Healed (21 page)

“Sure.” She squeezed my shoulder on the way out.

“Dad, what are you doing?” I guided him over to the table then said quietly, “I know you were drinking this morning.”

“I don’t know what else to do. It’s the only time there doesn’t seem to be a giant, gaping hole in my chest.”

I reached out and grabbed his hand. “We’re just going to have to figure it out.” Somehow, when it came to being there for Dad and Jess I had all of this strength. Who knew how long it would last. “You have to promise to cut back on the liquor. Jess knows you’re drinking and she needs you . . . we both do.”

“I’m sorry, Andrew. I don’t know what’s come over me. I promise, I’ll stop with the drinking.”

I nodded. “Okay. I’m gonna go out and help Jess deal with everyone. You come join us when you’re ready.”

He sighed and nodded. This wasn’t exactly my favorite thing either, but I could only imagine the pain he was feeling. I glanced across the room and my eyes locked with Emily’s. The thought of something happening to her made my chest tighten. So, yeah, I guess I could see why he was drinking.

Emily was standing with Jess and our friends on one side of the room, and Caleb and Josh each gave me a heavy nod as I made my way over.

Angie immediately stepped up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “I’m so sorry, Andrew.”

“Thank you. You two didn’t have to postpone your honeymoon,” I said, hugging her back.

Caleb patted me on the back. “Of course we did. She was your mom. Our trip could wait an extra few days.”

My throat burned. The love of my friends was everything I needed and more.

“Thanks.”

Angie stepped away. “Is there anything you need?” Josh asked.

“Not that I can think of. We’re heading back to our place tomorrow.” I gazed around the room and noticed that my dad had finally joined everyone in the living room. His eyes were haunted as he stood next to my aunt, talking to old friends.

“Well, you know anything you need, we’re here.”

Unable to speak past the lump in my throat, I nodded and locked eyes with Nick. So far they’d all been there for me—my best friend more than I ever expected. Fighting for control over my emotions, I spent a bit of time talking with them—at least, until I excused to myself to deal with the rest of my obligations.

Emily stayed with me the entire day, offering strength and comfort when she could. Even though it was hard, I did everything I could to keep my emotions wrapped up tight. Neither Jess nor my dad needed to see it. It was my job to be strong for them.

The day seemed to drag on and on, and it was hours until the house was empty again. Jess had gone to her room hours earlier, claiming she had a headache. I wasn’t stupid. I knew she just wanted to be alone. Dad had given into his need for a beer and had escaped to the kitchen, then up to his room. Hopefully, being up there meant he was only going to have one, instead of the rest in the fridge. The TV was playing in the background, and Emily and I were sitting on the couch. Not that I was watching it, but it was nice to have some noise to drown out my thoughts.

I looked around the living room at all of the pictures on the walls and tables. They were all of such happy times in my life. There were vacations, graduation, games. Anything and everything my sister and I had done growing up. Evidence of how happy we’d been. Yet I had to wonder how many things Mom hadn’t gotten to do with her life. Things she pushed to the side, thinking that she’d do them later.

There were plenty of things that I hadn’t done. Some out of fear, others because I was worried about what others might think. Would they judge me if I made different decisions? If I did the things I wanted to, things my friends had been doing for years. No one had ever given
them
a hard time.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I’d missed out on by letting my fears control me. The difference between my mom and I? I had time to change it. If there was one thing I could take from Mom’s death, it was that I didn’t want to have regrets. Life was too short, and I couldn’t keep living it the way I thought everyone else wanted me to. One of the few times I’d leapt without thinking had brought the most wonderful woman into my life. Many of the guys shied away from more than a few dates with Emily. Her temper was a force of its own, but to me it was part of who she was and while there were times it caused me grief, I still loved every part of her. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t thank my lucky stars that Emily loved me as much as I loved her.

When I looked down at her angelic face I noticed her lashes lying softly against her smooth skin. The day had been exhausting for all of us. I was actually surprised that I was still awake. Turning, I pulled Emily into my arms and stood up. With an elbow I flicked the switch to turn off the lights and made my way up the stairs. Emily groaned, her eyes flickering.

“Shh . . . I’ve got you. Go back to sleep.”

And just like that, she cuddled into my embrace as I walked down the hall. The truth of that statement was so much more than carrying her to bed. The thought of Emily not being in my life scared me to death. My dad was in so much pain right now. Whatever it took, I would keep Emily safe. Not that my dad had failed to do that for Mom, but I was going to learn from this whole horrible experience.

The minute I entered the room, I set Emily down on the bed. Once I’d gotten her changed and under the covers, I stripped down to my boxers and climbed in next to her. It had been almost a week since that dreaded phone call and as I closed my eyes, I promised myself that starting the next morning, I was going to stop being afraid and do all of the things I ever wanted to do.

I was going to try living for
me
.

Emily

THE MORNING AFTER THE
funeral we went back to our own apartment. Work had given me a week off, but I had to go back in the following Monday. Andrew let me drive on the way home. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him fidgeting in his seat, and I knew he felt guilty about leaving his dad. Since he’d been given more time off than me, I’d told him he could stay but he said he didn’t want to be without me, and decided to come as well. Then again, it wasn’t like he couldn’t drive back during the day while I was at work.

Walking back into our place felt weird. The minute we went inside, Andrew turned to me, his eyes shadowed.

“I’m gonna lie down for a bit.”

Last night, he’d tossed and turned. He couldn’t have gotten much sleep and probably just needed a quick nap. “Okay, I need to get some stuff done for Monday. Plus, I’ll get started on all of the laundry,” I said, gesturing to the bags at my feet. Nick had done a good job of keeping the place clean, probably because he was afraid I’d freak if we came home to a mess. He’d been really good the past week, being there every time Andrew needed him.

He placed a quick kiss on my lips. “All right, just be careful.”

“Umm . . . I will.”

Be careful?
That was weird. What did he think was going to happen in the laundry room in the basement of the building?

After he went down to the bedroom, I threw the clothes and soap into a basket and carried it downstairs. Once I got everything into the machines, I went back upstairs, knowing I had at least an hour before the clothes would be ready to move to the dryer.

When I walked in, Nick was sitting on the couch watching TV. He looked up as the door closed behind me.

“Hey. I saw Andrew’s car in the lot. Are you guys back, or just picking up clothes?”

I dropped the empty basket by the door and took the seat next to him. “We’re back. I have to go back to work on Monday. I told him to stay, but he said he wanted to come back.”

“Where is he?”

“He didn’t sleep very well last night so he’s taking a nap.”

“How’s he doing? He seemed okay yesterday.”

I sighed. “I don’t think he’s as good as he pretends to be. I know he’s grieving, but something is different. I can’t really explain it. I also think he’s trying to hide a lot of his pain from his sister and his dad.”

“Yeah, his dad didn’t look well yesterday.”

“I can’t imagine what he’s going through. Just the thought of losing Andrew makes me want to throw up.”

“Nothing can help except time. We just need to be there for him when he needs us.”

“We will.” I rested my hand on his knee. “Thank you for everything you did this week.”

“He’s my best friend. I’d do anything I had to for him, just like you would.” He leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. “How long does he have off work?”

“They told him to take as much time as he needs. In the car he was saying about helping his dad get everything in order and going back late next week, or the Monday after that.”

“What happened with Caleb and Angie’s honeymoon?”

“They made their flight. She texted me right before she got on the plane.”

“Good for them. I felt bad that everything went down during the wedding.” He leaned against the back of the couch, looking more exhausted than I felt. He’d probably gotten as much sleep as I had over the last week, as we both did our best to help Andrew stay afloat. And while I wasn’t a fan of talking about everything that was going on at his dad’s house, I knew Nick was simply looking for way to help.

I shrugged. “Shit happens. Trust me. Those two know that better than anyone.”

“Very true.”

Nick and I sat and watched whatever crazy reality show he had on the TV.

“What are your plans for dinner?”

He shrugged. “Morgan left for her parents’ house this morning, so either we’re cooking or ordering.”

“I’m not cooking tonight. Let’s get pizza.”

“Works for me.”

“Okay, how about you call and order it.” I stood and reached into my purse, which was on the chair next to me, to pull out some cash. “Here’s some money. I’m going to go down and move the clothes to the dryer. I’ll be right back up.”

“Can do,” he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Since he hated to cook, Nick had most of the local places on speed dial.

I walked out the door and went down to the basement but when I got there I realized that one of the washers was done, but the other had stopped spinning in the middle of the cycle.

Damn it. They were supposed to be done at the same time so I didn’t have to keep running up and down the stairs. Lifting the lid, I gave the agitator a couple of quick turns, hoping that would get it to spin when I shut the lid. The second it closed, I could hear the washer pick up exactly where it had left off.

Deciding that I didn’t feel like running back downstairs in ten minutes time, I sat down and pulled my phone out, sending a text to my mom before checking my Instagram page while I waited. It wasn’t the first time the washer had stopped on me. I’d learned how to fix it without making any calls. That way I didn’t have to wait for someone to come down and do the same thing.

Moving to the other one, I pulled the clothes out and threw them into the waiting dryer. In the middle of answering my mom’s text, my phone started ringing.

Andrew? Why was he calling?

“Where are you?” Andrew’s voice was terse, and although I didn’t like being snapped at, he was tired and emotional so I knew he wasn’t acting like himself. Everyone who has a temper like mine has a trigger. One of mine was rudeness—I couldn’t stand it. Usually I wouldn’t have let him speak to me like that, but I chose to bite my lip.

“The laundry room. Isn’t Nick with you?”

“Yeah, he said you went down there over ten minutes ago.” Anger laced his tone. What was he pissed about? He’d known I was going to do the laundry. There was nothing new about this scenario.

“The washer stopped in the middle of the spin cycle and I didn’t feel like coming back up, just to run back down in ten minutes, so I waited here.”

“Next time text someone and let them know that.”

The line went dead.

Whoa. What the fuck was that?

I was only downstairs. Why the hell was he freaking out? By then the washer had finished so I moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer and went back upstairs. When I walked through the door, Andrew was pacing the room like a caged lion, running his hands through his hair. The sound of the door stopped him in his tracks, his head snapping in my direction. Before I could say anything I was engulfed in his arms.

“I’m sorry I yelled. I was so worried.”

I patted him on the back. “I was only down in the laundry room. I’m okay. Are you?”

There was no answer. He only squeezed me tighter to him, slightly cutting off my oxygen supply.

I caught sight of Nick over Andrew’s shoulder. His eyes were wide and he was shaking his head. “What happened?” I mouthed at him. Nick shrugged.

Eventually, Andrew let me go. When he pulled back I looked him in the face. There was a haunted quality to his eyes. All I wanted to do was take the pain from him. If only I knew how. Like Nick said earlier, the best thing I could do was to be there for him.

“I’m fine.” He ran his hand through his hair again and flopped onto the couch, apparently finished with the conversation.

The silence was a little overwhelming, but so was the situation he was in. I decided to let it go, figuring when he wanted to talk, he would. Until then I had to be patient, a virtue that didn’t come naturally to me. Angie and Andrew usually kept me grounded, but with Angie gone and Andrew being the one needing my patience, I was going to need to dig deep. And maybe vent to Nick every once in a while.