Happy (9 page)

different generation. I can take it. But don’t
ever
use me like that again.”

“Like what?”

Louie stopped and glared at him until Peter felt his face heat. “The

touching? The arm around the shoulders? I’m not some sideshow attraction

to be trotted out when you feel like making a statement.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” Louie shook his head and kept walking. “If you want to

rebel, do it some other way.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t using you. Honest.”

“No?”

Peter saw the trap too late. He couldn’t very well admit the alternative:

that he’d
liked
feeling Louie next to him, and touching him—that he’d been

so comfortable it had just happened. “I was a little buzzed,” he hedged.

“And okay, maybe there was a small part of me that wanted to tick her off.

She thinks you’re going to ‘rub off’ on me.”

“I don’t think it works like that, Peter.”

“
I
know that.”

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Chris Scully

49

Louie shook his head and began walking again. At least this time he

set an easier pace so Peter could keep up. After another minute or two of

silence, Peter ventured the question that had been on his mind the last hour.

“Was it like that for you when you came out? Is that why you left?”

Louie considered the question. “Not entirely. Yes, I knew it would be

impossible to stay in the neighborhood and be myself. But I also needed

to get away and be my own person—regardless of everything else. You

know how it can be with family—they mean well, but sometimes you get so

tangled up in it, in what
they
want, that you can’t ever get free.”

Peter’s breath caught as Louie’s words registered.
Tangled.
That was

the perfect word for it. He was tangled. Only he’d stopped trying to get free.

The jealousy caught him off guard. Louie had done at eighteen what he still

couldn’t. “No regrets, then?” he asked.

“I won’t lie—it’s been tough. It’s taken me a long time to accept who I

am, but now that I have, I can’t see any other way. I’m not going backward

for anyone. I’d like to marry someone I love. And maybe even have kids

one day—”

“You want kids?”

“I don’t know for sure. But if it feels right, yeah. Who knows? But

how can I be any sort of partner or father if I can’t even be true to myself?

If I can’t be… authentically me?”

Peter’s head spun. He didn’t know why. Joe talked all the time about

having kids with Adam, like it was an easy thing. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t

heard it before—this crazy idea that you could have everything you wanted

and not have to sacrifice a thing. But for some reason, it resonated more

coming from Louie. Maybe because Louie was so much like him.

“So, you never considered… keeping it on the down low?” he asked

carefully.

“Staying in the closet, you mean?”

“No, just being more discreet.”

“I’m not exactly waving the rainbow flag here, Peter.” Louie snorted.

“But I sure as hell am not going to settle down with a nice girl from the

neighborhood and get off once a month with random hookups. That’s for

guys like Nick Santos, not me.”

Peter slammed to a stop on the sidewalk. “Nick? What about Nick?”

Louie turned around, his head tilted to one side. “You know him?”

“He married my—a girl I used to date. I went to their wedding.”

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50

Louie’s eyes widened before falling to the ground. His olive

complexion paled. “Oh. Never mind, then.” He spun on his heel and began

walking again, forcing Peter to trot after him. Surely Louie wasn’t implying

what Peter thought he was implying.

“They had a baby last year,” he said.

“Oh.” Louie sped up.

“Hey.” Peter grabbed Louie by the arm and spun him around. “Are

you saying… Nick is gay?”

Once again Louie avoided making eye contact. “Forget what I said,

okay? It’s none of my business. Who am I to put a label on someone?”

“Then why even suggest it?” Peter pressed. “You and Nick dated?”

Louie licked his lips nervously. “Not dated,” he mumbled. “Despite

the nickname, I was so deep in the closet in high school you would have had

to pry me out.”

“Then what?” he demanded.

“This is obviously freaking you out. Are you sure you want to hear

this? It was a long time ago.”

No, Peter wasn’t sure. But he
had
to. He nodded, braced himself.

“We hooked up a few times in senior year.”

Peter reeled. “Jesus.”

“Look, it’s no big deal. Some guys like to fool around and experiment

when they’re young. He was a horny teenager who wanted a hand job. It

doesn’t mean he’s gay or bi.”

There was more. Peter had the feeling Louie was hiding something.

“But you obviously think he is. Why?”

Louie scrutinized him closely. “I think the better question is why are

you so worked up over the sex life of some guy who married your ex-

girlfriend?”

“Ex-fiancée, actually.”

It was Louie’s turn to be blindsided. “Your ex-fiancée married someone

else and you went to the wedding?”

Peter shrugged. He didn’t want to talk about Elena right now. “We

parted as friends. And you didn’t answer my question: why do you think

he’s sneaking around?”

Louie jammed his hands into his shorts pockets, looking distinctly

uncomfortable. “Okay, I might have seen something online recently,” he

muttered.

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51

“Where?”

“Peter, I may not agree with his choices, but I’m not going to out

the man.”

“But—”

“Some people have secrets.” Louie’s eyes bore into his. “You just

have to accept that.”

SIX

Louie rose early the next Saturday morning so that he could get his run

in before Peter arrived at nine thirty to accompany him on his apartment

hunt. He really shouldn’t be looking forward to it so much. Especially not

after the way Peter had toyed with him last weekend. He had no time for

people like that. But the memory of Peter’s warm body pressed against his,

the brush of fingers on his neck, had haunted him all week.

As disturbing as he found it to be fantasizing over Demetra’s boyfriend,

there was also something liberating about having a straight friend. He could

crush all he wanted and not have to worry about the drama and heartbreak

of a relationship. He’d had enough of that for a while.

He had just made it back home and was standing in the kitchen guzzling

a glass of water before jumping in the shower, when the unmistakable groan

of the front door opening filled the silence. The painted wood always swelled

in summer and stuck in the frame a little. It took a good push to open or

close, and ended up sounding like something out of a haunted house. It had

given him away a few times growing up when he broke curfew.

He ducked his head out of the kitchen, surprised to find Demetra

creeping down the hallway with her shoes in hand.

“Oh.” A wash of crimson licked up her neck into her cheeks. “You’re

up early.”

Louie stared pointedly at her wrinkled sundress—the same one she’d

had on last night when she left the house. “I could say the same about you.”

Her bedroom door had been closed, so he’d just assumed that she’d come

in late and was still in bed. Where had she been all night? With Peter? The

thought made him frown. Shit, he had to move past that. “Someone had a

late night.”

“What are you? The curfew police? I get enough of that from Mom

and Pop.”

“Out with Peter?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

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53

“The girls and I went out to a club. I ended up crashing at Steph’s

house for your information.” With a haughty toss of her head, she marched

past him on her way upstairs.

He followed. “Dee, is everything okay with you and Peter?”

Demetra halted with one foot on the stairs. “Sure. Why?”

“It’s just that you guys don’t seem to spend much time together.”

“And you’re such a dating expert?” she challenged.

“No, I guess not.” He didn’t exactly have the best track record. If he

was lucky, he’d gotten to see Aaron once a week, and always at Louie’s

apartment or one of the safe places on Aaron’s list. The perils of dating a

man in the closet.

She fisted her hands on her hips. “Peter has a tricky schedule. It’s

difficult. Our relationship is just fine. But, since you’re so interested, we

have plans this week. Would you like to tag along? Would that make you

happy?”

No. It wouldn’t make him happy. The more he thought about it—and

he thought about it far too much—they seemed like such an odd pair. He

and Demetra might not be very close, but he knew his sister; she was flighty

and immature, a little on the wild side. Peter was stable and responsible. Not

her usual type. On the surface they had nothing in common.

“You’re not… using him, are you?”

Two spots of color flared in Demetra’s cheeks. “Nice! Real nice.

That’s what you think of me?” She whirled around and ran up the stairs.

“Dee, wait—” The slam of her bedroom door shook the house and

made Louie wince.

Some things never changed. He recalled similar dramatic outbursts

when she was a teenager. Demetra had always been the black sheep of the

family—the one to push the limits. Until he’d come out and secured that

role for himself.

With a rueful shake of his head, Louie headed for the shower.

Peter arrived on time, which in Louie’s book was another point in

his favor. Aaron had always been “fashionably” late for everything—to the

point where Louie factored that in when making arrangements.

He shouldn’t compare Peter to his ex. Just like he shouldn’t feel all

bubbly and excited at the prospect of spending the day together. But he did,

just the same.

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54

“Hey,” he said a little breathlessly, having dashed out of the house at

the sight of Peter coming up the walk.

“This is an ungodly hour,” Peter grumbled in greeting. “You know

that, right?”

“Hey, you volunteered.”

“Obviously I didn’t know what I was getting into. I need caffeine.”

“We can stop on the way,” he said with a grin. “We’re taking Demetra’s

car.” Louie unlocked the sporty Mini Cooper and they both climbed in. He

handed Peter the list of addresses and his phone with the GPS. “You’re

navigator.”

He was jolted out of his seat as a thunderous techno beat shook the

car the instant he turned the key in the ignition. He punched three buttons

on the console before he found the right one to turn it off. “Jesus, Dee,” he

muttered in the sudden silence.

“Have you got something against dance music?”

“Not when it doesn’t make my ears bleed. I guess I’ve been listening

to too much sad stuff lately.”

“Why sad?”

Louie hesitated as he backed out of the driveway. “Relationship troubles.”

“Oh.”

Damn. He’d done it again. Made Peter uncomfortable. He tried

changing the topic. “So how did you and Dee ever connect? I would never

have thought of putting you together.”

“How do you think?” Peter shot him a wry look that made him laugh.

“Ah yes, the maternal marriage market. My sympathies.”

“My mom knows your mom… you know how it is. You’re so lucky

you don’t have to deal with that.”

Louie’s grin slipped. Truth be told, he wouldn’t have minded putting

up with a
bit
of it. He’d jump at the chance to have his folks more involved

in his life and interested in who he spent it with. “Yeah, sure,” he murmured,

turning his attention to his driving. “Which way?”

“First stop, coffee town.”

After a quick detour through the nearest drive-thru for coffee, Peter

directed him to an unfamiliar area in the east end of the city. He chattered

nonstop, as though he’d been saving up a year’s worth of words. Or had

a bad case of nerves. It made Louie smile. Maybe this move back home

wouldn’t turn out to be so bad after all.

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55

The first viewing on his appointment list was in an older four-story

low-rise apartment building in a transitional neighborhood. It was close to

transit so he wouldn’t have to worry about needing a car to get to work, and

the price for the two-bedroom unit was too good to be true. As he found a

parking spot a block away, he understood why. Louie only had to look at

Peter’s face to know he was thinking the same thing as he was: the block

wasn’t so much “up and coming” as it was stalled and slowly decaying.

While the building had obviously undergone improvements, the

surrounding ones hadn’t been so lucky. Many were unkempt, the front doors

propped open and flagrantly flouting security. The metal balconies on its

nearest neighbor were rusted and crammed with junk, and a police car was

parked on the curb three doors down. Peter’s lips twitched in amusement as

Louie tested the lock on the car twice.

A line of steely eyed pigeons roosted menacingly on the roof and