Authors: Leanne Banks
He didn't move. But he stared at her. He stared so deeply, so intensely, she could barely breathe. The small porch and dim light overhead created extreme intimacy. If she took one tiny step she would be pressed against him.
“You're right,” he said, and moved back a little. “You shouldn't settle for sex. You should find that middle road you want, Lauren, with someone who can give you the relationship you deserve.”
Then he was gone. Down the steps and through the gate and quickly out of view. Lauren stayed where she was for several minutes. Her chest was pounding. Her stomach was churning. Her head was spinning.
And her heart was in serious danger.
* * *
Gabe knew he was right to leave Lauren alone. He hadn't seen her all week. Deliberately. He left for work earlier than she did and returned home before her small car pulled into the driveway each afternoon. Not seeing her helped. A lot. Or more like a little. Or not at all.
Unfortunately, not seeing her seemed to put him in a bad mood.
Something his cousin took pleasure in pointing out on Thursday afternoon when Gabe dropped by the B and B.
“You know, you'll never get laid if you don't ask her out,” Scott said with a wide grin, and passed him a beer.
“Shut up,” he said, and cranked the lid off.
His cousin laughed. “Hah. Sucker. Just admit your five-year plan is stupid and that you're crazy about Lauren.”
Gabe gripped the bottle. “I know what I'm doing.”
“Sure you do,” Scott shot back. “You're hibernating like a bear because you don't want to admit you like her. That's why your mom has been calling my mom and my mom has been calling me. You haven't been taking any calls from your family for the past two weeks.”
“They worry too much,” he remarked, and shrugged. “They think I'm going to relapse and die a horrible death. And maybe I will. All I know is I don't want to put anyone in the middle of that. Not anyone. Not Lauren.”
“Maybe you should let her decide that for herself.”
“Will you just...” Gabe paused, ignored the curse teetering on the end of his tongue and drank some more beer. “Stop talking.”
Scott shrugged. “Just trying to see my best friend happy.”
“I'm happy enough,” he shot back. “So lay off.”
His cousin laughed, clearly unperturbed by his bad temper. “You know, not every woman is going to run for the hills if you get sick again.”
“Mona didn't run,” Gabe reminded the other man. “I broke it off with her.”
Scott shrugged again. “Another example of you needing to control everything, right?”
Tired of the same old argument, Gabe finished his beer and stood. “I have to bail.”
“Hot date?”
Gabe grabbed his keys off the table. “A wall that won't paint itself.”
“Sounds riveting,” Scott said drily. “Renovating that house won't keep you warm at night, old buddy.”
His cousin was right, but he had no intention of admitting that. He took off and was home within a few minutes. Once he'd dropped his keys on the hall stand, he rounded out his shoulders. Pressure cramped his back, and he let out a long breath. He needed to burn off some of the tension clinging to his skin. There was easily over an hour of sunlight left, so he changed into his running gear and headed off down the street.
Gabe reached The Parade quickly. The long road stretched out in front of him. He crossed the wide grassy verge and headed for the pathway leading to the beach in one direction and to the north end of the small town to the other. He vetoed the beach and headed left, striding out at an even pace and covering the ground quickly. It was quiet at this end of town. Without the holiday park, surf club and kiosk there was only a scattering of new homes, and the waterfront was more rock than sand. He spotted a pair of snorkelers preparing to dive close to the bank and waved as another runner jogged past.
Up ahead, he spotted someone sitting alone on one of the many bench seats that were placed along the line of the pathway. It was Lauren. He'd recognize her blond hair anywhere. He slowed his pace and considered turning around. But he kept moving, slowing only when she was about twenty feet away. She was looking out toward the ocean, deep in thought, hands crossed in her lap. An odd feeling pressed into his chest. As though he suddenly couldn't get enough air in his lungs. God, she was beautiful. He stopped a few feet from the seat and said her name.
Her head turned immediately. “Oh, hi.”
She was paler than usual. Sadder. The tightness in his chest amplified tenfold.
He stopped closer. “Are you okay?”
“Sure,” she said quietly, unmoving.
Gabe wasn't convinced. He moved around the bench and sat down beside her. “I'm not buying. What's up?”
“Nothing,” she insisted.
“It's four-thirty on a Thursday afternoon. You're not at the store,” he said pointedly. “You're sitting here alone staring out at the sea.”
She shrugged a little. “I'm just thinking.”
He knew that. “About what?”
She drew in a shallow breath. “Tim.”
Of course. Her lost love. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't haveâ”
“It's his birthday,” she said quietly, and turned her gaze back to the ocean. “I always come here on this day. It's where he proposed to me.”
Gabe immediately felt like he was intruding on an intensely private moment. Big-time. He got up to leave, but her hand came out and touched his arm.
“It's okay,” she said, her voice so quiet and strained it made his insides twinge. “I could probably use the company.”
“Do you usually?” he asked. “Have company, I mean?”
She shook her head and dropped her hand. “Not usually.”
Gabe crossed his arms to avoid the sudden urge to hold her. He looked out at the sea. “You still miss him?”
“Yes,” she said on a sigh. “He was one of the kindest people I've ever known. We never argued. Never had a cross word. Well, that is until he...”
Her words trailed, and Gabe glanced sideways. “Until he what?”
She shrugged again. “Until he was dying,” she said, so softly he could barely hear. “It sounds strange to even say such a thing. But I didn't find out he was sick until a few weeks before the wedding.”
“His illness progressed that quickly?”
She shook her head. “Not exactly. He knew for over six months. He just didn't tell me.”
Gabe's stomach sank. But he understood the other man's motives. The unrelenting guilt. The unwanted pity. Gabe knew those feelings well. “He was trying to protect you.”
“So he said. But all I felt was...angry.”
The way she spoke, the way her voice cracked and echoed with such heavy pain made Gabe wonder if it was the first time she'd admitted it out loud. Her next words confirmed it.
“Sorry,” she said quietly. “I don't ever whine about this stuff to anyone. And I don't mean to criticize Tim. He was a good man. The best. When we met we clicked straightaway. We were friends for a few months, and then we fell in love. Even though it wasn't fireworks and insane chemistry and all that kind of thing.”
“But it was what you wanted?” Gabe asked quietly, his heart pounding.
“Yes,” she replied. “But then he was gone...and I was alone.”
Gabe uncrossed his arms and grasped her hand, holding it tightly within his own. She didn't pull away. She didn't move. Silence stretched between them, and Gabe quickly realized that despite every intention he'd had, his attraction for Lauren had morphed into something more. Something that compelled him to offer comfort, despite the fact he had to fight the sudden umbrage coursing through his blood when she spoke about the man she'd loved. He wasn't sure how to feel about it. He wasn't sure he should even acknowledge it.
Thankfully, a few seconds later, she slid her hand from his and rested it in her lap. Gabe sucked in some air and tried to avoid thinking about how rattled he'd become by simply sitting beside her.
“You don't like being alone?”
“No,” she replied. “Not really. I guess that's why I married James. And exactly why I shouldn't have.” She took a long breath. “I wanted the wedding I was denied when Tim passed away.”
“And did you get it?”
She nodded. “Yes. I had the same venue, the same guests and the same themed invitations.” Her voice lowered. “I even wore the same dress I'd planned on wearing two years earlier.”
The regret and pain in her voice was unmistakable, and Gabe remained silent.
“When I was engaged to Tim, I was so wrapped up in the idea of being married,” she admitted on a heavy sigh. “Up to that point my life, my world, had been about the store and weddings and marriage and getting that happily ever after. I was so absorbed by that ideal, I didn't realize that he was sick...that he was
dying.
When he was gone, I felt lost...and I turned that grief into a kind of self-centered resentment. Afterward, I was so angry at Tim for not telling me he was ill. And then James came along, and he was handsome and charming and...and
healthy.
Suddenly, I glimpsed an opportunity to have everything I'd ever wanted.”
Gabe's chest constricted. Any subconscious consideration he'd ever given to pursuing Lauren instantly disappeared. She was looking for a healthy, perfect mate. Not a cancer survivor. “But you still want that, right? Even though your marriage didn't work out?”
“I want my happily ever after,” she confessed. “I want someone to curl up to at night. I want someone to make me coffee in the morning. And I really want children. It doesn't have to be wrapped up in physical attraction or even some great love story. In fact, I'd prefer it if it wasn't. It just has to be real...honest.”
Her words cut him to the quick. “I hope you find what you're looking for,” he said, and got to his feet. “I'll walk you home.”
“That's okay,” she said, and twisted her hands together. “I think I'll stay here for a while longer.”
“Sure.”
“And, Gabe,” she said as he moved to turn away. “Thanks for listening. I needed a friend today.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
On the run back home, Gabe could think of only one thing. Lauren had needed a friend. The thing was, he didn't want to be her friend. He wanted more. Much more. And he couldn't have it.
Not with his past illness shadowing him like an albatross.
He was broken physically. She was broken emotionally.
And he was stunned to realize how damned lonely that suddenly made him feel.
Chapter Seven
W
ith the benefit at the community center only hours away, Lauren really didn't have time to dwell on how she'd literally poured her heart out to Gabe just days earlier. It was better she didn't. Better...but almost impossible. Her dreams had been plagued by memories of all she'd lost. Of Tim. And more. She dreamed about Gabe, too. Dreams that kept her tossing and turning for hours. Dreams that made her wake up feeling lethargic and uneasy.
But she had to forget Gabe for the moment. Tonight was about the benefit. Her sister-in-law had done an amazing job organizing everything. It was a black-tie event, catered by the best restaurant in Bellandale. On the lawn outside the building, a huge marquee had been set up to accommodate a silent auction of items ranging from art to fashion and jewelry and a variety of vacation destinations. Under a separate marquee, there were tables and chairs set out for dinner, and a dance floor. There was also a band in place to provide entertainment. Inside the building, the runway was decorated and ready for the models to begin the fashion parade. Lauren stayed behind the scenes, ensuring hair and makeup were on track before the models slipped into their gowns. She'd also changed into a gownâa stunning strapless silk chiffon dress in pale champagne. It was shorter at the front, exposing her legs to just above the knees and then molded tightly over her bust and waist, flaring off down her hips in countless ruffled tiers that swished as she walked. She'd ordered the gown months ago and had never had occasion to wear it. Other than Cameron's recent wedding, it had been too long since she'd dressed up. Too long since she'd felt like making an effort. But tonight was special. The money raised would help several children's charities, including the Big Brothers Big Sisters program that was so important to her brother.
She hadn't seen Gabe but knew he had been there earlier, helping out with the marquees and the staging setup. Avoiding him was her best option. Avoiding him made it possible to function normally. Avoiding him was what she needed to do.
“Lauren?”
She was alone in the foyer of the community center. She'd been checking the stage and working out the music cues with the DJ, who'd since disappeared. The models were upstairs; so were Mary-Jayne and Cassie, as they'd volunteered to help with the gown changes.
Lauren turned on her high heels. Gabe stood by the door. He wore a suit, probably the same one he'd worn to her brother's wedding, and he looked so gorgeous, she had to swallow hard to keep a gasp from leaving her throat.
“Need any help here?” he asked.
Her brows came up. “Changed your mind about strutting on the catwalk?”
He laughed. “Not a chance. But I hear you roped my cousin, Scott, into it.”
“Not me,” she said, and placed her iPad onto the stage. “He's Mary-Jayne's brother-in-law, so she did all the convincing.”
Gabe's gaze rolled over her. “You should be modeling tonight...you look beautiful.”
She shrugged. “What? This old thing,” she said, and laughed softly. “Thanks. You know, you don't look so bad yourself.”
He grinned in that sexy, lopsided way she'd become used to. “So, need any help?” he asked again.
Lauren shook her head. “I don't think so. Grace has everything under control. She's
very
organized.”
He chuckled. “You mean the consummate control freak? Yeah, I kinda figured.”
Lauren relaxed her shoulders. “Well, it's good to have someone like that at the helm for this kind of event. Actually, I...”
“You...?” he prompted when her words trailed.
“Oh...nothing...I was just thinking how I should apologize for the other day.”
“No need,” he said quietly.
“It's only that I don't usually talk about those things. It probably sounded like I was blaming Tim for dying. I wasn't,” Lauren assured him, unsure why she needed to explain herself. But she did. “Sometimes...sometimes the grief gets in the way.”
His eyes darkened and he nodded as if he understood. It struck her as odd how he could do that. It was as though he knew, somehow, the depth and breadth of the pain in her heart.
“I remember how my mom was after my dad died,” he said quietly. “I don't think she ever really recovered.”
“Sometimes I feel like that,” she said. “I feel as if the pain will never ease, that I'll be grieving him forever. And then...and then there are times when I can't remember the sound of his voice or the touch of his hand.” She stopped, immediately embarrassed that she'd said so much. “I don't know why I do that,” she admitted. “I don't know why I say this stuff to you. It's not like we're...” She stopped again as color rose up her neck. “The truth is, I'm very confused with how I should feel about you.”
“You shouldn't be,” he said softly. “We're neighbors. Friends. That's all.”
If she hadn't believed he was saying it to put her at ease, Lauren might have been offended. She drew in a long breath then slowly let it out. “After what happened at my parents' house the other night, I think we're both kidding ourselves if we believe that.”
“What
almost
happened,” he reminded her. “There's no point getting worked up over something that didn't happen, is there?”
Annoyance traveled up her spine. He thought she was overreacting? Imagining more between them than there actually was? She pressed her lips together for a second and gave her growing irritation a chance to pass. It didn't. “Sure. You're right. There's no point. Now, if you don't mind, I have to finish getting ready for the parade.”
He didn't budge. “You're angry?”
“I'm busy,” she said hotly.
As she went to move past him, one of his arms came up to bar the doorway. “Wait a minute.”
Lauren pressed her back against the doorjamb. He was close. Too close. “No. I have toâ”
“I'm trying to make this easy for you,” he said, cutting her off.
Lauren's gaze narrowed. “I think you're trying to make this easy for yourself.”
He moved, and his other arm came up and trapped her in the doorway. “Maybe I am,” he admitted softly. “Maybe I'm just crazy scared of you.”
Scared?
She wouldn't have pegged Gabe to be a man scared of anything. Especially not her. “I don't understand what youâ”
“Sure you do,” he said, and moved closer. “You feel it, too. Don't you know I can barely keep my hands off you?”
Lauren had to tilt her head to meet his gaze. “So it's just about attraction?” she managed to say in a whisper. “Just...sex.”
Their faces were close, and his eyes looked even bluer. Lauren sucked in a shaky breath, feeling the heat rise between them against her will. She wanted to run. She wanted to stay. She wanted to lock the door and strip off her dress and tear the clothes from his body and fall down onto the carpet and make love with him over and over. She wanted him like she'd never wanted any man before.
“I wish it was,” he said, and inched closer until their mouths were almost touching. “I wish I didn't like spending time with you. I wish I didn't keep thinking about you every damned minute I'm awake, and could stop dreaming about you every time I go to sleep.”
The frustration in his voice was both fascinating and insulting. He wanted her but resented that he did. Thinking of his struggle ramped up her temperature. And it made her mad, too.
“Sorry for the inconvenience,” she said with way more bravado than she actually felt.
“Are you?”
She glared, defiant. “You're an ass, Gabe. Right now I wish I'd never met you.”
He didn't believe it. Nor did she. He stared at her mouth. Lauren knew he was going to kiss her. And she knew
he knew
she wanted him, too. There was no denying it. No way to hide the desire churning between them.
“My vow...” Her words trailed as she struggled for her good sense. “I promised myself I'd wait untilâ”
“Forget your vow,” he said, cutting off her protest. “Just for right now, stop being so sensible.”
A soft sound rattled in her throat, and Gabe drew her closer, wrapping his arms around her as he claimed her lips in a soft, seductive and excruciatingly sweet kiss. She went willingly, pressing her hands to his chest, and she felt his heart thunder beneath her palm. His mouth slanted over hers, teasing, asking and then gently taking. Lauren parted her lips a little as the pressure altered and the kiss deepened. Everything about his kiss, his touch, was mesmerizing, and Lauren's fingertips traveled up his chest and clutched his shoulders. He was solid and strong and everything her yearning body had been longing for. When he touched her bare skin where the dress dipped at the back, she instinctively pressed against him, wanting more, needing more. He gently explored her mouth with his tongue, drawing her deeper into his own, making her forget every coherent thought she possessed.
“Hey, Lauren, have you seen theâ” Cassie's voice cut through the moment like a bucket of cold water. Gabe dragged his mouth from hers and released her just as Cassie came into view, emerging through the open doorway on the other side of the room. “Oh, gosh! Sorry.”
Gabe stepped back, his breathing a little uneven. He stared at her, through her, into a place she never imagined she'd ever let any man into again. “Good luck with the show,” he finally said to Lauren, and slipped through the doorway.
She watched him disappear then took a deep breath and faced her friend. Cassie's eyes were wide and curious. “Did you need me for something?”
Cassie grinned. “Ah, the models are getting restless. Especially Carmen Collins. I said you'd come upstairs and give them a pep talk before the parade starts.”
“Sure,” Lauren said, and grabbed her iPad.
Cassie cleared her throat. “Sorry about that...I didn't mean to interrupt. But the door was open andâ”
Lauren raised a hand. “Please, don't apologize. I shouldn't have let it happen.”
“Why not?” her friend asked. “You're single. He's single. You're awesome. He's gorgeous. You like him. He
clearly
likes you. You're friends. Neighbors. Sounds perfect.”
Lauren's brows shot up. “Have you been watching
When Harry Met Sally
or
Love Actually
again?”
“Don't disregard old-fashioned romance so easily,” Cassie said, and grinned.
“I don't,” Lauren said. “But you know that's not what I'm looking for.”
Gabe's not what I'm looking for.
But her lips still tingled. Her skin still felt hot where he'd touched her. Lauren ignored the feelings and smiled toward her friend. “Come on, let's get the models ready.”
The fashion parade was a success. And Lauren was so busy for the next four hours that she didn't have a chance to think about Gabe. Or talk to him. Or remember his kiss.
The models did a splendid job, and by the time the last gown had been paraded up and down the catwalk and the entire cast returned for one encore lap, Lauren was exhausted. Her mother was on hand passing out business cards, and made several bridal-fitting appointments for the following week.
The silent auction was also a hit, and Lauren put a modest bid on a vacation up north and was outdone by her brother. Dinner was served underneath the huge marquee, and thankfully, she wasn't seated at Gabe's table. He was with Scott and Evie and some of Evie's family, while she spent the evening at a table with her brother and parents. Grace was a fabulous emcee and the auction raised thousands of much-needed dollars.
By the time dessert was served, several couples had taken to the dance floor. Lauren turned to Cassie, who was seated beside her, and immediately took note of her friend's pale complexion.
“You know, you don't look the best.”
Cassie shrugged one shoulder and drank some water. “It's nothing. I'm a little tired. It's just baby hormones.”
Lauren frowned. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
She was about to get started on her dessert when she noticed someone standing behind her. Lauren knew instinctively it was Gabe. He lightly touched her bare shoulder, and the sensation set her skin on fire.
“Dance with me, Lauren?”
She looked up and met his gaze, ignoring how Cassie bumped her leg under the table. “I really shouldn't leave Cassie alone.”
“I'll be fine,” her friend, the traitor, assured them. “Go ahead. I insist.”
He held out his hand. She took it and got to her feet. He led her to the dance floor and drew her into his arms. The woodsy scent of his cologne immediately assailed her senses and she drew in a shuddering breath. His broad shoulders seemed like such a safe haven, and she was almost tempted to imagine for one foolish moment that they were
her
safe place. Hers alone. Where no one could intrude. The place she'd been searching for. But that was a silly fantasy. She knew the rules. She'd made them. She wanted commitment and he didn't.
Like with everything he did, he moved with an easygoing confidence, and Lauren followed his lead when the music suddenly slowed to a ballad.
“You can dance,” she said, and relaxed a little.
“I'm half Italian,” he replied against her ear, as though that was all the explanation he needed to offer.
She couldn't help smiling. “Are you one of those men who is good at everything?”
He pulled back a little and Lauren looked up. His mouth twisted. “I guess I'll let you judge that for yourself.”
His words wound up her spine like a seductive caress. Suddenly, she sensed they weren't talking about dancing. With the beat of the music between them and the memory of their kiss still hovering on her lips, Lauren was drawn into the depths of his dazzling blue eyes. As a lover, she imagined, he'd be passionate and tender and probably a whole lot of fun. Of course, she'd never know. But still...a little fantasy never hurt anyone.