“Well, from where I’m sitting, there are lots of everyone elses! And why do you use words like
lament
with me?”
He smiled patiently. “Because you know what it means.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he said. “Absolutely sure. Now, how are things going with your dad these days? The two of you getting along any better?”
She shrugged. “We do all right sometimes. I can tell he prays every day that I’ll disappear. We have to go have dinner at his girlfriend’s house tonight. He’s begging me to be nice to her.”
Jerry sat forward. “That statement, Courtney—he prays that you’ll disappear? What makes you say that?”
“Well, I’m not what he had in mind, you know.”
“Explain, please?”
She sighed heavily. “We did okay when my mom was alive. He loved my mom so much, but so did I, and she loved us both and so… Well, we had a good time together. Taking care of me without my mom around—it isn’t what he thought he’d have to do.”
“I’m sure,” Jerry said. “Just as you didn’t think you’d be living with him without your mom. But how does he make you feel he’d like you to disappear?”
“I disappoint him a lot.”
“How?”
“You know how,” she insisted. “It’s obvious. I looked like a freak, my grades were bad, my friends were bad… I let him down. I wasn’t easy.”
“Was, was, was,” Jerry said. “What’s changed?”
“I changed my hair for one thing. You should’ve seen his face—he thought he’d won the lottery. I wear riding clothes because that’s what I have now. That sort of thing.”
Jerry’s lips moved as though he tried not to smile at her. “I bet if you dug around in the closet, you could find those old Goth clothes. If you root around in the bathroom, you’ll find the black nail polish and lipstick. Which leads me to a question—how long have you been Goth?”
“You act like you know what Goth is!” she said with derision.
“I know you think you’re a complete original,” he said with a laugh. “How long?”
“A year, I guess.”
“A reaction to your mother’s death?” he asked.
“I don’t understand the question,” she said immediately.
“Yes, you do. A reaction to your mother’s death? Did your adoption of the Goth style have something to do with your mother’s death?”
“Sort of, I guess…”
“You guess how?”
She looked down into her lap. “Everyone was ready for me to get over it, that she died, and I couldn’t.”
“Everyone?”
“Lief was getting over it—he wasn’t up prowling the house all night, wasn’t staring so hard he looked like a dead body. He laughed on the phone, went to meetings about his scripts. My friends at school didn’t want to hang out anymore—they said I was depressing. Everyone was getting over it. But me.”
“So…?”
“So I thought if I just dressed in black, in Goth, I wouldn’t have to put on some show about being all happy when I wasn’t all happy!”
“Ah!” Jerry said. “Brilliant!”
“Brilliant?”
“Absolutely brilliant! What a perfect solution! You know, Courtney, you are definitely not the weirdest kid who comes to see me, but you might be the smartest. You know exactly what you’re doing.”
“Yeah, that’s what you think…”
“At fourteen, knowing exactly what you feel and why you feel it is still a process. But you’re acting on instinct to defend and protect your feelings, and that’s a leap ahead of your peers.”
“I’d rather be five-six and stacked,” she said with a pout.
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “All in good time, Courtney. I’m confident that will come. Let me get back to something important—the disappearing thing. Have you ever
wanted
to disappear?”
She shrugged and thought for a second. “Back when I was living with my real dad, Stu. Yeah, I was kind of hoping I’d just die.”
“And now?”
“Oh, I don’t want to die,” she said. “I’d never do anything like that. I’m only a little crazy, you know.”
“Actually, I don’t find you crazy at all. I think you’re quite stable. Now, about dinner tonight…”
“What?” she said.
“This girlfriend of your dad’s…”
“Some woman visiting here from the Bay Area. Visiting for a long time, like she might even stay. She’s a cook of some kind. He likes her and he really wants me to like her.”
“How do you know that?”
“He said she invited us to dinner and would I please go easy on her.”
“And he said that because?”
“Because when I met her at her Halloween party a while ago, I didn’t go real easy on her. But she didn’t go real easy on me, either. When I asked her what her muffins tasted like, she asked what I like and I told her pork chops, potatoes and gravy and she said then I’d like the muffins. Trying to trick a kid—cheap shot.”
He laughed again. “Is it possible you’ve met your match? She might be almost as smart as you are.”
“Well…”
“Can you go easy on her? Give her a chance? Find out if you actually like her before you put a curse on her?”
“What do I care?” she said with an insolent grimace.
“Just put yourself in his position. It should be easy for you—think of yourself and how much it’s meant to you to have Amber as a friend, to have better grades, to have a new look that gets the attention of the most handsome guy at the stable. All that feels good, right? So if someone wanted to make enough trouble for you so you couldn’t have those things, that would be very disappointing, right?”
“I don’t get what you’re saying,” she said, because it was true.
“I’m saying that your dad—”
“Lief,” she corrected.
“I’m saying that Lief has been very lonely since his wife died and it would be a good thing for him to have friends. To have an adult relationship. Just as it’s good for you to have teenage relationships—boys
and
girls. It balances things out for the family.”
She leaned toward him. “I don’t
have
relationships with boys!”
“Maybe not yet,” Jerry said. “But you wouldn’t find it sporting if Lief did something to humiliate you in front of Gabe, the handsome one.”
She thought about that for a moment.
“I’m just saying, don’t make it impossible for Lief to have a friend,” Jerry said. “He’s earned it. It doesn’t make you any less important to him.”
She thought some more. Then she said, “And if he decides he loves her or something?”
Jerry shrugged. “So?” he asked.
“I don’t want a new mother! I’ll never have another mother!”
“Good terms,” Jerry said, tripping her up yet again by agreeing with her. “Make those your terms. You’ll be receptive and accessible and friendly—but you draw the line at having a new mother. If this woman who is having you to dinner wants to take the place of your mother, you are within your rights to tell her no, thank you. You are definitely within your rights to say you’re only interested in having friends. How does that sound?”
She grimaced. Actually, it sounded very practical.
“Chances are she doesn’t want to be your mother, but rather just be on good terms with you. Kind of like Amber wants to be on good terms with your dad so you two can enjoy your friendship. It’s not very complicated.”
After a long, thoughtful moment, Courtney said, “I think I’m being brainwashed here. I should call someone, like the police. Get deprogrammed.”
He laughed at her. “So tell me about the puppy. Spike. Do you get to bring him home pretty soon?”
Kelly knew how to slip most of the bones out of a raw Cornish game hen. It had to be done the day before roasting or baking, then refrigerated, then stuffed, then baked. She pulled out the spine and ribs, but left the leg and wing bones so there was something to hold the bird together and give it shape.
She had an amazing rosemary dressing for the little birds. Because Picky Courtney was coming to dinner, she was keeping it simple—buttered peas and baby glazed carrots rather than anything as “exotic” as brussels sprouts. She’d serve appetizers, hard rolls, chopped salad and, for dessert, chocolate pie. And if the little twerp was difficult, she’d offer her a hot dog!
“I think your talents are wasted on sweet relish and chutney,” Jillian said, observing the boneless hens being stuffed.
“It takes a good chef to do all these things. Sauces aren’t easy, canned goods are dicey, if the flavor is going to be right. Besides, as sous chef, I was more of a supervisor than anything else. Creating a special dinner for five—it’s a treat.” Then she looked at Jill and said, “Help me with Courtney. Please. Especially if she likes you.”
“Are you worried about it?”
“I’m worried about Lief being miserable. He gives her so much and I suspect he asks for very little in return.”
“Don’t worry, Kell. I have a secret weapon.”
“Oh?”
“Colin Riordan, king of the wild men!”
Kelly frowned. “Okay, I’m not sure what that means, but don’t hurt her.”
“Promise,” Jill said with a laugh.
Less than an hour later, when the sun was lowering in the sky, the table ready, Jill and Kelly on the porch with their glasses of wine, Lief pulled up. When he and Courtney got out of the truck, the sisters couldn’t keep their mouths from dropping open in shock and wonder. That little stinker was
stunning!
Her hair was smooth, dark auburn and swept her porcelain jaw in a sleek wedge. Her lips were pink! Her nails were not black! And though she was tiny, she did sinful justice to a pair of tight dress jeans, shiny boots and a denim jacket.
Courtney kept her eyes averted, but Lief couldn’t help smiling as he approached the ladies on the porch.
“Courtney!” Kelly said before she could stop herself. “This is a whole new you!”
Courtney merely shrugged.
“Kid, you look amazing!” Jillian said. She ran a hand over her own dark, layered locks. “Who did that? Tell me it was someone within driving distance. I have to have the name!” She looked at Kelly, smoothing her own hair along her cheek. “I could do that, couldn’t I?”
“Annie did it,” Courtney said. “My trainer. I mean, riding instructor. She’s a beautician and has a shop in Fortuna. So you like it?”
“Like it?” Kelly said. “If I didn’t have to spend an hour taming all these wild curls, I’d pay a lot of money to get that cut.”
“Well, I don’t,” Jill said. “Can you believe we weren’t adopted? One curly blue-eyed blonde and one dark horse with straight hair! I could do that cut—but I’d have to grow a lot of stuff out first!”
Remarkably, Courtney laughed. “You don’t have nearly as much to grow out as I did. I mean, come on—pink, purple, burgundy and ink-black.”
Kelly sat forward. “What made you do it?” she asked, sincerely curious.
“I scared the horses,” she said, with a smile.
And Kelly noticed—shining, straight teeth. Underneath that scowl was a beauty. “Naw,” Kelly said with a laugh. “I heard they were color-blind.” She nodded at Courtney’s feet. “I like your boots.”
“Yeah, great boots,” Jill agreed. “If I didn’t have to wear rubber in the garden, I’d copy those, too.”
There was the tooting of a horn as Colin came speeding up to the back porch in the garden mobile, basically a golf cart with a flatbed back that Jill and her assistant used to get themselves and supplies between gardens. He stopped right in front of Lief and Courtney.
“Hey,” everyone said as he got out.
“Courtney, wanna drive?”
She was stunned silent for a minute. “Seriously?” she said.
“I have to go with,” Colin said. “I mean, it’s Jilly’s buggy. But you can drive as long as you’re not too crazy.”
“You bet,” she said, jumping into the garden mobile.
Colin took a moment to show her reverse, forward, power and brakes. Then they backed away, turned around, and Courtney jerked toward the road that went between the trees to the back meadow. Then she found her comfort zone and, with a squeal, went as fast as the cart would take her.
“Can I help myself to a beer?” Lief asked.
“Of course, but what happened to her?” Kelly asked. “I almost asked where Courtney was!”
“I suspect the good-looking guy at the stable, but it could be the Hawkins family or maybe even the counselor. Who knows? Do I care? It’s the first time I haven’t lived with an alien in over a year. I’ll be right back.”
While Lief was getting his beer, Jill and Kelly watched the garden mobile disappear through the trees. Then they only heard it; they couldn’t see it. After just a moment, they heard Courtney’s high-pitched squeal and Colin’s deep laugh. Then they heard that again and again and again as the sounds got farther and farther away. Lief was back on the porch with his beer, listening along with them. “What’s his secret?” he asked Jill.
“He doesn’t really care for kids that much,” she said. “Therefore he doesn’t treat them like kids, but rather like short adults. Seems to work like a charm.”
Lief took a long pull on his beer. “Wow. I’ll try to remember that.”
Within a few minutes the garden mobile reappeared, running full speed toward the house on the road between the trees. Colin was leaning back, one big foot propped up on the dash, holding his hat on his head with a hand. Courtney, however, was leaning into the steering column, grabbing it with gusto, sailing past the house down the drive to the front.
Lief, Kelly and Jill burst out laughing when the vehicle had passed.
“Think she’ll be willing to give it up so Colin can have dinner?” Lief asked.
“Oh, sure,” Jillian said. “It won’t be long now.”
“How do you know? She looked pretty happy in control of that thing,” Lief pointed out.
Jill tilted her head. “It’s going to run out of gas. Pretty soon.”
Ten
A
fter Courtney’s wild ride in a garden mobile, Kelly hosted her at three successful dinners, all within the space of two weeks. If she wasn’t mistaken, Courtney was actually pleased to be there. True, she was considerably friendlier and more outgoing to Jillian and Colin, but Kelly understood that. After all, they weren’t threatening her position with her father. And she was civilized, if cool, toward Kelly. She even seemed to like the meals Kelly prepared, though she had a tiny appetite.
Courtney loved the garden mobile, and she loved Colin’s painting just as much. For a guy who didn’t take to kids, he certainly had a way with Courtney.
Tonight would mark their fourth dinner together—the five of them. Then it was suddenly reduced to a three some as Colin and Jillian announced last-minute plans to meet Colin’s brother and sister-in-law, Luke and Shelby, at a restaurant in Arcata for a nice dinner out. Apparently Colin’s mother, Maureen, had arrived early for the Thanksgiving holiday and was babysitting Luke’s son, little Brett.
“Will you manage?” Jill asked.
“Sooner or later we’re going to have to find out if she’s going to let her father have a girlfriend.” Kelly fanned her face. “My arms are aching from holding him off!”
Jill just giggled. “Good luck with that,” she said.
Kelly made a decision. She’d make it one of the best dinners ever. If she was flying solo, she was going to figure out how to win Courtney over. The menu was already geared to a teenage girl’s tastes—ravioli. Courtney was not impressed by her culinary achievements; in fact, there didn’t seem to be anything about Kelly that impressed her.
Kelly didn’t want much, nor did she expect much. They didn’t have to be best friends, she and Courtney. But before she could let herself fall in love with Lief, she had to at least be on level ground with the girl.
She lit the fire in the kitchen hearth, cut some colorful mums from the front walk and put them in a vase on the table, set a beautiful table with two plates on one side and one on the other. Her place was closest to the stove and work island for convenience in serving. She warmed freshly baked bread, tossed the salad and uncorked the Shiraz to let it breathe. Finally Lief came to the back door, smiling as he let himself in.
And he closed the door behind him.
“Where’s Courtney?” she asked, frowning.
“We’re on our own. She’s at the Hawkins farm, helping with the puppies. Apparently mamma dog had a litter a bit too large to keep them all plump and happy and a little hand-feeding help is needed.”
“Oh. Then I’ll be sure you take some of this ravioli home with you.”
“She’s spending the night,” Lief said. His eyes warmed, but his smile was devilish. “God bless the Hawkinses.”
“Whooo boy,” she said, a little breathless. “Well, sit down. I’ll serve!” She removed the second plate from his side. First, she poured the wine. Then put the salad on the table along with the basket of bread. Then out came the ravioli in an earthen casserole dish. “The left side is three-cheese, the right side is veal.”
He sat behind his plate. “And let me guess—you made your own pasta?”
“Of course,” she said, sitting across from him. Then she lifted her glass and toasted, “To the puppies.”
He raised his glass and met her eyes across the table. Then he put down the glass. He stood and moved his plate to her side of the table and sat down next to her. He turned in his chair so that he was facing her, then lifted his glass again. “To the most beautiful chef in the western hemisphere.” And he sipped.
Then he leaned toward her slowly and gently touched his lips to hers.
He lifted her plate and served her a small portion of ravioli. “We’ve had a little alone time, but do you realize we’ve never had a meal, just the two of us?”
“I guess that’s right,” she said.
He took care of his own serving of pasta. “Nothing about this relationship has been exactly routine,” he said. “I never gave single parents enough credit.”
“Your wife was a single parent when you met her,” Kelly reminded him.
“Yes, but a single parent with a babysitter!” He cut a ravioli in half with his fork, speared it and lifted it to his lips, blowing on it. Then he brought it to her lips. “Careful,” he said. “I’m sure it’s hot.”
She blew on the veal and pasta bite, conscious that he served her with his left hand while his right rested lightly on her thigh. When she took the morsel into her mouth, he bent his head to kiss her neck. “Mmm,” she hummed, and not strictly in appreciation of the food.
She returned the favor, blowing on a hot ravioli for him, smiling as he accepted it into his mouth from her fork. “Dinner is going to take forever…” she said softly.
“No, it’s not,” he said, spearing another bite-sized piece for her. “We probably won’t even put a dent in it. Just enough time for me to tell you a few things. Like how happy I am that you walked out on that restaurant and came to the mountains.” He followed the bite with the lightest of kisses. “If someone had told me I’d find a woman like you in a place like this, I never would have believed it.”
“Well,” she said, lifting her fork to his mouth, “I could say the same thing.”
“I know I come with baggage,” he said, feeding her. “Difficult baggage. Thank you for understanding. And for trying so hard. It’s going to work out, Kelly. It has to.”
“How do you know?”
One corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile, and he gave a little shrug. “I’m thinking of making her a cash offer. Or maybe I could just buy her a Lamborghini?” She laughed at him, knowing he was not that kind of father at all. “I’ll do anything,” he said. “One more bite,” he said. “Then when you’ve had enough, we could take this wine to the third floor.” He ran his hand along her thigh to her butt. “I’ve never had a proper tour of the third floor.”
“And what would make it proper?” she asked him, arching one brow. She tore off a small piece of bread and fed it to him.
“We could do it in the nude.” He grinned at her. And he fed her a piece of bread.
“I suppose I’ve held you off just about long enough,” she said, feeding him one more bite. But what she thought was that
she
couldn’t really wait any longer.
“I sleep with you every night,” he said. “It’s not intentional, but it happens all the time. I can feel you, taste you, smell you. Every night, in the middle of the finest dreams a man could wish on himself, I explore every inch of you. I feel like a sixteen-year-old boy. And I can’t wait to fall asleep.”
She felt a zing of electricity pass through her, quivering its way down to her panties. “Do you think you can stay awake a little while tonight?” she asked in a flushed whisper.
“For the real thing? Long enough to be sure your dreams will be as sweet as mine have been?” he said.
That was all it took for her to stand up. Ready. But he pulled on her hand, sitting her back down. “I know you worked on this meal all day. We’re going to put it away, then take our wine upstairs.”
“Right,” she said in a daze. “Right.”
She slipped the main course and salad into the refrigerated drawers on the bottom of the work island while he folded foil around the warm bread. They each held a wineglass, and he grabbed the bottle, but they hadn’t made two steps up the staircase before they stopped to kiss. Two more steps brought them together again. Another three steps and… “Climb!” she ordered. “We’re going to be covered in Shiraz!”
He didn’t move. “Not a bad idea,” he whispered.
When the wine was safely sitting on the bedside table, Kelly fell with Lief onto her bed, and lying there, they worked at the buttons of each other’s shirts. She laughed softly between kisses. “We feed each other, undress each other…”
“Do I need a condom?” he asked her.
“Pill,” she said. “Not to mention, no man in such a long time…”
“God, what a relief,” he whispered. “I have one. And I already know once isn’t going to be enough.”
“Promises, promises,” she murmured, catching his bottom lip gently between her teeth.
He spread her shirt wide as she did the same to him. He caught the front clasp of her bra and freed her breasts, instantly filling his hands with them, then his mouth, drawing on one nipple and then the other. Kelly threw her head back and groaned in sheer delight. But her hands were already on his belt, the snap, the zipper. She was so intent on her chore she barely noticed her own pants were slipping down over her hips, and before they’d passed her knees, he had his fingers on her, slipping into the moist folds, working her until she was nearly in tears. She grabbed his wrist, stilling his hand. “Listen,” she said. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You can’t, sweetheart.”
“I’m not experienced. Maybe I’m the reason it always seemed like I’d been just wasting my time.”
He shook his head and gave her a light kiss. “Not this time,” he said. “We’re going to take our time.”
“Then get rid of these,” she begged, pushing at his jeans. “Please!”
Lief pulled away just enough to take off his boots and jeans, then to return the favor, freed her of what remained of her clothing. But then he stopped moving. Kneeling between her legs, he could only look at her, admire her. He ran a big hand from her chest, over her belly to her velvety pubis. “I knew it,” he said. “A real blonde. Real everything,” he added, going after those wonderful breasts yet again. He felt her hand as she found him, grasped him, stroked him. He rose to her lips, kissed her deeply and whispered against her open mouth. “In my dreams it’s always slow and careful and I make you come a hundred times before I can let myself go….”
“Don’t make me wait,” she begged.
“Making you wait is probably the secret weapon,” he said, stroking her into a fever. “And I want points for that because I’m half-insane, needing to be inside you…”
“I don’t want the dream,” she said breathlessly. “I want the real thing.”
He found her and entered her with great care, moving into her deeply. When she had taken all of him, she gasped. He held himself still for a moment, then lifted her legs at her knees, bending them. “You’re going to help me, sweetheart,” he whispered. “We’re going to find that sweet spot.” He pulled back just a little bit. “Come to me,” he said. She pushed back against him. “Ah,” he said. “That’s my girl. You know what you want…” She dug her heels into the bed and answered him, thrust for thrust. He plunged himself into her again and again. She pulled him in, rising against him. And he pushed and pumped. Then he slipped his hand between them, stroked her even as he rode her, and her moans turned to urgent cries. He braced one hand on the bed and worked his magic with the other while she raked her nails down his back, grabbing his butt and pulling him into her harder, faster. A low growl escaped him as he worked her body feverishly, their hot and wet union making her gasp for breath and hold on to him as though she’d never let him go.
Then he felt it. She half rose against him, her eyes wide, her lips parted, her breath caught. He could feel the shattering orgasm grip her, and he covered her open mouth with his, pushing his tongue inside as he delved as deeply as he could into her, rocking her, completing her, finishing her. Then he’d reached the limit of his endurance and let himself go, pulsing in a powerful blast that let him empty himself inside her. Their groans mingled in each other’s mouths. Their climaxes blended inside their bodies, and it lasted longer than anything he could ever remember. And it left them weak, satisfied and breathless in each other’s arms.
A long space of time had passed when Lief said, “Oh. My. God.”
Kelly pulled on his rear end harder, keeping him right where he was. “That’s good news,” she said. “I don’t think it was my fault.”
He pulled back a bit. “That was incredible. That lasted an hour, right?”
She laughed. “Don’t look at the clock,” she warned him.
“Are you all right?”
“Oh, better than all right. In fact, better than I’ve ever been before…”
“I hope we’re still alone in the house,” he said. “I think you screamed…”
“That was
you!
”
“No wonder it sounded so loud,” he said. “If I stay right here, right inside you like this, I’ll be ready again in just a few minutes.”
“
Twenty
minutes,” she said. “I read it somewhere.”
“Does complete sexual satisfaction make you laugh?” he asked, smoothing the hair away from her face.
“Apparently.”
“Can I stay with you for a while?” he asked.
“Yes. Stay just like this until I say you can leave.”
“I want to stay all night.”
“Then no more screaming,” she told him. Then she laughed.
“Really, I bet that was you.”
“It doesn’t matter. I just know that if there’s screaming in the middle of the night, I don’t want anyone from the second floor to break in to save us.”
“I love you,” he said, kissing her nose. “I didn’t think it could happen, but it happened so fast it almost knocked me out.”
Her laughter stopped, and she grew serious. “I love you, too,” she said. “I hope we don’t screw this up. I mean, there’s a lot at stake.”
“A lot,” he agreed. “Because I want to make a life with you, and I don’t want to ask you to make big sacrifices in order to do that. I want to make you happy.”
And it came to her that fast, all the things that stood between them and happily ever after. Could she be happy canning sauces made from Nana’s recipe folder? Would Courtney cut them some slack or prove to be a constant challenge? Could she make it in Virgin River? Because as she lay in his arms, all she wanted in the world was this man, this quiet place in the mountains and a little peace of mind.
She smiled at him. “We’re going to worry about this later,” she said. “Because right now I’m naked, happy, and in no mood to overthink anything.”
“Good plan,” he said, nuzzling her neck. “It must have been twenty minutes…” He moved his hips; he moved inside her.
“Not even close,” she told him.
“Close enough,” he said, rocking inside her, filling her again.
Kelly wanted the night with her man to never end. She learned that he could be so many things—slow and deliberate, a little wild and crazy, playful, serious. Not only did he touch every part of her body, he touched her heart. Her emotions.