Authors: Liz Talley
And the tears in her eyes stabbed him to his core.
“If you want to know the truth, I'm scared to death most days of my life,” she said, standing in the middle of the room, crying openly. “I'm scared to death that if I don't stay focused, stay calm, I'm going to fall apart so badly I'll never get myself back together.”
He stood. And she held out her handâsloshing the remaining wine over her wristâholding him off.
“And then who would look after Kara? She's just a little girl, Grant.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” She gestured with the glass again, and he watched to make sure that none of it got on the carpet.
“Do you also know that I'm jealous of Darin and Maddie?” she asked, her tone accusatory, wild and hitting him in the heart. “They made love and they're having a baby!” Her voice raised another octave. “Do you know that's all I've ever wanted? To be in love, make love and have babies with the man I love?”
He knew he wanted to be that man. And to run out the door and disappear at the thought.
“Do you know that you're that man, Grant? The one I dream about and make love with every single night when I close my eyes?”
His throat dried up on him.
“And do you have any idea...” Her voice broke. She sniffed. And then, very softly she finished. “How incredibly scared I am of the power my intense and illogical love for you gives you?”
He moved forward a step.
She took a step back.
“Because someday, you could be just like Brandon, changing your mind about who you are and what you need out of life, and there wouldn't be a single damn thing I could do about it.”
She sipped from her empty glass. Didn't seem to notice that there was no wine left and continued to hold on to the glass.
“If you were even still in my life, that is,” she amended, frowning as she backed into the wall. And stood there, leaning against it.
Her hair was pulled back tightly and neatly as always. She had no makeup to cry off. And her clothes were pressed. But she didn't resemble, in any way, the calm, controlled woman he'd come to know and...love.
The admission that he didn't just careâthat he was in loveâwas easier to accept knowing that she loved him, too. It wasn't as if the concept was new to him. Just the admission.
“We're a pair,” he said aloud.
Her frown grew.
And he said, “So are you giving Kara up? Giving Brandon full custody of her?” He tried to sound as if they were talking about the weather when he knew the question was crazy. But he hoped it would prove a point that was only now occurring to him.
He was fighting for something bigger than life here.
“Of course I'm not giving her up!” His half accusation, half assumption hadn't sat well with her. “Why would you even suggest such a thing?”
“Well, just yesterday you were facing the possibility of losing her.”
“You think I don't know that? You think I haven't been up all night, reliving that horror over and over and over again?” Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. And Grant needed to hold her.
And to be held.
“Can I tell you something?” He needed her to listen. He might not find a way to get the words out a second time.
She nodded, watching him. Not quite suspiciously, but almost.
“Last night, while I was sitting at home, thinking about Maddie and Darin's situation, I couldn't focus. I couldn't face the thought. It's like I had this barrier inside my chest that stretched up to my mind.”
Her gaze softened. He couldn't describe how, but he felt the change in her. And something within him pushed farther forward. “But coming here this morning, knowing that I was going to discuss the situation with you, it wasn't overwhelming. I wasn't daunted at the prospect. I'm not happy about it, mind you, but I can...believe that, together, we'll find a solution.”
The first step she took forward was a little shaky. “That's how I was yesterday,” she told him softly, sounding more like the woman he knew. And loved. Really, really loved.
“The whole time Kara was missing I was leaning on you, touching you, drawing all of my strength from you,” she said, coming slowly closer.
The words were uttered simply, but there was nothing simple about them. She stopped a couple of feet from him.
He took a step toward her. “Maybe, in loving, what we give up in control, we gain in strength to sustain us through the things we can't control.”
She seemed to be giving the thought serious consideration.
“Sounds easier than it is, huh?” She was looking him straight in the eye. And his old Lynn was back. “I love you, Grant Bishop.”
“And I love you.” He'd never said the words to a woman before. Hadn't ever thought he'd do so.
And they hadn't killed him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“H
OW
MUCH
TIME
do we have?” Grant hadn't come any closer, but the hungry look in his eyes brought him right inside her.
Setting down her empty wineglass, she looked at her watch. Darin's therapy was over in twenty minutes. Kara and Maddie would be in day care a bit longer than that.
“Fifteen minutes.”
His hands went to his belt buckle. She took off her top. And felt wild and sexy when he stared at her breasts in her lace bra. Her nipples were already hard.
Maybe because he'd released his fly, giving her the first real look at his penis, leaving absolutely no doubt that she turned him on.
Really turned him on.
“I showed you mine, now you show me yours,” he said, leering at her. Reaching behind her, she unfastened her bra, letting it fall off her arms. She should be shy. She'd been so uncomfortable the first time she'd let Brandon see her naked.
She couldn't get naked fast enough, for Grant.
He took off his shoes. Let his pants drop and stepped out of them, leaving them with his briefs on the floor.
She pulled her pants down, too. Leaving her underwear on. Because teasing him was fun.
It made her feel powerful.
And turned her on like she'd never been turned on before.
This beforetime, the foreplay, was exquisite. They'd had weeks of it. And she was so hungry she was shaking with it.
“You owe me one more. Take off your shirt,” she told him and couldn't believe her luck when he revealed pecs that were so clearly defined she had to touch them to make sure they were real.
So she did. Reaching out, she buried her fingers in the hair on his chest, teasing his nipples, squeezing muscles that had been built through years of hard work.
She was hot and wet and ready to take him inside her. Except then...it would be over.
“Condoms.” She barely got the word out, thinking of the ones she'd stashed in her bedside table weeks ago, in preparation for his visits.
“I have a couple in my wallet.” He didn't move. As though he knew she didn't want to end the sweet torment. Like he agreed with her.
Still focused on his chest, she was shocked when the tip of his penis pressed against her pelvis. And again. Knocking. Seeking entrance.
“I...” She licked her lips. They hadn't even kissed. And all she wanted was his penis inside her. For now. Forever.
She wanted the world to end. Right then and there.
While the moment was still perfect.
* * *
G
RANT
THOUGHT
ABOUT
WAITING
.
The first time shouldn't be rushed. Not when they would remember it for the rest of their lives.
Not when they had the rest of their lives...
He pushed harder against her. Sliding himself between her legs. In and out, rubbing his penis against her inner thighs. Lynn's knees gave out and he caught her, lying her down on the floor and settling himself on top of her.
“The condom,” she choked, opening her legs to let him between them.
“I was thinking, let's not use one,” he told her. “I'm thirty-eight years old. I don't want to wait much longer to be a father.”
Had he just said that? Really?
His penis urged him on. Eyes wide, Lynn stared at him, but she didn't push him off her. Or tell him to protect himself. He didn't take back his words, either.
He pushed the head of his penis just inside her opening. “Will you marry me?” he asked.
Arching up, Lynn took him inside her.
“Yes,” she said, and within seconds she was pulsing around him.
Awash in sensation, he lost himself inside her. Moving on instinct and emotion and crying out in a voice he didn't recognize as he finally emptied himself inside of her.
He'd had a lot of sex.
But he'd never made love before.
* * *
L
YNN
WAS
UP
so fast she was still breathing hard after she'd gotten fully dressed. She picked up the wineglass and the bottle, disposed of one and washed the other. She wiped the counter and looked out the window into the backyard, thinking that she should pick the weed she could see growing out there. She rushed around so fast she made herself dizzy and still kept moving.
Grant reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face brown eyes that were filled with so many emotions she started to cry.
“Are you sorry?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
Would he understand if she told him she was? But told him why she was?
“You aren't obligated to marry me, Lynn.” His deadpan voice was a giveaway. She'd hurt him.
It was the last thing she'd wanted to do.
“Well, you're obligated to marry me,” she said, trying to maintain control, to mask her fear. Just like always.
But this wasn't always. And she wasn't the old Lynn anymore.
“I'm... It was incredible, Grant,” she whispered, tears in her eyes again.
With a tender finger, he brushed back a few stray hairs that had come loose from her ponytail, and used his thumbs to wipe the corners of her eyes. “Then why these?”
“Because...”
She was going to tell him. And choked.
Her strength was in him. And in herself, too. Her strength was in trusting herself to handle whatever came her way.
“Brandon... I...”
He looked confused. “What? You think he won't want Kara to have a stepfather? You don't want to disappoint him? What?”
“No! Brandon will be thrilled. He feels so guilty and...it doesn't matter. No matter how Brandon felt, it wouldn't affect my choices where you're concerned. It's just...I'm so afraid....” The words tumbled over themselves.
“You aren't the only one, lady.” With a hand on either side of her head, he held her steady as his mouth plundered hers. And in his kiss, she forgot about being afraid.
“I... The way I feel about you... It's so much more than I ever felt for Brandon. Even the lovemaking... Especially the lovemaking...” She was making a mess of this whole conversation. “I fell apart so completely when Brandon left. I'm scared to death of what would happen to me if you ever did. How would I cope?”
“I don't know the answer to that. I'm not going to walk out on you. Ever. But I can't guarantee that fate won't take me away. What I do know is that if it happens, you'll be given the strength to cope.”
The conviction in his words reached her right where she loved him most.
“I suspect that the love we feel for each other will be there even when we aren't physically together,” he said. “So no matter where I am, or you are, in this life or beyond, we'll have it to draw on.”
“And it's a well that never runs dry,” she said slowly, thinking about her love for Kara, too. How someday Kara would grow up and be off living her own life and Lynn would still have the strength of her daughter's love to carry her, too. How she'd probably be gone from this earth before Kara was and how her love would continue to nurture her daughter even then.
And then there was Grant. As she allowed the floodgates of emotion he'd brought into her life to open, she lost her balance and held on to him.
Just as she always would. No matter where he was.
He was right. “With you in my life, my well will never run dry,” she said.
“I love you, Lynn Duncan, soon to be Lynn Bishop.”
She was getting married.
He gazed deeply into her eyes, and her trust started to grow.
They were going to be okay. Really okay.
And suddenly, she couldn't wait until bedtime. Every bedtime. Or mornings, either. For the rest of her life.
* * *
G
RANT
SET
THE
table for lunch. He told Maddie where she was going to sit. Next to Darin. And Kara, because Kara had asked to sit next to Maddie. He was sitting next to Lynn.
She put the plate of sandwiches on the table. Ladled everyone a bowl of soup.
“Why are you grinning like that, Grant?” Darin eyed him like a man who knew. And Grant knew that he would never get used to seeing the glimpses of the Darin who'd once been in the eyes of the Darin who now was.
“You'll find out,” Grant told him, still grinning. If Darin saw a new man in him, a less serious, less rigid man, then he was just going to have to get used to it.
“Did you get the test results, Lynn?” Maddie asked before Lynn even sat down to eat.
“Yes, I did,” Lynn said just as calmly. But Grant wasn't fooled. He knew how nervous Lynn was about the changes descending on them.
And how excited she was, too.
They'd had sex so quickly they'd had time left over to talk.
“And I'm pregnant, right?” she asked.
Darin dropped his spoon into his tomato soup, splashing the liquid over the sides. He slid back from the table and stood up, his hands on his hips, looking down at Maddie.
“You're pregnant?” His voice squeaked like an adolescent going through a voice change.
“Yes,” Lynn said.
“Woo-hoo!” Darin whooped so loudly that Kara jumped and missed her mouth with her peanut butterâsmeared bread. He danced and jigged and wiggled his hips and threw his arms about, going around and around the table and into the kitchen. Maddie laughed so hard she had drool at the corners of her mouth.
Watching them, Kara started to laugh, too.
* * *
G
RANT
WASN
'
T
SURE
he'd get his older brother to calm down enough to have the conversation they'd planned on having before his next therapy session. But he knew he had one shot and he needed to use it.
“Sit down, Darin, we need to talk about your responsibilities here.” He made his voice purposely stern. “You're going to have to marry Maddie.”
Hurrying back to his seat, Darin sat with so much force his chair rocked back. Grant's stomach sprang to his throat as he lunged for the back of the chair, righting it before Darin fell backward.
“I'd have caught it, Grant,” he said, his tone perfectly serious. “And I agree, it is my responsibility to marry Maddie. That's why we've been trying to make a baby first. I'm glad you understand.”
If Grant hadn't been so boneheaded, he'd have realized long ago that Darin's fate had been taken out of his hands the second Darin had met Maddie.
And known that because he loved his brother, he had to relinquish what he could of Darin's life back to him.
“Here is what we propose,” Grant said, and the room grew completely still. Even Kara was watching him, her mouth filled with peanut butter.
“Lynn and I are going to get married. And you two will get married. We will add on to the bungalow here for now....”
“Lila might not like that,” Maddie said. “She likes the bungalows to be the same becauseâ”
“It's okay, Maddie,” Lynn told her. “We've already talked to Lila.”
“Oh. Okay.” Maddie took a bite of her sandwich.
Grant looked from Maddie to Lynn and continued. “And we will all live together here.” Because Lynn and Grant would have to help raise the baby Maddie was carrying, while they watched over Darin and Maddie, too.
“With Kara, too,” Darin said.
“Of course,” Lynn said as her daughter shoved more bread into her mouth, seemingly unaware of the changes taking place around her.
Because Kara was the one person who really got it. She knew she was loved. That she'd be taken care of.
And she didn't worry about the details.
“So, is everyone okay with the plan?” Grant asked.
“I'm okay with it, Grant,” Darin said, and took a bite of sandwich.
“I'm okay with it, Grant,” Maddie said right after him, carefully spooning soup into her mouth. “But I want to sleep in the same room with Darin because when we're married we'll sleep in the same bed. I don't like having intercourse on the beach.”
“That's right,” Darin said. “We want to have sex in bed.”
Grant looked to Lynn, not quite sure they were up for this. She was busy helping Kara to another sandwich quarter, but looked over at him and smiled.
The whole world was changing. They were all going to be different. And everyone just sat there and ate.
“Darin?”
“Yes?”
“You still want to get married, don't you?”
“Of course. I have to get married. Maddie and I did it on purpose.”
“So you're happy?”
“I'm happy, Grant. And I have to eat because I have to go to therapy.”
Life for Darin was what it was. And if it wasn't what he wanted it to be, he got his girlfriend pregnant and made his world rosy.
“I made a picture today,” Kara announced.
Grant thought about asking to see it. And realized he still didn't know what happened to pictures.
“What was the picture?” Lynn asked.
“Sand castle!” she yelled out, clasping her hands together.
It was about the cutest thing Grant had ever seen.
“What happens to all these pictures?” he asked.
“They're put in a folder and the mom gets them at open house,” Maddie said, in between bites. “But now I think you'll get them, too, because you're going to be Lynn's husband, which makes you the dad at the open house.”
He was going to be a dad. Or at the very least a stepdad and an uncle, too. He'd never even changed a diaper. Or watched someone change one.
He had a lot to learn. But he'd get it all. Eventually.
Lynn's hand found his thigh under the table and moved upward. He was feeling her. She was hungry again. And not for soup and sandwiches.
“Are you happy?” She whispered the words into his ear, sending a bolt of desire straight through him.