Harrigan and Grace - 01 - Blood Redemption (21 page)

‘I’m going back to my room now,’ she said, ‘but you — you can’t

— You’re going to talk to me again, Dad. You are. You are going to say —’

She stopped and stood up to leave the room, still weeping. At the door, she almost walked into Melanie.

‘Don’t you want your tea? It’s on the table,’ her sister asked.

‘Fucking later,’ she said.

‘Language!’ she heard her father say, with the remembrance of a usual reprimand in his voice.

Lucy stopped still in the doorway and spoke without turning around. ‘Don’t you say that to me.’

Then she did turn and went towards him. Her hand moved instinctively towards her waistband before she remembered to stop herself. For the first time, he seemed confused. She stood over him.

‘Don’t you ever tell me what to say again.’

Anger had made her voice almost unrecognisable. He did not speak, there was sweat on his cheeks. Everyone in the room was silent.

‘You won’t, will you? Ever again.’

He shook his head.

‘You say it, Dad. Go on, say it.’

‘No, I won’t,’ he eventually whispered.

They looked at each other.

‘I’m going to come and talk to you again, Dad,’ she said. ‘Because you owe me something. You know you do. And you are going to give it to me.’

He stared at her, showing anger and fear without any sense of disguise, and then rolled away from her, turning his back on her, refusing to speak.

Lucy left at once, moving quickly and hearing behind her as she climbed the stairs a sudden ruckus in the lounge room. The noise of her father calling out hoarsely for Melanie and the sound of the television set being turned on again.

In her room, she emptied her pack out onto her bed, scrabbling for her notebook computer, clumsy as she hurried, wiping away tears with the back of her hand. Lucy was going out on the Net to find consolation, someone to talk to, to get the buzzing out of her head.

She set up her computer on her old desk, illuminated it with her desk lamp, plugged in the phone charger and then turned on her mobile telephone, intending to connect to her ISP. She took the gun out of her waistband and placed it next to the notebook. As she did, the mobile phone rang. She let it ring until it stopped. Then, as she was about to pick it up, it rang again. She looked at it for a few moments then answered it.

‘Yeah,’ she said. As she had expected, she heard the preacher’s honey voice in reply.

‘Lucy? Is that you? You sound very different.’

‘Hi, Graeme,’ she said in an unconcerned tone. ‘Do I? I don’t know why, I’m just the same as I was yesterday.’

‘I’m glad to hear it. I was wondering how you were. I’ve been thinking about you every single moment since I found you gone.’

‘I bet you have. But everybody always worries about me so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t as well. I’m fine. Great, you know,’ she replied. There was a moment of silence. ‘What do you want? I guess you want something. That’s why you’re calling me.’

‘Yes, Lucy, I do want something. I want very much to see you. I’ve been trying to ring you all day but your phone’s been switched off. I don’t think you should have done that.’

‘Don’t you? Gee, it’s too bad I forgot to turn it on.’

Lucy sat on the bed among the scattered goods that she had emptied out of her pack. She dragged her sleeping bag across her knees in the cold room.

‘Do you know Greg is in custody?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, I heard.’

There was a pause.

‘You have good information. You obviously know who to ask. And where to find things.’

‘Yeah, I’m good at that,’ she said.

‘I’m going to get him bailed into my care, Lucy.’

‘Are you? I don’t think you’ll be able to do that. They won’t want to let him go this time.’

‘I can certainly try. I have contacts too. In fact, I think I’ve got a very good chance of doing just that.’

Lucy bit her lip.

‘What do you want, Graeme?’

‘I want to see you. I really think you should come and meet with me.’

She did not answer. ‘I don’t think you can get him bailed,’ she said instead.

‘We’ll see. Ria has told me he is likely to be charged with being an accessory to murder.’

‘Did she ring you?’

‘She left a message on my answering machine. The sort of message Ria Allard usually leaves on my answering machine. But fortunately, I won’t have to hear from her again.’

‘Greg doesn’t know anything about it,’ Lucy said, dismissively.

‘You said he did, Lucy.’

‘Yeah, but not like that, I mean. He wasn’t involved or anything.’

‘I don’t think that will make any difference to the police. I think you’ll find that being an accessory is exactly what he is. Apparently they have assigned a policewoman to deal with him. She will be interviewing him regularly from now on. We’ll see what happens, won’t we? Whether or not he lives up to your expectations and really does keep his mouth shut.’

‘It’s not murder anyway, Graeme. You said it was a cleansing.’

‘I’m talking about how the police will see it,’ he replied, speaking sharply. Lucy smiled to hear the irritation in his voice.

‘What do you want?’ she asked.

‘Lucy, I’ve already told you. I want to see you. Soon. Somewhere private.’

There was a knock on Lucy’s door. She reached for her gun and slipped it out of sight under the sleeping bag.

‘There’s someone here, I’ve got to go. Even if you can get Greg bailed, he won’t go with you. So it doesn’t matter.’

‘He won’t have any choice. None whatsoever. The police will hand him over directly to me. He’ll pass from one sort of custody into another. After all, the only way he can avoid that is to tell them about you. Isn’t that so?’

The preacher’s voice had dropped to a strange, low whisper heard as a rustle within the inner ear. Lucy was silent for some time.

‘Are you still there?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, I’m here.’

‘Good. Because if you are so concerned about him, you should be very careful what you do from now on. And very careful who you talk to and what you say to them. Because I don’t think Greg could be stopped if he decided to do something foolish while he’s in my care. Do you? And I can’t be held responsible for a suicide or an accidental death, can I? I’ll ring you tomorrow, Lucy. Leave your phone on.’

‘You can’t make me do anything, Graeme,’ she said, and hung up, tossing the phone on the bed. She opened the door and saw Stephen standing there, carrying a small two-bar heater.

‘I’ve got a heater for you. I thought it’d be cold in here,’ he said.

‘Yeah, it is pretty fucking cold, Stevie,’ she replied. ‘Thanks.’

He stood hesitantly in the doorway as she plugged it in.

‘Were you talking on your phone just now?’ he asked.

‘Yeah. But it’s no one worth talking about.’

‘Want your tea?’

‘Yeah.’

He went outside and picked up a plate of food from a sideboard in the hallway.

‘What’s Dad doing now?’ she asked as he handed it to her.

‘Mel’s given him his shot for the night so he’s pretty out of it. Please don’t ask about anything now, Luce. Wait till tomorrow when you’ve both calmed down a bit. I’ll have a talk to him and see if I can’t sort something out. You told me you wouldn’t argue with him.’

‘Did you tell them I was working in a shop?’ she asked.

‘What?’

‘Did you tell Mum and Dad I was working in a shop?’

‘Lucy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Not now, okay?

Look, I’m not going back to work until this is over. I’m going to be home tomorrow and you can talk to me then if you want to. But I’m too tired now,’ he said, and was gone.

Lucy shut the door and pushed her bedside table against it. She turned off the overhead light and sat at her desk next to the heater, which filled the room with the odour of burning dust as the bars glowed with red heat. Liar, liars, liars, she said to herself as she logged on, thumping the keys. Everyone lies, don’t they? Fucking, fucking bastards, that’s all any of them are. Why do that to me, Dad? Did I ever do anything to you?

Between mouthfuls of Melanie’s food, she went out on the Net, in search of Turtle, moving into their own particular space where she usually met him.

Turtle, are you out there? It’s me, Firewall.

Are u there at last????? I’ve been here all day Where have u
been?

You don’t want to know.

Don’t joke I do

No, you don’t. Because I’m right down here in the dirt now. Right here in the shit. We don’t ever treat each other like this. It’s like we’ve always said — we always talk to who we really are, don’t we? No lies, nothing like that.

Yes we do Heart 2 heart Mind 2 mind That’s wot we always do It’s
wot we’re always going to do

You talk turtle to me, don’t you? You never lie to me?

No Firewall I dont lie 2 u I never have
I trust you, Turtle, I do. Have you told anyone about this?

No

Well, you can. If you want. You don’t have to carry this by yourself.

You can tell whoever you want.

Yeah? Well u tell me first Wot do we do????? Before I tell anyone
about u why don’t u tell me?? Wot now??? Because that has got 2

come from u No one else can decide that
In her room, Lucy lit a cigarette.

I’ve got to sort out a few things first.

Are u going 2 tell me wot?

Family things, mainly. A few things for myself with my dad.

Why? Firewall don’t do that 2 yourself Don’t waste your time Your
dad = 1 big fat 000000 He is not worth ruining your life 4 That’s your
revenge on him My dad says that U dont let them hurt u Otherwise
all u do is hurt yourself

It’s not just him. I’ve got a friend I’ve got to think about too. I’ve got to make sure he’s okay before I do anything else. But the thing is I don’t know how. I’ve got my gun but I’m stuck back home again and I don’t how I can use it to help him. You know, I feel so … Do you still think I should go to the police?

Yes I do I do. Because maybe they can help your friend
Sitting at her desk, Lucy laughed aloud.

I don’t think so. They’re the last people to do that. But I am going to go public, Turtle, one way or the other. Whether I go to the police or the media, I don’t know yet.

Why media????

So everyone will know why I did what I did. I’ve got to explain it to them.

U really think they care Firewall? Really think they care???????

They won’t understand where u are coming from U have to see that
It won’t change how they think about u

They can’t ignore me. Not after this. I wasn’t killing for the sake of killing someone. That’s what she does, she kills. I’m protecting people. So no one has to go through what I went through.

Not your job

If it’s not mine, then whose is it? Don’t say the police again because all they ever do is bash you up. And don’t say they don’t. I know they do, because I’ve seen them do it.

Lucy waited.

Turtle, are you there? Have I lost you?

I’m still here Firewall u can’t think like that U don’t kill people U

know wot people say about me? They come up 2 my dad and they
ask him why didn’t he let me die when I was a baby They say it in
front of me They don’t think I can hear them Wot’s the fucking
difference??? Killing me and killing her?

She was evil. You’re not.

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit & I don’t believe u think like that U tell me
what u think 4 real U tell me that

Do you really want to know? I wish I’d never shot either of them, Turtle. I really do. Maybe I could’ve lived with just shooting her. I don’t know. But shooting that man, I wish, I just wish I’d never done that.

It’s as simple as that. I told you it was simple from the start. It’s just that there’s nothing I can do about it now.

You got 2 go 2 the police Go now!!!! Just call them
I can’t. Not now, not yet. I just can’t …

Before Lucy could type any more, Turtle stopped her.
End
firewall,
their emergency close-down signal, flashed across her screen. She backed out quickly and found herself on his home page.

It was a dazzling place: seas of high glass-blue Japanese waves with the wind blowing the foam back, seagulls swirling about the sky, and a small boat with transparent sails, sailing into the bright red sun. A figure in the boat waved and smiled out of the screen. ‘Hi, I’m the Turtle,’ the figure said as he sailed against a bright sky.

Then the image dissolved into a photograph of a boy in a wheelchair with the written words:
Hi, I’m Toby Harrigan. I call
myself the Turtle, because I’m like a turtle on its back when I’m out
of my wheelchair. I can’t move at all then except to shake my hand
in the air, but out on the Net I can do what I want. I can sail, fly,
do anything. Come and talk turtle to me because inside I’m just
like anybody else.
The buttons, Meet Me, Meet My Family, Life at Cotswold House, Why I am the way I am, flickered into being one after the other but Lucy had other places to go. She wanted to work on her own site and slipped away out of cyberspace, taking the precaution of working offline on her own machine where no one could disturb her.

The kaleidoscope of her interior world opened out and she immersed herself in its electronic images, unwinding the tension in her neck, assuaging some of her grief and reducing the world outside to a succession of shadows. As she worked, she passed quickly over her representations of Dr Agnes Liu. Lucy was looking only for consolation.

15

‘What’s all this?’

Toby felt his father’s hands on his shoulders, the familiar light pressure of the heel of his father’s palm on the muscle, it was their greeting. He knew his father’s individual odour, a tinge of sweat mingled with his familiar aftershave. His father’s presence, the sound of his voice, and the touch of his hands soothing the twisted muscle down Toby’s spine, were his first memories. His good hand flickered over his custom-made keyboard with its built-in mouse but it was too late to close the window. His father was reading aloud from the screen.