Haunted (42 page)

"A lot more since Maggie died. She kind of filled a guiding role for me. Even though she wasn't a man, she kind of thought like one sometimes, and she would talk about anything with me. But my daddy was just as infectious as she was and I felt like if he would have been around, things definitely would have been different.”

He opened his eyes and studied me. “How 'bout you? Do you miss your daddy?”

I thought about his question for a minute. “Not in the way you would think.” I was worried about how he would take my answer.

"What is it, chère?”

I frowned and then gave it a shot. “It's hard to explain. You've probably gathered from the little we've talked about it that my family life was very different than yours.” He nodded. “Well, I don't miss him like you miss yours, or how you miss Maggie. It's more like I have to remind myself that he's not here anymore. He's not going to criticize me anymore. He's not going to make demands of me. He can't hurt me anymore.”

Devon's eyes grew dark with anger. Then concern took over. “I can't even imagine how you made it out of that, how you became the incredible woman you are in spite of how you were raised.”

His words touched me deep down where that woman he knew me to be was still an insecure little girl just wishing for once her father would be happy with something she did.

"Well, I didn't make it out unscathed, I guess. You probably have experienced the effects more than anyone has.”

"You mean how you were worried about letting us down.”

I nodded. “And other things. Look, I hate how he died, I hate how miserable he was the last few years of his life, and I hate that the only way I ever felt strong enough to tell him how I felt was when he was in a coma in the hospital. But that's how it went with us. My stepmother isn't as bad, but the judgment is still there sometimes so I'm usually on guard around her. It's easier to tell her how I feel. I pretty much did when she was here. But hey, this soak in the tub was supposed to be about relaxing. I'm sorry.”

Devon turned me to face him. “No, I'm sorry, I just wanted to know a little bit more about what makes you tick. I'm sorry I brought it up.”

I smiled up at him. “It's ok, I don't mind talking about it. I'm really ok. I had plenty of time to think about it and now I have more important things to think about.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Such as?”

I sighed and batted my eyelashes at him. “Such as what color I am going to have you paint my toenails.”

His eyes flared. “Are you serious? That sounds really fucking sexy. Do I get to choose?”

I kissed his bottom lip, giving it a little nibble and stood up slowly in front of him. He watched me and moved to stand, but I stopped him. “No, you stay there.”

I reached for a towel and stepped gently and as gracefully as possible from the tub and patted myself dry. His eyes tracked my every movement. I wrapped the towel around me and peered on the top shelf of my cabinet for my nail polish collection. What can I say? I like colors on my body!

"What's your favorite color, Devon?”

He said, "Hmmm, on you? Something dramatic. How about a dark red?”

I smiled at him and said, "Whatever you like, baby.” I made quick work of removing my black polish and dipped my toes back in the tub to rinse. He was still watching me with wonder.

"You know, I've never been privy to this level of feminine beauty practices before. I kind of feel like I joined a secret club, learned the secret handshake or something.”

I handed him the bottle of blood red polish and he smiled approvingly.

"Any advice for a first timer?”

I shook my head. “I trust you, you've got skilled hands.”

He smirked. I sat on the toilet and placed my toes on the edge of the tub. He got to work and applied himself to doing the neatest paint job my toes had ever seen.

"Mmmm you are so hired. You sure you've never done this before?”

He shook his head as he applied topcoat to the last toe. Then he blew across my toes to help them dry and desire pooled in my belly watching his lips pursed out like that.

"I am so in love with your lips, Devon. Do you have any idea how sensual they are?”

He blushed a little and shook his head. “Honestly, I've never really paid any attention to what I look like. I feel a little self-conscious around you like I never have before.”

I reached out and touched his arm. “Oh, no! I'm sorry! Is it something I said?”

He laughed and kissed my hand. “No, it's nothing bad. It's just I feel like you're the first person to really see me. Not just my body, but the real me. People so often project on me what they want me to be, but you see me.”

I knew what he was saying because I felt the same about him. “I do, I mean I'm trying. It was hard at first because there were so many sides to you. I love that about you. But did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

He laughed. “No, not really. I just never saw myself as anything but that skinny awkward kid. I mean I know I look different now, but I haven't really paid attention to how I've changed. And when you look at me, it's with love, not because you want a piece of me. I guess it's a little unnerving.”

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I just can't help it. You're so beautiful. Not just because you have a great ass...”

"Or a majestic phallus," he interrupted.

I huffed at him. “Devon! I'm being serious! You're beautiful because you're you, because you wear your emotions for everyone to see. Your eyes are so expressive. I often feel like I'll get lost in them, and that's not a bad thing at all! Your expressions, the way you carry yourself, all of it. You are beautiful to me on the inside and your body is just another representation of it.”

Frustrated, I stood up and turned away from him. I grabbed a brush, pulled my hair down, and started raking it through.

"Hey, chère. Don't...”

He stood up from the bath and I glanced at his reflection in the mirror. I couldn't tear my gaze away. He reached out a hand to me. I turned to face him and his vulnerability only made him that much more beautiful to me. I felt myself tearing up as I stepped toward him. I grabbed a towel and held it up for him. The worry on his face just made the tears come.

"I'm sorry Devon. I warned you I'm a pain in the ass.”

He pulled me into an embrace and just held me. “You are absolutely not a pain in the ass. I've just never had anyone say something so heartfelt and so loving to me. I'm just kind of feeling stunned and undeserving right now.”

I laughed humorlessly. “You know? I was just thinking that I’ve cried more in the past week and a half than I have in probably my entire adult life! Some of it has been good tears, but man, it’s kind of exhausting.”

He kissed the top of my head and moved to step out of the tub. I took the towel from him and dried him off. He watched me with heavy lids.

“No more tears tonight, ok?”  

I was working on his legs and I paused to look up at him. I smiled gratefully and continued up his thigh with the towel and stepped around to get his back. When I stepped around to his front he took the towel from me and hung it on the rack, then he pulled mine off and did the same. He brought his hands up to caress my cheeks and I relaxed into his grip.

“We ok,” he asked softly.

“Yeah. We’re good. I think?”

He laughed and kissed me tenderly.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

He looked down at our bodies touching each other and he blew out a breath. His hands came down to caress my breasts lightly and he said, “So what’s next? Let’s see: We took a bath, listened to music, painted toenails. What’s next?”  

I giggled and said, “Movie or reading would be the usual follow-up activity, but right now I can think of some other activities that would be pretty fantastic as well.”

“I like how you think, beautiful girl.”

I took his hand and led him to the bedroom. We fell in a heap of limbs, touching, kissing, caressing and then biting, sucking, squeezing until we’d worked ourselves into a state of need. This time when he made love to me it was frantic. Once he’d rolled on the condom he fell on me and took me fast and hard. He pulled out and flipped me over, raising my hips off the bed and he entered me from behind, raising my pleasure to new heights. I came harder than I had yet, and when he found his release, he cried out against the back of my neck and continued to push into me until he was completely spent.

“Baby, I don’t think you can crawl up inside of me. It’s just not possible, but I don’t mind if you keep trying.”

He burst out laughing, his weight falling on me until I thought I might have just had too much of a good thing.

I tapped his hip with my arm that was trapped at my side. “Um, need oxygen here.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

He moved hurriedly to let me up and went to dispose of the condom. I fell on my back and tried to catch my breath. I heard him use the sink in the bathroom and then he changed the music on my iPod. A playlist 90’s metal came on starting with Pantera. He came back in and climbed on the bed next to me, kissing my stomach and ribs and taking his time with my very sensitive nipples.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I? I’m sorry, I think I got a little carried away.”

I ran my fingers through his hair and sighed. “I had a feeling that if you were to ever let loose the hold you had on your passion it would be nothing short of mind boggling.”

He laughed shyly. “Yeah, well, you are just so...Fuck Jaylene, you are so goddamn sexy! I just can’t keep my hands off you, or any part of me for that matter.”

I couldn’t believe he still had energy after that performance but he was ready for round two already. He sat up on his knees and looked down at me with that fiery gaze and I knew I was in trouble. I reached out to stroke him and his eyes closed tight. I’d been dying to taste him so I leaned forward to sample the merchandise.

His groan let me know he was enjoying this, too. I took my time, running my fingers, lips, tongue and teeth over every ridge and swell of him. His fingers grabbed for my hair, quickly smoothing it back so he could watch me. He was so large I couldn’t take him all in but I touched him everywhere and he was panting soon. I could feel him straining.

“God, Jaylene, I’m, I, I can’t, oh, gooooooooood.” He came in a rush and he pulled me up by my shoulders and kissed me hard, whimpering and covering my belly with his release.

“Now, chère, you can’t do that. I can’t,”

I cut him off. “Oh yes, you very well can. That was amazing! Did I do alright?”  

He was gripping my arms tight and his blue eyes were blazing as he smiled at me. “It was incredible,” he whispered, sounding awestruck. “I just didn’t want to finish like that. I kind of made a mess.”

I smiled up at him and took his bottom lip between my teeth, bringing another groan from him. “I like your mess. That was fun!”  

My eyes flashed at him and he said, “When I said you were fun earlier, I had no idea how much fun.”

“So does that mean it was ok? I’m serious! Tell me what you like, I want to make you feel good.”

He shook his head. “You already do! The way you touched me while you were using your...Fuck me that was intense.” He ran his hand back over his hair and shook his head at me. “I love you so much, Jaylene. I love being with you like this.”

I grabbed some tissue and cleaned us up. Then we collapsed together on the bed. I curled up with my back to him and he kissed my shoulder and pulled me in close.

“You know something? I am so glad I waited for you.”

He chuckled and rubbed his chin in my hair. “I am too, chère, but why do you say that?”  

I wiggled my hips closer to his and he responded by squeezing my thigh. “I just feel really comfortable with you, I trust you. It’s made this so much better. It feels natural, not forced, you know what I mean? I’m not spending the whole time worrying, ‘should I be doing this, will he think I’m weird if I ask him to do this.’”

He murmured, “I’m glad I can be that for you. And you can ask me anything. I’d do anything you want me to do. I’m just loving learning your body and what you like, what makes you pant, what makes you gasp, what makes you scream.”

I giggled. “I kinda did scream that last time. It feels really intense when you’re behind me like that. It’s deeper.”

“Hmmm, I know. I love it all. I just love watching you move.”

I closed my eyes and just relaxed into him. I felt so safe in his arms, so cherished. It was the best feeling. The years I’d wondered and waited were absolutely worth it to be here with this man right now.

“Devon, I wanted to tell you...I’m going to start taking the Pill in a week or so. By the time you come back from L.A., if you feel ok about it, we won’t have to...”

He sat up and leaned over me. “You are? You’d do that?”

I nodded, smiling up at him. “I did it for us. I just thought it would make things better, less worry, you know?”  

He nodded, resting his chin on my shoulder. “I appreciate it, but I don’t mind using condoms. I haven’t ever not used them so it’s no big deal.”

I turned over to face him, kissing his chest. “You mean, that could be a first for you?”  

His eyes flared and he nodded. “Yeah. I mean, if you’re sure. And if anything happened, I would be absolutely ok with it. I told you, I think you’ll be sexy as hell pregnant.” I rolled my eyes at him and bit him. “Ooooh, what you do with those teeth. I love it when you bite me.”

I giggled. “I appreciate you saying that. I am scared though, about being pregnant. I’m really not ready for that.”

He held me close and sighed. “Then we’ll make sure it doesn’t happen ‘til you’re ready, ok? But I don’t want you to be worried about me if it does. I’m not like some guys that don’t get it that one and one makes two, you know what I mean? I take it seriously.”

“Thank you. That means a lot. But before you have me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, let’s just see if we can work up to that fourth time first.”

He laughed and kissed me and I heard his stomach rumbling.

“I guess I worked up an appetite. Can I get you anything?”  

I shook my head. “Just some more water. I need to replenish.”