Hat Trick 3: Penalty Shot (6 page)

As he moved to the inside of the left knee, Alex yelped. I never wanted to hear him make that sound again. It was awful.

“Argh! Geez, what’re you trying to do? Rip something out?”

“Sorry. I promise it’s necessary.”

I stepped up and took one of Alex’s hands. Sweat had broken out on his brow, illustrating the discomfort he was in. I kissed his knuckles just as Kirk hit another pain spot. Alex crunched down on my hand, causing me to flinch.

Doc poked both knees, and also certain parts of Alex’s quads and calves. The whole scene reminded me of the dentist in
Little Shop of Horrors
. Finally Kirk stepped back.

“Alright, I’m done with that. But only for today. You can go ahead and get dressed.” Alex let go of me, but not before he mouthed “thanks.” He sat up and then scooted off the table to get dressed. “I feel some tightness in places. It seems you could have some nerves bundling in with muscle. I usually see this in arms, around elbows but it can manifest in legs, too. Before practices and games you need to see me for twenty minutes so I can work on this. I’ll give you some exercises, too, which you won’t like.”

“So you’re going to rip my knee out just before I hit the ice?”

“Yeah, ‘fraid so. You should see me before you dress so I can do what I need to. How’s it feel now?”

Alex flexed his legs and considered it for a moment. “Pretty good actually. I still feel some of what you did, but the numb feeling is gone.”

“Good. If it ever happens while you’re practicing, stop and come see me. I’m hoping within a week you don’t feel it anymore. We’ll keep up doing this for at least a month.”

“Oh goodie,” Alex said, very sarcastically.

“Trust me,” Doc said, “there are worse things I could be doing to you.”

Alex nodded. “I can take your pain as long as it fixes the problem.”

“We’ll give it our best shot. If this doesn’t solve it, we’ll do some tests.”

“Sounds good.” Alex bumped fists with Kirk. “I guess I’ll see you first thing tomorrow.”

“Yup. And you can always reach me if you need something off hours. Don’t hesitate, okay? Simon, don’t let him be stupid about this.”

“I’ll do my best,” I said, coming around the table to join Alex.

Kirk opened the door and we entered the hallway.

“Thanks, Kirk.” Alex said.

We walked towards the locker room to pick up our stuff.

“Dude, I think that’s what it feels like when the alien bursts out of your chest. I’ve never felt anything that painful.”

“Sorry.” As we walked I took his hand loosely in mine. “It’s for the best.”

“I hope so. I’m not gonna like getting pain treatments.”

“Coach Simon, you got a minute?”

I’d just walked into the community center and being called coach confused me. Here, I was just Simon, or in some random moments, Mr. Roberts. I looked towards the voice and found Bryan sitting on one of the lobby benches, looking like he was trying to blend into the wall.

“Hey, Bryan,” I said, taking a seat next to him. “Everything okay? Didn’t expect to see you with no practice today.”

“Is it a bad time?”

“It’s fine. My first meeting isn’t for a while yet.”

“Crap, sorry. I should’ve known I’d need an appointment.”

“It’s okay. What’s going on?”

He looked around, like he expected someone to jump out. “Is there some place we can talk?” His eyes kept moving. “In private?”

“Sure.” My curiosity was piqued. Bryan was a friend of Walt’s who identified straight during the team meeting, even hitting on Hillary. “Let me check in and find a room where we can talk. I’ll be right back.”

“Cool.” He leaned back against the wall, and kept watch.

I went behind the front desk and shimmied my way in next to Monique. She was one of my favorite interns, constantly bubbly, fun to talk to.

“So you
do
know him?” she asked quietly as I brought up the screen on the computer so I could sign in.

“Yeah. He been here long?”

“Half hour or so. He’s been over there, hiding behind a book, watching everyone who comes in.”

I went to another screen to find an empty room.

“Can you please book me in two-oh-nine for the next thirty minutes?”

“Sure can, sweetie.”

“Thanks, Monique,” I said as I started back to Bryan. “Dance down the hall with you later?”

“You know it,” she said, laughing at our joke.

She’d walked in one day, dancing to something on her iPod and as she went down the hall to the staff room, I got up next to her and started grooving, even though I couldn’t hear the music. We still did this from time to time.

“Okay,” I said to Bryan, “let’s head up stairs.”

“TJ’s not here, is he? Or anyone from the team?”

“I don’t know.” And that was true. It wasn’t a day that anyone from the team would usually be here, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t drop in.

“I thought you might know.” As we got further away from the front door and the lobby, he seemed to relax a little. “What we talk about can be confidential, right?”

“Of course,” I said as we climbed the stairs. We continued in silence. As we entered the room, I slid the sign on the door to “in use” before closing it. I dropped into a chair while Bryan simply stood next to the table, watching. “You can get comfortable, have a seat.”

“Sure. Sorry.” He put his pack on the floor and sat down, not taking his coat off.

“So what’s up?”

He thumped his thumb on the table. The guy was nervous. That’d been clear downstairs, but even more so now as he fidgeted.

“I shouldn’t be here.” He pushed away from the table, but didn’t get up. He stared at me like he was waiting for the answer to a question he hadn’t asked yet.

“You can say anything that you want,” I said. “It won’t leave this room.”

“So I think I’m really into TJ.” He immediately looked horrified, like he hadn’t meant to say that.

“Okay.”

“I mean…like…as in I think want to ask him out. I don’t know what that means.” He talked fast. “I’ve always been into girls. But TJ is amazing. I feel attracted to him. Am I attracted to him as the guy that he looks like, or the girl that he sorta still is? Should I just stay his friend, or ask him out? If he was a girl and I felt like this, I know I’d ask for a date. And what does feeling this way make me? Am I gay?” I listened carefully to make sure I didn’t lose anything in his rush to get this out. “And, look, the most important thing is that I don’t want to offend or piss him off. I don’t know what to do. Tell me you’ve got an answer for this.” His voice dropped to just a whisper. “Please.”

Whoa. Unexpected start for the day. I felt for the guy, questioning so much all at once.

“Hey…Hey. It’s ok,” I said, using my best calming voice. ”Take a deep breath with me. Breathe in…one…two…three and out.”

Some of the tension began to drain from his face and he started to breathe more calmly. I let the silence fill the room for a moment more so he could try to relax.

“It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed, so let’s break this down one thing at a time. Okay?” Bryan nodded and scooted closer to the table. “You like TJ. That’s great! And you’ve never had feelings like this for a guy before, so it sounds like you’re a little conflicted. Don’t worry about the labels right now, gay, straight, bi or otherwise. Tell me what your concerns are.”

“I don’t know what it makes me? You say don’t worry about labels, but everyone’s so quick to judge. And what if he doesn’t want to go out with me? We’re teammates. It could screw up everything. How do I explain to my parents that I’m dating this guy, who isn’t a guy, but will be a guy?”

“Those are all valid concerns. Let’s take a step back. What’re some of the pros to taking the risk and asking TJ out? How would you feel?”

“I think it’d be freakin’ awesome. I want to know him away from the team. He’s usually so closed up there, but when we really get to talkin’ on the bench or something you can tell he’s a great guy. And, well, I kinda want to kiss him, too.” He looked down at the table and covered his face. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay. Look how happy you are talking about him. It’s sweet!” I said, enthusiastically. I wasn’t out to set them up, but he needed to know this was okay. “It sounds like you could say this about anyone you might want to ask out.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said, before dropping his voice. “I’ve asked girls out who don’t interest me nearly as much as TJ does.”

I nodded. “So let’s go back to the concerns. You seem to have some confusion around TJ’s trans identity. Here’s an observation, and you let me know if I understood you correctly. You’re attracted to female bodies and to people who were assigned female at birth. It just so happens that in this case the person identifies as a man and that’s okay.”

“I get that I’ve dated girls before and now I like someone who was a girl but is becoming a man, which is what he feels he should be.”

“It’s great that you’re so respectful of TJ and recognizing him as the man that he is. Not everyone does that. Your confusion seems to be that you’re putting together two things that are different. TJ was assigned female at birth and has a female body, which is more about physical sex. TJ also identifies as a man and lives as a man, which is more mental, spiritual, and in his heart and soul. This relates to gender. He may undergo a medical transition, or he may continue to live as he does now.”

Bryan nodded. Hopefully he understood as much as he indicated he did. I desperately wished I had Dee in here with me.

“I can’t tell you what to do in terms of asking him out, but I can give you some guidance on the language to use and perhaps rehearse with you what you would say, if you decide to do this. You said you didn’t want to offend him. If you’re ever in any doubt about what to say, you can always ask him. It’s always better to ask. However, there are certain things that are never okay to ask about, like specifics about his body and what his transition plans are. If he brings the topic up, it’s okay to talk about, but you shouldn’t start the discussion.”

More nodding. He was very focused, taking in all this information, like there might be a test later.

“I know I’m giving you a lot to think about here. But…”

“No, it’s good. I need to know. I’d rather not ask him out if it meant hurting him. Knowing what’s right and wrong is important. What do I tell people if I go out with him since everyone knows I’ve dated girls?”

“That’s more of a personal choice.”

“I’m gonna get called names, aren’t I?”

The answer sucked, but I had to be honest, too.

“Possibly.” I waited for a beat to see if he’d have a reaction. He didn’t. “You might face a couple different kinds, too. For people just looking at the two of you, there could be homophobia, possibly even some racism since you’re white and TJ isn’t. For people that know about TJ, the name calling could take different forms.”

“Can I ask you something personal?”

I nodded. “Sure. If it’s too personal, I’ll say so.”

It was a moment where you could practically see his thought process going on. “Was it worth starting to go out with Alex when you did?”

“Absolutely,” I said, without missing a beat. “If that hadn’t happened, and I mean everything that went with it, I likely wouldn’t be sitting here with you now or be as happy as I am. There was a time, right after my best friend died, that I almost turned my back on him. Ultimately I didn’t. I’ve never questioned that choice.”

He smiled. “I want that someday.”

“Good. And if you and TJ form that relationship, great. If it’s with someone else, that’s fine, too. I want to come back to one of the things you said when we started because it’s important. It was something along the lines of being attracted to the guy he looks like or the girl he sorta still is. Saying that in here is fine because we can talk about that. However, that’s an example of something that could, potentially, offend him. He’s a guy and you’re attracted to him. Trying to rationalize your feelings by saying ‘the girl he sorta is’ is a no-no.”

“Got it. It really shouldn’t be any harder than asking anyone else out, right?”

“It’s exactly the same,” I said, glad he was focusing on the true task. “I understand why you’re feeling apprehensive, but it’s really just asking someone out.”

“So it should be easy?”

As far as I was concerned, it was never easy to put yourself out there and ask someone for a date. Even if you projected calm, there was always inner turmoil. “If you find that sort of thing, easy, then sure.”

“I’ve found it easy until now. This one’s got me freaked. I’m trying to psych myself into it. Were you scared to ask Alex?”

“Terrified. Which is why I never did. He made the first move.” Bryan looked relieved. “Look, put aside anything around his trans status and just ask out the person you like. If there are things he wants you to know, he’ll tell you. If there are things you want to ask him, but aren’t sure if it’s okay, we can talk about it.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry I’m being so stupid about this.”

I shook my head emphatically. “You’re not being stupid. You’re doing the right thing and trying to figure this out. You’re potentially coming out to yourself and others and…”

“I bet TJ goes through a lot more. It can’t be easy for him.”

“You’re a good friend for simply realizing that.”

“I’m gonna do it.” He stood up, ready for action. “Thanks for the talk, and the help.”

“Anytime. If you need to talk more, let me know. You don’t have to jump into this alone.”

Bryan grabbed up his stuff and extended a fist, which I bumped as I stood.

“See you tomorrow, Coach Simon.”

“Later, Bryan.”

He left and I sat back at the table. This was an interesting twist for Bryan, and possibly the team. At least he seemed more settled than when he got here. The way he tore out of the room, he might be going to ask TJ right now. Hopefully neither would get hurt.

“These guys look super excited every day to practice,” Alex said as we finished up our Wolverines practice for the day. “Kinda reminds me of you. I love that.”