Authors: Hope Navarre
Martha smiled brightly. “Oh, my goodness, I've been looking everywhere for the box with the photographs that belonged to my mother. I must have left them behind. Everything was such a jumble, what with Chance in the hospital and all. Oh, but I don't think I can bear to go back out there yet. Robyn, do you think you could run out and pick them up?”
“I don't know if I'm ready to go back there yet, either.”
“Please,” Martha pleaded. “Those photographs mean so much to me. They're all I have left of my mother.”
“All right, I'll go out in the morning.”
“Good.” Ellie stood. “I'll have Jake let the man know you're coming. Martha, walk me to my car, won't you?”
“Of course.”
Beside her car, Ellie glanced back at Robyn and Chance still sitting on the porch and waved. She and Martha exchanged a few words and a brief hug; then Ellie drove off.
Robyn pulled into her old driveway the next morning and for a moment she thought she would cry after all. It wasn't because she missed the buildings or the corrals or the flowers along the walk. It was because everything in front of her reminded her of Neal.
The last time he'd kissed her they had been standing in front of the white picket gate before they left to go to the fair. She had been so happy that morning, and yet her life had been turned upside down and nearly destroyed only a few hours later.
It seemed that since the accident, every minute of her life had been devoted to caring for Chance. Now, with Chance on the road to a full recovery, she found herself at a loss. All she could think about was Neal.
Where was he? She'd pored over the rodeo news, but there was never any mention of his name. Was he all right? She could only hope that one day she would have the chance to tell him how sorry she was for the way she had treated him.
Stepping out of the truck, she saw a man down in the corral beside the barn. The cowboy held the front hoof of a small white horse between his knees. He was bent over and his black hat obscured his face as he filed the hoof with a large rasp. Apparently, he hadn't heard her drive in. She looked more closely at the horse. Was that Babe?
Moving toward the corral, Robyn's heart began to hammer painfully in her chest. There was something familiar about the man, too, but she didn't dare hope.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
B
ABE
WAS
BECOMING
impatient with the process of getting his hoof filed. Neal felt the little horse shifting his weight from one hind leg to the other, but Neal was determined to finish the job he'd started. Never at a loss to try to gain attention, Babe reached his head around and flipped Neal's hat off.
“You worthless piece of buzzard bait,” Neal muttered. “You're not getting off this time. We're going to finish your feet whether you like it or not. Do you want to wind up lame? Robyn will rip me up one side and down the other if I let that happen.”
Babe tossed his head and tried to pull away, but Neal held on to his hoof. Babe changed his tactics. After pulling a mouthful of hay from the bale in front of him, the little horse swung his head around and flung it on Neal's bare neck.
Dropping Babe's hoof, Neal stood up as the leaves and stalks of alfalfa trickled down inside his shirt. “You miserable nag.”
He threw down his file, yanked off his gloves and began to unbutton his shirt. “I'm going to make glue out of you yet.” He took off his shirt, shook it out then brushed at the back of his neck and his hair with both hands. A sharp indrawn hiss of breath alerted him to the presence of someone else. He looked up and met Robyn's wide eyes across the fence. He wasn't prepared to face her yet.
“Neal, what are you doing here?”
He swallowed hard. “I live here now. How is Chance?”
“He's better. He thinks it's cool that he and Bell have matching casts. You live here?”
“Yes.” At least she wasn't shouting at him.
He put his shirt back on and picked up his hat. This was his chance to convince her nothing like that would ever happen again. “Robyn, I need to say how sorry I am for almost getting him killed. It was stupid. There wasn't any reason to prove I was still the big, brave, bull rider. I hope you believe me, and I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I will never, ever put my needs in front of his needs again. I swear that to you on my life.”
When she didn't say anything, he looked down and kicked the dirt with his boot.
* * *
T
EARS
STUNG
R
OBYN
'
S
eyes as she saw the pain on his face. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him close. She gripped the fence with both hands, struggling to put all her regrets into words. “I'm so sorry for the hurtful things I said to you, for the way I treated you. I'm sorry for so many things. I'm sorry that I tried to make you into something you couldn't be. I'm sorry I ran away instead of facing what was wrong between us, and I am so very, very sorry that I kept your son away from you.”
He stood with his head bowed, and she waited for him to speak. He looked at her finally. “You were dead wrong about that.”
“I know.” A tear trickled down her cheek.
He reached the fence in two long strides and gripped the rail. “Help me understand why you did it. Tell me about Colin.”
She drew a ragged breath and faced him squarely. “I was so hurt by your betrayal, but more than that, I was angry with you for not needing me the way I needed you. I couldn't see then what I realize now. We were headstrong kids, both too stubborn to try to change. Too stubborn to admit we were wrong, or even that we needed help.”
“I did need you, Robyn. I just didn't know how much until after you were gone.”
She studied his face as she asked the question that had haunted her days and nights. “Why didn't you ask me to come back?”
He looked down and scuffed the dirt with the toe of his boot. “Because I was ashamed. I betrayed youâmy best friend. And I betrayed myself. I didn't much care for the man who looked back at me in the mirror for those next few months. I knew you wanted a life away from the rodeo circuit, a home and kids and a husband who wasn't putting his life on the line day after day. When you didn't come back, I figured it was because you'd finally realized I wasn't the man who could give you those things.”
“Neal, I did want those things, but I wanted them with you.”
“After what I did, I knew you deserved better. Besides, a man has to have some pride. I couldn't find it in me to beg you to come back.”
“I thought you didn't want me.”
He stared at her face for a long moment and then said quietly, “Tweety, I've wanted you every single day and every single night since the day we first made love when we were seventeen.”
She turned away from him. All this time. All this wasted time and heartache because they had been too proud, too hurt and stubborn to face each other. They'd wound up running away from each other instead of trying to save the friendship and love they shared.
She looked at the bright blue sky overhead. A lone hawk rode the air currents in wide lazy circles. She was tired of being alone. She had to find a way back to him.
Please, God, let me make him understand. Let me get this right.
She began to speak softly. “My father recovered from his first stroke, but I could see he would never be as strong as he had been. He and Mom were going to need me to help take care of him sooner or later. When he was in the hospital, one of his nurses told me about a two-year nursing program at the junior college. I thought it would be a good way to stay close to home and have a job where I could do some good.”
She gave a wry laugh. “Nurses are always needed. Anyway, I enrolled and started the program in less than a month. I met Colin my first day of class. He was so pale and thin. My mothering instincts took off full blast. He was someone who really needed me.”
She stopped and looked at Neal. “I don't want you to think it was merely pity, because it wasn't. We became good friends. He was so full of life, so determined to beat his illness. He joked about it all the time.”
She could picture Colin's infectious grin even now, and she smiled softly.
“What was wrong with him?”
“He had Hodgkin's disease, a form of cancer that often strikes young adults. He never made a secret of it. I think he wanted me to understand right from the start that he might not have a long life. I knew, but I was still terrified when he had an acute attack and was hospitalized.”
She gazed at Neal's impassive face. “After all, I had already lost one best friend, or so I thought.”
“He was a lucky man to have found you.”
“Soon after that, I discovered I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I told Colin. He said I should tell you, but I didn't know how. I wrote you a dozen letters, but I couldn't send any of them.”
“Why not?”
“Because I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“I was afraid you wouldn't care one way or the other. At least, that's what I told myself.”
She tilted her head, studying his tall, lean form. She saw so much in him that reminded her of Chance. His long, sturdy fingers, the shape of his eyebrows and the way his lips tightened when he was angry.
“In reality, I wanted to hurt you as badly as you'd hurt me. Not very noble of me, was it?”
His lips tightened then, but she knew it wasn't anger. It was pain.
“Besides, I was afraid of trapping you. You were always so carefree. That wild Bryant boy, so full of adventure and so eager to see what was over the next hill. I knew what the rodeo meant to you. I didn't want to destroy that. In my own stupid way, I was trying to protect you. You would have insisted we get married, and you would have resented it every single day.”
They both fell silent for a long time. Finally, he pushed his hat back and rested one boot on the bottom rail of the fence. “What happened after that?”
She let out a long sigh. At least he was willing to listen to her side of the story without getting angry.
“I told Colin about my decision, and he asked me to marry him. He begged me, really. He said he wanted a child more than anything in the world, my child, and I believed him. I think he knew he wasn't going to beat his cancer.”
Robyn bit her lip as the memories of those tragic final days played out in her mind. She gave a quick shake of her head to dispel them and continued, “As enlightened as the world is today, I still didn't relish the idea of telling my parents I was pregnant. Colin, on the other hand, couldn't wait to tell his. Clara had been in frail health for years. Colin needed to give his mother something to live for. He wanted to give her a grandchild, but he knew time was against him. I was the answer he'd been praying for. He needed me, and I needed someone who needed me. So we got married.”
“And you let everyone believe my son was the son of another man. It was that easy?”
“Easy?” She took several long strides along the fence before she stopped. She crossed her arms tightly and turned to face him.
“Easy? No, it wasn't easy. Chance was born a month after Colin died. Every time Edward or Clara saw something about him that reminded them of Colin, I wanted to crawl away and die. What a cruel trick I was playing on them. They tried to help me out with money while I was in school, but I couldn't take it. I know they only wanted to help, but each gift, each savings bond for the baby, each suggestion that Chance was sure to want to follow in his father's footsteps and study science was salt in a wound of guilt that never healed.”
“So why didn't you tell them?”
“Becauseâ” Her voice cracked, and she pressed a hand to her trembling lips. “Because Colin made me promise. He was dying. He made me promise I'd never tell. I didn't tell anyone until after I saw you being wheeled into the emergency room. I knew then that I had made a terrible mistake.”
* * *
N
EAL
COULD
SEE
Robyn struggle to control her tears. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss away all the hurt he'd caused. They'd hurt each other enough. Nothing could bring back those lost years. If he took it, he had the chance now to make amends, but he stood on one side of the fence, and she stood on the other. If they were going to stop hurting each other, they would have to both be on the same side.
She had become a strong and independent woman, and she wouldn't come to him for comfort. She'd followed him around from the time she had learned to walk and begged for his attention, and he had taken her love for granted.
Well, not anymore. Not ever again. The time for talking was past. He turned and walked toward the gate. This time it was up to him.
Robyn saw him walking away. Panic engulfed her. He had to understand. He had to forgive her. She had to make him stay and listen to how sorry she was. How could she?
A coiled lariat hung over a fence post beside her. She grabbed it, shook out a loop, put one foot up on the fence and let fly. She'd once been the best heeler in the county.
Neal never knew what happened until he found himself facedown in the dirt with a rope around his boots. “What the hell?”
Robyn came over the fence and jerked the rope tight before he could loosen it. With purposeful strides, she moved to stand over him.
“What was this for?” he demanded.
She jerked hard on the rope. “You're not going anywhere until I've had my say. You are going to listen to me, and you are going to hear me.”
He rested back on his elbows. “All right, Robyn. Have at it.”
“I'm sorry!” she shouted. “Do you hear me? I'm sorry for taking Chance away from you.”
“I hear you loud and clear.”
“Chance loves you. He needs you to be part of his life. He deserves it and so do you.”
“All right,” he agreed slowly. “I'm living here. I fully intend to see my son as often as I can. I would love to adopt him so there will never be a question in his mind about whether or not his father loves him. Did you have something else you wanted to say, or can I get up now?”
She drew a deep breath. “Yes, I have more to say. I love you, and I need you to be part of my life, too. I don't want to face a future without you in it. You complete me in so many ways that I can't even count them all. That's it. I love you.”
“Sounds like you want me to marry you.”
“Well, yes.”
“Okay.”
She stared down at him for a long moment as his reply sank in. “Okay? Just like that?”
“Can I get up now?” A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“Ah, yes. Did you just say okay, you'll marry me?”
He slipped the rope off his boots and stood to face her. “Come here.” He held open his arms.
With a glad cry, she flung herself against him. “I thought you were going to walk away again. I had to make you stay and listen to me.”
“I was going to go around to the gate. I didn't think I could leap over the fence. My ribs are still sore.”
She pulled away and stared at him in horror. “Oh, my God, did I hurt you?”
He pulled her back into his embrace. “It only hurts when you aren't kissing me.”
Joy welled up in her heart and overflowed. “I can fix that. I'm a nurse,” she whispered.
Cupping his face, she kissed him with all the pent-up longing of the past lonely years.
He broke off the kiss and held her close. “I love you, Robyn, but there is something you should know.”
“I don't care if you want to go back to the rodeo. We'll wait at home for you, or travel with you, if that's what you want.”
“No, my riding days are over. I meant it when I said you and Chance were more important. I only rode that last time to prove to myself that I could do it. To conquer my fear.”
His hands dropped away from her. “This concerns Chance.”
Worry creased her brow. “I'm listening.”
“Chance is deaf because of me.”
She shook her head. “I don't understand.”