Healing Rain (17 page)

He looked up in surprise, but he didn't miss a beat. He continued to sing the third and the fourth verses, staring into my eyes as I sang right along with him. When he played the final chord, he started to laugh.

I smiled, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Was my singing that bad?”

“Bad? Are you kidding me? Rain, you never told me you were such a good singer,” he gushed. “I had no idea.”

“Oh, no,” I corrected him. “I'm really not a singer. I mean, I used to sing some with the choir at church, but that was as far as it went.”

“Rain, you
are
a singer. A voice like that needs to be heard.” He shook his head. “Just when I think I have you all figured out, I learn something new about you.”

I smirked. “Trust me, you will
never
have me all figured out.”

“Maybe not, but don't change the subject. What can I do to get you to come to that youth rally and sing that with me?”

With a sigh, I turned away from him. “Aiden, don't push it. First of all, I don't sing in front of people. And second, I don't go to church anymore.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Aiden studying me. I felt his gaze as I bit my lip and kept my eyes on the wall.

After an uncomfortable silence, he spoke. “Rain, I don't know what happened to make you change your mind about God. I've heard some things. It's a small town; you can't help but hear stuff. I know that your dad died, and I've wanted to ask you about it, but I didn't want to upset you or anything and I figured that if you wanted to talk about it, you would.” He paused, sighing a little before he continued. “Look, I told you at school that I would never be the guy to push someone into going to church, and I'm not going to go back on my word now. But whatever it is that's standing between you and God, I'm going to pray about it. Something in my heart tells me that He's not through with you just yet.”

Oh, great. Here it comes
, I thought as tears began to spring back into my eyes.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
. His words struck a nerve somewhere deep inside of me.

My mind waged a war against my heart. As I continued to plead with myself not to cry, Aiden spoke again. “I'm sorry, Rain. I didn't mean to make things weird. Let's just review what we learned today, okay? Maybe you can practice these chords and get them down this week, and then next week, we can move on to songs.”

I nodded gratefully before I picked up my guitar. When I focused on positioning my hands, the moment had subsided.

After our review, he glanced down at his watch. “I probably better go,” he said.

“Sure,” I said, feeling a little more like myself again. “Thanks again for doing this. It's fun.”

“Yeah, it is,” he said with a smile as he turned to go. As I started to get up to walk him to the door, he turned around. “Can I ask you a question?”

I took a deep breath. “Sure.”

“Why do you have to lie about what I'm doing here?”

I let the breath out. “Aiden, it's not what you think. It's complicated.”

“Try me,” he said, leaning against the frame of the door.

“I…I don't want you to get the wrong idea or…It's not that I'm embarrassed to say I'm hanging out with you or anything like that.”

“Then what is it? Would Ethan get mad?”

“No!” I said quickly. “I mean, no. He's not the jealous type, I don't think.”

Aiden sighed. “Then what is it, Rain?”

I looked down. “I just want to try some new stuff, like guitar lessons. And I don't want to share it with just everybody.”

Aiden walked back into my room and sat back down on the bed. “All right. I won't say anything. This will be our little secret ‘school project.'”

I smiled at him. “Thanks, Aiden. I'll walk you out.”

We both stood up, but before we could start walking, he turned back toward me. “Rain, I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, about anything, I'm here. You'd be surprised at what a good listener I can be.”

“Thanks, Aiden. I appreciate that.” He really was a good friend, even if I didn't always return that favor. Though I felt really comfortable with Aiden, I didn't feel like discussing my personal life with him. I liked the way our relationship was, and I didn't want to change it by telling him a bunch of depressing information about myself.

I walked him to the door and told him good-bye. Then I went back to my room and plucked away at the guitar, making sure I would remember everything he had taught me. When I remembered our duet, I couldn't help but smile. It was a song I never thought I would sing again, but today, it stirred up something inside of me. Something
good
. One thing Aiden said ran over and over in my mind: “Something in my heart tells me that He's not through with you just yet.” Suddenly, I realized that what Aiden said was essentially the same exact thing my mom said to me not long ago – “He's got a plan for you yet.” It was strange, the way their words echoed each other. Was it a sign? Was God trying to tell me something? For the past six months, I had decided that
I
was through with
God
. It had never occurred to me that He wouldn't be willing to give up on me, even if I was willing to give up on Him.

I shook my head violently. Too much had changed – even the thought of trying to be a Christian again was exhausting. All my life, I believed that God would forgive me of anything. But how could He forgive me for things when I couldn't even forgive myself? And even if He could, how could I ever forgive Him for what my family went through? I just couldn't. The damage was done.

I had to put my moment with Aiden out of my mind.

But try as I might, for the rest of the night, I just couldn't.

 

 

Though it wasn't easy, I eventually pushed the conversation with Aiden to the back of my mind. I kept my focus on school and Ethan and the thing that had me more excited than I'd been in what felt like years – cheerleading tryouts. Before I knew it, it was Saturday morning and at eight-thirty sharp, just as she had promised, Anna was outside our building, honking her horn. I leaned out my bedroom window and waved down at her to show I heard her before I turned and grabbed my purse. Darting into the kitchen, I grabbed a cereal bar and saw my mom sitting at the table, groggily drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.

“I'll see you later, Mom,” I said as I quickly kissed her on the cheek.

“Where are you going?” she asked, looking at the clock.

“Over to Anna's, remember?” I had explained everything to her, including the part about Olivia and the emergency tryout, days ago. She had seemed so excited for me that I couldn't believe she would forget about my practice sessions with Anna and Alexis.

Her tired eyes lit up. “Oh, right! To practice! Well, have fun, and take your time. I don't have to work until the afternoon shift, so I'll be here with Tyler.”

“Great. See ya soon, Mom.” I bolted down the stairs and into the parking lot to find Anna dancing to the pop music on her stereo.

“You're unusually perky for this early in the morning,” I told her as I slid into the front seat.

She nodded. “Just excited to get to work, that's all. So you're sure you're okay with this whole Alexis thing?” Anna had been even more skeptical than I had about Alexis' sudden desire to help me practice. Alexis had told her that she was just bored on Saturdays and wanted something to do, which Anna of course did not buy. I thought it would have been easier to just tell Anna the truth about Olivia, but Alexis did not. Which I had to admit, I actually admired about her. She could have opened her mouth, but she stayed true to her word to Olivia that she wouldn't let it get out to the squad. Maybe she was a better person than I originally thought.

She was waiting outside of Anna's house when we arrived. When I got out of the car, one of my shoelaces got caught on something in the floorboard and I tripped, falling onto the pavement onto my hands and knees. Alexis smirked. “Smooth. Are you sure you were a cheerleader, or was that just a lie to get Ethan's attention?” I mentally retracted the thought I had earlier about her being a better person than I once thought as I got up to face her.

“Let's just get to work, Alexis,” Anna said before I could retaliate. She took my arm and led me into her gigantic backyard. As we walked ahead of Alexis she whispered, “Just ignore her. If she says anything else, I'll make her go home.”

I smiled gratefully at Anna, even though I couldn't imagine her asking Alexis to leave. Anna was a sweet person and a good friend, but she wasn't the best at confrontation and usually pretended not to notice Alexis' jabs at me. I whispered back, “No worries. I'll be fine.”

Once we were in the backyard, Alexis took control. “I thought we should probably start with the basics, since Rain's cheerleading career ended so long ago.”

“My cheerleading career didn't end yet. It's only been a few months, Alexis,” I interrupted. She made it seem like it had been years.

“Well, you can lose a lot in a few months. We practice our jumps every day and tumble at least once a week, even in the off-season, so that we don't lose it. When's the last time you did a toe-touch jump?”

She had a point. I pretended to ignore her question as I asked, “So what's first?”

“Well, let's stretch and then we'll begin with some motion drills. Then we'll go into jump drills, and we'll finish by learning some of the sideline chants.” She had obviously planned the practice herself. I glanced over at Anna, who was looking at me with an apologetic smile. Alexis was definitely the type who liked to be the leader, which probably made her a good captain. Anna's personality wasn't nearly as bold and I wondered what practice would have been like if Alexis hadn't been there.

After about ten minutes of stretching (where I found out I had lost some of my flexibility, which I'm sure secretly delighted Alexis even though she pretended to be frustrated with me), we got up to do the motion drills. Those came easily for me and we breezed right through them. The jumps came pretty easily as well, but I could tell a difference in my height and form. Alexis was right; those few months had made a difference. I wasn't horrible, but I wasn't as good as I used to be, either. Alexis didn't hesitate to critique every slight movement I made, naturally.

After more than an hour had passed, we took a break. We went inside to get drinks and sat down together at Anna's huge dining room table. “Where are your parents today, Anna?” I asked.

She frowned. “Um, I don't know. Oh, wait, they spent the night last night in Carroll for some charity gala thingy. I don't really know when they'll be home.”

I smiled inwardly. I knew my mom was gone a lot, but in all the times I had been to Anna's house, I had yet to meet her parents. They were gone all the time. They were really lucky that Anna was a pretty good kid, or she could really take advantage of the situation.

After just a few minutes, Alexis was already chomping at the bit to get back out and continue. “Come on, you guys, it's already ten-thirty. I still have some more stuff I want to do with Rain, and I want to go shopping at some point this afternoon. Can we get back to work?”

Anna looked at me with a slight eye-roll, but we got up and followed Alexis back outside. She really was serious when it came to cheerleading. Over the course of the next two hours, she taught me fifteen sideline chants and then drilled me on them until I knew them so well I probably could have done them in my sleep. At one point, Anna had interjected. “Alexis, she's not going to have to do all these for tryouts. Why are you teaching these to her?”

Alexis had looked at Anna as if she was an idiot. “I know that she won't have to do them for tryouts, but it's a drill. She needs to get back in the habit of learning a bunch of different cheers and keeping them all straight.”

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at Alexis' lie. Learning sideline chants was not a drill, as she had said, but she said it with such force and confidence that it seemed to satisfy Anna. I knew she wanted me to go ahead and learn everything so that I could slip in easily as Olivia's replacement, so I kept my mouth shut and went along with whatever she said. After all, that was what I wanted, too.

Finally, at almost one o'clock, Alexis was satisfied. “Alright, Rain, I think you worked pretty hard today. Keep practicing all of this until next week. I don't want to have to re-teach anything – I just want to move forward. Got it?”

“Got it,” I told her. I decided to keep my observation that she was talking to me like a child to myself.

“Okay. And don't forget to stretch every day and do your jump drills. I better see some improvement by next weekend.”

“You will,” I assured her, again keeping my answer short and sweet so that I didn't bite her head off.

“Good. Oh, and one more thing before we quit – can you still tumble?”

I smiled at her and felt the confidence run through my veins. Though I may have been slightly rusty on some things, tumbling was not one of them, I was sure. To prove that, I didn't even answer; I just stepped aside and did two consecutive standing back-handsprings. Her only response was a nod, so I took it that she was satisfied with that aspect.

“Well, I'm gonna go,” she told us as we all walked back toward the driveway. “I'll see you guys on Monday, I guess.”

“Thanks for your help,” I said, and I meant it. Though she might have annoyed me at times, or, basically the whole time, I actually appreciated everything she was doing for me. She really was a good teacher.

She gave me a slight smile. “No problem.”

As Anna and I started to walk to her vehicle, Alexis spoke up again. “You know, I could just give Rain a ride home. It would make more sense that way, since I'm leaving anyway. It would save you a trip, Anna.”

I froze. Anna was looking at me, waiting for my response, but I couldn't speak. The idea of being in the car alone with Alexis was not pleasant, but the thought of her seeing the apartment complex we lived in was even worse. I searched my mind for any excuse not to ride with her, but I couldn't think of one. She had a point – it did make sense for me to just ride with her instead of having Anna make another trip to my apartment.

Anna seemed to read my face. “That's okay. I can just take her so you can get to your shopping.”

Alexis shrugged. “Well, whatever. I offered.”

I watched her get into her car and realized how stupid I was being. What did I care what Alexis thought? I looked at Anna and smiled. “Thanks for trying to save me, but she's right. It really does make more sense for her to drive me. I'll just go with her.”

“You sure?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Yeah. Thanks for your help today. See ya later,” I told her as I sprinted to catch up with Alexis before she could leave.

She looked up and saw me running toward her as she started her car. I swore I saw a genuine smile on her face as I got closer. I opened the passenger door. “Does the offer still stand?”

“Yeah, get in,” she said casually. “Just tell me where to go.”

Other than the directions I gave her to get her to our apartment complex, the ride was virtually silent. She pulled into our parking lot and stopped in front of the main door. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” I told her as I opened the door. “Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem,” she said as she flipped her blond hair.

“And thanks for your help. I really will work hard, I promise.”

“I know,” she said with a slight smile.

“Okay. See ya later,” I said as I got out of the car. I started to shut the door and walk away, but there was still something pressing on my mind.

“Alexis?” I leaned back in the car.

“What?” she asked, looking strangely at me.

“Um, I just want to say I'm sorry. You know, um, for the whole Ethan thing. I, um, I don't…I didn't ever want you to be…upset.” I could hear myself stumbling like an idiot over my words and suddenly wished I could take them all back. I wasn't going to apologize for my relationship with Ethan, but I really did want her to know that my intentions were not to hurt her.

She laughed, which kind of felt like a slap in the face. “Hurt? You think you guys hurt me?”

“Well, yeah. Why else would you be so mean to me?” I asked, suddenly feeling angry. I knew she was just trying to put up a front, but it was frustrating when I was trying to make peace and be honest about the situation.

She shook her head. “Trust me. I'm not crying myself to sleep over you and Ethan. It's fine. Don't worry about it.”

“Fine. So you don't care. That didn't answer my question.”

She tilted her head. “I've never really been directly
mean
to you.”

I raised one eyebrow. “Oh, so the way you've treated me is just your sparkling personality?”

“Well, I'm helping you now, right?” she pointed out stubbornly.

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean. You even admitted that you haven't been my biggest fan. Why not?”

She sighed. “It was just weird for me, I guess. To see Ethan with someone else. And, as much as I don't want to tell you this, I think the weirdest part was that I could
tell
he liked you. It just took me a little time to get used to it.”

I couldn't help but smile, even though I didn't want to do it in front of her. Had she really just admitted that she could tell he liked me? That must have taken a lot of courage for her, and I felt waves of sympathy wash over me as I imagined what it must have been like for her to see us together. I mean, she tells him she loves him and he breaks up with her, and then she has to watch him with someone new. No wonder she wasn't quick to accept me. “Well, for what it's worth, I really am sorry and I'm glad you are starting to warm up to me now.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Don't be so dramatic. I just want to win the competition.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled a little as I shut the door and turned to go inside. She could put on this mean girl act, but I wasn't fooled. There had to be other girls in the school that could have easily stepped up and taken Olivia's place, but she wanted me to be that girl. That had to count for something.