

In the restaurant's dim light, the hostess led the foursome to a black-lacquered, square table topped with glass. An ivory candle lit the fall-themed centerpiece, a mini pumpkin and an ear of blue corn.

The waiter brought their drinks. Trent sipped his beer as he scanned the menu. Not a single entrée under twenty-five dollars.

Rick had apparently picked the place to impress Cyn, which was fine for people drawing a salary. His grant and stipend covered tuition and living expenses but didn't leave much room for dinner at upscale restaurants.

He turned to Cyn. "See anything you like?"

"The ten ounce strip steak, except I can only eat a third of it. Want to split it with me?"

"Good idea." He closed the menu with a quick exhale.

Cyn's gaze wandered to Rick, sitting on her other side. She drew in her shoulders and lowered her eyes. Rubbing the heel of her hand, she gave a little sigh. Trent could see the struggle in her, and he sucked back a smile.

"You seemed upset in the car," she said to Rick, "about Jessica."

He looked at her intently. He set down his menu and leaned toward her. "The other women I've dated, we parted on good terms. I was proud of that. I totally screwed this one up. I let her fall in love with me, when I didn't feel the same."

"It happens, honey. It doesn't make you a bad person."

"She thinks I used her." His voice grew taut. "Says I manipulate people."

Trent chuckled. Jordan turned red, fighting back a laugh. Rick's cheeks paled and his eyes went wide.

Cyn pulled her chair next to him and held his hands. "You don't consciously use people. You persuade them. Weren't you named the top new salesman in your region last year?"

"In my division, yeah. I worked hard so I could get the transfer to Allentown. But I don't manipulate my customers. I help them find the right solution, for the best price."

"Of course you do. You would never take advantage of someone. Not intentionally."

"But I hurt Jess."

She shrugged. "Sometimes relationships don't work out."

"I didn't realize how serious she was until it was too late. And then I tried to make it work, but I couldn't."

Jordan's water glass jingled against his beer mug as he picked it up and took a long draft. Rick's mood must have worn off on him, because Jordan looked ashen, his eyes moist.

Rick cleared his throat, his gaze lowered. Cyn leaned over and kissed his cheek.

Damn it
. Trent wanted to be angry at her for that, but he couldn't. He'd never seen Rick so wrung out.

"Jess is wrong about you," Cyn said. "Besides, if you'd given it another six months, you'd have done
something
to piss her off and make her want to dump you."

"That's true. I'm a selfish bastard."

"Maybe sometimes. But you're also caring and protective."

"The most loyal person I know," Jordan said hurriedly. "You'd do anything for your friends."

"Yeah, I would." Rick met Jordan's eyes.  

The blood returned to Jordan's face, followed by a soft smile.

Trent scowled. Cyn was right. Something was up with those two. "You guys are acting weird."

Rick tensed. Jordan grinned and raised his brows.

"Are you going to tell us what you're fighting about?" Cyn asked.

Jordan rotated his beer mug, staring into the amber liquid. "Rick wants to move in with me while he looks for a new place in Allentown."

Rick perked up. "Yeah, and Jordy doesn't want me to because…"

"Because my design studio is in the spare bedroom. There's no room for him. Besides, his company will put him up in temporary housing for a month."

"Which will be lonely and boring. And he lives ten minutes from my new office." Rick's mouth turned downward, and he looked at Jordan. "I'd rather sleep on your floor than in a hotel room bed."

Trent took a gulp of beer. "No, you're not manipulative."

"What? It's the truth."

The waiter came and took their order. Cyn moved her chair back into place. Trent watched her from the corner of his eye, assessing her demeanor toward Rick. She hadn't crossed the line from friendship to flirtation, at least not yet. But the meal had just begun. 

***

Cyn cut into her steak and wrinkled her nose. Medium well. Trent had insisted, because undercooked steak could carry disease. She loved that he was looking out for her, but…it seemed a shame to grill the life out of a gorgeous hunk of beef.

Still, the texture was like butter and the seasonings popped in her mouth. "Mmm." The sound slipped out of her involuntarily.

Trent gave her an I-told-you-so-grin. He caressed her forearm, and a shudder of desire rocked her.

She looked over at Rick and Jordan, but they were absorbed in conversation.
Good.
She didn't want them to see how Trent affected her.

Maybe she was being overly sensitive about that. Rick's mood had lifted. He'd stepped outside to make a phone call during the salad course, and Jordan checked up on him a few minutes later. When they came back, Rick looked happy and excited. Better than she'd seen him all weekend.

Was it time to tell them she and Trent were a couple? For that matter,
were
they a couple? So far, they were a hookup, bordering on a fling. Too soon to call it a relationship.

She knew Trent wanted to tell them. But really, she was looking out for him more than herself. He and Rick still hung out every few weeks. With Trent dating Rick's ex, that could change things between them. Guys had some kind of code, didn't they?

Her skin prickled.
This should be Trent's call.
The realization crept over her. She wasn't protecting Trent's relationship with Rick. She was protecting her own.

Her heart grew heavy. Trent was right: she and Rick had been flirting. Even though neither of them meant it, the interplay was reassuring. When Rick looked at her with that same admiring gaze that had made her melt at sixteen, she felt powerful.

It wasn't fair to Trent. True surrender meant she belonged to him and only him.

She looked over at Rick, envying the medium rare tenderloin that came with his surf and turf. Not to mention the broiled lobster tail.

He smiled. "Want a bite?" He tore off a piece of lobster with his fork and held it up to her.

Her mouth watered. Would Trent mind? It was just a taste, after all. She let Rick feed her, savoring the earthy sweetness and the hint of drawn butter.

"Mm, that is yummy." She sipped her water. "Broiled to perfection."

"You always said lobster was better than sex."

She raised her brows. "Better than sex with you, at least."

Rick leaned in and met her eyes, his voice sultry. "I'll take that challenge."

"Really? You want to prove you can do better?"

"We were kids, Cyn. Fumbling around. Of course I can do better."

"I never complained. I'm just saying, that's really good lobster."

Trent's hand on her knee brought her attention back to him. She sucked in her lower lip.

Damn it
.

The memory of the spanking he'd given her that morning tensed her muscles. She'd resented it at the time, but now, she longed for that feeling of being mastered. Images swam through her mind: Trent making her face the wall, or tying her to the bed, or maybe binding her wrists to the shower rod. Apprehension knotted her stomach, and desire pulsed through her. She gulped, her body trembling. She sipped her water to regain her composure.

Trent stroked her shoulder, and she bowed her head.

"You okay?" Rick's voice pulled her eyes toward him.

"She's fine," Trent said.

"What is your problem? She's upset."

"No, I'm fine, really."

"You don't have to worry about her. I've got this. Cyn's with me now."

Rick's jaw stiffened, and his Adam's apple bobbed. "What do you mean, with you?"

"Just what I said."

Rick's face flushed. "Since when?"

"Since last night."

Rick turned to Cyn. "This true?"

Her mouth grew dry. The cold hardness in his face made her tremble. "Sort of."