Hannah (The Hawthorne Sisters) (6 page)

Bryce stood with his hand in the cold water. Clenching his teeth, he realized how foolish it was to smash his fist like that. His sister was a grown woman. She’d have to take care of herself. It’s what he wanted anyway, right? He’d grown so used to cleaning up her messes. It was all he knew anymore.

She’d come find him or call
, eventually. She’d find trouble, and had nobody else to bail her out. Cautiously wrapping his hand with some bandages, Bryce cringed as he secured the edge with a metal binder clip.

He needed to talk to Hannah. Should he call
, or go see her? Would she even want to talk to him after what she saw?

There was only one way to find out. Bryce headed out to his truck, realizing he used his right hand for damn near everything. Maneuvering with his left hand, he started his truck and drove down the road.

When Gretta answered the door, he was almost relieved. Hannah might just take one look at him and slam the door. “Is Hannah here?”

“She is. One moment, please.”

When she came down the hallway and saw him standing there, she didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted to run into his arms, help mend his hand and make it all better. The other part of her realized she only knew the pieces of Bryce that he let her see.

“Can we talk?”

She nodded, and grabbed a jacket. Going outside, they leaned against his truck.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see that.”

“It scared me.”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t directed at you.”

“I know. It’s just that I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“My sister
… it’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

Bryce lowered his head. “When I went to bail her out, she tried to run my truck off the road with both of us in it. I threw her out of my truck, told her I was cutting her out of my life. This morning I went to check on her, and she was gone. She left town, or at least her apartment. Most of her things were gone, and her closet was empty.”

Hannah watched him talk, pain dripping from his pores
, guilt shadowing him like a puppet. “How’s your hand?”

“Truthfully, it hurts.” It was a nervous laughter, not one of delight. “Are you afraid of me?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t have to be. I’d never take anything out on you like that. I went to the barn
because it was a safe place to vent. Nobody could get hurt but me.”

“Look what you did to yourself.” Her voice was quiet.

“Want to ride over to get x-rays with me?”

“How about I drive?”

“That sounds good.” He tossed her his keys. “I’m sorry I scared you. It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t know anybody was around. I was just trying to release some steam.”

“Let’s get your hand fixed.”

Luckily nothing was broken, though there was some bad swelling. Ice, a compression wrap, and no using it for a while until the swelling subsided. He’d be sore, but he’d heal. Bryce was grateful for the diagnosis, realizing what a mess he’d have gotten himself into if it was broken. He didn’t have the time to let a broken hand heal. He had work to do with winter coming in hard and fast.

Driving back home, Hannah pulled up to her house. “Take care of yourself.” Ho
pping out of the truck, she started to head inside.

Bryce got out of the truck
, and saw her to the door. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

She nodded quietly, reflecting on the day
, and handed him his keys. “I’ll check in on you.”

“I’d like that.”

She turned and went inside. There was no kiss good-bye, no look between them, just a silence that hung in the air. Something had changed. She cared a great deal for the man, but wasn’t sure what to make of what she’d seen. Violence scared her. It’s not that it was even targeted at her, but seeing him like that left her cold.

The following day
, she went to check on him like she said she would. They’d have to talk. Hannah’s feelings confused her. She couldn’t just turn off the love she felt, and yet seeing him that way, she wasn’t sure what else she might see. What if he regularly went off like that when he was upset? He didn’t seem the type, but she truly couldn’t be sure. What did she really know about him other than what she wanted to see?

Pulling into his driveway, she clutched her steering wheel and took a deep breath. This wouldn’t be easy. She thought he was the one
, but now she wasn’t so sure. Hannah looked at the front door. One foot in front of the other, she could do this. Forcing herself out of her truck, she started for the porch. Standing in front of the door, she couldn’t bring herself to knock. Turning around, she started back for her truck. Behind her, the door opened.

“Hannah.”

“Oh, hey,” she said, turning around.

“Where are you going?”

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Looking at Bryce, she went inside.

“Something’s wrong.” He sensed it in her body language. She usually
came directly into his arms. Instead, her arms were crossed tightly over her chest. You could almost see the tension in her shoulders. Hannah’s jaw stiffened as the stress rolled through her.

“I’ve just been thinking. What do we really know about each other?”

“Don’t,” he said. “Please don’t make this about anything other than what it is.”

“Fine.”
Hannah took a deep breath, knowing what she had to say. “Seeing you like that – it startled me. It got me thinking that there are a lot of things I don’t know about you. We’ve seen the good in each other, but not the bad. You don’t know that I’m bitchy at certain times, or that I cry over really stupid stuff, or that I laugh at inappropriate times. You don’t know that I’ve never been in love like this before, and I’m scared to death that what we have, what we had, is some kind of illusion.”

He wanted to take her in his arms, comfort her, but he was almost afraid she’d flinch at his touch. Bryce sat down, dropping his guard, letting his need to be strong fall to the floor.

“When my parents died, I promised myself I’d take care of Bev. I did the best I could, and she kept getting into trouble. Her life spiraled out of control. I can’t fix her. Lord knows I’ve tried.” Tears started to fall. Bryce dropped his head in his hands. “When you came into my life, I felt alive again. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Hannah. Whether you believe that or not, it’s the truth. I love you with all my heart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, make you my wife one day. And the thought that you’re afraid of me crushes me down to my soul. I’d never lift a finger to a woman, never hurt you, and never hurt anyone for that matter. You have to believe me. You’re safe with me.”

He looked so vulnerable
. There was pain in his eyes, along with the fear of losing her. Hannah saw his truth. His heart was open; she just had to accept it.

Bryce begged her for another chance.
“Hannah, please, baby. Don’t walk away. You’re my future, the woman I love.” He saw his world crashing down around him. His chance of happiness was fading away.

Hannah sat beside him, and quietly placed her hand on his leg.
It took her a moment to respond. Finally, she spoke. “I’m not going anywhere.” She leaned into him, letting him cry it out. He finally let go of the years of grief he felt, the responsibility he felt toward his sister, the loss of his parents. Eventually his tears stopped.

November brought a cold front to town. Two feet of snow fell, and then another the following day. Everybody was plowing out of the snow, realizing winter had settled in once and for all. Bryce was up early
, clearing out the massive amounts of snow that covered his long drive. He had plenty of cleaning up to do, but plowed down part of the road that led to the Hawthorne’s house to help the girls dig out. Hannah was on their tractor, already pushing some of it out of the way. Between the two of them, they had their main drive and path to the barn cleared. The younger girls were digging out the walkway with shovels.

“When you free up later, can you come down to my place?”

Hannah could see his breath as he spoke, the cold air marking it. “Yeah, is everything okay?”

“Yes. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay, I’ll come by after we’re done here.”

Gretta had a batch of hot chocolate going, and was ready when the crew came inside. With an invitation to join them for Thanksgiving, Bryce thanked Gretta, said his good-byes
, and headed on his way. Going back home, he needed to finish clearing up what nature had left behind at his own house. The snow was heavy over his porch roof, and climbing up, he was able to push most of it off with a long broom.

Hannah found her way down to his house
a little later. She found him in the barn, refreshing Ruby’s bedding and checking her blanket. The weather had snapped colder than they’d anticipated this week.

“Hey
, cowboy.” She shoved her gloved hands into her pockets.

“Your nose is red.” He smiled, leaned in
, and kissed her sweetly. They’d grown back to how things were before, but it took a little doing.

“About Thanksgiving
…” she said, looking down. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to come.”

“How could I not want to spend Thanksgiving with a house full of women
?” Did she have hesitations? “Do you not want me there?”

“I do want you there. I want you there next year
, too.” Her smile melted his heart.

“It’s a date. Why don’t we go inside and warm up a little bit? I’ve got some fresh muffins.”

“You know how to bribe a girl.” She laughed, and followed him inside.

“Are we okay?”
He needed to know. He needed Hannah in his life.

“We’re more than okay.”

“The last couple of weeks… ”

She interrupted, “…are behind us.”

Bryce took her hand in his. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve become everything to me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I mean it. When I look at you, I see my future. I see endless possibilities. More than anything, I see a family.” He got up and went to get a muffin. When he came back, he handed her one, and then dropped down to one knee.

Her
hand shot up over her mouth and her eyes grew as wide as saucers. “What are you doing?”

He
held a blue velvet box. Opening it, she saw the ring. The diamond gleamed in the light. His voice lowered, crackling a bit, his emotions overriding his words. “Hannah, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She sat
, stunned. “We almost fell apart.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere. I’ve known from the moment we got together you were the one for me.”

“I don’t know what to say.” She looked at Bryce holding his heart in his hand, a ring in a box, and his eyes full of love.

“I’m hoping you’ll say
‘yes.’”

She lowered her head. “It’s just
so unexpected, and so soon.”

He stood and closed the box
, placing it before her. “When and if you’re ready someday, this will be waiting for you.” He sat back down, heartbroken that she didn’t say yes. He couldn’t hide the sting of rejection. He winced and sighed, looking at the table to avoid looking into her eyes. He was afraid to see her truth.

“I wasn’t saying no,” she started softly. “I do see a future with you. I want to be your wife.”

He searched her eyes.

“Bryce, you feel like home. I’m just dizzy from how fast things are changing. I want to get married one day, but
I’m afraid of moving too fast.”

“If you’ll wear my ring, I don’t care if it takes you ten years to walk down the aisle. Just tell me that you’ll be mine.”

She nodded. “It won’t be ten years.”

He opened the box, took out the ring
, and tried again. “Hannah, will you marry me?”

“Yes, Bryce. Yes, I’ll marry you.” She held out her hand, and let him slide the ring onto her finger.

She thought it would feel different. She thought she’d be jumping for joy. She was happy and knew Bryce was the man she wanted in her life, but something felt off. It was the intimacy they’d shared before, the kindle they sparked; while there was warmth and tenderness, the passion was missing since the barn incident.

She needed to know one thing. Taking his hand, she led him back to his bedroom.

He was shocked. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, actually
, I am.” She needed to know if when he touched her that way, it would reignite what they’d shared earlier in the relationship.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“I miss our intimacy,” she finally whispered. “I need to feel it again.”

He took her in his arms and slowly led her into a gentle sway, a dance for lovers. “My sweet Hannah, we can get that back in other ways. Don’t rush this. Let’s save it for when you’re truly ready.”

She nodded. He was right. She was trying to prove something to herself, but as he touched her, his hands sliding over her back, gently moving with her body, she knew it would be enough. Stopping for a moment, he moved his hands to her face, cupping it gently, and kissed her. “I miss you, too,” he whispered. “I miss moments like this.”

Their kiss was tender
and soft. As she parted her lips, letting him in, their mouths met with a hunger they hadn’t felt in a while. She recognized his kiss, and knew it would be okay. She hated that at the moment he asked her to marry him, she didn’t respond right away. Hannah didn’t mean to hurt him. What they had, she wanted it back. She’d missed the feeling that was now surging through her veins. This was what she needed. She was one again with the man she loved.

Bryce moved to the edge of the bed and sat on it, pulling her onto his lap. Their kisses grew sweeter, hotter, and more passionate. Hannah turned
, and kneeled over his lap. His hands grasped her bottom and pulled her closer. Hannah’s hands raked through Bryce’s hair, and as their mouths shared in a heated moment, their bodies clung together, holding on to one another.

It was too dangerous to remain here. Bryce was afraid he’d want more. His body was stirring below, and with Hannah on top of him like this, even still wearing her clothing, he ached to touch her naked skin.

Bryce’s mouth moved from her sweet lips down to her neck. Brushing his lips against her skin, Hannah threw back her head, enjoying the sensual tingling on her skin. Suckling her neck, his hot breath on her skin, Hannah felt her arousal grow. This was getting dangerous. She wanted to undress, wanted to climb under the covers with him, and wanted to take things further than they’d ever gone before.

He sensed it too, knowing they were teetering on the edge of temptation. “Why don’t we go in the other room?”

“Right, good idea,” she said, relieved he’d suggested it. She was certain she’d be making love to him in moments if they didn’t break apart now. Heading out to the living room, Bryce shifted himself, his erection reminding him how close they were coming to the fire. Not yet. He wanted her to be sure, and he’d gladly wait.

The couple sat next to one another, unable to look away. Their gaze spoke of the chemistry between them again, and Hannah knew their intimacy would be okay. “I’m sorry I took so long to answer.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I just want you to be certain this is what you want.”

“More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

Bryce squeezed her hand. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”

“I hope I can make you even happier when I’m your wife.”

“If it feels anything like this, then I’d say I’ve already won.”

“You’re a good man, Bryce.”

He smiled and wrapped his arm around his future bride.

Driving back home, H
annah’s mind drifted to the events of the day. It’s not like she expected some romantic gesture like she’d seen in the movies; it’s just that it seemed so sudden. They’d only been getting to know each other this past year, with some bumps along the way. Why was he in a hurry? Why had she said yes? Was it so she didn’t hurt his feelings, or did she really want to get married? She loved Bryce – she didn’t question that one bit, but getting engaged so soon? Would babies follow behind it? She wasn’t sure she was ready to grow up that fast.

Marriage and a family was something she knew she wanted someday, but now? Of course
, it made sense for Bryce. He was in his thirties, ready to settle down and have children. But only being in her early twenties, there was so much more she wanted to do before marriage.

And yet, when she made a list of things she wanted to do, it stalled. Maybe in the grand scheme of things
, there wasn’t one thing on that list she couldn’t do with a husband by her side. The thought of losing Bryce was heartbreaking. She wouldn’t walk away from him, that was certain, but his proposal caught her off guard.

Hannah stared
at the ring on her finger, mesmerized. She touched it, running her finger lightly over the diamond, knowing what it represented. It meant a life with Bryce, being his wife, the mother to his children one day, and moving into his home. Was she ready for all of that? He said he’d move slowly, but how slowly did she want to go? What difference did it make if they started life together this month or next year?

Closing her eyes, she remembered his kisses and how she wanted so much more. There was nobody that had given her those kinds of feelings inside. This was special. So why was she lingering on the topic of marriage? She knew he’d make a wonderful husband. What more could she ask for, right?

What was bothering her so much? She’d slipped her hand into her pocket when she walked in, not wanting her mother to see. She wasn’t ready to talk about it. Shouldn’t she be jumping up and down, sharing the news with the rest of the world? Why was she embarrassed to admit they were moving quicker than expected?

Was it all the crap she’d given Allie for moving so fast in her own relationships? Thinking of Allie, she realized she hadn’t talked to her in a while. She was glad she’d be there for Thanksgiving, and then they’d finally have a chance to get to know Richard better.

Should they announce their engagement at Thanksgiving? Should she tell them sooner? Was she ready to share the news? What was it that made her so damn nervous about the conversation? What if they told her she was foolish for wanting to marry an older man? What if they thought she was silly for accepting his proposal so soon? Why does it matter what they think? Hannah’s thoughts jumped from one to the next faster than she could keep up with. Anxiety – it was covering her like webbing she couldn’t escape.

What was she afraid of? Bryce made her feel special. She loved being around him, and felt safe in his arms. Only when she admitted
the truth to herself, she realized she still felt like a child. She lived at home with her mother, had very little life experience other than working on the farm and going to school, and suddenly she felt like a fraud. What if who he thought he was marrying, wasn’t truly what he was getting?

He saw her as strong, independent, and capable. Sure, that was
true at home, where she had to take over after her father’s death…but having to run her own home? Having to be an adult all the time, having to become a person responsible for another human being, the idea of being a mom? It scared her to the core. She loved the idea of children, but not yet. What if he was ready now? He was older than she was, probably ready to start a family sooner. Babies meant her independence would be over and she’d be tied to this way of life, taking care of someone else for the next twenty years. Not feeling very adult, Hannah rolled over, realizing that maybe, just maybe, this growing up thing scared her more than she wanted to admit. She had a safety net living with her parents. She’d have to be the safety net to a child of her own…and what if she wasn’t good at it?

Everything changed after her father died. She went from being a child to a parent. It’s almost like she switched roles with her mother, feeling the need to take care of the family.
It was a lot of pressure, but it needed to be done. Her mother was incoherent, lost in her depression, and decisions needed to be made. She knew she had it in her, but responsibility could be crushing.

Was she ready to trade in her freedom for a lifetime of responsibility?

And her father, Hannah realized he wouldn’t be at her wedding. He wouldn’t meet her children. He wouldn’t walk her down the aisle. He wouldn’t be here to share in the rest of her life. It was the first time it had hit her this hard since his death close to a year ago. How had that much time even passed?