Harmony House (17 page)

May 1961

11 years old

I
t is a warm night—the moon half-full, shining bright across the grass. The leaves on the branches of the trees shimmer in the light. A cool breeze blows in from the ocean.

I climb out the open window and down the trellis on the side of the house that is overgrown with vines and purple blooming wisteria. I repeat a prayer to myself, saying it quietly over and over.

“God,” I say. “I humbly offer myself to thee, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Thy will, not mine, be done.”

I pray unceasingly—walking through the grass—smelling the damp earth—hearing the night sounds of mice and garden snakes and mosquitos. My linen dress shirt is damp with sweat down the back. My hand grasps at a small pocketknife. I say the prayer.

Any time I might have a thought about anything—anything sad or scary or mean or sinful—I just replace it with the thoughts of the prayer. I don't let myself think anything else. With the prayer, I am able to hold only God in my mind. And he makes me a channel of His will. And so I enact His will. I do nothing on my own. I do everything with God. And as long as I keep on praying to him, then nothing I do can ever be wrong.

So what happened to Sister Margaret, that was not my fault. It was God's will. His will guides me forward. His will, not mine, is being done.

Sister Margaret had to be punished.

Father Meyers was right.

For he is a man of God.

And I must follow him.

Just as I must follow Him.

“God, I humbly offer myself to thee. . . .”

I say it again.

I say it and say it.

I cannot stop.

I will never stop.

God's will makes me walk through the grass here and into the forest. His direction guides me to the tree—the great white oak—where Sister Margaret carved her initials with that boy—where she sinned against God. Now God has vested me with the power to make it right. He tells me what to do. He tells me to take the knife and with its blade to carve into the bark of the tree. On one side of the initials he has me put a G—a G for “God”—so that Sister Margaret can be with God, in the afterlife, for all time.

And then my hand moves to the other side, next to the initial M—next to Sister Margaret's initial—and I carve an A—bigger than the other letters—so that I can be with her forever more. Anselm and Margaret.

And God.

All together.

Forever more.

The power of God courses through me. It leaves me breathless and flushed with heat. The power of God is so strong it can raise me off the ground. I feel it all in my body. I feel it like a thousand electrical currents. I feel it in the very center of me. I feel it shiver for a long
time—and then release.

Anselm and Margaret.

And God.

Together in Harmony House.

Never to part.

Thank you: Amanda Urban, Kristen Pettit, Hrishi Desai, Molly Atlas, Dan Halsted, Nathan Miller, Ron Bernstein, Jeremy Kleiner, Felix Van Groeningen, Luke Davies, Brad Weston, Andre and Maria Jacquemetton, Patricia Resnick, Julia Cox, Nicole Yorkin, Tim Shaheen, Veena Sud, Peggy Knickerbocker, Armistead Maupin, Chris Turner, Gary Lennon, Jerry Stahl, Susan Andrews, Sue and Nan, Yoko and Sean.

And then my family: Jette Newell Sheff, papa and mama K, Jasper & Daisy, Mom, Nancy and Don, Susan and Steven, Mark and Jenny, Lucy, Becca, Bear, Joanie and Sumner. Is it dumb to thank dogs? They don't speak much human. But Ramona, Rhett, Cold War Charlie, and Cole, who's a very bad cat. Deep in my heart there's a house that can hold just about all of you.

NIC SHEFF
is an author, screenwriter, and recovering drug addict and alcoholic. His memoir of addiction,
Tweak
, was a
New York Times
bestseller. His first work of fiction,
Schizo
, won him much critical acclaim. Nic is a huge fan of horror—in film and on the page.
Harmony House
is his first novel in this genre.

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COVER PHOTOGRAPH OF GIRL © 2016 BY STEPHEN CARROLL / TREVILLION IMAGES

COVER PHOTOGRAPH OF STAIRCASE © 2016 BY ŁUKASZ SWIATKIEWICZ

COVER DESIGN BY FACEOUT STUDIO

HarperTeen is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.

HARMONY HOUSE.
Copyright © 2016 by Nic Sheff. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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ISBN 978-0-06-233709-2 (trade bdg.)

EPub Edition © March 2016 ISBN 9780062337115

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CG/RRDH
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FIRST EDITION

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