Headstrong (25 page)

Colin smiled tightly at her slack-jawed appraisal. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” His flirtation was harmless and limp, tarred with unease.

Libby barely heard him. His words from the night before flashed across her mind. Beads of water dotted his torso, and he smelled of shaving cream. Libby realized with an embarrassed start that she was still blocking his way. She shook herself into coherence and stepped aside.

“I’ll make some coffee.” Blood rushed to her cheeks, and she worked hard to sound nonchalant, busying herself at the counter.

“Ta. You sticking around this morning?”

“I think I have to do some work, actually.” Libby kept her gaze on her hands, jostling mugs in the sink with distracting loudness.

“I’ll get you a copy of the keys this afternoon,” Colin said, then added quietly, “I’m really sorry about last night.”

“I know. Don’t be.” Libby met his eyes again, needing him to know she meant it. “I appreciate what you did after I ran out. You’re a good friend.”

He nodded, looking away. “You too. Anyhow… Let’s get back to how we were, eh?” he asked, reading Libby’s mind.

She turned away and made a noisy show of preparing the coffee until she heard his bedroom door close. All at once she could breathe again.

She’d just been treated to a potent dose of what all those other girls must feel when they looked at Colin—panty-peeling charisma and enjoyably bad decisions aching to be made.

Those other girls might smile at such a reaction, but right now Libby wanted to run in the other direction. What was that instinct? Fear, obviously, but of what? Of the opposite of what Reece made her feel, the opposite of safe and inaccessible. That promise of sexual misadventure Colin’s smile—and his body, as she’d just confirmed—effortlessly exuded. Libby shuddered.

Her plans for Reece solidified in her mind, with a certainty that rang and rattled like a heavy steel cage door slamming down, locking her in. Locking out whatever frightening threat Colin posed.

Safe.

Reece ran a damp towel over the bar as the sunlight began fading outside the pub’s front window. A blur of jeans and black T-shirt and orange paint flashed by the glass, brakes squeaking seconds before Colin wheeled his bike inside. Reece held his breath. He’d been only too happy to avoid his brother that day, given their confrontation the evening before.

When Reece had moved back to New Zealand a few months ago, Colin had been as levelheaded and calm as Reece had ever seen him. Perhaps not levelheaded by some people’s standards, but remarkably docile for Colin, or the man Colin had been before his accident. Now things were changing, each passing week unraveling him bit by bit.

Reece couldn’t say for sure that this was Libby’s influence. He hoped it wasn’t his own presence, though that too was a possibility… Returning and accepting his duties as the so-called head of the family probably didn’t sit well with his brother. Any angst Colin might be feeling about this role redesignation had been well-hidden until recently, but now Reece could see him fraying. Cracks were forming in his brother’s normally easygoing façade, and underneath shone glimmers of the volatile soul that used to inhabit that body.

Colin finished stowing and locking his bike and took a seat opposite Reece, expression neutral.

“You got a package from some parts company.” Reece hoped he sounded light and conversational. “I left it on your bed.”

“Ta.”

“What’s up for your Friday night?”

“You tell me.” Colin’s tone was clipped but civil. “I dumped my shift on you last night. You want me to take over down here?”

Reece shook his head. “You could use a night off. And I’m enjoying myself. Match is on in a bit. I’ll be fine.”

Colin’s face betrayed a certain desperation. “You sure?”

“Positive. Go out or something. It’s still early—go do whatever it is you young people do.”

Colin glanced behind Reece to the television, then to the front door. He looked lost. He looked so much like his twenty-two-year-old self that a chill settled over Reece. He scouted for approaching patrons before leaning close. “What’s with you, eh?”

Colin’s eyes, so like their father’s, met his. There was something brewing behind them. “You really want to have this conversation, Reece?”

“I want to know you’re okay, that’s all.”

“I’m bloody fantastic, mate. Never been better.”

“Is this just about Libby?” Reece asked in an elevated whisper.

“No idea what you’re on about.” Colin’s lack of conviction may or may not have been intentional.

“She’s not worth it,” Reece began.

Colin pushed his stool back with a gruff squeal and stood. “I’ll tell you when I want your bloody advice.”

Reece’s hackles rose. “Good. Sometimes I’d like to be told.”

“And sometimes I’d like to believe you give a shit.” Colin squinted at him, disgust written across his face, plain as his scar.

Reece felt himself itching to take the bait but held back. This wasn’t the time or place to start clawing open old wounds. “I’ll see you,” he said evenly.

He watched Colin unlock his bike and disappear out the front door without a backward glance.

Exhausted from a few hours’ aimless riding, Colin pushed the door in and swept his eyes around the ratty little club, feeling his energy shift. The wailing of a live punk band assaulted his ears. Erratic, drunken people staggered around him like crazed animals, and he could actually
feel
his sanity falling away now. It was seeping from his brain one drop at a time, hour by hour, week by week, the remaining portion sloshing around uselessly in his skull.

This scene had been Colin’s salvation for a long time, his anesthetic. The chaos and noise and the electricity of collective, violent emotion had numbed him on a hundred nights when he’d felt he was losing his mind a few years earlier. The last time he’d been here, smoking had still been allowed in pubs and restaurants, and without it the stink of piss and sweat was nauseating.

There was no sanctuary to be found here. Just a dim, reeking room full of fucked-up jackasses jostling each other in a sea of pointless, postured aggression.

Stepping back into the night air, Colin stood by his bike and stared up at the darkness. A few stars winked beyond the city’s glow. His chest was tight, lungs leaden, his angst feeling heavy, thick enough to drown in. He had one final idea to try to snap himself into rational thought. He unlocked his bike and began the long ride to Eastbourne.

“Colin.” Jessie opened the front door of her flat, looking surprised. She leaned in the threshold, arms folded over her chest to shield her from the cold breeze blowing in.

Colin attempted a smile. “Hey.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” He realized for the first time how crazy it must look for him to show up at midnight after having barely spoken to Jessie in the past six months.

She stepped aside to let him enter. “Well, come on in. My flatmate’s asleep so you have to be quiet.” She herself was dressed in boxers and a camisole. She closed the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“I’m not sure, to be honest.” He laughed weakly. “I feel like I’m bloody going mad. Did I wake you?”

“No, I was watching a movie.” She held up a remote control. “God, you look rough…no offense. You haven’t been drinking, have you?”

He shook his head.

“Well, sit down.”

She pointed to the couch and took a seat beside him, her smell and the sweep of her wavy, dark hair familiar and comforting. Colin rubbed his palms over his head, gathering his thoughts.

“Is anything the matter?” she asked. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I don’t really know exactly why I’m here,” he admitted. “I just felt like I needed to see you.”

She nodded, cautious. “After I ran into you the other day… Well, I wasn’t expecting this. Do you want something to drink or—”

Colin’s hands flew from his own face to Jessie’s in an instant. He clasped her jaw and pulled it to meet his, the kiss urgent and aggressive. He felt her noiseless gasp but then, just as they had months ago, her hands gripped his shoulders, her mouth and body eager for him, welcoming the contact.

She tasted as he remembered, and Colin wanted to lose himself in what they’d had then, back when he’d still known how to be this way. He pushed her down on the cushions, covering her body with his. He heard his name whispered against his mouth as her legs shifted to wrap around his waist.

He dragged his mouth up her throat to her ear, lightheaded from his own desperation. “I need you.”

“You can have me. You can always have me,” she whispered. “I’ve missed your body.”

Her hands pulled him closer, running over his arms and back, sliding beneath his shirt to touch his skin. He thrust his hips into her.

“Colin, tell me what you need.”

“I need you to fuck the bloody sense back into me.”

Chapter Fourteen

All through Sunday afternoon’s documentation session, Libby made herself appear as normal and blasé as possible, to offset her embarrassing disappearing act three nights ago. She thought she was succeeding. Her rapport with Reece felt as casual as it ever had.

As the daylight began to fade, Reece walked to where Libby was eating an orange on a bench at the edge of Wellington’s expansive botanical gardens. “I think that’s enough pictures for today.”

She could sense an impatience in his voice and worried it was about to upend her plans to ask him to hang out that night. She
needed
tonight. She needed another evening with Reece as her patient teacher, to recapture the feelings of the first few times and wash away the panic the last one had left her with. To prove she hadn’t wrecked everything.

“Well, it’s almost dinnertime,” Libby offered. “You hungry?”

Reece glanced at his phone, checking the time. “I have to get home, actually. One of the other instructors at my studio just got promoted to third
dan
, and there’s a big party starting at his flat. I need to grab a case of beer and get over there.”

“Oh, fun.” Libby tossed her orange peel in a bin and waited for an invitation that didn’t arrive.

“You want a lift to the marina?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said, hiding her supreme disappointment.

They walked to the car.

“What are you up to tonight?” Reece asked as he unlocked her side of the Laser.

“I dunno. You’re busy and Colin’s working, so I guess I’m on my own.” She waited once more for an invite before giving up, feeling irritated. “I’ll probably go out for a drink, I guess. Maybe catch up on some work.” They took their seats.

“Can I talk to you about something?” Reece asked as he started the car.

Libby’s heart fluttered. “Sure… Is it about the other night?”

“Um, no. I thought we’d just pretend that didn’t happen.”

She nodded, relief and fresh embarrassment flooding her chest. “Fine by me.”

“It’s something else. You know the envelope you gave me on Friday?” he asked, meaning her weekly bribe package, for all intents and purposes.

“Of course.”

“And the one before that, last week? They, um…they’ve been a bit more than we agreed on.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Don’t play innocent with me, Libby. It’s not your strong suit.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Yeah, there’s a bit of a gratuity in there.”

“To be honest with you, I don’t know how I feel about taking it.” Reece merged them into traffic.

“How do you feel about taking the regular twenty percent we agreed on in the first place?”

“Bit dodgy.”

“So is this any worse? Morally?”

“I suppose not.”

“Well, take it, then. I want to help you guys out. I’ve been eating all your food and sleeping at your place, and Colin won’t let me pay for anything. Call it room and board.”

He seemed to mull this over. Although it surprised her, Reece appeared to possess less pride than his brother when it came to Libby’s financial offerings. “Okay. But it feels weird.”

“Does our fooling around feel weird?” Libby asked, heart leaping into her throat.

“A bit. You know, since it’s clinical. But it’s important to you, so I don’t mind.” Reece said the last bit quickly.

Since the night she’d tried to run away, he’d been exceedingly sensitive when acknowledging their little educational sessions, as though Libby were a horse inclined to spook. It wasn’t the worst analogy in the world.

“Well, this is important to me too,” Libby said firmly. “I want to help. And you should always give me what I want.”

“Really?” There was a hint of flirtatious challenge in Reece’s voice.

“Oh yes. I was going to try and take advantage of you this very night,” she said, egging him on.

“Well, I’m sorry to have foiled your plans. Like I told Col on Friday night—go out. Have a good time, like you young people are supposed to. He didn’t get in until about two in the morning, so it must have worked for him.”

“Oh?” Libby felt a jolt of something troublesome in her middle.

“Yeah. Although that shouldn’t be a newsflash. It’s a bit shocking actually, how much time Colin’s been spending in his own bed lately.” There was a playful and conspiratorial quality to Reece’s tone.

Libby swallowed, not finding herself able to reply.

“And it’s about bloody time,” Reece added. “You know my brother has a crush on you, I’m sure?”

Another pang. “Yeah, I figured.”

“Well, I think he’s finally getting over that, thank goodness. God, imagine if he knew your cleanly little secret,” Reece teased, glancing at her.

“God,” was all Libby managed to say at first, until she realized this was a chance to lever some straight facts out of Reece. “Did you know Colin thinks I have feelings for you?” she asked carefully.

“Good. Let him.”

“So, does he think
you
have feelings for
me
?” she asked, knowing Colin believed no such thing.

Reece sounded amused. “No. He doesn’t know what it is we’re up to, but I can’t imagine anybody would ever fall for that.”

Libby glared at him. “Wow, thanks.”

“Well, don’t be annoyed—if I had feelings for you, you’d be off like a shot in the opposite direction, anyhow.”