Happily Never After (10 page)

Chapter 12

Stiff and sore, Kelsey found it difficult to move faster than a snail but refused to delay her plan to seek counseling. On Sunday, she arrived at the center a little before four and went in search of the room number Ann had written down for her.

When she peeked through the door, an older man sat at the desk. His posture screamed he was past military. Though the man sported a head full of silver hair, he still appeared capable of bench pressing a small bus. She waited at the door, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, trying to decide whether to knock or run.

He looked up and smiled. It transformed him from scary to welcoming, and the knot in her stomach unraveled. “Hi, my name is Kelsey. I’m looking for Riley.”

“I’m so glad you came. Ann told me you might stop by today. Come on in and let’s sit for a minute. There’s some time before the group gets here if you have any questions.” He crossed the room and folded her hand into his much larger one and led her back to several chairs.

Once they sat, she studied the man across from her. The life lines added to his distinguished manner, but his eyes drew her attention. Here was a man who had also experienced a life-altering moment.

“I’m not sure I even understand what I’m doing here. I read about your group online, and the focus seems to be on war veterans dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Riley gave her a kind smile. “Kelsey, PTSD does affect many people in the military, but it can touch anybody. Symptoms can develop in anyone who experiences or even witnesses a traumatic event that caused physical harm or was life-threatening. You experienced both.” His manner toward her was soft and gentle as if he didn’t want to scare her off.

“I kept thinking I should be strong enough to put this behind me. I can’t understand why I’m not able to move on with my life.”

“The bad news? I can’t give you a miracle pill. You won’t wake up one morning instantly cured. Time and hard work are what will help you deal with your issues. Most of us are still learning how to cope with what daily life throws at us.”

He paused before continuing. “Don’t think of this as a flaw in strength or character. Men three times your size can be brought to their knees trying to get through the day. We use cognitive behavioral therapy. My job is to teach you to accept and learn how to control your fear. It’s important for you to understand that you’re not alone.”

“I have dreams at night where I re-live being attacked, and it terrifies me. A loud noise can reduce me to a quivering mess. I’m on pins and needles, never knowing when something is going to push me over the edge. I can’t seem to move past the shooting.” She lowered her lashes, heat spreading across her cheeks.

A rough hand gently raised her chin. “That man’s death wasn’t your fault. He was going to prison from his actions, not anything you did or caused. You were the unlucky person he fixated his anger on. So don’t be embarrassed. Be proud you’re a survivor, and you’re taking the steps to get better.”

She took a deep breath. “You make me hopeful.”

“Reliving the event is common along with panic, chills, and even heart palpitations. We can show you ways to reduce your anxiety. We’re here to help you. Now, the rest of the group is about to get here. Are you ready to start healing?” He held one hand out toward her.

She stared at his outstretched palm and a measure of peace washed over her. Long lost courage built inside and she reached out to accept his offering. For the first time in months, she glimpsed her old grit. It was time.

The next morning, getting out of bed and moving her sore body across the room proved difficult. The simple task of dressing required an extra thirty minutes. She’d already resigned her position with David, but her small apartment seemed confining. Buoyed by her meeting with Riley, she needed to remain active.

For some crazy reason being in her cozy home made her skin itch. After Bode had left on Saturday, she noticed small things. Her journal lay on the bed, along with her nightgown. The usual place where she kept it was in a drawer of the nightstand. She could have forgotten to put it away in the excitement of going back to work. Maybe.

She called a cab since her car was still in the lot by the office. The short ride to the community center gave her a chance to reflect on what her options were.

Each time Bode crossed her mind, she berated herself for thinking she had a soft spot for such a jerk. How dare he call her stupid? Fury rolled through her like a tidal wave. Good. Anger would help her focus and not dwell on the fact she was unemployed again.

Ann’s face registered surprise when Kelsey entered her office. “What’re you doing here? You should be at home resting.”

She flopped down in the chair across from her friend. “I don’t need rest. I need a job. You know everyone around here. Do you know anyone that’s hiring?”

“No, but I can ask around.” Ann paused. “Anything I hear about isn’t going to be attorney type work. Did you ask David? He could help you better than I can.”

The window next to Ann’s desk overlooked the playground. A matronly woman watched over several toddlers climbing in and over the plastic equipment. A little girl around the age of three fell, and her small mouth scrunched up before she erupted into tears. A pang of wistfulness washed over Kelsey so hard it stunned her.

“I don’t think I want to work in an office, at least not for a while.”

“Okay. Until you find something, there’s an opening in one of the programs where you’d be perfect. Parents send their children here after school, so they’re not home alone. We give them a snack, help them with their homework and provide some physical activity. Are you interested?”

Excited at the prospect a wide grin covered her face. “Can I start now?”

Kelsey spent the day doing paperwork and getting settled. By the time the first kids arrived, her nerves were stretched tight with doubts.
What if they don’t like me? What if I have a freak out here at the center?
After being introduced to the children, she got everyone settled, and working on various stages of homework. Keeping one eye on them, she prepared a light snack to hand out.

As she sat with each child, laughing and teasing, serenity soothed her soul. Mia, an adorable first grader, was the only one who held back. Shy and quiet, she wouldn’t meet Kelsey’s eyes.

Suffering from extreme bashfulness as a little girl, Kelsey knew how hard it was for new people to enter your world. So, without being pushy, she tried time and again to win her over with a gentle word or kind smile. The little girl was a tough nut to crack.

A soft knock tapped on the door, and Bode entered the room. He was big. Much too big for such a small room. She watched the kids for any sign of them being nervous or intimidated. They’d formed a semi-circle in front of him and were busy high-fiving him.

Her mouth opened in astonishment when Mia scampered straight to Bode, and he scooped her up. For the first time that day the girl wore a radiant smile. He tickled her and Mia’s laughter tinkled like little bells.

A stab of unwarranted jealousy had her trying not to scowl. She bent over to retrieve several pencils and when she lifted up he was right in front of her.

His eyebrows were raised inquiringly. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Mia still rode on his hip so she schooled her features into a pleasant smile. At least she hoped it was a smile. The little girl’s nervous eyes darted back and forth between them.

Kelsey lifted her chin with a cool stare. “Do you think I can’t?”

“Whoa there, sister, I’m just checking on you. If you want to work, work.” He strolled back toward the door. He set Mia down, said his good-byes and left without a glance back.

She forced herself to ignore the childish urge to stick her tongue out at the door. All the man had to do was be in the same vicinity to get her dander up.

Everyone sat back down to finish their homework. When she stooped down to Mia this time, the girl gave her a hesitant smile.

At four, she helped them put away their books, and they all went outside. It surprised her to see Bode playing basketball with some teens. Her stomach fluttered at the sight of him. She hadn’t taken a good look at him earlier. There were fatigue lines around his mouth like he hadn’t gotten much sleep last night.

The kids began a game of freeze tag, and her sides soon hurt from laughing. She plopped down on the grass next to Mia as the others broke into small groups. A shadow fell over her right before Bode’s large frame dropped down beside her.

“I didn’t ask earlier but did you ever find the driver of the car?” She tried to sound neutral and unaffected.

“No. We can’t do much more, but if we find any new information, I’ll let you know.”

Tilting her head to the side, she studied him. “What are you doing here, anyway? Don’t you have some detectin’ to do?”

He chuckled. “I teach a self-defense class here at the center on Monday nights. When I can, I get here early and hang out.”

Mia eased her way closer until she sat in Kelsey’s lap. The warmth of the small body was comforting. The girl slid one little hand into her larger one.

“The kids seem to like you. You’re good with them.”

Kelsey started at Bode’s statement. Some of the boys were horsing around, and she smiled at their antics. “I love children. I guess I forgot how much until now.” She blinked several times before continuing. “I was so caught up in trying to save the world, I guess I lost track of the things that are important to me.”

“It’s never too late to figure things out.”

They sat and stared at one another. Mia getting out of her lap to go play broke their eye contact for the moment.

Kelsey glanced back at him, an expectant look on her face. “Huh. Not going to say you’re sorry for Saturday, are you?” she asked with an impish grin.

He sighed and bowed his chin to his chest. “I’m sorry I said you were acting stupid. I didn’t think you should be alone at your apartment, but I shouldn’t have used those words.”

She arched one eyebrow at him but remained silent.

“Don’t
you
want to apologize to me for something?” His body leaned toward her.

“I can’t imagine why I would need to. You were the one being a jerk.”

He snorted. “You might start by apologizing for not answering my numerous phone calls. You let me worry about you the rest of the weekend.”

It was hard for a man like Bode to concede when wrong. And maybe it
had
been sort of her fault too.

She rubbed the back of her neck. “I don’t tend to react very nice when people try to push me around. It’s a childhood thing, I guess.”

With a shiver of vivid recollection, she recalled memories of her youth. Her father had been a big man with large hams for fists. He criticized everything her mother did. Nothing ever seemed to be good enough for him. Every minute of every day had to be choreographed by him or it would send him into a rage. Kelsey had vowed never to live under anyone’s thumb.

His warm eyes gazed at her with understanding. “I’ll be sure to remember that next time and make it more of a request.”

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She frowned at the unknown number on her caller ID. “Hello?”

“Kelsey, it’s Joe, Joe Graham? From the gym?”

She sat in silence until his words registered. “Hey, I’m so glad you called. I got your flowers, but I didn’t know how to contact you. They’re beautiful.” A quick peek at the Bode made her want to smile. Both sides of his mouth tilted down in a frown, his annoyance evident.

“I phoned the hospital, but you’d already left. So you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. A little sore around the edges, but all in all, I’m in pretty good shape.” She twisted her body around and put her back to Bode for privacy.

“How are
you
doing?” Her voice lowered. “The last time we talked you seemed a little down in the dumps.”

He gave a small laugh. “Some days are better than others, kiddo. Hey, when will you be back to the gym?”

“Oh, I forgot. I’m not at the hotel anymore so I won’t be seeing you there.”

“How about meeting for coffee on your way to the office then?”

“That job isn’t going to work out for me. I’m working at the community center now. If you’re ever in this neighborhood, maybe we can get together.”

“Sure, that sounds great. I’ll call you in a day or so. Take care.”

The phone disconnected and she spun back around. Bode sat watching her, not even bothering to hide the fact he’d been eavesdropping.

“Are you going to sit there and listen to my personal conversations? What are you, twelve?” she hissed at him.

He jumped to his feet and jammed his hands into his pocket. “I didn’t realize you were already seeing someone.”

She gaped up at him. “I’m not
seeing
him. We’re going to get coffee, not have a secret rendezvous.”

His eyes narrowed. “Trust me, this guy is interested. Where are you meeting?”

The bold demand rendered her speechless. She got to her feet and planted her hands on her hips. His cell phone rang, and he answered before she could make her annoyance known. He turned his back on her to talk and her blood pressure soared.

She inhaled a deep breath and blew the whistle she’d been assigned to catch the kid’s attention. A childish feeling of satisfaction surged through her when he placed one finger in his ear to help hear on the phone. A better person wouldn’t have blown it a second time. Too bad for him, she wasn’t a better person.

Ignoring the evil eye he gave her, she gathered everyone and hustled them back inside.