“Whenever you guys are done giving each other a tongue bath, I’ll be over here lamenting my dilemma,” Laney called out in her most pathetic voice. Sadly, the pathetic quality came quite readily these days.
Mac came around to take a seat in one of the chairs across from the couch. Laying his forearms on his knees, he focused on Laney. “Okay, so what’s the hold up in the game plan?”
“Raine was trying to get me to organize my thoughts on what to say to Zach.”
Mac made a face.
“I saw that! It’s helpful to organize your thoughts! Especially for something as important as this,” Raine protested. Mac turned his head to look back at her, where she was still standing at the island in the kitchen. “I could see your reflection in the window,” she answered his unspoken question.
“Okay, so Raine mentioned you haven’t ever said the ‘L’ word before. To a guy,” Mac began.
“Riiiight. Yeah, no. Never.” She could feel her blood pressure rise just thinking about it.
Mac clasped his hands together. “Okay, well, if you have the hang up about saying it, maybe you should practice. In the mirror or just by yourself or something?”
“Did you do that?” The expression on Mac’s face at hearing Raine’s question was priceless. With the three of them leaning in to hear his response, he suddenly looked a bit uncomfortable.
“Well, uh, kind of?” Mac’s answer came out as more of a question than a statement, and Laney met Tate’s eyes, seeing her friend stifling a smile. Clearing his throat, he continued, “Look, Laney, I’m just going to lay it out for you. It’s fucking scary as hell to put it all on the line because it feels like you’re stripping yourself bare. You’re completely vulnerable. And, yeah, once you tell the other person how you feel, it’s all in their hands.
“But by having the courage to put yourself out there, to tell the person who has your heart how you feel regardless of how it turns out, you’ll be able to look in the mirror and say, ‘I did it.’ And most of all, you’ll be able to say it with pride; pride in yourself that you didn’t let your fear stop you from experiencing love and loving someone else.” Mac’s stormy blue eyes were fixed on her, his powerful words washing over her. He finished in a hushed tone with a quirk of his lips, “It’s almost like a rebirth of sorts.”
“After all that, I think
I
just fell in love with you a little,” Tate remarked, a bit dazed.
Laney held Mac’s gaze, nodding slowly. “Basically, I need to do this, not just to let Zach know my feelings but for myself, as well. To grow as a person.”
“Exactly.” Mac gave her a hopeful smile. “And, just so you know, the guys and I are totally betting on you.”
She gave him a small smile in return. “Thanks, Mac. I appreciate it. Thanks for all this,” she stated, gesturing between them to encompass their conversation.
He winked and gave her his trademark grin, that dimple flashing. “No problem, kiddo.” Then he looked over to Raine to say teasingly, “Can I head back over to the guys now, slave driver?”
“You may.”
Mac rose from the chair and bowed melodramatically. “Thank you, ma’am.”
Raine rolled her eyes with a giggle as he gave her a quick kiss. He swatted her on the ass, eliciting a tiny squeal from her before he headed down the hallway to the front door.
“Mac,” she called after him sternly.
“Love you,” he replied as they heard him putting his boots back on.
Raine’s lips pressed together, trying to restrain a smile before finally giving in. “Love you, too.”
They could hear the sound of the door opening before Mac called out, “Love you more.” The door closed swiftly behind him.
She and Tate watched Raine as she let out a frustrated sound. “That man does that every time! One upper,” she grumbled, tossing herself into the chair Mac had left vacant.
“He’s a pretty great guy, that one,” Tate remarked quietly with a smile. “You deserve him, one upper and all.”
Raine’s smile grew wider, pure happiness lighting up her features. “Yeah, he is pretty great.”
As Laney watched her friend bask in the pure joy of having the one person who makes your world complete, who loves you unconditionally, she found herself thinking of Zach. And she realized that she would readily echo Raine’s words because she thought he was pretty great, too.
She couldn’t help but wonder if he would, or could, ever say the same about her.
C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-F
IVE
W
HY DID
I
LET HIMSELF
get roped into this?
Lawson and Mac had come over and convinced him that he needed to join everyone for karaoke night at Shenanigans. His last one for a while, most likely. The only selling point was that tonight was the night they finally opened up the outdoor section that had recently been added on to the karaoke bar. When he had first protested, Lawson held up a hand to stop him.
“Look, man. You can’t just cut yourself off from the group. That’s not cool. Plus, Mac and I already talked and we’re not going to let anything go down. We’ll be your buffer.” He turned to Mac for affirmation. “Right, man?”
Mac nodded. “Roger that.”
Zach groaned. “We sound like a bunch of chicks, right now.”
Mac tipped his head to the side in thought. “Yep, pretty much.”
Lawson shoved him—or attempted to—but ended up staring at Mac in disbelief. “Seriously, man? What are you made of?”
Mac merely grinned, patting a hand against his chest. “I’m built Navy strong, dude.”
Lawson shook his head before turning to Zach. “What he means is, yeah, we sound like chicks. But, right now, if this is the only way you’re going to be convinced to get out of this damn house and come out with us, then we’ve got to do it.” His friend ran a hand over his face wearily. “And I swear to you, Z, you’ve made me channel my inner chick way too often lately.” Pointing a finger at him, he added, “So stop it, already.”
Mac turned to Lawson in disbelief. “You actually have an inner chick? And you channel her?”
“Seriously? Who do you think helped you brainstorm getting your woman back after you royally screwed that shit up?”
The two men stared at Lawson before Mac shook his head, turning his attention to Zach. “I’m just going to ignore little Lawsonette right here and tell you to man up and get your ass back out there. No more of this wallowing shit, dude.”
“Ooh. Lawsonette. I kinda like that. I don’t think I’ve ever actually named her …” Lawson mused.
They shot looks of horror at Lawson. He just laughed and held up his hands. “Kidding. Just kidding.”
“Let’s get going before his inner chick makes another appearance,” Zach told Mac, both of them heading to the door with Lawson trailing behind them.
“I totally heard that. Just remember that I’m the only one of us who hasn’t gone completely gaga over some woman.”
Mac called out over his shoulder, as they walked down the stairs to Lawson’s SUV, “Just remember that when your time comes, we’re giving you an extra dose of shit.”
“I second that,” Zach agreed.
“Gosh, I sure do love you guys. Such great friends,” Lawson remarked sarcastically.
“Yeah, yeah. We love you, too, pumpkin,” Mac mumbled, opening the door to the vehicle.
Getting situated in Lawson’s backseat, fastening his seatbelt, Zach couldn’t help but feel the melancholy wash over him. He realized that he was going to miss this—this camaraderie, the shit-talking, the support, the friendship. The friends who would show up because they knew that, without even a call or text from him, he needed them. Moving an hour away from this was going to suck.
The closer he got to the end of the school year, the more conflicted he felt about his decision. But, along with that was also a brewing anger at Laney for being the cause. If it weren’t for her tossing his heart right back in his face, if it weren’t for the fact that he felt gutted just being near her, seeing her, he wouldn’t feel the need to move away and get a fresh start.
Part of him had begun to resent having to do this whole fresh start business. His heart, however, told him it was necessary.
And, right now, his heart was in charge of things.
* * *
“Okay, soooo … I thought we should give you a heads up,” Raine spoke slowly, tentatively. “Zach’s going to be there tonight.”
Laney paused, in the midst of dusting bronzer over her cheeks. Managing to compose herself, she cleared her throat quickly. “Okay. Got it.”
Tate looked on from the doorway of the bathroom where Laney was standing, finishing up her makeup, Raine sitting on the edge of the tub.
“We’re not going to leave your side, though. Promise,” Raine told her, the crease between her brows evident.
Laney forced a small laugh. “I’m going to be fine.”
“Are you … going to try and talk to him tonight?” Tate asked.
Laney tilted her head to the side in thought. “I don’t think that would be the right time or place. Do you?”
“No,” both Raine and Tate replied in unison, so vehemently that Laney’s head jerked back.
“Whoa. Geez, you guys.” She eyed them. “Got it. No talking to him tonight.” Closing up her makeup bag, she washed her hands and dried them before smoothing down her dress, turning to the side in the mirror.
“Do you think—” she started, but was cut off by her friends’ immediate, unison response.
“No, it doesn’t make your butt look big.”
Laney wrinkled her nose. She must really be predictable. But she couldn’t help it. If everyone had an ass like hers, they’d be concerned, too.
“If I had an ass like this, I’d have myself a handsome man.” Tate smacked Laney’s ass playfully.
“Oh, maybe we can borrow Raine’s blindfolds. You know, the one that says, ‘Are you my bad girl?’” She and Tate cackled. She had gotten Raine the gag gift a while back after Raine had a hilariously awful experience with a guy she had been dating.
“Very funny.” Raine gave them a deadpanned expression.
Tate tried to smother her giggles but failed. “Oh, come on. You can laugh about it. Especially because you’ve got your big, bad Navy SEAL, now.”
Raine’s lips twitched a second before she gave into a wide grin, pointing to them. “You two are terrible, you know that?”
Tate slung an arm over her shoulder. “Admit it. You wouldn’t trade us in for the world.”
Laney walked over to put her arm over Raine’s other shoulder, reaching to pat Tate’s back affectionately. “I know I sure wouldn’t trade either of you for the world,” she told them.
As they stood there for a moment, Laney was reminded again how extremely fortunate she was to have these ladies in her life.
C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-S
IX
H
E HAD TO GIVE THEM
credit, the guys were literally staying by his side. Zach had to go so far as to tell them he was okay to head to the restroom by himself, they were taking it to such extremes. It wasn’t like he thought Laney was going to try and corner him after he was exiting the restroom or anything.
Boy, was he wrong. Once he had exited, he stopped short, causing the guy behind him to collide into his back. “Hey, man! Some notice next time,” the guy grumbled. Zach absently apologized, so shocked to see Laney there obviously waiting for him. Obvious because the women’s restrooms were clear on the other side of the bar—in the quieter, martini bar—while their karaoke bar was through the far door. He moved to the side to avoid any future collisions, bracing himself for whatever she might to say to him.
He gave a curt nod. “Laney.”
Those eyes of hers, now appearing like warm honey, were watching him cautiously. “Zach.”
“You need something?” He knew his tone was short but he didn’t want to do this. He couldn’t do this with her.
She cleared her throat nervously. “I just wanted to say hi. I just … miss talking to you, that’s all.”
He found himself grinding his teeth, sliding his hands into the pockets of his khakis, and looking down to his feet, at his leather flip flops. “Laney, don’t do this.”
“What? We can’t talk to each other? Ever?” she asked, confusion lining her voice.
His eyes fell closed briefly as he inhaled a deep, calming breath before answering her. “Laney, you wonder why I don’t … can’t talk to you anymore? It’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because everything I want to say,” he broke off when his voice cracked before continuing, “everything I want to say, I can’t tell you anymore.
“It sucks being around you, knowing I can’t have you and that you’ll never want me the way I want you. So you’ve got to get over this whole ‘Zach’s not talking to me’ thing. I can’t do it, Laney. It’s why I’m moving to Neptune Beach, it’s why I’m changing schools. Because I need to move on from you.”
His eyes were pleading when he spoke. “Please just let it go. Let me get over you.” He watched her as she visibly swallowed hard before nodding, her beautiful eyes glistening. With a brief nod, he walked past her, heading to the door to rejoin their friends.
The entire time, he felt like he was walking away from a chapter in his life, a person whose memory would forever be etched in his mind. And his heart.
Before he could allow the maudlin thoughts to get too carried away, he saw Mac and Lawson come through the doors like gangbusters, skidding to a stop when they saw him. Their eyes darted behind him to where he was certain Laney was still standing a few feet away before returning their concerned gazes to him as he neared.
“Sorry, man. We totally just realized she was missing at the same time you were in the restroom,” Lawson flashed him an apologetic look. “You good?”
“Yeah, man. I’m good.”
Mac’s eyes were on Laney again as if he were trying to send her a message with a mere look. Finally, Zach watched as Mac gave a short shake of his head as if he were telling her to leave him alone. If circumstances had been different, he would feel pretty lame to have his buddies basically warding off a woman for him. However, right now, he was never more grateful.
“Ready to sing? I’ve signed us up for some good ones, dude,” Lawson told him, wiggling his eyebrows in excitement.