Happy Chaos (8 page)

The last few weeks of my pregnancy were this incredibly defining experience for our little family. I slowed down to be with Poet—totally and completely, with no distractions. We walked around the neighborhood and looked at butterflies and trees. We got ice cream and took our time eating it. We smelled the flowers. We cuddled close and talked about the baby coming. My godmother, Patricia, came to stay with us, and she showered both of us with attention. It was a totally magical time that set an amazing tone of love and welcoming.

Poet and me enjoying the moment together as we waited for Jagger's arrival

 

Jagger was born two weeks late, on March 17, 2008. Once again I had my playlist and my sheets from home, but this time I added a picture of Poet to my room at the hospital. The Soleil Moon Frye Birthing Team was back together again—Demi was a coach, Tori was right alongside her, and so were my mom and godmother. The whole room vibrated with music just the way it did when Poet was born.

After Jagger was born, we just wanted to get home. We didn't even take the time to bathe her in the hospital! Jason brought Poet to pick us up, and the look on her face was this amazing mixture of shock, awe, and pure love at first sight.

We wanted to keep that loving feeling going, so at home, we included Poet in everything. Jason and I each had our special moments with Jagger—she was this little Buddha baby, totally peaceful. And when one of us was with her, the other one was focused on Poet. Three days after Jagger was born, she stayed with my mom for a few hours while we took Poet to see the trains in Griffith Park. It was one of our favorite places to go before Jagger was born, and we wanted Poet to know that the world she knew before wasn't closing down—it was just getting bigger and more colorful.

A few weeks later, Jason was working in San Diego, and I took Poet to LEGOLAND and the San Diego Zoo. It seems totally crazy now that I look back on it—I'd just gotten rid of that beautiful mesh granny panty and ice pack combo, and I was running around an amusement park already. What was I thinking?

But it was worth it. Our crazy campaign worked, and Poet felt very special and included. We made Jagger's arrival into such a joyous celebration that Poet welcomed her sister with open arms. And we all learned that our hearts just keep on expanding with our family, and there's no limit to how much we can love.

Here I am with my two little girls; I couldn't be happier as our family grew.

There are all kinds of ways to include older kids in getting ready for a new sibling. One of our favorite things to do with Poet was baby naming. We would come up with fun ideas together. Poet also helped me with picking out clothes for Jagger and giving her the things that she had outgrown. The most important times are those precious weeks before the new baby comes. It is such a great time to bond and share your love with your kids. Also, you can let them come up with fun ideas that they want to do with the new baby, like planning an outing the first month. Art projects are another wonderful way to engage your older children. They can help decorate the baby's room and make it special. If your older child is losing some space to the new sibling, try making them a part of the new design. They can help you pick out fun paint colors or new toy bins. Another important thing for us was reusing with our second baby. Half of Jagger's things in her room—her dresser, armoire, and clothes—came from Poet. There's nothing more eco than that, and it is also far more affordable than buying all new stuff.

Before the new baby comes, ask for your older child's help in coming up with some fun activities that you can do together—with just you and them. This way your older child has some one-on-one time to look forward to and they can see that their interests are still really important to you. Maybe it's a play-date with their best friend, or a trip to their favorite park or beach—or a combination of all of the above. No matter what, make it something special and out of the ordinary, and all about the older sibling.

When I brought my new baby home from the hospital, the first thing my older child said was . . .

“That's not our baby. Our baby in there (patting my stomach).”

—Genie

“When is the baby going back in your tummy? I want my lap back.”

—Carrie

“I want to hold him!”

—Amy L.

“Could he go to the bathroom?”

—Alea

Question of the day: When has following your gut gotten you into or out of trouble?

“I followed my gut by deciding not to further my education beyond 2 years of college (and no degree). I am happy to be where I am now, but I think I could have seriously benefitted from a good education. The best part is that you are never too old for education!”

—Amanda

“Too many times to recount. I trust my gut, my instincts. I've learned that as a mom, it's the one thing you should always listen to!”

—Jeannette C.

“Following my gut actually has always gotten me out of trouble for my entire life. It is when I second guess that feeling that I actually get into trouble!”

—Luna

“Co-sleeping. I cannot get her out of my bed now without her KNOWING it. However, I have faith that she will fall from the apple tree eventually. I actually believe that co-sleeping will prove to have GREAT benefits in the future.”

—Natalie

 

P
eople ask me all the time what it was like to work from such a young age. The truth is acting never felt like work to me—especially not on
Punky Brewster
.

That set was our home away from home, our school, and our playground all rolled into one. The other kids on the show and I would ride around the lot on our scooters, we'd pogo-stick around the
Santa Barbara
set right next door, down the hallways, off of furniture, and through the makeup room. It was so much fun, and it never felt like work.

When I wasn't taping
Punky
, I attended a free-spirited private school that was all about hands-on learning. I went there from preschool to junior high. I became a total mad scientist in sixth grade, thanks to my amazing science teacher. When we were dissecting rats in school I got so attached to mine that I named it Mellow Yellow. My teacher let me bring the rat back to the
Punky
set with me to show everyone. I then took it to my friend Cherie's house for a sleepover that night. I forgot to tell Cherie's mom that I'd stuck the formaldehydesoaked rat in her freezer, so when Mrs. Johnson reached in for a Popsicle later that night and came out with Mellow Yellow instead, she actually fainted. Oops.

That same science teacher taught us how to grow wheat, and then how to make alcohol from the wheat (and if we had a note from our parents, we were allowed to bring a sample home). I loved chemistry, so my teacher supplied me with ingredients to take home and experiment with to my heart's content. I gathered all our neighbors around, mixed judicious amounts of sulfur and magnesium together, and blew up a nearby manhole cover. It was a huge hit on our block.

I hope my girls get to learn from someone brilliant just like my science teacher, maybe minus the vodka making. He inspired me and all of his students to go out and follow their passion, and that's the kind of parent I want to be. Poet loves performing, so we give her every opportunity to dress up and express herself. Jagger's a little comedian—so who knows, maybe she'll grow up to do stand-up. Or not. Wherever their passions lead them, we want to be there telling them to go with their gut and do what they love.

I think a big ingredient in good parenting is having the confidence to follow your gut, and the flexibility and courage to let your kids follow theirs. I was inspired to follow my gut by the unique people in my life and also from my mom, who could have discouraged me from pursuing my dream of acting, but instead went with her gut and let me go with mine.

Thanks to her, I got to know myself really well, and I've always been able to stay true to myself and what's best for me. I remember when Jason and I got together, we were such opposites. When we told my mother that we were getting married, she said we'd be lucky to make it ten years! She has never lived that down, but I definitely don't blame my mom for being worried—I was only twenty-one years old, and although my mom loved Jason, she felt like we were so young. I was still her baby, after all. But thankfully I followed my heart (just the way my mom raised me to do), and I knew that Jason was the one.

For me, parenting has been the same—I believe in trusting my instincts, and so far they haven't led me wrong. When Poet was really little, she was incredibly shy (like mother, like daughter). She had so many fears. Fears of people, places, and things—especially fireworks. To this day she has incredibly sensitive ears. I suppose we could have pushed her into situations where she'd have to learn to adjust to new people and big sounds, but trying to negate her fears just never felt right to me. In my heart I knew that when the time was right, she'd get past them.

Just last week, we went to Disneyland with the girls and my nieces. My nieces are older than Poet, and I could see Poet wanting to follow them onto the bigger, scarier rides. And then the moment of truth came—Space Mountain. I kind of looked at Poet sideways to gauge her response. She said she really wanted to go, and I thought—
all right, if she says she's ready, then she's ready.
And she absolutely loved it. Then, right after she got off the ride, the fireworks were about to start. I told her that we could stay inside and she could cover her ears. She looked at me and said, “Or maybe I could go out and watch them and maybe I'll be okay.” And she did—and it was.