Hate Me Today (Save Me #3) (9 page)

Vanessa

I don’t know how to handle the situation so I just keep staring into Jason’s eyes while I drag my fingernails against his scalp. His body is coiled so tightly I know that if I say the wrong thing he could snap and I thought I had said it by telling him that I couldn’t do that again. What I didn’t expect was for him to tell me he couldn’t hate me right now if he tried.

“You know,” I whisper as his hands slide under the hem of my shirt. His fingers graze my skin, leaving a trail of fire where they touch. “I don’t even know why you hated me to begin with.”

He tenses up more, his hands dropping to the edge of the couch and he averts his gaze. “I don’t like people using my family for personal gain.” His voice is so quiet that I hear it, but it crushes my heart that he thinks I would ever do anything like that.

“What are you talking about, Jason?”

“You used Abby to get here. You got to her when she couldn’t even remember who she was.” He grinds his teeth as he speaks and I know that I probably shouldn’t keep pushing the subject but now that I know what it is about I can’t drop it.

I jump up from his lap and back up until my back hits the counter. “I would never do that. And you weren’t there so you don’t know what even happened.”

“I know that one of my best friends almost died, lost her memory and met you at the hospital. Obviously you used her being sick to your advantage.”

The usual venom in his voice is back but I don’t plan on backing down until he knows the truth this time. I’m tired of being hated for shit I didn’t even do.

“And obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. Yes, I met Abby then. Yes, she was sick. But there was a chance I was dying! There’s still a chance that my body could reject everything I’ve done and I could die anyway! I didn’t talk to her to weasel my way in here. I talked to her because she looked sad and alone and I knew how that felt. I still know how that feels!”

Jason jumps to his feet and stalks toward me. “Bullshit. She wasn’t alone. There was always someone there with her!”

“Being alone and feeling alone are two very different things Jason. For four years I was never alone, ever, but I never felt more alone than I did then. Christ, more alone than I still do. I stand up in front of thousands of people and live on this crowded bus with all you guys and I’m still alone.”

His eyebrows draw together as he stares at me in the darkness. “Then how did she know you could sing.”

“Because she asked me what kept me going through all the bullshit, what kept my mind off the fact that I could die. When I told her it was music I didn’t expect her to want me to sing to her and when she asked me to I didn’t see any harm in it since she didn’t even remember who she was.”

“But you knew who she was!”

“Yes! I did. But I also knew that I couldn’t make any real plans for the future. When she came to my room and signed me do you know what I was thinking?” He doesn’t move to say anything so I continue talking. “I was thinking that it was the opportunity of a lifetime that I might not live to see pan out. That just having Abby say I was good enough for this was good enough for me! I didn’t know I would still be here. I didn’t use her. I would never use her!” I snap.

Realization washes over his face and he takes a step back. The war he’s having with himself is obvious as I wipe the tears from my eyes. Just knowing that he hates me for all the wrong reasons is killing me.

“I might be a total mess, a disappointment to my parents and a pain in your ass, but I would never use someone to get anywhere in life. Especially Abby!” I stand up straight, owning every single word that comes out of my mouth. “I can handle anything life is going to throw at me except having you think that about me.”

Turning to head back to my bunk, where I suddenly wish I had never left to begin with tonight, he reaches out and spins me, pinning me between the counter and his body. I stare at the solid wall of his chest, watching it rise and fall rapidly with every breath until he lifts my chin and pins me with his eyes.

“I don’t know what to say.” Jason admits. My eyes drop back to his chest, knowing that watching him isn’t getting us anywhere. “Look at me,” he commands quietly, but I don’t.

“Jason, you hate me. I get that. But the least you could do is hate me for something I actual-”

“I’m sorry,” he cuts me off, “I should have had all the facts before jumping to conclusions. I’m an asshole and nothing I can say is going to make it better but... I. Am. Sorry.”

I finally snap my eyes back to his and see that they’re filled with nothing but regret and shame. Before I even know what I’m doing I reach up and pull him down to me. Jason’s tongue slides across the seam of my lips. The feeling of his mouth on mine when it isn’t an angry kiss is amazing. It’s slow and building toward something that I can’t quite put my finger on.

His hands slip to mine as he presses his hips into me. His fingers link with mine and he folds my arms behind my back, pinning them behind me and giving him all the power here.

But I find that I don’t mind. For once, it’s nice not to be in control.

He leans forward, pressing more of his body against me, bending me backwards and just when I think he’s going to take it further, his phone rings.

Reluctantly, he releases my hands and steps away from me. I miss the heat from his body but I stay where I am instead of following him. I don’t know if what just happened was a fluke but he’s made me feel like a fool before so I stand and wait for his next move.

“That was Abby,” he says as he hangs up and slides his phone into his pocket. “She cancelled all of the appearances for today and tomorrow.”

I nod as he lays back on the couch and stares at me. The silence stretches between us and I finally give up, figuring that what happened is over. I push myself off the counter and start back towards my bunk but his voice stops me.

“Where are you going?”

“Uh, bed?”

“You say that like you aren’t so sure where you want to be,” his eyebrow raises as he speaks.

“I know where I want to be, I just don’t know where I’m wanted.”

He reaches out and tangles his fingers with mine. The gesture is so powerful that I feel like even if everything came crashing down around me right now, I’d be fine.

Tugging me back, Jason maneuvers me until I’m laid out across his chest. His leg slides through mine, pinning me there and he sighs into my hair.

“You shouldn’t forgive me so easily,” he mumbles.

I close my eyes, relishing in the feeling of his fingers drawing back and forth across the skin on my back.

“There are a lot of things I probably shouldn’t do, but I do them anyway.”

“Like Zach?”

I laugh dryly, “Yeah, exactly like Zach.”

He turns my face toward his and kisses me lightly. This entire night has drained me and I can’t help but think it’s odd that we went from me comforting him, to him soothing me, and I don’t even know how it happened.

Jason

My stomach twists, threatening to make my day even worse while I wait for the bus to come to a stop. Thankfully, Jack offered to grab my stuff for me and drop it at my house so I don’t have to worry about it. I’d probably forget half my shit and have to make five more trips back before I finally have everything.

The keys jingle in my hand as I stare at the floor and see Vanessa’s tan bare feet shuffle to a stop in front of me. My eyes trail over her body until I reach her face where she’s chewing intently on her bottom lip. I reach up and run my fingers across her cheek.

“Will you come with me?”

The words slip out of my mouth before I even have a chance to think about what I’m saying. Her eyes widen and she opens and shuts her mouth a few times without saying anything. I stand up straight as we pull into the parking lot where Tuesday dropped my truck off for me.

“Never mind, it’s fine,” I mumble without looking at her.

V
anessa’s hand settles on my arm, her thumb sweeping back and forth as she steps closer to me.

“Stop it.” My eyes snap to hers with the sharp tone. “I half expected you to go back to hating me when the sun came up so I didn’t know what to say. Of course I’ll go with you just let me grab my shoes and throw my coat on.”

I slip into the truck and start it, cranking the heat while I wait for Vanessa to get ready. My hands grip the wheel so tight my knuckles go white. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking asking her to tag along. I don’t even know what happened or if my parents have found out. What I do know is I don’t want to deal with them if they have.

Vanessa jumps off the bus and runs toward the truck and climbs in.

“Sorry I took so long, I had to get my meds.”

I don’t respond
. Instead, I throw the truck into drive and fishtail on the ice as I pull out of the parking lot. Out of the corner of my eye I watch her grip a water bottle between her thighs, opening it before she starts popping pills into her mouth and sipping down the water.

“Holy shit. How many of those things do you take?”

Her eyes shift toward me nervously. “Too many, but a shit-ton less than I used to.”

Once she’s done I reach over and grab the hand she has resting on the center console, lacing my fingers with hers before she can say anything. She turns toward me with confused look on her gorgeous face.

“Sorry, I just need something to keep my mind in the truck until I get there.”

She pulls her hand from mine and I start to apologize but stop when I see what she’s doing. Vanessa pushes my arm off the console and flips it out of the way. Sliding over, she wraps my arm around her shoulder and settles her hand on my thigh.

She looks up at me, her face inches from mine and tells me, “Everything is going to be OK.”

Instead of saying anything, mainly because I can’t get the words out, I pull her closer to me and kiss the top of her head.

We ride in silence the rest of the way to the hospital like that. Me wrapped around her, her fingers drawing aimlessly on my leg. The entire time I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she was so quick to forgive every shitty thing I’ve said and done to her since I met her and can’t help but wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.

I follow the directions
that the girl at the nurse's station gave me up to the fourth floor with Vanessa right by my side. She doesn’t talk or try to touch me anymore after we get out of the truck and I can't help but wonder why. I know my mind shouldn’t be focused on that right now, but it is.

My name being called from the waiting room as we pass by catches my attention. I stop, take a deep breath and whisper an apology to Vanessa for whatever happens after this.
I take a step back and slide into the waiting room and look around at the four people in there. Out of all of them, I only want to see one.

I walk straight toward my cousin Addison and wrap my arms around her. “Addi, what are you doing here?”

She runs her hands through her hair, trying to tame what looks like days worth of not brushing it. I can hear the wobble in her voice as she whispers against my ear.

“We’ll talk about it later. Carter needs you. Room 473.”

I kiss her cheek and turn toward the three other people in the room and try to keep my temper under control for Addi and Vanessa’s sake.

“Mother
.” I nod and repeat the same thing to my father and older brother Nate before we’re interrupted by a nurse that’s probably shorter than Abby.

“Are you Jason?” She asks. I nod, checking out the badge hanging from her pocket as she hands off a pillow and blanket to Addison, realizing that she’s the same nurse that called me this morning. “You need to get some sleep before you end up in here too,” she says to Addison before turning back to me
. “Jason, come with me please.”

I follow her out, grabbing Vanessa by the elbow so she doesn’t stay in the room with them. Stopping in the hall, Nurse Amelia turns to me and looks up. “I’ll be more than willing to answer any questions you have after you’re done talking with him. I’m here for a few more hours so I’ll be around. The girl, Addison, is allowed in but the other three in the waiting room are not. If they cause any more of a scene than they already have I’ll be forced to have them removed from the premises.”

“They’ve caused a scene?” I groan.

“You could say that. Your
father thinks because I’m so small that he can intimidate me into letting him into your brother’s room, but it’s not going to happen.”

I shake my head. “Ma’am, it’s not because you’re small. He’s simply an asshole. I do have one question that I know I will probably regret asking, but, why aren’t they allowed in?”

Nurse Amelia smiles sadly at me, “From what I understand, they’re the reason your brother is in here.”

I feel my anger spike and I ball my fists by my side. She says something else but I don’t hear what it is because all I can think about is going back into the waiting room and having it out with my “family”. That is until I feel Vanessa's hand sliding gently over my back, calming me instantly
.

She reaches up, drawing her knuckles down my cheek. “Whatever you’re thinking, let it go. It’s not going to change what’s already happened. Now
, go in there and see your brother; I’ll wait for you.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I don’t think I can do this alone.”

I can tell by the look in her eyes that she understands what I need and she pushes me towards the door. My hand hesitates on the handle for a second before I push the door open.

Carter
lies out on the bed talking to some guy that I don’t know. His messy brown hair sticks up like it used to when we were kids and his eyes widen when he sees me. He looks between Vanessa and me and I can see the questions forming in his mind. Carter is the only person who knows what goes on with me.

“Later,” I tell him before he says anything
. “First tell me if I’m going to need bail money again because of them.” I point back towards the door where our parents are.

Carter chuckles but I can tell it’s forced and he trains his eyes on his hands, fiddling with his IV. “I’ve already done the stupid shit, don’t go doing anything that’s going to make this worse.”

“What the hell would possess you to dump a bottle of pills down your throat?”

He sighs. “I told them something and they freaked out. They told me I was better off dead and I made the stupid mistake of believing them when I should have just called you.”

I walk a few steps further into the room and lean back against the wall. “So why didn’t you?”

Carters voice cracks, killing me. “I didn’t want to lose you too.”

I shake my head, confused as to why he would ever think that would happen. “What the hell do you think could ever make me walk away from you?”

His eyes nervously drift around the room, landing on Vanessa and the guy next to him before coming back to me.
“I’m gay.”

I pause for a minute, just staring at Carter, wondering if that’s all he was going to say. “That’s what you were so afraid to tell me? Fuck dude, I thought you were going to tell me something horrible like you were dying or you killed someone and were going to jail for murder.”

The guy sitting beside Carter laughs. “Well, he certainly took it better than the other three did.”

My eyes snap to his in question and Carter pipes up. “Jason, this is Travis. My boyfriend.”