Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality (32 page)

“That does sound like the sort of thing I would do, doesn’t it?” said Dumbledore, smiling.

“Unacceptable,” Harry said flatly. His gaze was now cold and dark. “I will not tolerate bullying or abuse. I had considered many possible ways of dealing with this problem, but I will make it simple. Either this man goes, or I do.”

Minerva gasped again. Something strange flickered in Severus’s eyes.

Now Dumbledore’s gaze was also growing cold. “Expulsion, Mr. Potter, is the final threat which may be used against a student. It is not customarily used as a threat by students against the Headmaster. This is the best magical school in the entire world, and an education here is not an opportunity given to everyone. Are you under the impression that Hogwarts cannot get along without you?”

And Harry sat there, smiling thinly.

Sudden horror dawned on Minerva. Surely Harry wouldn’t -

“You forget,” Harry said, “that you’re not the only one who can see patterns.
This grows private. Now send him
-” Harry flicked a hand at Severus again, and then stopped in mid-sentence and mid-gesture.

Minerva could see it on Harry’s face, the moment when he remembered.

She’d told him, after all.

“Mr. Potter,” said the Headmaster, “once again, Severus Snape has my fullest confidence.”

“You told him,” whispered the boy. “You utter fool.”

Dumbledore didn’t react to the insult. “Told him what?”

“That the Dark Lord is alive.”

“
What in Merlin’s name are you on about, Potter?
” cried Severus in tones of sheer astonishment and outrage.

Harry glanced briefly at him, smiling grimly. “Oh, so we
are
a Slytherin, then,” Harry said. “I was starting to wonder.”

And then there was silence.

Finally Dumbledore spoke. His voice was mild. “Harry, what
are
you talking about?”

“I’m sorry, Albus,” Minerva whispered.

Severus and Dumbledore turned to look at her.

“Professor McGonagall didn’t tell me,” said Harry’s voice, swiftly and less calm than it had been. “I guessed. I told you, I can see the patterns too. I guessed, and she controlled her reaction just as Severus did. But her control fell a shade short of perfection, and I could tell it was control, not genuine.”

“And I told him,” said Minerva, her voice trembling a little, “that you, and I, and Severus were the only ones who knew.”

“Which she did as a concession to prevent me from simply going around asking questions, as I threatened to do if she didn’t talk,” Harry said. The boy chuckled briefly. “I really should have gotten one of you alone and told you that she told me everything, to see if you let anything slip. Probably wouldn’t have worked, but would have been worth a shot.” The boy smiled again. “Threat’s still on the table and I do expect to be briefed
fully
at some point.”

Severus was giving her a look of utter contempt. Minerva raised her chin and bore it. She knew it was deserved.

Dumbledore leaned back in his padded throne. His eyes were as cold as anything Minerva had seen from him since the day his brother died. “And you threaten to abandon us to Voldemort if we do not comply with your wishes.”

Harry’s voice was razor-sharp. “I regret to inform you that you are not the center of the universe. I’m not threatening to walk out on magical Britain. I’m threatening to walk out on
you
. I am not a meek little Frodo. This is
my
quest and if you want in you will play by
my
rules.”

Dumbledore’s face was still cold. “I am beginning to doubt your suitability as the hero, Mr. Potter.”

Harry’s return gaze was equally icy. “I am beginning to doubt your suitability as my Gandalf,
Mr. Dumbledore
. Boromir was at least a plausible mistake. What is this
Nazgul
doing in my Fellowship?”

Minerva was completely lost. She looked at Severus, to see if he was following this, and she saw that Severus had turned his face away from Harry’s field of vision and was smiling.

“I suppose,” Dumbledore said slowly, “that from your perspective it is a reasonable question. So, Mr. Potter, if Professor Snape is to leave you alone henceforth, will that be the last time this issue arises, or will I find you here every week with a new demand?”

“Leave
me
alone?” Harry’s voice was outraged. “I am not his only victim and certainly not the most vulnerable!
Have you forgotten how defenseless children are? How much they hurt?
Henceforth Severus will treat
every
student of Hogwarts with appropriate and professional courtesy, or you will find another Potions Master, or you will find another hero!”

Dumbledore started laughing. Full-throated, warm, humorous laughter, as if Harry had just performed a comic dance in front of him.

Minerva didn’t dare move. Her eyes flickered and she saw that Severus was equally motionless.

Harry’s visage grew even colder. “You mistake me, Headmaster, if you think that this is a joke. This is not a request. This is your punishment.”

“Mr. Potter -” Minerva said. She didn’t even know what she was going to say. She simply couldn’t let that go by.

Harry made a shushing gesture at her and continued to speak to Dumbledore. “And if that seems impolite to you,” Harry said, his voice now a little less hard, “it seemed no less impolite when you said it to me. You would not say such a thing to anyone who you considered a real human being instead of a subordinate child, and I will treat you with just the same courtesy as you treat me -”

“Oh, indeed, in very deed, this is my punishment if ever there was one! Of
course
you’re in here blackmailing me to save your fellow students, not to save yourself! I can’t imagine why I would have thought otherwise!” Dumbledore was now laughing even harder. He pounded his fist on the desk three times.

Harry’s gaze grew uncertain. His face turned toward her, addressing her for the first time. “Excuse me,” Harry said. His voice seemed to be wavering. “Does he need to take his medication or something?”

“Ah…” Minerva had no idea what she could possibly say.

“Well,” said Dumbledore. He wiped away tears that had formed in his eyes. “Pardon me. I’m sorry for the interruption. Please continue with the blackmail.”

Harry opened his mouth, then closed it again. He now seemed a little unsteady. “Ah… he’s also to stop reading students’ minds.”

“Minerva,” Severus said, his voice deadly, “you -”

“Sorting Hat warned me,” said Harry.

“
What?
”

“Can’t say anything else. Anyway I think that’s it. I’m done.”

Silence.

“Now what?” Minerva said, when it became apparent that no one else was going to say anything.

“Now what?” Dumbledore echoed. “Why, now the hero wins, of course.”

“
What?
” said Severus, Minerva, and Harry.

“Well, he certainly seems to have backed us into a corner,” Dumbledore said, smiling happily. “But Hogwarts
does
need an evil Potions Master, or it just wouldn’t be a proper magical school, now would it? So how about if Professor Snape is only awful toward students in their fifth year and higher?”

“
What?
” said all three of them again.

“If it’s the most vulnerable victims about whom you’re concerned. Maybe you’re right, Harry. Maybe I
have
forgotten over the decades what it’s like to be a child. So let’s compromise. Severus will continue to unfairly award points to Slytherin and impose lax discipline on his House, and he will be awful to non-Slytherin students in their fifth year and higher. To others he will be scary, but not abusive. He will promise to only read minds when the safety of a student requires it. Hogwarts will have its evil Potions Master, and the most vulnerable victims, as you put it, will be safe.”

Minerva McGonagall was as shocked as she’d ever been in her life. She glanced uncertainly at Severus, whose face had been left completely neutral, as though he couldn’t decide what sort of expression he ought to be wearing.

“I suppose that is acceptable,” Harry said. His voice sounded a bit odd.

“You can’t be serious,” Severus said, his voice as expressionless as his face.

“I am very much in favor of this,” Minerva said slowly. She was so much in favor that her heart was pounding wildly beneath her robes. “But what could we possibly tell the students? They might not have questioned this while Severus was… being awful to everyone, but -”

“Harry can tell the other students that he discovered a terrible secret of Severus’s and did a bit of blackmail,” said Dumbledore. “It’s true, after all; he discovered that Severus was reading minds, and he certainly did blackmail us.”

“This is insanity!” exploded Severus.

“Bwah ha ha!” said Dumbledore.

“Ah…” said Harry uncertainly. “And if anyone asks me why fifth years and above got shafted? I wouldn’t blame them for being irate, and that part wasn’t exactly my idea -”

“Tell them,” said Dumbledore, “that it wasn’t you who suggested the compromise, that it was all you could get. And then refuse to say anything more. That, too, is true. There’s an art to it, you’ll pick it up with practice.”

Harry nodded slowly. “And the points he took from Ravenclaw?”

“They must not be given back.”

It was Minerva who said it.

Harry looked at her.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Potter,” she said. She
was
sorry, but it had to be done. “There
must
be some consequences for your misbehavior or this school will fall to pieces.”

Harry shrugged. “Acceptable,” he said flatly. “But in the future Severus will not strike at my House connections by taking points from me, nor will he waste my valuable time with detentions. Should he feel that my behavior requires correction, he may communicate his concerns to Professor McGonagall.”

“Harry,” Minerva said, “will you continue to submit to school discipline, or are you to be above the law now, as Severus was?”

Harry looked at her. Something warm touched his gaze, briefly before it was quashed. “I will continue to be an ordinary student to every member of the staff who is not insane or evil, provided that they do not come under pressure from others who are.” Harry glanced briefly at Severus, then turned back to Dumbledore. “Leave Minerva alone, and I’ll be a regular Hogwarts student in her presence. No special privileges or immunities.”

“Beautiful,” Dumbledore said sincerely. “Spoken like a true hero.”

“And,” she said, “Mr. Potter must publicly apologize for his actions of today.”

Harry gave her another look. This one was a bit skeptical.

“The discipline of the school has been gravely injured by your actions, Mr. Potter,” Minerva said. “It must be restored.”

“I think, Professor McGonagall, that you considerably overestimate the importance of what you call school discipline, as compared to having History taught by a live teacher or not torturing your students. Maintaining the current status hierarchy and enforcing its rules seems ever so much more wise and moral and important when you are on the top and doing the enforcing than when you are on the bottom, and I can cite studies to this effect if required. I could go on for several hours about this point, but I will leave it at that.”

Minerva shook her head. “Mr. Potter, you underestimate the importance of discipline because you are not in need of it yourself -” She paused. That hadn’t come out right, and Severus, Dumbledore, and even Harry were giving her strange looks. “To learn, I mean. Not every child can learn in the absence of authority. And it is the other children who will be hurt, Mr. Potter, if they see your example as one to be followed.”

Harry’s lips curved into a twisted smile. “The first and last resort is the truth. The truth is that I shouldn’t have gotten angry, I shouldn’t have disrupted the class, I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I set a bad example for everyone. The truth is also that Severus Snape behaved in a fashion unbecoming a Hogwarts professor, and that from now on he will be more mindful of the injured feelings of students in their fourth year and under. The two of us could both get up and speak the truth. I could live with that.”

“In your dreams, Potter!” spat Severus.

“After all,” said Harry, smiling grimly, “if the students see that rules are for
everyone…
for professors too, not just for poor helpless students who get nothing but suffering out of the system… why, the positive effects on school discipline should be
tremendous.
”

There was a brief pause, and then Dumbledore chuckled. “Minerva is thinking that you’re righter than you have any right to be.”

Harry’s gaze jerked away from Dumbledore, down to the floor. “Are
you
reading
her
mind?”

“Common sense is often mistaken for Legilimency,” said Dumbledore. “I shall talk over this matter with Severus, and no apology will be required from you unless he apologizes as well. And now I declare this matter concluded, at least until lunchtime.” He paused. “Although, Harry, I’m afraid that Minerva wished to speak with you about an additional matter. And that is not the result of any pressure on my part. Minerva, if you would?”

Minerva rose from her chair and almost fell. There was too much adrenaline in her blood, her heart was beating too fast.

“Fawkes,” said Dumbledore, “accompany her, please.”

“I don’t -” she started to say.

Dumbledore shot her a look, and she fell silent.

The phoenix soared across the room like a smooth tongue of flame leaping out, and landed on her shoulder. She felt the warmth through her robes, all through her body.

“Please follow me, Mr. Potter,” she said, firmly now, and they left through the door.

They stood on the rotating stairs, descending in silence.

Minerva didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know this person who stood beside her.

And Fawkes began to croon.

It was tender, and soft, like a fireplace would sound if it had melody, and it washed over Minerva’s mind, easing, soothing, gentling what it touched…

“
What
is
that?
” Harry whispered beside her. His voice was unstable, wobbling, changing pitch.